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I found something meaningful
though I can't figure out
if it was an ideal version of me
or just a distraction
This was just presented at JSConf, made me think of you guys.
http://exquisitetexts.com/
It shows you the most recently submitted line, and you can text in the next line.
Quote by Jammydude44
I direct her outside, the cold
snaps and I try to offer her my coat sincerely.
The request hangs in the air like a weight.


This is the type of imagery I try to create when I write.
It's beautiful.
Some part of me
wishes she would call
so I could ignore her
for old times' sake
So I'm working on something a bit longer nowadays.
This is just a small piece of it that I really want to nail down.

She took comfort in the ring hanging in the air as he spoke, as though a choir echoed every word. She'd long stopped listening with the intention of understanding, having surrendered her senses to drift in the seraph's song. Soon enough, he followed her lead, laying down next to her.

She only woke up for a second, just long enough to glimpse the final hint of a smile before his dreams took him. As the sounds of the jungle creeped in louder, she worked her way closer, believing even sleeping angels could keep the night at bay.
I thought I had found her
well
I found something
at least
not that it makes me any less drunk
or any less unhappy

wasted talent
that's all I found



edit: how's this color, hippie ?
The way she felt on top
has me sleeping on the couch
with the tv on
to drown out my thoughts
I don't really know what it was
that I liked so much about her
truth be told
I think I hated her
but I'll miss her all the same
I'm working on a complete story, so this is a bit wordier than I usually post.
Harsh review is encouraged.

When you meet a celebrity, there's usually a moment of realization. When their laugh is just a little too loud, when their voice cracks just once or twice, or they snort when they laugh, they drink too much and ramble, or even come on to you just a little too desperately. You realize that these heroes are still just humans, who drink too much, or get too attached.

There was no such moment with Jamie. His speech was practiced and his every movement unlabored flawlessness. As he sat there in the dim, blue glow of the old fluorescent lights, he wired together explosives in a manner that could only be described as perfection.

Upon completion, his laughter echoed with the same angelic harmony that haunted every room in which he spoke.
I've avoided posted in the community thread for a few years because I have a tendency to act up and get community threads shut down. However, reading through the last page of this, I feel like I need to throw out some shout-outs in the hopes of cheering you guys up.

Quote by Bleed Away
I miss the s&l glory days as well! Wouldnt' be half the writer or person that I am today without this site.

S&L definitely made me a better writer.
I used to be some emo teenager trying to write 1800 word epics.
I have since found my knack as a 30 words or less kinda guy.

Quote by jiminizzle

You, too, buddy.

Quote by JustRooster
I rarely do anything without form anymore. Almost all my posts here were that, but I owe a lot of my sense of voice to having a place to try and find it.

I remember when you joined and all I could think was "shit, this guy's gonna make me look bad."
You're awesome.

Quote by hippieboy444
i arrived late to the party, i've been here like some 8 years but only recently feel like i've written anything of even menial quality. but like many have said, it's been a huge help and i doubt i would've stuck to writing as a hobby or interest at all if it weren't for this place.

You comment on most things I post, even though my font and color choice ****s with you.
I'm also a huge fan of your writing.
You're awesome, too.

Quote by #1 synth
this place almost single handedly brought me through my teenage depression. made some friends, lost some friends, still in touch with a few people on here. but this place will be in my internet favorites until it or I die.

You were the first writer that made me go "goddamn, I should try to be as good as this guy."

@Ganoosh (****, this isn't hipchat. Whatever, I'm gonna pretend.)
You joined just a little while after me, right ?
I remember always being like "I can't keep letting this new guy show me up."
You're awesome, three.

@Zach (I don't remember your username)
You were the first person to be like "this emo epic bullshit sucks, you need to find you're own style". Of all the people on this forum, you're the one I give most credit to for my improvement as a writer.

@vintage x metal
You gave me the most inspiring comment I've ever read here: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1571613.
You've also always been like "hey, I like your stuff", and you're pretty awesome.

@seventh_angel
You basically always comment on everything I post here.
Whenever I feel like "should I even write anything", I always think "seventh_angel will read it, at least. So yeah, I'll write something."
You're awesome.

@AngryGoldfish
You have no problem calling me out on my bullshit, which I desperately need.
You're awesome n+1.

@kdownes (or whatever it was)
I haven't seen you on a while, but you used to always comment on my stuff, and you're also a big reason I'm the writer I am today.

@final
I can't find them right now, but a few years ago, you posted a kinda long short story through several posts. It was the greatest thing I've ever read.

@nilchii
I don't think you've been on in several years, but when I first started here, I remember reading your stuff and going "****, it's gonna be hard keeping up with this guy".

@all
Generally, when I bitch about being schizophrenic, people just stop talking to me.
You guys are the exception. Yall all say "**** it, write about it". You're all pretty awesome.
I don't have a concise way to put this, so here's a half drunk rambling for you.

There's this anime called Ergo Proxy, which I thought was pretty meh. This piece, and all your writing in general, accomplishes what that show's writers were trying to do. There's a sense that understanding this will be the key to my happiness. As though you're not just a writer, but a psychiatrist, helping me understand what's wrong with me, teaching me how to get better. Yet, I'm left here to think: "what did he really mean ?"
So few words and so awesome.
A style I appreciate.
Another panic attack averted
because sex is the cure for all my ailments
if only temporarily
I don't even act like I'm not getting attached
falling for her like I fell for all the others
Wings of steel and ink make a great image
but they don't do much to keep my head above water
and the guardian angel I hoped would keep me safe
is just watching me drown
I'm still shivering
with the thought of her
dear sweeet Alaina
of all people
the thought of her
is the one that haunts me tonight
Deciphering the handwritign is half the game.
I like when her hair's purple
she knows it, too
strutting around in her hoodie
slung low under one shoulder
a dirty look over the other
to let me know there's nothing underneath
she's my favorite
and she knows she'll always be
I feel voices in my head
for the first time in years
some puzzle piece
I turned out to be
Quote by vintage x metal
breath is nice in a lot of ways. it's interesting - most of you only know me by my words... I've been trying to rid of those more and more lately... perhaps partially unintentionally...

The words people say don't interest me nearly as much as what the words they don't say.
Being somewhat of a minimalist with punctuation, I had a difficult time parsing this.
To be honest, the top half just hits me as a short list of images that fall flat.

The second half, however, is "where it's at" (Is that still a thing people say ?).
The first paragraph shows us normal, what you expect to happen.
The second paragraph shows us the change and the pain that comes with it.

Classic storytelling hidden in a coded format.
Quote by Bleed Away
if I feared it would make me a better person.

This line here.
I love it. I love what it means, or at least what it means to me.
You're afraid of being a better person. Why is that ?
Does being a better person come with new responsibility, and you're afraid of responsibility?
Does being a better person mean giving up something you're afraid to lose ?

It provoked no small amount of thought from me.
The formatting is working against me, here. I have difficulty parsing phrases across line breaks, so this took me a couple of tries to make any sense of it.
I still can't make any sense of the second stanza. The first and third are both addressing the ambiguous "you", while the second seems like an "oh, by the way" tossed in as an elegant alternative to "umm". It breaks the stream of thought for me and just leaves me confused.
Quote by JustRooster
Whenever I hear "Save me from myself," I can't help but roll my eyes.

I will use this phrase in a way that does not make you roll your eyes.
Brevity without gaudy word choices and an ambiguous, negative ending. I like it.
I tried drawing another angel today
but I still can't get the proportion right
so I grabbed the Jameson
because the name reminds me of good decisions
that I regret anyways
and I put on Jack's Mannequin
because successful careers be damned
I'm still just a drunk little emo kid
that's better at sitting alone in the dark
than expressing my prettier thoughts

but if you left it up to me
my drawings would be as pretty as you-probably-don't-know-who
and I'd sing La La Lie so well
Andrew'd ask me to join the band
and I'd still be here in the dark
with a whiskey in one hand and Jamie in my lap
and the music'd put me in a better mood
The warm glow from the horizon
revealed her horrified expression
wordless and breathless
she ran away from me
and into the burning city
I can see her, even when I'm awake
the little snow demon that keeps me up at night
She's sitting next to me while I write
trying to hurry me along, so I can go to bed
because she can only hold me in my dreams
I felt her cool breath against my back
so I turned to her, the angel by my bed
beneath her grey robe and her perfect hair
I can feel her shaking
but I can't tell if it's with dread or anticipation
of the day she sings to me
Fair warning, this is drunk OTS

I spent the night drinking alone
with my new imaginary friend
telling her all about my problems
she doesn't get pissed off like my real girlfriend does
I told her how I'm so boring
I don't even look at porn anymore
I've tried drawing and drugs and drinking myself to death
gaming's turned boring and music's lost its touch
writing's okay, but I'm not very good
I'd keep this to myself, but I've got nowhere else to vent
The building burned down around me
and I just sat in the flames
quietly breathing smoke
with a good whiskey
to compliment the taste
Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves. I find it holds you back from what you really wanted to say. This piece is fine (I vote to leave the extra stanza out), but next time you write, consider using a "looser" rhyme scheme, or just no rhyme.
I laid my head down
next to the valkyrie's wings
while I traced the outline

furry and heavy
my battle angels are more
beautiful than most

why do you draw them
so furry, not feathery ?
they are MY angels

I laid my head down
on the breast of my guitar
to feel the music

mesmerized by it
my fingers warm the fretboard
the wood warms my face

why do you bend down
put your head on the guitar ?
this is MY guitar

I laid my head down
my cheek pressed up against her's
but she disagrees with three days' stubble
this is MY girl
but she won't take my affection
not in my own way
My doctor says
I'm a puzzle piece
Madii says
I'm a puzzle piece of clear blue sky
Quote by SubwayToVenus
i consider fear an angel sent
like Clarence with an agenda to arrange my life in scenes
with everything i've ever loved in it absent

This part
Your writing is full of this elaborate imagery and philosophical comments, but goes all over the place and lacks a strength. Try cutting back on a lot of words. Not necessarily in a minimalist style, but as an exercise, try cutting your next post down to like 100 words. It'll help you figure out which parts are important, which sets of two or three lines can be said in one, etc.
There was a time when Madii told me all
about her dreams, her fears, her favorite things
I ruined it
now I can only listen to her sleep
fearing the things she dreams of me
Somewhere, she mistook
me for a good example
and followed me home
We just laid there and watched the sky
her looking for the beauty in every star
me too scared to breathe
because it might set her off
and ruin the new year
Moving around furniture
to make room for carpentry projects with my father
places for friends to sit and watch tv
even vacuumed the carpet
so the girlfriend can come home to a clean apartment

I brought the piano out to the living room
but I didn't know what to play
You still are one of the most talented writers I've ever had the pleasure of reading.