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Hope you guys enjoy, lemme know watcha think, and C4C

Verse1
I live, without ever feeling
Anything, that I’m sick of hearing
Are the problems that I lose too
She stands without ever kneeling
In the water, that’s forever crashing
Trying to break her down
We are, everything you came for
We run, all along the north shore
Never looking back (x2)

Chorus
We all scream out
We all dig in
We all live this lie
Because it’s convenient
Just run away with me
It’ll be everything we need
A new start together
A new you and me

Verse2
We‘ll fight, for what we stand for
We’ll fall, and push back up
Never breaking down
They’ll try, forever to catch us
They’ll only, ever catch a glimpse
Of our fading backs (x2)

Chorus

Bridge
Pick up the pace we’re going down
Lift your feet till your running on air
Not the ground
If they catch us will you ever breathe a word
Of what we are and what we’ve found
Keep your secrets till they bury us arm in arm
Letting our stories fade without a sound

Chorus
Thanks for the critiques and thoughts guys, I appreciate it. I see what you mean about the rhyming being generic and more style than substance, and I'll be looking at it closely when I revise it.

Thanks again!
The entire piece, while full of imagery, did not seem (to me at least) to have a very followable concept or story behind it. the imagery itself was questioning and dark, which i enjoyed.

Overall, you displayed a talent for creating a dark set piece, fill it with a character or even a concept that (again, at least to me, i might just be missing it) is followable.

If you've got a minute, id appreciate a C4C. Links below. Thanks!

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1501724
I really enjoyed the tone and flow of this piece, i found it to be very well written. the imagery was very nicely placed throughout and painted a clear picture not of images per say, but of emotion, which is a much more difficult feat that you accomplished well here.

Unlike Mr. Pink i actually liked the use of the "hmmming" sound, thought it was a nice addition personally, and after reading your above post it makes even more sense then it did earlier.

Overall, very enjoyable read, so thanks for that! If you get a moment, C4C? would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks! https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1501724
AN: C4C! Thanks for reading!

Verse1
When I see these lies
The ones that haven’t died
I feel like falling apart inside
With your ghost locked away
I have to wonder why
It’s so hard to get by
When I told you this was what I wanted
I lied

Verse2
When I hear your cries
Shrill and piercing my heart from the outside
I can’t help but feel the need
To stop these wounds from bleeding
I can’t stop myself from seeing
All the things that I forgot

Chorus
If I could only get your eyes to clear
I’d make like this never happened
I’d just run your pain into the ground
And bury mine without a sound
We’d live without our crosses forever
We’ll be just fine
As long as I keep your secret and you keep mine


Verse3
When I see your eyes
Cool and level with mine
I blink back the tears
That threaten to overflow
I have to wonder why
It’s so hard to get by
When I told you I’d be fine
I lied

Verse4
When I hear your sighs
Letting our all the air from your lungs
I just wanna catch it
And remind you what its worth
I can’t stop myself from seeing
All the things that we’re not

Chorus

Bridge/Outro
I’m sick of everything you’re not
I’m sick of all the lies you’ve wrought
And I don’t wanna see you again
I hate everything I am (x3)
And ill, never let this go
I’ll save, all our memories (x3)
Cause I know, I’ll never be happy again (x2)
Thanks for the critiques guys! MusicMan I'll crit yours tonight.
New song I wrote yesterday, C4C and please enjoy!

verse1
My reflections staring back at me
Everyone I’ve wronged a mirror
A conduit for my frustration
A quiet corner for contemplation
Has alluded me for so long
My responsibilities are lacking
My ventures lost their backing
This desert mind has left me
With a mirage I don’t want to leave

Chorus
Let me paint you a picture of pain
Let me sell you the keys to this dreadful cage
I’ve locked myself inside it before
But never when I’ve known what’s in store

Let me tell you how this came to pass
Let me tell you how everything I knew
Ran away when I came back
If I paint you a picture
Will the clock turn back?

Verse2
I could live without the fantasies
That play back in my mind
The ones where I never took it so far
That I ran out of time
But I’ll never get over this
They’ll never forget me
I’ll always live with
Everything they never got to see

Chorus

Bridge

Sometimes
It’s losing everyone you know
Always
It’s because they can never let go
To a past they shouldn’t be living in
When everything’s moving ahead
I’m not compromising myself
By pretending my ambitions can play dead
My hand will forever be extended
My doors always open
For anyone who wants to join me
We’re forever moving ahead


Thanks for reading!
Hey guys, check out my band Waiting On Gabe here:

Facebook (song can be found on the BandPage tab)

SoundCloud

Thanks for reading/listening! Hope you enjoy!
First off, thank you for the critique on my piece, it is much appreciated and I will be taking your words into careful consideration when I edit it.

now, as for your song. I felt like this was really well done in every aspect. It had a very easy flow to it that was almost contrasting the, as you said, "eerie" mood of the piece, which I liked. The first stanza is definitely my favorite, it really represents the best of what this piece is and can be.

The chorus feels just a tad cliche, but it kinda does work because I feel like in a song like this that has some heady imagery it can really bring it back down to earth with the chorus, which is why I like its frequent use.

The last two lines were a great way to end it and I can see them really leading quite well into whatever song is next on the record your making.

Overall, great job man! Looking forward to new pieces by you.
First off, thanks for the critique on my piece. Please know that I will take your review very seriously when editing my song.

Now, onto your piece. I thought this very well written. The structure was very concise and easy to follow, which made for an easier read (potentially an easier listen?). Your imagery was very solid, it didnt deter into the realm of someone please get me a dictionary like some pieces on here tend to do, which I think is a credit to you as a writer; being able to please both lovers of songs that paint a picture in your head and those who really look more at the flow of a piece more than anything.

The last seven lines of the second verse really stood out to me as well for really telling almost a story within a story (the evergreen tree). Well done man.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable read, and im looking forward to seeing more of your work on these forums!
AN: C4C, enjoy!!!

Verse1
Who’s going to believe that I
In all my years
Have never felt anything
Without it putting me in a corner
I can’t believe that you
In your few days
Have felt everything
And always been looking up

Pre Chorus
I can’t fight this feeling that
I’m losing ground

Chorus
You’re like the last thing I ever wanna see
Believe me
I’m the last person you ever wanna deceive
Can you see me?
I’m crashing through all these memories
And reliving everything I wanted to leave
Behind me forever
These nightmares are breaking through my skin
The sharks are taking me in

Verse2
Who’s going to believe that I
Told the truth
When I’ve been lying for so long
Even I get it confused
I can’t believe that you
Have never lied
To get all those things you wanted
Doesn’t it kill you inside?

Pre Chorus 2
I can’t fight this feeling that
I’m losing ground
This indecision makes my heart pound

Chorus

Bridge
Can I ever restate
All the things that I hate
Without losing myself
In darkness and distaste
Can you ever make up
For all the things that you said
When I thought it was safe
Because we were in bed
And I laid awake with you
Without ever having to admit to myself
That it would end
And we would never be the same again
Thanks for the critiques and suggestions guys, much appreciated!!
I thought this was a good set of lyrics, it took abstract and mystical concepts (gorgons, Greek mythology) and grounded them in relatable themes, which is not an easy task, so i commend you on that.

Your word choice was great and really fit the subject matter quite well. The last line was a great closer that rounded everything up quite well.

Great job man! C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1475763
AN: Pretty straightforward tune I recently wrote, lemme know watch think and as always, C4C!! Enjoy!

My Life in My Pocket

Verse
I spent my time pretending
That this wasn’t real
I wasted my time dreaming
And trying not to feel
But now I’ll take up this mantle
And I’ll light this flame
And then I’ll tell you what it feels like
To be new again

Verse
I lavished myself with stories
And false claims
I brought myself up on these
Without a truth to my name
And I took this fire
And I watched it burn
It lit this fear inside me
That I would never learn

Prechorus
So don’t try to tell me that I wasn’t right
It’s like living inside a nightmare
The ones you have at night

Chorus
About the worst things
At the worst times
It’s never good enough
To be sorry
To feel scared
To just breathe deeply and sigh
Cause no one will ever know
How you feel inside

Verse
I’m sick of all these useless games
The ones that I invented
To make myself feel bigger
And never again
Be forced to watch the world
Turn and spin
Without giving a damn what I think
I’m never giving in

Verse
I’ll keep fighting against myself
Knowing I’ll never win
I’ll keep believing that I can change
Even the doctors have given in
It’s not like a movie
Where no one has to die
And they all live on forever
Their stories I fantasize

Pre chorus
Chorus

Bridge

Let me go
No one has to know
I’ll save my secret in my pocket
My life encased inside this locket
Tell me why
I’m living inside
This worthless world without my friends
I take my chances and start again

Interlude

Chorus

Thanks again for reading =)
the new song is actually pretty good in my opinion, different yes but its nice to see them expanding musically a bit
U said u don't have wireless but if u ever do, around the worlds are great.

Try to make ur stage moves personal and within the intensity or feel of the song. Good luck out there!
isnt he dropping a new record this fall full band style?
Thanks for all the crits guys, preciate it!

I eliminated the into upon looking at it and realizing it was four lines of cliche lol. I also reworked a part of the ending of the second verse, so thanks for everything!
I thought warped had great variety this year to be honest by incorporating a few more mainstream acts along with some indie ones while leaving the meat of the tour to the usual suspects.
The album was overall mediocre with a few standout moments that show great promise. I think the fact that Ronnie hasnt been exposed to new music in a long time because of his jail sentence really hurt this record the most.
I liked this. It had a dirty, almost tired half-eloquence to it (if that makes sense). The rhyme scheme you were using I thought worked quite well in keeping a certain flow going throughout the entire piece that I thought made the piece even better than if you just took it at face value.

Well done! C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1466740
I found this to be a frustrating read and I'm sure that would translate into a frustrating listen as well. You play around with both grounded and abstract concepts (following someone home and then taking them to the stars shouldn't appear in the same song) that cancel each others effectiveness out and leave you confused as to the writers true feelings towards this person. I think that if you can focus on a singular idea in this song then you'll be able to make it more coherent and improve on that one idea instead of making scattered attempts to do it all.

Hope you help this piece realize its potential! C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1466740
Quote by JakePlaysGuitar
any tips?



Dont double post it, the mods dont like it. fair warning, its happened to me before.
First off, thanks for the crit on my piece, much appreciated.

Secondly, I enjoyed this. It had a nice flow and had just enough imagery to not feel like another little semi-sappy song, which I think is a credit to you as an author. On the last line I felt you really nailed the entire feeling of the piece, it gave me this image of some dude smiling all sweet at his girl laughing in a jokingly annoyed way at something shes doing to piss him off on purpose.

Well done.
I really, really liked this. It wasn't overdone and had what felt like organic one liners instead of ones where the author went back and intentionally put them in his/her piece. That being said, I felt that this stanza, was really poorly constructed and didnt have the same organic feel as the others:

I am the Beast of Revelations
With a never-ending appetite,
But tomorrow I'll be road kill
Just a deer caught in the headlights.
The size of your antlers does not matter
In a world full of hunters,
Who cares how many sluts you fu cked
When you're hated by your own mother?

I just wasnt feeling that stanza at all, though I did like what you were trying to get across, I'd suggest a rewrite here to be honest. Other than that however, I thoroughly enjoyed the other stanzas present and felt they had an incredibly natural flowing quality to them. Well done!

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1466740
Ive posted more than 20 songs and poems here and all ive gotten are nice critiques and criticism, no one tries to steal your shit, promise.

But then again, maybe my stuff isnt worth stealing..:P
This had a very simple, honest feels to it, which I thought was well done. I liked the change from "half sublime" to "full sublime" at the end, I thought that was a neat way to tie those two stanzas together.

Overall, I enjoyed it, and I could see it going along similar lines as the recorded song you posted.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=27796230#post27796230 Thanks!
AN: Haven't been inspired to write in awhile, but this just hit me and I wanna know what you all think! Thanks for reading and C4C!


Verse1

When this rock hits your window
I hope it cracks and breaks
It would make up for all the times your indifference, gave me the shakes
I've been told that this is just a cliche
A sad ploy I'll pay for on another day
If you said it then I guess its true
We all know your the only one who really has a clue

Chorus

You taught me to be a better liar
You taught me not to scream when I'm on fire
You taught me that you are better
You taught me not to write you letters
You taught me how (x2)

Verse2

When this song hits your speakers
I hope that they blow out
It wouldn't make up for anything except to clear the sky in my personal clouds
But you're too scared to turn them up that loud
Nothings ever going to go right
I can see without the light
I'm a ghost in the dark waiting for you to pick up where you left off

Chorus

Bridge

Caught you again
You lost, I win
(x4)

Chorus


Thanks again for reading guys!
AN: Hey guys, I wrote this song with the beat in mind, and I hope that you guys can recognize it as easily as I can when I look at these lyrics. Also, there is no chorus (yet), so these are all verses. C4C. Enjoy!

Why can’t I, just make any sense?
Is there a prick in my tongue
That makes me sound like this?
In my head I’m sitting there
And you’re smiling across the street
At a boy you’ll never meet
At a boy you’ll never meet

Having a conscience is a curse
A sickness of the head
It’s lying there in bed
And wishing you were dead
With your favorite secrets
And your sad lullabies
It’s a melody that sounds like this
Come on, we have to try

You may not believe it
You’re not required too
Just tilt your head and prick your ears
And soon we’ll follow suit
I’m sorry that it took so long
I was never one for writing songs
And now we’re living one
And now we’re living one

Too many questions without answers
I don’t know where to start
Whats your favorite movie?
Are you interested in art?
I’ll never know the story
I’ll never have a key
I’ve got the missing pages
Let’s fill them in with ink

She refused to answer
She just turned away
All the notes I wrote and sang
Don’t mean a thing anyway
I’ll never understand
I’ll never be the one
Until my confidence is done
Until my confidence is done

Count yourself among the lucky few
Who know her laugh and love her smile
And are allowed to follow through
None of it will ever reach me
None of it should
I’m a biased joke away
From ****ing sainthood
I enjoyed this. I thought the imagery was simple and quaint, and by the end i could really see and understand the scene you were depicting. Good job.

Unfortunately, i dont understand Italian so if there was some hidden meaning i missed in the Italian lines than my bad :P

Overall, well done. See you around.
congragulations, well deserved =)
Thanks for the crits guys! much appreciated =)
I enjoyed this quite a bit. It was just like you were so pissed off and disgusted i could feel it. It was sick.

The first stanza was a great opener, and the last line of "you buy into this" was a great segway into the next stanza.

The second stanza was also well written, I especially like the use of "divine disgrace", thought it really captured the general vibe and word choice in this peice. My only suggestion here would be to remove "like im a waste of space". it feels lame after the prior line and really doesnt add anything. Removing it also doesnt **** up your rhyme scheme so its all good.

The way you ended the song kept the vibe going, but ended with kind of a dark smirk kinda deal with the "all i ever asked for was a taste". It worked really well.

Overall, greaty work man. C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1421279
This peice was quitely and deeply very powerful. I found myself getting deeply involved in the story you were telling, trying to relate and understand. And you know what man? I did. You wrote it wel enough where I felt physically pained after the last line. That is the mark of a rare peice my friend. This was incredible.

The chorus was picture perfect, it really just brought everything together like a good chorus should. The last stanza was my personal favorite, it wrapped things up on a somber note, and the "and you arent the first to go and you wont be the last" was the perfect finisher.

This is a peice that will stick with me for a long time. It made me think, consider, feel. Really amazing job here.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1421279
Honestly, I hope you finish this soon so i can read the rest of it lol, you left me hanging dude.

I loved the first stanza, the "your the queen, of broken scenes" really stood out to me and I thought that it was a highlight. The repeated use of the word "me" to rhyme with "me" didnt really seem to fit, especially after you had rhymed so well in the first stanza. I'd consider a rewrite. The third stanza was really good, it said what it needed to quite simply, repeatedly getting its point across the same way, but somehow never feeling old or boring.

Overall, I dig it man. Great job!

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1421279
I like it. It is definitely very punk lol. The only lines i would change are after "you dont have the arsenal" id remove the "that they have". It reads weird and just generally isnt necessary.

Good work overall, C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1421279 Thanks!!
Quote by Zach.E94
The writing is good, the imagery is spot on. not sure how you're going to work out the 7 line verses, but other than that, highly impressive.

My only problem to point out is i dont quite get these lines

"But if I’m not careful, that twenty will turn into twenty four"

There's the line about 24 hours before this but nothing about 20 or what there are 20 of. not sure if you put that in there just to have added to the verse a bit or if you had a train of thought and lost it while writing another line.

fix that and this piece will be flawless in my opinion.

Check out some of my work?

Best of luck to you on your musical conquests!


Dude thanks for the crit! preciate it =) Ill check ur stuff out and crit it soon.
Dude, i really dig it. The first verse is quitely eloquent and well thought out, and i love the use of the different forms of "be". respect g.

The chorus, as im sure ur aware, is very cliche, but its because of that that its good. U make fun of yourself from the beginning, and that takes balls.

The repeated use of "ill live", "you'll live" is done well, and it does seem to go with the general flow and feel you have going on. i like it.

Have to say though, i thought the last stanza was kinda...whipped. You ran out of energy, it was lackluster and boring. Id seriously consider rewriting it.

Overall, i dug it, i could see some of my favorite pop punk bands singing a song like this, so good work bra!

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1421279
I actually really enjoyed this. For how short it was, and the way it read, starting off with a question was perfect.

For me, the structure was fantastic. Starting with the question as I mentioned, giving a little bit of description on it, and then giving an answer in so short of a stanza was really well done man. Way to be.

Overall, great job. C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1421279
Verse1
How many times will you set me on fire
When there’s nothing left to burn?
My skins ashen and my clothes are cinder
There’s no way of knowing if I’ll last the rest of winter
My hair hangs in clumps and my eyes are bright red
But if you put it in perspective
At least I’m not dead

Chorus
I wish for a better yesterday
But wishing didn’t save the boy from hanging his head
Despair, distaste
These are just words
Gurgle and spit out the aftertaste
Tomorrow isn’t hope
Tomorrow is when the cycle ends
And you remind me of why I’m stuck between two lines
Right and Left

Verse2
Twenty-four hours might as well be twenty four days
For all the good it does me while I watch and wait
I laugh at myself in the mirror
Laughing at how ridiculous it is that I’m even here
I don’t have a place at the table
Bet you that half of them don’t even know my name
That’s OK, I’ve been here before
But if I’m not careful, that twenty will turn into twenty four

Chorus

Bridge
I dance on wire and twirl on iron nails
I sleep with snakes and dream that my hearts being ripped open with a stake
I laugh at melancholy and sneer at smiles
I can’t believe that since yesterday I’ve only come a mile
I wash with blood and rinse with tears
I sew stitches when I hear your laughter drift across the room to my lonely place
So far yet so near

Chorus