This song I started writing only a couple of hours after I finished the earlier one, The Sea. This one has similarities but is a lot more straightforward and somewhat more pop sounding. Thanks for all the comments on the last song, I'll be sure to critique your song if you post.

Next up: Cordelia.
Last edited by JohnnyLovesYou at Nov 14, 2008,
Right pan guitar is too high in the mix. The background, rhythm guitar is washed out and too far in the back. Either raise it in the mix or record another layer.

Ok, recording aside, musically it's cool. Drums are a bit boring, but hey, programmed drums can only go so far right?

I'd love to hear it with some kind of vocals. Solo about (3/4) of the way through is pretty much awesome.

Good work.

If you'd like, have a listen in my profile.
The intro sorta reminds me of Sonic Youth. I like it
Quote by thefitz
Interesting. It turns out that there are people on the forum who play an upright bass. I'll make a note of that.

*makes note*

*puts note on wall*

*stares at note for a minute*

*sits back down and resumes doing what I was doing*
Hey thanks for the great crit! I really like this a lot, almost minimalist sounding. The mix isn't bad, though the rhythm guitar sounds kind of muddy; you should bring it out more. I think the drums are really cool, I love those techno, computer-generated drums, though they will never be as good as real drumming. Your playing is very good and the little clean melody you have repeating over the song is really catchy. As I said, it sounds very minimalist, and I also hear a similarity in your guitar soloing to Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, though I think more defined and clear. I really like the part around 4:50, it sounds really cool. As I finish up the piece, I can hear how the drums are a bit boring. You should work on your drum programming; spice it up a little! Overall though, very good job!
I like the guitar work, it could be mixed a little better, and you could maybe make the the drums a little less repetitive and the bass could be a a little higher in the mix, but other than that it's pretty solid.
make Industrial and/or experimental electronic music? Join my group!

Awesome. I think it's mixed very well, but I don't have too much experience in that area.

I like the end, that cadence-ish thing you did. My fave part is the solo, and then comes the dual guitars ( I think).

Good stuff. Check out my acoustic-classical original if you got time.

Now what I like in this song is the buildup and release of musical tension. I do agree that the rhythm sounds a bit washed, ( :P that not the worst thing that can happen and most people prolly won't really mind anyway) but I really like the way you build up your riffs and then go back to the opening riff, then build and repeat. The bridge is a nice break, and the solo is tight! The drums are a little bit repetitive but when you use a drum machine, its what you expect, lol. The harmonies between the guitars are my favorite part though. Overall a very enjoyable listen. I do think the intro is a bit quiet cause the rhythm part started me when it came in and i think the rhythm guitar can be mixed differently to make it more effectively, though.

I still enjoyed it very much, I bookmarked the site and I'll check back to see what you've done sometime later.
Yea, great Sonic Youth-like sound. Like it!
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Sir, Awesome stuff. You have my respect!
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aw i love your song! sell it n' it would deffo be a smash!
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this is great. you've got the words!
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... Wauw... It really paints a picture and leaves the rest up to the imagination!
I love the harmonies and the buildup it's awesome, you're quite the awesome guitarist
wow that was actually pretty great. i agree that the rhythm sounds a bit muddy, but it's hardly noticable. the drums are pretty repetitive, but it's a drum machine, so who cares? the harmonies were beautifully done, as were the solos. awesome build-up, and your playing is pretty great. i'm gonna have to check out what else you've done.

^mines not nearly as good. lol
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Why did women get multiple orgasms instead of men? I want a river of semen flowing out of my room to mark my territory.
nice harmonies, the intro is pretty cool too, rhythm is not that muddy but it can be improved, overall its pretty cool
Great buildup during the intro, nice ornamentation.
I can't really think of anything that hasn't already been said. Tone could be a little better, and the guitar in the background during the intro (that plays the chord) is a little too soft for my liking.
Other that that its good, you've obviously been doing this stuff longer than me lol.
The intro lick is cool. I like the twangy tone. The distorted guitar's tone could be better; it sounds too digital imo. I really like the part where the heavier downtuned guitar comes in. The drums sound somewhat thin and dry. The next part sounds a bit thin too. It lacks the lower end and the weak drums don't really help either. I like the melodic ideas and the playing there, though.

Y'know, quite honestly, you could've ended the song around the 3:20 mark. The subsequent parts didn't seem to add anything more to the song and especially with the monotonous drums, the last two minutes or so were a bit of drag.

Other than that, I like your songwriting and playing. The mixing needs work, because the track lacked the low end almost completely and there were too many instruments in the middle and high middle frequencies. Also, try to get your track a bit "hotter" and "kicking". A bit of compression should do the trick.

Keep it up and thanks for checking out my songs!