#1
*Mellow intro*
*heavy riff*
*scream*
*verse riff* x4

My wrath is that of a lonely heart my expression is that of the torn apart, my prescence is that of an aching soul. Thinking of the things I do that frustrate and anger you, laughing at all of our crippled fates. Here we are again in this place where lovers suffer from eachothers hate, I softly look into your eyes.
I will walk away for good, I will crawl on all fours, AGAIN!

And this time I'm walking away for good(I'm coming back again)

Theres no reason, to fight again
And yet we still go on and on(Justify this!)
Chewing your heart, falling apart
It's bottled up and we don't keep it in(Open your heart!)-

*verse riff* x1 alone

Your voice is like a screaming banshee your words continue to slip by me, so you look down again. You assured me that this would be the last time, two days and we're at it again. Banging my head against the wall without intent, the poision you spit is in my head.
Guilted and ashamed one day, ready to explode this time, WHY!

And this time I'm walking away for good(I'm coming back again)

Theres no reason, to fight again
And yet we still go on and on(Justify this!)
Chewing your heart, falling apart
It's bottled up and we don't keep it in(Open your heart!)
But this time I know I'm away for sure
I know that I can never do you any good
(Taste my bitterness! Crush my innocence!)

*mellow riff*

I'm so sorry you never thought that I would leave you, I'm sorry for breaking your heart. My love take my hand you know I'll always be with you, your love is all that I need.
Praying that I'll always be with you, I'm tired of giving out false promises. I'm washing my body to get rid of all my anger and I'll clear my mind to keep you at ease. Even if I have to ignore what makes me bitter I'll make sure we don't split apart.

*Peace solo*
*heavy riff* x8

F*** you and all of the shit you said
F*** all your fake lies and promises
F*** all the caring things you do
F*** all the feelings I have for you
F*** all the chances that we had
F*** forgiveness and crying over you
F*** the future between me and you
F*** this I'm sick and tired of you

*held scream*
*no music*

And now I feel insane...I'm just about to break...I did everything for you...and now I'm just a fool...visions of myself dead...crawling through my head...and when you see that I am gone...you'll regret everything you said...

Theres no reason, to fight again
And yet we still go on and on(Justify this!)
Chewing your heart, falling apart
It's bottled up and we don't keep it in(Open your heart!)
But this time I know I'm away for sure
I know that I can never do you any good
(Taste my bitterness! Crush my innocence!)


...why are you coming back to me?...you whispered, "I'm sorry"...I whispered...

"GO AWAY!
GO AWAY!
GO AWAY!
GO AWAY!"

Let's get started again...
#3
True, but I need to change up my writing style every once in a while to keep things fresh. I started off writing really weird stuff that had bad lyrics, then I went through this whole Blood Brothers stage where I wrote weird lyrics that made no sense to anyone except me. My overall writing style and favorite style is the sorta simplistic but deep meaning stuff like System of a Down, A7X or whatever I just feel like writing really.
I hate making my songs obvious. But I was sitting in church and felt like making an angry song, so this is what came out :p

Bat Country was actually my inspiration for this song e_e
#4
Quote by Mate.Feed.Kill.
sounds ridiculously generic and boring


i happen to think not. but then again, i dont have the capacity for bashing anything like that

some of the lines, however, could use some improvement. things like "your voice sounds like a screaming banshee" need to be changed. try to find something that would suit the tone more. the thought of a screaming banshee actually kind of makes me laugh, so something more serious would do good.

i have to agree with the other guy, there is one thing generic about this: the situation. but, then again, there are alot of songs like this, so if you can pull it off its good.

i like how you put the song structure with it, it gives a better idea of how the song is gonna flow.

however, the lyrics themselves are actually a bit confusing. i have no idea whats going on, the whole love/hate thing just kinda flew right over my head. i guess id have to read it over a few times.

the entire "**** you" part could make a sick breakdown, if youre into that kind of stuff.

it would be alot easier to read if your verses were actually separated into lines rather than being one giant paragraph.

take a look at mine maybe? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=17025708
#5
I'll critique yours when I'm not in a rush for time, but yeah, if your confused, it kind of alternates between the boy and the girl. And I've written 147 songs, but I've never written a song like this, so despite the fact that so many people do songs like this, it was a first for me :]
The, the F*** you part is a breakdown, it could be build up or aggro vocals the whole way, I have to figure that one out. But as a hint to what the songs about, the F*** you part is the boy/girls response to the mellow part.
Haha, I've gotten so used to the giant paragraph thing now. But yeah, that's honestly how my lyrics are, this is one of the most obvious songs I've written in my life, but for the confusing parts theres still meanings, it's not just stupid blabbering xp

I'll critique yours soon dude :]