#1
She shut your eyes,
So you can say better luck next time,
You’re left alone with the bitter taste of her,
Clenching the heart you can’t feel anymore.

All you’re left with is a photograph,
But no one’s even there,
Too ashamed to smile,
Too afraid to care.

This image of emptiness, Is driving me insane,
I’m tearing it to shreds, There’s no one else to blame but
You ****ed it up for us, Now I’m putting you to shame.

You turned out her lights,
You left her all alone and scared,
And you wonder why she ignores you,
And pretends you’re not even there.

Now all she’s left with is memories,
Buried deep inside her head,
Of when you were there for her,
And were the only one that cared.
#2
Quote by Stikky207
She shut your eyes,
So you can say better luck next time,
You’re left alone with the bitter taste of her,
Clenching the heart you can’t feel anymore.

I think that this first stanza could use some work. I liked the first line, but the rest of the stanza wound its way into trite phrases. I would try to rework it into a less cliche, possibly more descriptively concrete introduction.

All you’re left with is a photograph,
But no one’s even there,
Too ashamed to smile,
Too afraid to care.

The first two lines are words playing from the broken record that is mainstream music today. I rather liked the last two lines though, they were sincere. Possibly rewrite the first two lines to tell the reading why the character is too ashamed to smile, etc.

This image of emptiness, Is driving me insane,
I’m tearing it to shreds, There’s no one else to blame but
You ****ed it up for us, Now I’m putting you to shame.

Not a big fan of this part, overused images and phrases. If you really feel as though these ideas express how you feel/felt, try to think of a more clever way to state them.

You turned out her lights,
You left her all alone and scared,
And you wonder why she ignores you,
And pretends you’re not even there.

Now all she’s left with is memories,
Buried deep inside her head,
Of when you were there for her,
And were the only one that cared.

While the words to this piece aren't particularly stunning, I could see it making a decent yet simple song. Like I said earlier, try to look at lines that are on the cliche side such as "You left her all alone and scared," and think of a way to say them differently, because they have been said that way a thousand times before.



Make the words your own. Hope this helped, good luck