#1
Something I've been working on, but there's still room to improve, since I'm only in my first year of writing songs.

Chorus:

Mother, mother
I don't want to grow up
I want things to stay the same
Mother, mother
I want time to stand still
So no one would ever get old

I wish I could go back in time
So Daddy would still be here
So my kitty wouldn't have run away
And I'd never have to fear that you
Would go away


(Musical break)
(Chorus)

I wanna go back to Mary's house
Even if it isn't clean
I always longed to spend more time
With my cousin before he died
I wanna go see the world
I wanna go to New York
And see the towers before they fell
Why does everything have to turn out
So bad?


(Break)
(Chorus)

I don't know which way to go
I need some help from you
I can't figure out when my time began
Maybe I just can't face the fact
That someday you will
Be gone


(Break)
(Chorus x2)


I'll try my best to give a c4c
#2
I would listen to this song and dig the lyrics. I love the eclectic / disjointed feeling. Its like all these things have happened and some of them are trivial "kitty ran away" and some of them are heavy (spending time with a soon-to-die cousin) Its refreshingly pessimistic too "why does everything turn out so bad" I didn't care for the last stanza, but I liked the verses .
what comes up comes out
#5
i would say,
when your writing,
concentrate more on JUST the lyrics, and dont worry about the breaks and instrumental parts and whatnot,
if you do that,
it leaves less room for improvisation later on in the writing process and it diminishes the overalll creativitiy


i really llike the lyrics,
but structure wise,
having a chorus after every worse is very unnecesary

try breaking away from verse chorus verse patters