#1
i loved a golden curl, for what it mattered
a soft spoken (what was I talking about); politicos/
another wadding, wadding, wadding...something?
and from the morning light, from the lack of
blinds I woke up next to her, to love another girl.
I looked over and I blanked, nothing to say,
my mouth opened, garble garble garble.
I guess it was what was ever on my mind, and
at that moment it was on, "........"

she could speak to me now, to search for the
words, rambling around her gorgeous granary,
a semblance to pick up her looming thoughts,
Calling in today, to visit me at work, sick on the
steps to talk to me on lunch, there was nothing
to hold on to, our hands left untied, or tired arms.
We left.

I imagined for a long time, when looking into
her eyes; something odd.
A desert in a bustling city, like Chicago or Tokyo.
Full of people, walking aimlessly around with no direction or water, their heads covered with dirt, and sweat and the low ominous hum of the heat lingering around everywhere. The oxygen was low, and all you could suck in was sand and carbon dioxide. The buildings were far in between each other and everyone was squinting at the sun. No one was holding hands, no one was holding each other because the heat between two people would kill them.

I couldn't touch her, if I wanted to.
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Last edited by Something_Vague at Nov 9, 2008,
#2
to*

This was delicious..
Albeit a little depressing.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#3
wow
your tone mirrored the actions very well.
the entire third stanza is just... lovely.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#5
i'm the guy girls cheat on their boyfriends with.

it's happenedn probably 7 times, i don't know, it's always a tricky situation, but it's a giant secret contained with just two people.

buy it or not, i don't care. it's happening.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#6
my god, that was the msot intense thing i've ever read (i've never read anything of yours before, i don't think). THis was a breath of fresh air, and so enjoyable i'm going to read this over and over again until i can fully grasp the various delicate intricacies of this piece. Somehow you ahve a million thoughts and sentences and words swirling aorund in here, but they never over crowd each other, or get lost in the fray. This was beautiful
#7
This seemed quite an intricate piece of writing, especially that first stanza. Seemed self-referential as well, maybe to earlier pieces of poetry.

I did feel that penultamate bulk wasn't quite as good a read as the opening. It could have been the form, maybe I felt it lost it's intensity as you used the full width of the page. Felt it also lacked any real sonics to make the read more interesting, but then again I'm a freak about sonics.

"...." felt like a waste of time.

The last line, if you break it with a comma I think it needs to be "even if". Reads better for me.

So, yeah. Great opening, thought the ending was a bit damp.
#8
This feels like the start of a sci-fi novel.
A really excellent sci-fi novel.
So whether it was meant to be or not,
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!