#1
Miss It All

Written by:
Aaron Davis

Five months ago I sat alone and I wondered,
Who is this girl and I could i get her number,
I got her number and we started hanging,
Was I supposed to know I'd just be blaming myself,

We were off and we were on for the next five months,
But we bitched and we fought,
As I sat there and thought,
She said this isnt going to work,

And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To style of my hair,
I just seem to miss it all

As I turn out my lights,
And lay in my bed,
That smile on your face still runs through my head,
Ive tried to forget so many times,
To try and mend this heart of mind

And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To the length of my hair.
I just seem to miss it all

So I sit here and hold this bottle,
Thinking about you and me,
I say to myself,
Damn it I want her back

And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To length of my hair,
I just seem to miss it all

I just seem to miss it all.......
#2
Quote by Cobain_12
Miss It All

Written by:
Aaron Davis

Five months ago I sat alone and I wondered,
Who is this girl and I could i get her number,
I got her number and we started hanging,
Was I supposed to know I'd just be blaming myself,

tbh, i only really like the last line here, the first three are very bland and i dont think much thought was put in. i know how hard it can be to start a song though


We were off and we were on for the next five months,
But we bitched and we fought,
As I sat there and thought,
She said this isnt going to work,

i think the first line has too many words in it compared to the next three, maybe try and shorten it, although i suppose it can depend on the music its to. The third line needs much more effort, as i dont feel it adds to the songs lyrically.


And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To style of my hair,
I just seem to miss it all

The only things i dont like are the xbox and alcohol, and the style of my hair. You could come up with something much better i think


As I turn out my lights,
And lay in my bed,
That smile on your face still runs through my head,
Ive tried to forget so many times,
To try and mend this heart of mind

not bad, needs a bit of work though, and you spelt "mine" wrong (mistake with the keyboard????) unless you were talking about your mind, in which case, i would change it to "mine"


And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To the length of my hair.
I just seem to miss it all

Same as above chorus - including the hair part, might wanna change that


So I sit here and hold this bottle,
Thinking about you and me,
I say to myself,
Damn it I want her back

I would change the 3rd line and maybe the bottle part

And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To length of my hair,
I just seem to miss it all


Same as above chorus


I just seem to miss it all.......


There's definately room for improvement, but with a bit of work i think you could turn it into a pretty good set of lyrics, and please dont get the wrong idea from my comments, im just trying to help, and tbh, im not very experienced with songwriting, and im only voicing my opinion. People will probably disagree with me anyway
Last edited by halvies at Nov 7, 2008,
#3
Quote by Cobain_12
Miss It All

Written by:
Aaron Davis

Five months ago I sat alone and I wondered,
Who is this girl and I could i get her number,
I got her number and we started hanging,
Was I supposed to know I'd just be blaming myself,

I had to read this twice to decided if I liked it or not. Reason being is that the first couple stanzas seem kind of weak. Not even because they're bad, necessarily, just they're VERY literal which isn't, generally speaking, my favorite kind of writing personally. It's not even necessarily bad.

We were off and we were on for the next five months,
But we bitched and we fought,
As I sat there and thought,
She said this isnt going to work,

Again this is more literal than I like but I think that ends up being a good thing. If for any reason you decide to change these first two stanza I suggest that you keep the simplicity of how literal they are. I'll get to that in a second.

And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To style of my hair,
I just seem to miss it all

This is what, in my opinion, really pulled it all together. I'm not sure how I feel about the "xbox and alcohol" part. The only other issue I have with it is, as mentioned above, the first line is very long and I think that would interrupt the flow a bit. I actually particularly like the part about your hair because I think it brings the idea that you just miss those times in general into play. Conceptually I think the chorus really completely pulls the song together. It's like it's supposed to be simple because the simple things you had with her are what you really miss. I'm not sure if that's what you were going for but that's what I got out of it.

As I turn out my lights,
And lay in my bed,
That smile on your face still runs through my head,
Ive tried to forget so many times,
To try and mend this heart of mind

I especially like how well this flows. I think anyone can read this and imagine exactly how it would sound. That's definitely a good thing. On the last line, it's obviously a spelling error, but I would like to throw out the possibility that you could say "heart and mind" just as easily as "heart of mine." I just noticed how easy that would be and thought maybe you'd like one better than the other.

And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To the length of my hair.
I just seem to miss it all

Same as above chorus

So I sit here and hold this bottle,
Thinking about you and me,
I say to myself,
Damn it I want her back

This is the only part that after reading through it a few times I don't really particularly like. I think it's just kind of like beating a dead horse, you know? No offense, that's just the only phrase I could think of. It sounds kind of rude haha. But anyway, it just kind of reiterates everything in an unnecessary way. I would suggest instead maybe writing this verse about a memory of you and her or something along those lines.

And as I drown my sorrows of us in xbox and alcohol,
I look back at what we had,
And just seem to miss it all,
From the memories we share,
To length of my hair,
I just seem to miss it all

I just seem to miss it all.....

Same as above chorus


Overall I think with the right music put to it this could definitely be a good song. Aside from the couple lines I mentioned the flow is just fine and conceptually it works.
#4
Thanks for the feedback guys, i really appreciate it. And ya it is supposed to "mine" instead of "mind", my mistake lol