#1
please let me know what you all think

When you look inside
you will find a fire burnin deep
It will show you the wonders of the world
All the fast cars and the pretty girls

Have you ever wondered what it was like
to be somebody else for just one night
To be another person, another soul
Did you think that it would fill the hole

Take whats left and put it to good use
You will find there is more to life
than what you thought what you saw
what you felt,try to deal with the cards
you were dealt

Belief in a future heaven creates a present hell
They only burn what they cant sell
Creation of mind,body and soul
Preconceived notions are the only control
Quote by karateguy29


thin mints pwn
#2
Quote by metalhead90621
please let me know what you all think

When you look inside
you will find a fire burning deep
It will show you the wonders of the world
All the fast cars and the pretty girls
the wonders of the world are fast cars and pretty girls? turn off. made you sound like a 12 year old.

Have you ever wondered what it was like
to be somebody else for just one night
To be another person, another soul
Did you think that it would fill the hole
pointlessly forced rhymes. you prove you can write without them, so why do you?

Take whats left and put it to good use
You will find there is more to life
than what you thought what you saw
what you felt,try to deal with the cards
you were dealt
having the random short 5th line kinda threw me off, but actually, i like it.felt/dealt works.
i like the deal with the cards you were dealt idea.


Belief in a future heaven creates a present hell
They only burn what they cant sell
Creation of mind,body and soul
Preconceived notions are the only control
rhymes seem forced. i love L1. brilliant idea.



could you have a look at stanza 3 of whatll it be?