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#1
Story time guys! My hot adviser found out i like her.

Okay, so at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as the people at my school know, she is pretty hot. She is like 25 years old and has been at the school for a few years. Anyway, i have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database thats maintained by the avisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine, so i went to go see Ms. Depew. This is where the trouble started.

First, i walked into her office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's int he middle of lunch. So i awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh Hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it! I eat it almost everyday"
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird...." (Why the hell did i say that?)
"Oh, well, i don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods... you know... like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah i like food too!" (I'm retarded"

Man, i was so nervous. Anyway, we finally began quaring my stuff away. She looks up what i registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the far. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, you're account name is Dannymc10 and your password is...... 'depewissexy'..."

Damn, i completely forgot that i put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was i thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before i finally got the balls to stand up and leave. Just as i walk out the door she says, "In the future, you might want to BEAR in mind what kind of things you want to keep to yourself."

I was so embarrassed! I wanted to kill myself right then and there! I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she said kept me standing in her room. I turned to her... looked straight into her eyes, and swallowed my price. And then it hit me like a train full of bricks.... i finally figured it out...

-She was eating Salmon...

-She tries to eat healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey...

-She told me that i might want to BEAR in mind what kind of things...

I knew it...

Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human.


Immediately, the bear saw that i had seen through it's charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided it's claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out of the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The beast began to pursue me through the street traffic. While i fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened it's massive force through anything standing in it's way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining fast! I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: A preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. The bear slammed through the wall, crushing children beneath his massive paws. I scrambled outside, and up a ladder to a fort like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars then jump to a tree which i could climb to the roof of the preschool and flag down a helicopter passing by...

This happened today.


...okay i found this on 4chan... i just wanted to repost it
Quote by Faux
whats the best part about sex with eighty one year olds?
theres eighty of them
Last edited by DannyMcawesome at Nov 12, 2008,
#3
yalul
Quote by Faux
whats the best part about sex with eighty one year olds?
theres eighty of them
#4
Yeah so I made it to:

Story Ti.....
Quote by red18420
There is no point except party and be healthy and happy. Also money is not something to live for. If i didnt need money for drugs and beer i would give mine away.


Vote here to help me get to BC!
#7


Awesome.
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#8
Quote by Cockpuncher 2.0
God damn it I thought that it was real until you she turned into a bear -.-


It did happen
Quote by Faux
whats the best part about sex with eighty one year olds?
theres eighty of them
#11
oh god I lol'd.. The page was cut off right at the bear part, so I scroll down a tad and it says SHE WAS A BEAR... **** lol.
#12
Quote by herby190
I believe it.


good... thanks... (I sensed sarcasm in that)
Quote by Faux
whats the best part about sex with eighty one year olds?
theres eighty of them
#14
I have a better story

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly .

Probably wasn't the same elephant.
#15
Quote by Masamune
I have a better story

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe' s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly .

Probably wasn't the same elephant.


That... that's terrible haha, wow...
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#16
Bear story > Elephant story
grok it.

SKREAM!

Listen to jazz, it's good for you...
#20
lol! i lol'd for about 5 mins.
Quote by maiden03
Ahhh damn you vinc3nt!

Downpressor man

Where you gonna run to

All along that day


੧_\\\
#21
thats amazing
Quote by cliff_em_all
cof_median11 is a Child Rapist.

Quote by blink day 4 eva
Theres a mosquito that lives in my room and i let him bite me all the time and i let him live. It's our special deal. His name is "The Dude".

Quote by Babbs
cof_median11, you sick ****.
#22
the elephant story is pretty good! In my opinion i like the bear one better. But you still get an A-
Quote by Faux
whats the best part about sex with eighty one year olds?
theres eighty of them
#23
Here's one:


This little kid, he's born to a crack fiend mother and an alcoholic. The alcoholic beats his mom, regularly. The crack fiend is unfaithful as she *****s herself to feed her habit. The alcoholic works from 3 AM to 5 PM as a welder. One day, the welding torch's nozzle breaks, spilling the flammable fluid all over. His friend lights up and tosses the still burning match to the floor. They burn to death.

With the last piece of regular income wasted, the little boy, who is 12 at the time, starts selling weed. Everything is good: he earns enough to pay the rent for his measly apartment, enough for food, and enough to get a PSP.

Unfortunately, when he's around 15, the kid is caught slanging on the streets and gets sent to Juvi. He is almost raped by a 17 year old holding a rather sharp pencil, but manages to take it from him and kill the 17 year old. The judge doesn't buy his self-defense claim, so after he leaves Juvi at 18, he gets another 10 years.

In jail, he goes back to his dealing days, this time with heroin. An old girlfriend he used to **** in middle school sneaks in condoms full of heroin in her anus. When she goes to bathroom, the toilet is flushed, and an inmate sifts through the filth in the sewage pipes to find the heroin condom, and he gives it to the kid, who sells it to the prisoners.

After his sentence is up (cut to 7 years for good behavior) he tries to live a clean and safe life. However, his mom, who still sells herself, is practically a slave to the local crack dealer. The kid, enraged, kills the crack dealer. Due to his rap sheet, he gets life in jail. Back to the shithole...

As if things couldn't get worse, the crack dealer's brother on the outside rapes the kid's mom and torches the apartment with her still in it tied to a chair. The dealer's cousin on the inside takes a wooden stick and ties it to a sharp rusty nail. In the weight room, kid is stabbed to death with no guard on duty and no witnesses. Begotten of violence, consumed by violence.


And life goes on...
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#25
decent for a copypasta. Would have been better if it was original..I enjoyed it then read you got it from 4chan and was kinda disappointed.
#27
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW
Here's one:


This little kid, he's born to a crack fiend mother and an alcoholic. The alcoholic beats his mom, regularly. The crack fiend is unfaithful as she *****s herself to feed her habit. The alcoholic works from 3 AM to 5 PM as a welder. One day, the welding torch's nozzle breaks, spilling the flammable fluid all over. His friend lights up and tosses the still burning match to the floor. They burn to death.

With the last piece of regular income wasted, the little boy, who is 12 at the time, starts selling weed. Everything is good: he earns enough to pay the rent for his measly apartment, enough for food, and enough to get a PSP.

Unfortunately, when he's around 15, the kid is caught slanging on the streets and gets sent to Juvi. He is almost raped by a 17 year old holding a rather sharp pencil, but manages to take it from him and kill the 17 year old. The judge doesn't buy his self-defense claim, so after he leaves Juvi at 18, he gets another 10 years.

In jail, he goes back to his dealing days, this time with heroin. An old girlfriend he used to **** in middle school sneaks in condoms full of heroin in her anus. When she goes to bathroom, the toilet is flushed, and an inmate sifts through the filth in the sewage pipes to find the heroin condom, and he gives it to the kid, who sells it to the prisoners.

After his sentence is up (cut to 7 years for good behavior) he tries to live a clean and safe life. However, his mom, who still sells herself, is practically a slave to the local crack dealer. The kid, enraged, kills the crack dealer. Due to his rap sheet, he gets life in jail. Back to the shithole...

As if things couldn't get worse, the crack dealer's brother on the outside rapes the kid's mom and torches the apartment with her still in it tied to a chair. The dealer's cousin on the inside takes a wooden stick and ties it to a sharp rusty nail. In the weight room, kid is stabbed to death with no guard on duty and no witnesses. Begotten of violence, consumed by violence.


And life goes on...

That was horrible
grok it.

SKREAM!

Listen to jazz, it's good for you...
#28
Quote by ExtremeMetalFTW
Here's one:


This little kid, he's born to a crack fiend mother and an alcoholic. The alcoholic beats his mom, regularly. The crack fiend is unfaithful as she *****s herself to feed her habit. The alcoholic works from 3 AM to 5 PM as a welder. One day, the welding torch's nozzle breaks, spilling the flammable fluid all over. His friend lights up and tosses the still burning match to the floor. They burn to death.

With the last piece of regular income wasted, the little boy, who is 12 at the time, starts selling weed. Everything is good: he earns enough to pay the rent for his measly apartment, enough for food, and enough to get a PSP.

Unfortunately, when he's around 15, the kid is caught slanging on the streets and gets sent to Juvi. He is almost raped by a 17 year old holding a rather sharp pencil, but manages to take it from him and kill the 17 year old. The judge doesn't buy his self-defense claim, so after he leaves Juvi at 18, he gets another 10 years.

In jail, he goes back to his dealing days, this time with heroin. An old girlfriend he used to **** in middle school sneaks in condoms full of heroin in her anus. When she goes to bathroom, the toilet is flushed, and an inmate sifts through the filth in the sewage pipes to find the heroin condom, and he gives it to the kid, who sells it to the prisoners.

After his sentence is up (cut to 7 years for good behavior) he tries to live a clean and safe life. However, his mom, who still sells herself, is practically a slave to the local crack dealer. The kid, enraged, kills the crack dealer. Due to his rap sheet, he gets life in jail. Back to the shithole...

As if things couldn't get worse, the crack dealer's brother on the outside rapes the kid's mom and torches the apartment with her still in it tied to a chair. The dealer's cousin on the inside takes a wooden stick and ties it to a sharp rusty nail. In the weight room, kid is stabbed to death with no guard on duty and no witnesses. Begotten of violence, consumed by violence.


And life goes on...

wow, wtf?
Quote by The_Hell_Patrol
I say pwnd/owned alot, and n00b even more frequently.


It comes up every few seconds actually. I actually said "imma pwn j00 n00b" to my girlfriend i think. She had no idea what i wastalking about, so i pwnt her n00b ass.
#29
Quote by dubstar92
That was horrible

Life ain't all gumdrops and sugar, kiddos
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#30
I don't listen to rap anymore but in the words of Nas from the album Illmatic -

"Lifes a bitch and then you die- thats why we get high, cuz you never know when you're gonna go."
#32
Quote by MarkCP
both of those have already been posted in other threads

not my story


I just made it up right now
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#33
I still believe the bear thing, it is of course entirely possible. The same incident was documented on camera in South Park with the attempted marriage of the succubus.

And of course, we all know t.v. shows are real. Especially those on the comedy network. Take the Daily Show and the Colbert Report for example.
Quote by archangels666
Find me someone who doesn't do that and I'll show you a man humping a hippopotamus.

Quote by Vigilantius
High chairs are for little girls. My kids eat gravel off of bare concrete.

#34
why doesn't anyone think the bear story is real?

it happened to me today! Watch your local news!
Quote by Faux
whats the best part about sex with eighty one year olds?
theres eighty of them
#35
...I just said I did believe it.
Quote by archangels666
Find me someone who doesn't do that and I'll show you a man humping a hippopotamus.

Quote by Vigilantius
High chairs are for little girls. My kids eat gravel off of bare concrete.

#36
God dammit, I thought it was funny, and then my face dropped when I saw you got it off 4chan.

I would have liked it more if you would have just taken credit.
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
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#37
Quote by DannyMcawesome
why doesn't anyone think the bear story is real?

it happened to me today! Watch your local news!

Well, apart from you admitting its a copypasta from 4Chan...


Bears can never hide as sexy women

Sexy women do not talk to you.

Sexy women do not exist around you.
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#38
Quote by DannyMcawesome
why doesn't anyone think the bear story is real?

it happened to me today! Watch your local news!



i thought you copied and pasted it
#40
More stories like those? Anyone?
Basses:
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