#1
I'm playing an acoustic solo set Nov. 21 and was wondering if you guys had any good jokes I could tell. It's a charity thing and it's all ages so they can't be too dirty. example: Q:What did the cannibla do after dumping his girlfriend? A:He wiped his ass. something like that. peace...
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
Last edited by Descendent-182 at Nov 10, 2008,
#2
Theres this one on my pencil from class today
Knock Knock
Whose there
Paul
Paul Who
Paul over buddy, your driving too fast

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#4
Play the music. If they want standup comedy they'll go see a comedian.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

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Life goes by?
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It's you
#5
"Well they say if you're nervous imagine the audience naked, so I'm imagining your *points at oldest/youngest/organizers'* ****"
#6
Make religious commentary.

Everyone loves this.
1. Open My Computer.
2. Open C:
3. Click on WINDOWS.
4. Open the folder "Media."
5. Click on the file "onestop."
6. Listen.
#7
"Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's house?"


*silence*

"...neither has he."
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My weirdest dream would have to be when I dreamed that I met this chick I really liked and wanted to practice sex, so I practiced on some guy I met at a gas station...that was pretty screwed up.
#8
"Hey guys, I'm just a musician trying to make it. Things have been getting better. I used to be just a street musician...which was tough.....because I live in suburb."
#11
Quote by The Madcap
"Hey guys, I'm just a musician trying to make it. Things have been getting better. I used to be just a street musician...which was tough.....because I live in suburb."


Because nothing says cool like stealing Dmitri Martin jokes.
<Dobzilla> because "when you were born, they thought yo' momma shit herself."
<Frehnchy> ...
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#12
make jokes but the exit sign like "one is thinking, have the people left through my door, bout weer did the other half leave from" and so is the other exit sign
Just call me Julius, J, etc.
Taking an Internet break for a while, will come on when I can.
#13
The other day my girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "Damn, that's a big-ass word for an 8 year-old."
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#14
Quote by Rankles
Because nothing says cool like stealing Dmitri Martin jokes.
I'm horrible at coming up with my own jokes.
#15
Knock knock
Who's there?
Stevie Wonder, Who's there?
Soon, death metal's drums will be so fast only computers will be able to listen to it.

94? Not bad. It shall improve >=)

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#16
Quote by strat0blaster
Play the music. If they want standup comedy they'll go see a comedian.


+1
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Awww, thanks Frenchy

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#18
heres an old one for ya

"I hear you get a free portion of chips with the new Oasis album... i wonder if you get a roll with it"

Or if its an acoistic show why not just play some funny songs I.e. "A boy named sue" by Johnny Cash or "Talkin' bear mountain picnic massacre blues" by Bob Dylan.
Originally Posted by Chromeproguitar
they make horrible noises in the middle of the night (is it sex?)

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I guess she's pretty hot if you're into that "having a good music video, but not better than Beyonce's" kind of thing...
#19
Quote by EEE_ELLL_OHH
What did Stevie Wonder say?

I'm blind.


How did Stevie Wonder hurt his ear?

Tried to answer the phone but picked up the iron.

How did he hurt his other ear?


Tried to ring for an ambulance.
#20
two words, cool wHip!
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#21
During a show back when I was in a metalcore band, we were playing for a bunch of people who obviously didn't like the screaming style of music. So before one of the songs I grabbed the mic and death growled, "this next one's called, ROTTEN BODY LANDSLIIIIIIIDE," and dropped it. It made the classic dropped mic sound and we then went into the song. WE thought it was hilarious, the crowd probably thought that was really the name of the song lol.
We're only strays.
#22
Quote by King Baby Duck
How did Stevie Wonder hurt his ear?

Tried to answer the phone but picked up the iron.

How did he hurt his other ear?


Tried to ring for an ambulance.

thats helen keller jokes
Just call me Julius, J, etc.
Taking an Internet break for a while, will come on when I can.
#23
listen to blink 182's live album there pretty funny. you better clap at the end of this song or we'lll play it twice
#26
knock knock
whos there?
Big Ish
Big Ish who(issue)?
not today thanks.

why did the baby cross the road?
cos it was stapled to the chicken.

the first one is awesome if said right.. the second one is aimed towards a niche market.
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#27
my sig
Bumped it off a comidian anyway.
" Did You know, in Tibet, if they want something, do you know what they do? They give something away."

"Do they ? That must be why they're such a dominant global power."
#28
Quote by The Madcap
How'd she hear the phone ring?

BAM.
Don't plan on telling a bunch of jokes. If you want, do a cover of "Pachelbel's Rant."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM
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#29
Quote by Descendent-182
Q:What did the cannibla do after dumping his girlfriend? A:He wiped his ass. something like that. peace...

That's excellent

What did the hobo get for christmas?

nothing


What'd he get the next christmas?

Shot.
#30
"Have you heard about the new anti-super heroes?" "Taxman and Robbin' Bastard"
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#31
I definitely thought the name of this thread was "Good jokes to tell at showers." I was like, wow, sometimes the ice doesn't need to be broken...
My band, Escher
My progressive rock project, Mosaic

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#32
Tell them the infamous Union-Jake story
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#33
Quote by Descendent-182
I'm playing an acoustic solo set Nov. 21 and was wondering if you guys had any good jokes I could tell. It's a charity thing and it's all ages so they can't be too dirty. example: Q:What did the cannibla do after dumping his girlfriend? A:He wiped his ass. something like that. peace...


TBH TS, I wouldnt bother with any jokes.

If theres one thing worse than people rambling on about any old shit inbetween songs, its shit jokes. If youre nervous they'll hear it in your voice and audiences can be savage.

Just introduce your song, play it and repeat process.
#35
Quote by heavenbesideyou
Tell them the infamous Union-Jake story

That was funny for one day. Much like "faster tom run", and almost every other meme, it got old.
#36
Telling an actual "Question: ...Answer:..." joke on stage, is a sure way to show you have no sense of humour.


Yeah, not to mention it'll make you look like a right twat..
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