#1
Heres the second draft for Broken Home Anthem. It took a lot of time to write so if you could give me some crit i'll return the favor. EDIT: just to clarify the bleep out in the second verse is who** rymes with more
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Lying in my bed that night, listening to mom and dad fight
Whispering a silent prayr I know won't come true
No one can help, no one can, so take back your ****ing hand
I will get through this only on my own
He calls her every name in the book, while she clings onto the stupid hope
that we are happy when we're really not
She bitched him out, he kicks us out, the cops are called, I'm sobbing now
Maybe it will be ok this time, but I knew like you did too
No one can ever win at life, but we try

He said quit your crying
It's really hard to drink when you start to shriek
So shut the hell up
It's not like I'm not trying, but your mom's a *****, and I don't have anymore to say
He raises his voice as the Cowbows loose, and pretty soon my sister cries too
All around me people are screaming, it echos through my head
Everything falls apart around me, so maybe I'll just go to bed
It's just another broken home again

I screamed until I couldn't talk
I fought with him until I couldn't walk
I was trapped inside that God damned house
Mom would sit there too scared to move, mom's eyes were empty, and mine were too
Oblivious to the obvious, enslaved inside our minds
No one ever wins at life, but we tried

She said quit your crying
It's really hard to think when you start to shriek
So shut the hell up
It's not like I'm not trying, but I work three jobs trying to provide for you kids
She raises her voice as the bills start to pile, and maybe this time she'll cry for a while
All around me people are screaming, it echos through my head
Everything falls apart around me, so maybe I'll just go to bed
We're just another broken home again

We've broken free for about three years, but the scars still remain
Their angry voices haunt me at night, will I ever be the same
You can't buy our love with your stupid money
You can't fix my heart with your stupid sorries
Get out my my sight, and go back to that broken thing you call a home

And I can't forgive the constant years of abuse
Even though you never actually gave me a bruise
You roll the dice, you lose in life, I don't love you, and neither did your wife
All around me people are screaming it echos through my head,
Everything falls apart around me, so maybe I'll just go to bed
It's just another broken home again
It's just another broken home again
It's just another broken home again
Dammit God, another broken home again
#2
i dont like the rhymes of:

"All around me people are screaming, it echoes through my head
Everything falls apart around me, so maybe I'll just go to bed

I screamed until I couldn't talk
I fought with him until I couldn't walk

She raises her voice as the bills start to pile
and maybe this time she'll cry for a while

And I can't forgive the constant years of abuse
Even though you never actually gave me a bruise."


over all, not extremely well written, it has its moments like any other piece, but all in all, not a fan.

you sound like a young child, no offence.

id like to see your writing style develop more, and then have you come back to this subject matter, because at the moment, it feels far to lengthy, and with a horrible lack of structure, and you as a writer are too underdeveloped to begin writing about this, i feel.