#1
Hello, This is my first song in a while so its not that great. Its a rock song.
crit for crit

Tonight I hit the open road
Sure as day follows through
I'm never coming back, no never
All because my life's renewed

Your the reason I left
Completing me but not my life
Now I've grown so much
I've got all this strife

Chorus:
Open roads, seem so new
Make clear what I've got to do
This ghost following me around
The truth I've finally found

Headed on through the night
Not stopping for anything
I've gotta get away from you
To make sure we're through

Using me, tellin all of your lies
I saw such a beautiful disguise
But still I rolled with it
Seeming to be the right fit

Chorus

Bridge:
I hope there's something good down this road
where ever it may take me
I'll live my life by me, my code
All alone now, taken by myself
Last edited by dr.feel good at Nov 12, 2008,
#4
Tonight I hit the open road
Sure as day follows through
I'm never coming back, no never
All because my life's renewed
the only thing that bothers me about this verse is the "all because". it just doesnt sound right to me. other than that good.

Your the reason I left
Completing me but not my life
Now I've grown so much
I've got all this strife
It seems like the last line should have a similar syllable count as the first verse so i would say word it so its a tad longer. but again pretty good.


Chorus:
Open roads, seem so new
Make clear what I've got to do
This ghost following me around
The truth I've finally found
I feel like you should change the last line to something relating to the ghost following you around


Headed on through the night
Not stopping for anything
I've gotta get away from you
To make sure we're through

Using me, tellin all of your lies
I saw such a beautiful disguise
But still I rolled with it
Seeming to be the right fit

These last two verses seem out of place a little because they have a different rhyme scheme to them. I would keep it the same as the other verses but I like the content.

Chorus

Bridge:
I hope there's something good down this road
where ever it may take me
I'll live my life by me, my code
All alone now, taken by myself
I like this bridge, especially the 2nd and 3rd. but i think the last line sounds a little drawn out although it may sound completely different in song form. so that may or may not be good advice. you know

One thing that I try say to everybody is try to use the most descriptive and unique words you can. But i understand that this is a rock song and the lyrical style differs from genre to genre. overall, I liked your song. take my suggestions for what they are, im no pro.

Tom