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#1
I actually found another thread like this one except it wasnt what i really was looking for.

But i am doing alot of shows lately and we keep on getting more shows and also Longer ones.

Now we don't mind but after 3/4 songs we want to have a little bit of peace inbetween songs to tune, drink beer/JD, Talk to the audience.

But i never know what to say.
I am not afraid or anything to go up on stage it's just that i want something to talk about with the audience, Preferable something funny.

Our music vary's from Alternative Rock/Punk/Grunge/Indie So, the people that mostly come to see our shows are about 12 till 21

So that's also something i want to get notice of.
Not those Musician Jokes, Cause the audience wont get those.

Altough it's always fun to crack you're drummer up with them XD

Anyway's our setlist is like this:

30 Min set,

Rock&Roll
Tickerache
Jestercide
Ban Limit
My Bad
Feminime Foolishness <- Not anti woman or anything !!!
Tourette's <- Cover of Nirvana

That's the setlist not that you have to care though.

Anyway's i think my point is definitely clear !

Thank God For The Pit !
ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD

Quote by MetalMessiah665
Dude, I think I would know, Trivium invented Thrash, Metallica are lucky they got as far as they did piggy-backing off of Trivium's signature style.
#2
I played golf the other day.

I hit two beautiful balls

I stepped on a rake.
signatures are budget.
#3
Quote by Kenny_Fever
I played golf the other day.

I hit two beautiful balls

I stepped on a rake.

that's the most unfunny joke I've ever heard, if I can even call that a joke.

Anyway, I wouldn't tell jokes or anything like that. It would probably be lame. Just introduce your band and maybe talk about the next song that you're playing.
#4
If you happen to be the bassist, inform the crowd that you can play most of your songs on a real guitar.
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


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#5
welcome everyone and wish little jacob the happiest bar mitzvah. then be like "oh sorry, that's next gig"

i got a few laughs.

emphasis on a few
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#6
So a neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then asks the bartender how much it costs. The bartender says "For you, no charge".
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#7
Quote by Kensai
So a neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then asks the bartender how much it costs. The bartender says "For you, no charge".



That would be hilarious
#8
No stage jokes, dude. I hate it when people do that. I got to see music, not standup.
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#9
Yeah i am going to introduce and stuff but it's like Inbetween the songs i'd like to say something just for fun you know.

And im the guitarplayer so i'm the only one in the band that can do all 3 instruments :P
And it's like maybe one or 2 jokes not gonna so standup or anything just to take people back to reality after some of the mosh pits :P
ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD

Quote by MetalMessiah665
Dude, I think I would know, Trivium invented Thrash, Metallica are lucky they got as far as they did piggy-backing off of Trivium's signature style.
#10
Quote by JBizzle Da Truf
welcome everyone and wish little jacob the happiest bar mitzvah. then be like "oh sorry, that's next gig"

i got a few laughs.

emphasis on a few

hahahahahaha i wouldda died if i heard that, thats good
#11
Quote by Kensai
So a neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then asks the bartender how much it costs. The bartender says "For you, no charge".





Not sure how many lulz it would get at a concert though.
I've decided that my signature is terrible. I'm open to suggestions.


Click me, or I'll die.


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#12
What did one volcano say to the other?

"I lava you"
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#13
Quote by Kensai
So a neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then asks the bartender how much it costs. The bartender says "For you, no charge".


#14
you can't please all of the people all of the time... and last night all of those people were at my show...
#15
Quote by SPBY
you can't please all of the people all of the time... and last night all of those people were at my show...


A lot of people at a show would probably be aware this is a Mitch Hedberg joke.

I find the best advice is to say funny original things without making it sound like you rehearsed it, and don't tell scripted jokes that look like you got them from a guitar forum.
#17
I had a dream last night that I was eating the world's biggest marshmellow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!
TROGDOR!!!!!!
#18
"So what's the deal with lamp shades? If you got a lamp, why do you need shades for it?" Insane lulz will ensue... believe me...
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#19
If you tell jokes at a gig, you'll automatically become the joke TS.
#20
talk about the gay guys that broke into your house.
they rearranged all your furniture.
if you know how to be funny the audience will laugh hysterically
XU
#21
Quote by KwikKopy
A lot of people at a show would probably be aware this is a Mitch Hedberg joke.

I find the best advice is to say funny original things without making it sound like you rehearsed it, and don't tell scripted jokes that look like you got them from a guitar forum.


who doesn't like hearing a Mitch joke? they're the best
#22
So a Giraffe walks into a bar, and he gets a little drunk. He gets in a fight with a drinking buddy and gets knocked out. so the bartender says, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' around here" and the guy goes "Dumbass, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."



Oh hahahahahahahahahaha.
I love Foxy Shazam more than you.



▲ ▲

#23
My brother told me that Paul Gilbert lowered a model of stonehenge from the rafters onto Joe Satriani during a song.

That sounds pretty funny.
#24
Pull out a massive dildo and start beating your drummer with it. They will laugh.
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#25
Quote by gwitersnamps
No stage jokes, dude. I hate it when people do that. I got to see music, not standup.


Ahhhh. But it gives the drummer a chance to do one of these.

Ba dum tish!
#26
Okay here's what you do

"So... anysways... I just got back from vacation. And, uh... I went to the beach... for vacation. And you know what I got at the beach?
SAND!"
maybe if you had a
revolver
you'd
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#27
Quote by msuspartan
Pull out a massive dildo and start beating your drummer with it. They will laugh.


this intrigues me
TROGDOR!!!!!!
#28
Quote by Spamwise
that's the most unfunny joke I've ever heard, if I can even call that a joke.

Anyway, I wouldn't tell jokes or anything like that. It would probably be lame. Just introduce your band and maybe talk about the next song that you're playing.

And banter with the audience, give them something to participate with, ask them how they like you, if they don't really acknowledge you, say something making fun of yourselves or something, for example "yeah I don't like you either" or something; involve the audience.
#29
Quote by BeastlyBassist
Okay here's what you do

"So... anysways... I just got back from vacation. And, uh... I went to the beach... for vacation. And you know what I got at the beach?
SAND!"


Dethkomedy!
My band, Escher
My progressive rock project, Mosaic

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#30
Tell the people of the audience you're going to play a new musical number for them that you just created. It's called "Tuning." Then start tuning your guitars.

Epic lulz
#31
Einstein, now deceased, is wandering around heaven, being generally bored and lamenting that he has no one with whom to pass the time of day. He meets a man and, after introductions, asks the fellow politely what his IQ is. "378," the man replies. "Wonderful!" exclaims Einstein. "Let's chat about quantum mechanics and relativistic mass." They have a lively intellectual conversation. A bit later, Einstein meets a second gent, and asks him for his IQ. "190," is the reply. "Great," says Einstein. They proceed to talk about Newton's Laws and the Pythagorean Theorem. Still later, Einstein meets a third guy, and asks him for his IQ. "52," the fellow answers. "Really?" says Einstein. "What brand of sticks do you like to use?"

loldrummerjoke
#32
Quote by Logan699p
Tell the people of the audience you're going to play a new musical number for them that you just created. It's called "Tuning." Then start tuning your guitars.

Epic lulz


Kind of like Tommy Emanuel: "That was a little Chinese piece called Tu Ning."

Mock the audience? Call them names, offend them, get them going. Make sure it's funny.
#33
lol i love the Tuning one i think im going to use that one like one time, Just make it a little different tough

But yeah i need more !!!
And rather i really like the musician jokes,
I bet my audience don't get them it must be funny but not really a joke or anything.

C,mon pit !!! Work for you're mone... Nevermind just Work !
ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD

Quote by MetalMessiah665
Dude, I think I would know, Trivium invented Thrash, Metallica are lucky they got as far as they did piggy-backing off of Trivium's signature style.
#34
"Hello, I'm (insert name or penis), I'm the guitarist, and there's the drummer and bassist, but **** them, I don't know why they're not standing in their corner anyways."
/thread.
#35
I did one a couple of weeks ago. Got on stage and asked the audience "Who likes ABBA?" The crowd cheered, and I said "That's nice, because we're playing Metallica" Then blasted out Master of Puppets. The end of the joke to the opening E was so short and sweet that I barely heard the laughs, but apparently it was funny as shit. Will be using that one again.
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#36
Quote by msuspartan
Pull out a massive dildo and start beating your drummer with it. They will laugh.

Forget TS, I'm doing that when I get a gig. Our drummer has a temper, and can over-react, so I'll probably get beat with a snare drum, but that can only add to the humor.
#37
Quote by Kensai
So a neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then asks the bartender how much it costs. The bartender says "For you, no charge".






Kensai for a while I thought you were losing your wittiness!


but i was wrong....


#38
Quote by Trefellin
My brother told me that Paul Gilbert lowered a model of stonehenge from the rafters onto Joe Satriani during a song.

That sounds pretty funny.

Lol Spinal Tap
HI
#39
Quote by G-loony


Not those Musician Jokes, Cause the audience wont get those.


!


Are your audiences that stupid?
#40
Quote by Kensai
So a neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then asks the bartender how much it costs. The bartender says "For you, no charge".


holy shit I love you
Cette nuit j'ai rêvé que je mâchais ses yeux
Après avoir crevé par accès de furie
Ta replète panse d'helminthes blancs nourrie,
Trop prompte à déféquer le fruit d'un vit sanieux.
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