#1
My breakup song for a girl im in love with, and i still love her..even though she dumped me... Critque wanted and this is my first love song


"I Wish It Didn't Have To End This Way"

im lost at sea when we fight again
my tears stain my sheets with their
heavy-bodied drops
Consistency, and its constant rhythm
break me down more and more to a
worry rock

Oh I wish it didn't have to end this way
i love you more and more each day
and i can't but help find the wrong things to say
and push you more and more away
i really wish it didn't have to end this way

you make me smile and you make me cry
it really quite frustrating
but hey girl, i still love you
no matter what they say
i still love you
i will always love you

Oh I wish it didn't have to end this way
i love you more and more each day
and i can't but help find the wrong things to say
and push you more and more away
i really wish it didn't have to end this way

Rape my feelings crumple em up
into shredded bits of paper
my emotions are worthless
'cept for my love of you
(love of you)
(love of you)

i dont want it
i wish it didnt
i hope it doesnt
ever end this way
too late, too bad
ive lost you again
but hey girl, i still love you
and i always will
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.
#2
i like it.
the first stanza i love, the last stanzas good as well.

however a few things
Quote by guitarheroII

and i can't but help find the wrong things to say

i understand what you're saying here yet it took a read over or two to make complete sense of it mostly cause of the "but" perhaps reword it to make it easier to read but that just my personal preference.

Quote by guitarheroII

Rape my feelings crumple em up
into shredded bits of paper
my emotions are worthless
'cept for my love of you
(love of you)
(love of you)

this would have to be my least favorite stanza it just sounds predictable to me
however i like the idea.

The only real piece of advice I can give is be imaginative with the wording and feelings you're trying to convey. Maybe write down how you feel conjure up some ideas in the meantime and come back if you don't already, as that's what I do.

breakups suck, hope you feel better.
#3
Thanks and ill look at it
Myspace.

Quote by djmay71
it wasn't 7 days, it was 5.

and you call yourself the son of catholics

Quote by hugh20
I would keep it on my mantel piece and tell my grandchildren about the day I tried to overthrow the human race with my race of tree-men.