#1
My bed is as hard as a board, or in layman's terms, like an erect penis, save for a a tad of tender softness that extends half and inch until the bone.

I've always envied those cushioned monsters stationed inside stores.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#2
Cool story Hansel.
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#3
Maybe you just have a shitty mattress.
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#4
Cause they tease you like that, knowing that you can't actually buy it BUT YOU WANT TO!
#5
I have a foam matress. They're meant to soften up after a couple of years.


Mine's still hard.
#7
ur an idiot
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#8
Quote by clapton-floyd
I have a foam matress. They're meant to soften up after a couple of years.


Mine's still hard.


why in the world would you wait two years??

that's like saying your shoes will become comfortable in 6 month's time.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#9
because they soften them up by people having sex in them.

No wonder yours is still hard.
#11
Dude imagine is Billy Mayes sold Mattresses. He would be like BUY THIS MATTRESS AND I'LL THROW IN A FREE SHOWER HEAD, AND IF YOU ORDER IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS I'LL GIVE YOU THIS FREE BOX OF TROJAN CONDOMS. THAT WAY YOU CAN PUT THAT BED TO GOOD USE.
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#13
Quote by kaosfire
because they soften them up by people having sex in them.

No wonder yours is still hard.

Snaporonis and cheese.
#14
Quote by Techfire
Snaporonis and cheese.


I like cheese.

The former I do not know of.
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#15
Quote by clapton-floyd
I have a foam matress. They're meant to soften up after a couple of years.


Mine's still hard.


At my trailor there's a memory foam matress gets soft in a day, it's heavenly. At home I have a half momory one took about a week to get real soft.
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#16
Snaporonis is pepperonis and snap together to make one awesomely awesome word, that also wets your appetite.
#17
Quote by mreed1990
Dude imagine is Billy Mayes sold Mattresses. He would be like BUY THIS MATTRESS AND I'LL THROW IN A FREE SHOWER HEAD, AND IF YOU ORDER IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS I'LL GIVE YOU THIS FREE BOX OF TROJAN CONDOMS. THAT WAY YOU CAN PUT THAT BED TO GOOD USE.

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#18
Quote by Laces Out Danny
My bed is as hard as a board, or in layman's terms, like an erect penis, save for a a tad of tender softness that extends half and inch until the bone.

I've always envied those cushioned monsters stationed inside stores.


I lawled
#19
yeah but when u get used to ure own bed, it becomes da bomb, then u dont want to go back
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#21
I think I jumped on my bed too many times, now it makes creaky noises. I'm a stupid old twat eh.
#22
Quote by will123456789
yeah but when u get used to ure own bed, it becomes da bomb, then u dont want to go back


I'm a stranger in my own house
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#23
What if you are sleeping on a mattress... but it really isn't a mattress, it's an erect penis... except it isn't... it's a portal to another world.
#24
Quote by Trefellin
What if you are sleeping on a mattress... but it really isn't a mattress, it's an erect penis... except it isn't... it's a portal to another world.

.... a world full of erect penises?
#25
Quote by kaosfire
.... a world full of erect penises?


Vaginas=Black holes=Portals to other worlds

Logic proves it's vaginas, not penises. :]
Quote by icaneatcatfood
On second thought, **** tuning forks. You best be carrying around a grand piano that was tuned by an Italian
#26
Because the shopping you just did with your girl is that much of a pain
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