#1
sourface lip-pushups.


tonight, we are

floating spotlights

underneath the rampant,

majestic, lightless blue

like tears of indian moons

on glimmering shards of

broken glass balloons.

finger, tip - pressed

on the transparency of her chest

i can see her heart groove to

vibrant, Midas hues that move you;

the tribal rhythm subdued,

into

newer, discernible, magenta moods;

loving, you see,

to be loving you.

"She is a maaaaverick," i coo.

but, then her elbow -

"now, now," she says,

"don't be rude."
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#3
^ I think the maverick line just ****ing sets up the humor in the final bits.

I mirror his opinion, ottobaby, except I have no complaints about the maverick.

The end is just ****ing gold.

I love your twists.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
Hahahaha. This made me laugh. Well, no, not the first bit. Your flow is impeccable. I feel really dumb for commenting all the time when I have nothing constructive to say. I guess one thing could be that you have a whole array of images, and they could have more feeling attached rather than just being pushed together


But ah, no, they work really well together, so I don't even care. This would sound so good outloud. I feel like it should flow off tongues.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#5
This, sir, was beautiful. It flowed like a majestic river and took the reader along, gently pushing them towards the end. I loved how this went from serious to quite silly. Well done, thoroughly enjoyed this
#7
thank you guys for the kind words.
it really means alot.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#8
yeah, i remember being a fan of your stuff in the past, and this is no exception. makes reading some of this stuff on this site worth while when you come across a piece like this. the ending was descent, but i would like to see this with out any quotes to keep that 'old fashion' appeal to it, but that doesn't mean that how it is now is bad.
#9
Quote by streetcarp19
yeah, i remember being a fan of your stuff in the past
thanks man, that's a two-way street.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#10
I don't actually understand this. I feel a little embarrased. Normally I can derive one or two opulent ideas and philosophies from your stuff, particular your older work. But this, I struggled. Maybe it was the disconnection of the lines that prevented me from really digging into it. Maybe its something else less recognizable.
I did enjoy your tender wording and I think this is a nice alteration of feel from your recent pieces, but I just couldn't grasp it.
I'm sorry, mate.