#1
Noon o 'clock, it was my brown-bag lunch break, but I had to get out of there. I had to leave my office, if you can call four removable walls that I can guarantee will be gone when they fire my ass, an office. Two steps, and I was to the hall, where I just had to run into a co-worker. "Oh, hey! How's your day? Where you headed?" Question after question, filler after filler, as if they really care. A simple response, pretending I'm late for something important, is good enough to get away.

The outside air, real air, met my face, not too cold, not too hot, it was perfect. Perfect for a walk that is. I've been called anti-social (walking alone is what I do in my free time) but who the **** cares when it's what you want to do.

The little park, about a block away from my "office building", had a path that goes around the perimeter. It's only a quarter of a mile long, great for lunch breaks. My favorite part about this path was how secluded it was--surrounded by trees, it was easy to be alone, easy to think.

I stepped onto this path, excited for the break from the busy day, but something was different about it this time. Normally when there are others on this path it doesn't bother me, but this, this bothered me.

Merely a couple steps in front of me was a couple. How did I know it was a couple? The intertwined fingers, the repeated "I love you", "I love you more"'s, and of course the fact they didn't even know I was there.

I looked at the berry covered ground in disgust. This couple, they looked about twenty, they were pretending they knew what love was, pretending love even existed for that matter.

So many poets, so many romantics, they write about this thing called love all the time. And each time their writings are either filled with millions of old cliche's or so far off from anything else ever written it couldn't possibly be the definition of love.

Love is supposed to be something that can't be put into words. Love is supposed to be "beyond our wildest dreams". Love is supposed to change us from the pessimistic, cynical person we were born, to something so much more.

With all of these definitions, there's only one true answer:

Love doesn't exist.
Last edited by Cyclones41 at Nov 15, 2008,
#4
i like the style, only bits to complain about are "noon-o-clock", just annoyed me. personal preference probably
and "I looked at the berry covered ground in disgust. They looked about twenty..." makes it sound like the berry covered ground look about twenty, rather than the couple which is what i assume you intend.

quick fixes for an otherwise perfect piece.
#5
Yeah, I haven't decided about noon-o-clock. Part of me really likes what it brings, part of me doesn't. I'll keep thinking on it. And I understand what you meant about the other part, I edited that. Thanks for the crit, let me know when you get another piece up and I'll critique it for you.
#6
This was a great read but I don't agree with you at all.
Love is varying in degrees. Someone can love a girlfriend or boyfriend and then dump them because they 'grew out of them' and they then can fall in deeper love with another person. That doesn't mean they don't know what love is, it just means they're fickle or are still growing up. A three year old knows full well what love is, and they know full well how to express it and they have a long way to go before they fully comprehend the entire tributaries of love.

- "Love is supposed to be something that can't be put into words. Love is supposed to be "beyond our wildest dreams". Love is supposed to change us from the pessimistic, cynical person we were born, to something so much more." - This feels like poetic nonsense. Like you are angry and trying to be different or clever.
Love is not supposed to be anything, there is no definition for it. You love your family different to the way you love your first girlfriend. You love your dead dog in a different way than you love your newer girlfriend. It's all love, just variations of it.

If I am way off the ball here and didn't receive the message you were displaying properly, I apologize. I did thoroughly enjoy reading this, I just felt over disheartened.

I am going to read it again and again, though, just to be sure of things.

There are a couple of things I would change:
- "I had to leave my "office" (If you can call four removable walls that I can guarantee will be gone when they fire my ass, an office.)" - Remove the quotation marks and remove the parenthesis; I believe they say too much; it's not leaving much to imagination and it feels almost like a gimmick.
Actually, that's all I noticed. The rest was stellar writing, mate, really well done. Just try and pay attention to what I explained previously. I don't personally believe pessimism to be cool at all.

Digitally Clean
#8
Angry Goldfish--Thank you very much for the critique. I don't believe what I wrote, because I know what love is. I was just in a really angry mood I guess. Maybe since I wrote this, some part of me is connected to this piece in that way, but mostly it's just writing. Is that possible?
Thank you for the ideas with the parenthesis, I don't have time to change it right now, but I'll be editing it soon. Thanks again man. You have a link to crit?