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Tomosaurus
yh man.
Join date: Sep 2008
166 IQ
#1
Below is a script for a short film a "friend" sent me.
He's 18 years old, takes Drama, Media Studies AND Film Studies, which makes this script even more lulzworthy.

This is the first scene. It actually makes me rofl to think this is serious and apparently this scene took 4 hours to write. AMAZING.


Blood shed
Act 1


Intro

(Voice of soldier)
Ever wandered what the meaning of life is?....its simple “survival” thats life’s code my code and it all sounds great until the day you find yourself confronted with a decision a decision to make a difference or to just run away and save your skin! I learnt something that day. Shame is was the day I died…….


Scene 1

Ext. woods, day
In a dense woods voices can be herd from a distance approximately a group of 8/10 mercenary terrorists are walking through the woods with a hostage with a bag over his head he is dressed differently probably a soldier from the other army. They stop walking the leader commands his squad to bring the hostage to him, two of them pick him up and carry him to the leader and force the hostage on his knees and pull the bag off his head


Leader
“Wanna tell me which way to the nearest armoury base is???”

Soldier
(Exhausted)
I…rather die!!

Leader
Bad choice of words

Pulls out knife and cuts across the soldiers face in one movement the soldier falls to the floor

Leader
Tie him to that tree till we know what to do with him!

Two guys pick up the hero and tie him to a tree
But they don’t realise that while they are carrying him he grabs one of their knifes from their pocket
When he’s left tied to the tree the mercenaries all huddle around to talk about what to do with this soldier but while they are doing this the soldier pulls out the knife and starts to cut his rope


The mercenaries turn round and discover that he has disappeared.

Leader
“Right he can’t have gone far! ,I want everyone to spread around in groups of two patrols in a 10 mile radius I want him caught and brought back to me alive!!! Let’s move people!!!”

All the mercenaries spread out and the soldier rises from hiding.

Soldier
And so the hunt begins……


Thoughts?
Quote by bendystraw
I go down on one knee and do that shit cello style

IronNecrosis
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2007
316 IQ
#2
4 hours really? wow he should take up something else
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illuminatiano
CHAOS REIGNS
Join date: Sep 2008
2,988 IQ
#3
I got lost halfway through the intro.
Cette nuit j'ai rêvé que je mâchais ses yeux
Après avoir crevé par accès de furie
Ta replète panse d'helminthes blancs nourrie,
Trop prompte à déféquer le fruit d'un vit sanieux.
Tomosaurus
yh man.
Join date: Sep 2008
166 IQ
#5
Related picture, from MySpace minutes after he sent it to me.

Me and Calzonio are the protagonists in this picture, he is the antagonist.



Quote by bendystraw
I go down on one knee and do that shit cello style

jmilli2
OTTERS AREN'T SPAM!!!!!!!
Join date: Dec 2004
91 IQ
#6
It's not that bad. Seems like a typical action film intro.
tayroar
Dragonslayer
Join date: Aug 2007
1,212 IQ
#7
I imagined the mercenaries all as asians. Is this racist of me?
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
Tomosaurus
yh man.
Join date: Sep 2008
166 IQ
#10
Hmmmm it could be, what about "mercenary terrorists" as it originally says in the script before it changes to mercenaries?



EDIT: This one REALLY is for the grammar nazis out there. It's unbelievable.
Quote by bendystraw
I go down on one knee and do that shit cello style

break-me-in
can rhyme with purple.
Join date: Feb 2007
979 IQ
#12
This is too awful for me to think of a suitable witticism.


...
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

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LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
MightyAl
Banned
Join date: Apr 2007
121 IQ
#13
Well, it started somewhat poorly, then went downhill some in the middle, and the ending really let it down.
But other than that, it was good.
I.O.T.M
I'MA MAKE YOU HURT
Join date: Aug 2008
452 IQ
#14
That was...erm...to put it kindly, awful.
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
ross1234
UG Newbie
Join date: Aug 2006
167 IQ
#17
He has a good/unoriginal idea. That is all.
Sig space available, give me some praise
TheRavenEffekt
What are you lookin at?
Join date: Feb 2008
131 IQ
#19
It took 4 hours to rewrite a generic action movie beginning. He should be proud of himself.
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“This is ridiculous; my job is to sit here and do this bloo-loo-loo-loo, bloo-loo-loo-loo” - Paul Gilbert on sweep picking.
I.O.T.M
I'MA MAKE YOU HURT
Join date: Aug 2008
452 IQ
#20
Why did the leader cut one of his own men?

Edit: Just read it properly I understand now!
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
Last edited by I.O.T.M at Nov 9, 2008,
Hells_Bell
wat
Join date: Apr 2006
173 IQ
#22
That took 4 hours? O_o

Also, the spelling and such is bad.


EDIT:

Quote by TheQuailman


I've been waiting for months just for a chance to post this.


Best part of the picture are the saggy tits. I rofl'd.
<Omri> I love trannys too..
faultyy
Atleast I'm nobody's wife
Join date: Dec 2007
1,100 IQ
#23
is the person who wrote this 12?

EDIT: Actually it was you wasn't it TS? Go on admit it
I've Made You A Drawing of a Giraffe Fucking an Elephant. Notice How His Moustache Looks Just Like Mine.

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MightyAl
Banned
Join date: Apr 2007
121 IQ
#24
Quote by faultyy
is the person who wrote this 12?

That might be their IQ
break-me-in
can rhyme with purple.
Join date: Feb 2007
979 IQ
#25
Please don't allow your friend to ever reproduce. I know cockblocking is frowned upon, but you'll be doing a disservice to your species if you let him have offspring.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
Foible776
UG's Lexxor
Join date: Apr 2007
976 IQ
#26
That was like reading a story a 5th grader wrote. In face I think I wrote that same story in 4th grade.
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rasinañte
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2008
40 IQ
#27
I remember seeing a promo for a Vin Diesel film with the exact same begging monologue thing.
Tomosaurus
yh man.
Join date: Sep 2008
166 IQ
#28
Quote by rasinañte
I remember seeing a promo for a Vin Diesel film with the exact same begging monologue thing.


This actually isn't surprising!

Quote by faultyy
is the person who wrote this 12?

EDIT: Actually it was you wasn't it TS? Go on admit it


I could write a better script than this without trying, anyone could I think.


P.S. Clicking any of the links in my sig will bring you to pictures of the awful writer, but I suggest watching the film link. Shows another one of his scripts acted out, terrible.
Quote by bendystraw
I go down on one knee and do that shit cello style

madbasslover
UG's ***** Hands
Join date: Feb 2005
1,015 IQ
#29
I once sat on the toilet for several hours trying to push out a massive piece of shit. It appears your friend and I have that much in common.
supafunkyone
UG's veteran >.>
Join date: Jan 2009
281 IQ
#31
That script thing was so terrible, i just died inside

Quote by madbasslover
I once sat on the toilet for several hours trying to push out a massive piece of ****. It appears your friend and I have that much in common.


Zero-Hartman
25 characters is not enou
Join date: Oct 2007
498 IQ
#34
A worthy bump. I'm surprised this thread was so small

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MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
Karvid
Rips Out Spleens
Join date: Apr 2008
437 IQ
#36
By 18, do you mean 1+8=9? Actually, even my 9 year-old brother has a better imagination and a better grasp of grammar.
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Karvid is sexy

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Its lame.
supafunkyone
UG's veteran >.>
Join date: Jan 2009
281 IQ
#37
Quote by Karvid
By 18, do you mean 1+8=9? Actually, even my 9 year-old brother has a better imagination and a better grasp of grammar.


My sweaty chocolate starfish has a better grasp of grammar and imagination
-xCaMRocKx-
Alligators gonna alligate
Join date: Jun 2007
888 IQ
#38
This is brilliant.

Brilliant.

DON'T MAKE ME DESTROY YOU!


___________________________________________________


TURN OFF YOUR MIND RELAX AND FLOAT DOWNSTREAM

Quote by Scumbag1792
My God, this must be the smartest/greatest guy ever.
Stress Cow
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2008
76 IQ
#39
I didn't know people actually wrote this stuff. I just thought it came from a generic action movie generator... but I guess that would probably have better grammar.
One Sexy Canadian Man.

...and single too.
coryklok
Banned
Join date: Jul 2007
1,355 IQ
#40
Quote by supafunkyone
That script thing was so terrible, i just died inside



Why, oh why, would you bring this terrible thread back?!