#1
Kip's father sat in his favorite reclining chair, reading The Oregonian, cursing
the new Presdient-elect's name under his breath.
With his pipe clenched tight in his teeth, Kip peered at him through the doorway, smiling.
Kip's father was a GOP fundraiser with an over-bearing military complex.
"If a woman dare rise against you, you cut her head off, put it on a stake and raise
it high for all in the neighborhood to see."
Kip walked into the living room.
"Dad?"
"Shit?"
"I-I have someone here to talk to you."
Cart-wheeling from around the corner was a man dressed in a bright red leotard, sporting
long multi-colored hair and a thick mustache. He donned moon boots and tight jeans.
Kip's father dropped his pipe and his paper and gazed on in horror.
The man placed a stereo on the ground and Gwen Stefani poured out of the speakers.
"I here you don't like to have fuking fun, old timer!"
Kip's father clenched his hands around the ends of the armrests.
"Kip, who in the Hell is this?!"
"This is Peaches McFly, dad! He runs Funville, Inc. in Provo, Utah. He's here to break you
of your stingy old habits and show you how to have a little fun!"
Peaches did the Worm,
The Soulja Boy,
The Crab Orchard Side Stroke.
"We're fucking gonna have some motherfucking fun, goddamnit!"
Kip's father leaped towards the phone, but Peaches had disconnected it already.
"Two fucking steps ahead of you, you fucking old codger!"
Peaches pulled out a bo staff and broke every valuable in the house. He lit all of the household fabrics on fire with his zippo lighter with white resin staining the ends. He dumped food onto the floors, sprayed the walls with shaving cream and danced.
"Uh-ugh...ohmigod...My-My dick's so fucking hard, I'm having so much fucking fun, goddamnit!!! FUCK!"
Kip laughed and cheered him along, joining in on the funtastic chaos.
Kip's father appeared from hiding.
"You better get the Hell out of my house or I'll rip your goddamn head off!"
Peaches passed a bowl to Kip, and Kip toked up.
"No fucking way, you old fucking grizzly bear! You're gonna have some fucking fun or my name isn't fucking Peaches the Funployee of fucking Funville, Inc.!!!"
Enraged, confused and in a fit of something bigger than himself, Kip's father lept onto Peaches and landed his fists into his face. Kip stood in the doorway crying as his father continued to pelt Peaches into a bloody mess. His skull was broken, his face was pulp, his ribs were destroyed. Within minutes Peaches lay in a disgusting mess, a tepid arrangement of genes who had funned everywhere.
Kip's father ran outside onto the lawn and fell to his knees screaming.
Kip wiped his tears and followed him.
"I just wanted you to have fun, dad!"
Kip's father arose and wiped blood from his face.
"You don't think there's any point, do you? That to progress is to regress? That to mature is to loosen oneself?! You do what you have, Kip! You do what you have!!"
He walked to his car and crawled in.
Kip chased after the car as it sped down the street.
When it was out of sight, Kip reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper.
The deposit for his fun rental.
He ripped it up, went inside and sobbingly began working on his homework.
Poor advice.
#2
Haha, this was pure class, well done. I enjoyed every moment of this. The best I've read from you in a long time. Dare I say it, but you're back with a vengeance
#3
Absolute comedic, sardonic, satirical genius.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
I didn't enjoy this as much as your others, but I just prefer you're less humorous side. Just personal.
That said, this was quite awe-inspiring. It wasn't clear to me, but I like that. It was satire, but hidden, which is, as everyone knows, the best form of satire.
Excellent work.
#6
Kip's father sat in his favorite reclining chair, reading The Oregonian, cursing
the new Presdient-elect's name under his breath.
With his pipe clenched tight in his teeth, Kip peered at him through the doorway, smiling.
Kip's father was a GOP fundraiser with an over-bearing military complex.
"If a woman dare rise against you, you cut her head off, put it on a stake and raise
it high for all in the neighborhood to see."
Kip walked into the living room.
"Dad?"
"Shit?"
"I-I have someone here to talk to you."
Cart-wheeling from around the corner was a man dressed in a bright red leotard, sporting
long multi-colored hair and a thick mustache. He donned moon boots and tight jeans.
Kip's father dropped his pipe and his paper and gazed on in horror.
The man placed a stereo on the ground and Gwen Stefani poured out of the speakers.
"I here you don't like to have fuking fun, old timer!"
Kip's father clenched his hands around the ends of the armrests.
"Kip, who in the Hell is this?!"
"This is Peaches McFly, dad! He runs Funville, Inc. in Provo, Utah. He's here to break you
of your stingy old habits and show you how to have a little fun!"
Peaches did the Worm,
The Soulja Boy,
The Crab Orchard Side Stroke.
"We're fucking gonna have some motherfucking fun, goddamnit!"
Kip's father leaped towards the phone, but Peaches had disconnected it already.
"Two fucking steps ahead of you, you fucking old codger!"
Peaches pulled out a bo staff and broke every valuable in the house. He lit all of the household fabrics on fire with his zippo lighter with white resin staining the ends. He dumped food onto the floors, sprayed the walls with shaving cream and danced.
"Uh-ugh...ohmigod...My-My dick's so fucking hard, I'm having so much fucking fun, goddamnit!!! FUCK!"
Kip laughed and cheered him along, joining in on the funtastic chaos.
Kip's father appeared from hiding.
"You better get the Hell out of my house or I'll rip your goddamn head off!"
Peaches passed a bowl to Kip, and Kip toked up.
"No fucking way, you old fucking grizzly bear! You're gonna have some fucking fun or my name isn't fucking Peaches the Funployee of fucking Funville, Inc.!!!"
Enraged, confused and in a fit of something bigger than himself, Kip's father lept onto Peaches and landed his fists into his face. Kip stood in the doorway crying as his father continued to pelt Peaches into a bloody mess. His skull was broken, his face was pulp, his ribs were destroyed. Within minutes Peaches lay in a disgusting mess, a tepid arrangement of genes who had funned everywhere.
Kip's father ran outside onto the lawn and fell to his knees screaming.
Kip wiped his tears and followed him.
"I just wanted you to have fun, dad!"
Kip's father arose and wiped blood from his face.
"You don't think there's any point, do you? That to progress is to regress? That to mature is to loosen oneself?! You do what you have, Kip! You do what you have!!"
He walked to his car and crawled in.
Kip chased after the car as it sped down the street.
When it was out of sight, Kip reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper.
The deposit for his fun rental.
He ripped it up, went inside and sobbingly began working on his homework.

whooh. I liked it. :]

Peaches McFly....the band Peaches + McFly I suppose?
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian