#1
Here is a little poem that I wrote today. I am new to the uhh... poem writing business so be kind =) Sorry if it's a little long but please take the time to read it

Only those who have the ability to remain the same
At night as well as during the day,
Are subject to love or happiness.
For the burning orange and crimson of autumn,
Though quite visible by day,
Dwindles into a miserable black nothingness by night.
I, like the bright autumn leaves, smile and laugh during the day,
But by nightfall, these smiles and laughs are distorted into an endless frown.
Parties or other social gatherings are out of reach.
Because once entrapped in the unpenetrable veil that night places upon me,
Nothing will be able to escape or enter.
All that is left inside is misery, which circles around me like an angry storm.
I am in the eye of this storm, which though seemingly tranquil, everywhere around for
miles is being assaulted by an unending barrage of misery.
Because of the surrounding area, I just lie there, completely still,
And fall into a deep death-like trance.
But I have not truly reached the comfort of death.
I have not yet allowed myself to be carried away to a carefree paradise.
But as the grains of sand in time’s unending hourglass
Slowly drop – one by one,
The cat in my mind continues to stalk its prey – me.
And once that cat decides that it is finally time to pounce,
There will be no stopping that gleaming blade that is always with me
From reaching its unprotected mark.
#2
if you want ur poem to be better make it rime and make having the same numbers syllabe in each sentence.
same numbers of syllabe are for giving rythim to ur text
rimes are for the style.

but still i like the cat idea xD
Sorryz for me bad engrish.

Quote by OnlyIbanez12
I just cut myself shaving my pubes...
#4
Quote by Geezus
if you want ur poem to be better make it rime and make having the same numbers syllabe in each sentence.
same numbers of syllabe are for giving rythim to ur text
rimes are for the style.

but still i like the cat idea xD

I'm sorry, but you obviously don't know anything about poetry.

I like this poem. I think "I, like the bright autumn leaves, smile and laugh during the day," should be changed to "Like the bright autumn leaves, I smile and laugh during the day," because the first one kind of stops the flow of the poem. It seems like a bit of a hiccup I guess you could say.
#8
Quote by IcePh0enix
I don't see why not.


I was just wondering whether it was too... I donno... depressing. Anyways, I turned the poem in and got an A! (I'm in 7th grade)