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Quote by D2BII


LOL @ the very end. It took me a little bit to get it.


That ain't the "easter egg"
Giving it a crit as it plays.

17 and 19 sound a bit weird, mostly 19. I understand that's what you were going for but idk, it sounds like it could use a bit of "tempering". That's terrible advice and not actually making any sort of real point, but just play with it some more and try to make it not so overtly dissonant but rather hint at chromaticism in such a way that it sounds "outsider" without just spitting notes at it.

The idea at 28 is super fucking good, I really like that progression. Really well spaced and nice chord choices, I dig the augmented chord it hangs onto a whole lot.

The little piano fill at 43 could use a bit of work. Possibly some more rhythmic variation and a couple different note choices. If you're making a dissonant sort of nonscalar melody like that; a good heuristic is to make sure you land diatonic stuff on the downbeats. That sort of gives it the skeleton it needs to make it sound cohesive while still affording you lots of room to play around with weirder notes.

52 is a neat meeting point for all the ideas so far.

R-6a has a LOT of potential, but in its current incarnation I think the orchestration is kinda muddy. I sometimes suffer from this same thing; you have so many ideas for things that could be embellishing your ideas that you just choose all of them. But you gotta be more selective and understand that sparser orchestration allows focus on the ideas. If they are all playing at once they all sort of just get muddled up. That being said, with just a few different note choices in this section, I think it would sound a LOT clearer. Don't change that bassline though, that shit is fucking great.

In general I would also advise playing with dynamics a bit more. The song, once it starts up, seems to hang on to one volume for quite a bit of the time. Try making some stuff louder or softer to highlight the most important parts.

All around this has a lot of potential and I think this kind of thing lends itself much better to being recorded and playing with different kinds of sounds than being laid out in general midi, much like something like Maudlin of the Well. But speaking only for what I can currently hear as opposed to what it could potentially be, it just needs a bit of cleaning up and it'll be way cool.

Mind dropping a crit on https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1691286 ?
your kayboard work is terrible

im' drunk ;3
i bet you were hoping for a real review first but nope you get me instead

66 is a dank meme

82 sounds like something i would write if i sucked dick

but no actually it's p cool

128 and 140 are neat variations... if you're GAY

150 "and if it comes to an end, i need you to know this: i prob gave you hiv"

166 is so goddamn good

and that little blorp at 182 is also really neat

214 is a really super transition

I think the ending would be better without 293

there is no way anyone will find the easter egg
hayden: Thanks bro, good to hear from ya, fam. I do want to start recording, I just need to get off my ass and buy the gear. One of these days.


jat: no
This is real fokkin good, m8. That'll be all.
Oh awesome, this sounds like it's gonna be interesting. Right away on the intro it's got some neato chord choices, with clear movement, especially in those two chromatically descending chords. After the augmented triad it does sound like it wants to keep going down, so I hope that gets explored at some point. The bells building up on top to serve as a melody are cool, and grant the feeling of motion to the song.

I think D (and the first verse), for being the first heavy riff after a grandiose intro like that, is little bit thin sounding. The riff itself is fine, quite DT-esque, but I would add some padding from keyboard or something like that to give it a bit of beef. Just my personal inclination, and my inclination is towards the overly bombastic

E is a pretty sick choice of forward momentum. The vast, mysterious arpeggios call to mind something Grant Kirkhope (composer for Banjo Kazooie, if you know that series) might write. Also, don't think the restatement of the chords from the intro go unnoticed here. I did indeed catch that, and it's a great idea to place that here. Really neat vocal melody at verse II, too.

Definite neoclassical vibe going on here at G. Would you happen to be a keyboardist/classically trained in any way? The way this is written really screams that to me, for some reason. Something about the way the instruments are spaced so widely apart in the orchestration and the classically-inspired chord progressions and voice leading, I guess. But I digress.

I think my main issue with this so far is that it's a bit sparse in terms of ideas introduced. There aren't quite enough variations in the restatement of each theme, even though they are well-placed. Perhaps consider making more varied textures, adding additional layers with each restatement? Just a thought.

The syncopated melody at 279 is pretty nifty. Reminds me of Pain of Salvation. I like how the ride bell is syncopated with it as well. Cool development follows.

The unison section I think could use a bit of work. The straight 16th notes are a tad dull after a few measures, I'm afraid, and just straight scale runs are frankly quite boring in most any situation. I'd recommend to vary up the rhythm of the section and perhaps add some layers of harmony as it develops.

All in all, this is quite a solid effort but it feels unfinished. Since you said you're still working on it, it may very well be. This is a solid skeleton for a song and is quite well-written but the sections themselves could use additional hashing out in the "horizontal" sense.

Mind checking out my latest? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1691286
After a long period of writing zilch I have managed to make... something. Idk, I never really know the best way to preface posting something. I wrote it over the course of about a week or so, maybe a bit less. It's basically in my normal sounding style if you're familiar with my shit, with influences being stuff like Cynic, Opeth, and orchestral music. Give it a listen and let me know what you think, C4C of course. Any and all comments much appreciated.

EDIT: YEAH FINE I GUESS IF HE'S GONNA SAY IT IN HIS POST, JATINDER GILL AKA REDDEATH9 INFLUENCED ME HERE
i'm signing up for this shit

showdown name is toilet explosion
For a first metal song, this is a pretty damn solid effort. It definitely has some really cool ideas in it, but it's not without its flaw. Namely, it doesn't actually feel like singular work. Structurally, it's not all there, despite the individual parts being all really solid. Even with the story.

You definitely have the ability to wring some really ****ing cool sounds out of the GM engine, examples being U R DA DOORWAYYY (****ing sick this is) and SPACE!, and I greatly, greatly enjoyed those bits. They seriously demonstrate to me that you are quite a capable composer, and the harmony and spacings and orchestration and all that is all spot on. But, much like stuff such as early Opeth, it feels more like a tapestry of ideas that all happen to be strung together rather than a structured work. The second half of the piece is definitely way more cohesive than the first as you stick to the theme introduced in Space, and I REAAAALLY dig the texture you have going at 182 to the end. The ending is a bit sudden, though, and you might want to do some retooling of it.

Basically... what I can glean from this is that the first half, the metal part, is kinda sprawling and has some half-baked ideas, which makes sense because you're not used to writing metal, and the second half is really neat and well done. Honestly if you just separated the two parts of the song and did a bit of extra writing for both they'd both be solid songs.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1675046

'Scuse me while I check out your other work. I love the textures you create.
It's been a good year or so since I actually wrote something all by my widdle self. Collabs with RedDeath9 have been the majority of my musical activity. But this one is all me, baby. Obvious influence is Opeth, but honestly past the first quarter of the song and a few riffs here and there that influence isn't all that strong. I don't know what the **** else it came from. But I'm pretty happy with it.

C4C, and such. Let me know what you think.
I think it's really interesting how as the years have gone by you have distinctly simplified and stripped down your sound. Gone are the gigantic layered textures you used to form in favor of a sound that is horizontally rather than vertically complicated. It's funny because I've found that I have gone through similar changes over time. I'll give you a play-by-play:

Bass intro:

I like the sound of this, you might want to consider making this fretless because of all the bends and expression and whatnot; I have a boner for fretless though so it's all up to personal preference in the end.

Lead in:

Interesting use of the spooky sounding guitar harmonics patch, the fade-in makes it sound ghostly and foreboding. Definitely effective, with an interesting bass pattern underneath to boot. As it leads into

Jazzy chords:
the song really begins to unfurl, I really like the interesting use of triplets at measure 49, it shakes the song up in a way that sort of makes you pay attention.

Pretty bridge:

I think you might want to try highlighting those high-end chords with some sort of keyboard instrument. Piano, rhodes, what have you, it would bring even more attention to the already interesting progression you have happening here. High-end piano could really accentuate the ghostly feel, IMO.

First verse variation:
And here's the distortion. Not much to say here, I must say, though, that if it hadn't said specifically that it was a variation, I wouldn't have known so unless I was specifically looking for it. I understand it is a bit hard to really integrate thematic material into a song such as this in all its unwavering complexity, but I think a definite way you could really bring your music to the next level is to try to introduce some of that sort of "instantly recognizable" element.

Djent/Solo:

I'm a really big fan of this section, especially the solo riff. I really like the chords you chose here, and it could definitely lend itself to a very interesting solo. I've always maintained that a solo is only as strong as the progression behind it, "carrying" the lead, so to speak. Must be why I hate blues so much. I think after the solo you might want to consider returning to the high-end chords at 51, that would really bring the song some of the cohesion it needs at this point. Obviously it's all up to you, but that is the first idea that immediately sprang to my mind. A reorchestrated version of those chords could be really effective as a sort of post-solo climax.

All in all great work as I always expect from you, with a bit of tweaking and some appropriate direction, this song could really blossom into something amazing.

I know it's a long one, but do you think you could give RedDeath's and my song a look? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1657944
Quote by |_JR_|
I don't think I really have to critique anything in you guys' work, A+ as usual, this song and the story with it were really enjoyable to listen. Just gonna leave a quick note for you Tarbosh - I did go through some of your older songs and the major impression I got from those is that your style is very, very frenetic and high-octane, never really letting up or cooling down. To me (and this is completely subjective opinion) it became a bit tiresome to listen. But your newer stuff and the collabs with reddeath are much more controlled without feeling stunted, and in my opinion more enjoyable. Maybe it's a bit of his influence, maybe it's just your style maturing, either way you done did good kid. And I still maintain that both of you understand the technicalities of composition much better than me, so I really can't say much more. Cheers guys.



Thanks, breh.

I definitely agree that my style has matured a lot. While I do still have a soft spot for the stuff like Relieved of Breath and Prophecy, I think I've come to settle into a less crazy, more proggy style that still has the frenetic elements of those older songs at times. Definitely at least in part due to Jatinder's influence but similarly I think I've had at least some influence on his work as well, if not only just because of how much work we've done together. Also I don't know shit about the technicalities of composition :3 i jes put in da pretty numbas
i'm down breh

i can write anything that uses notes
Thanks for the crit, dude. Your insight is appreciated as always, and glad to see you made an appearance on the thread. Glad you liked it overall.

Yeah, it is hard to maintain consistently good transitions with a song as massive as this, because eventually you just kind of start running out of ideas for transitions. Sections come and go with no problem, but for me, at least, a good transition is always a real challenge.
So it's been a good solid few months since I posted anything on here, collab or otherwise. You may have heard RedDeath9's and my other collabs if you've lurked on this forum for a while, and if you have, there should be no surprises here. It's long and pompous and we worked really hard on it.

This one started from a long string of ideas I had lying around in my guitar pro folder from several years back; I presented it to Jatinder and he and I agreed to form something out of it. I don't think either of us really expected it to blow up into this sort of proportion, but then again, neither of us ever really know if or when we're actually going to finish something we start.

So, take a listen, try to follow along with the story; it makes 15 minutes of general MIDI slightly easier to swallow. Please comment and tell us what you think, and most importantly, enjoy it!
Sheee, I've always admired your compositions on here, JR. Glad to see you back, even though you probably don't recognize me. I was pretty active on here for a stretch but I think you weren't around then.

I'd totally love to hear what you had to say about Relieved of Breath, Of All Losses or anything from near the bottom of my sig, really, it's all ordinal so the newer stuff is better IMO :3
Alright, here we go.

Beginning:

This already sounds really nice, the harmonies stack up on each other quite dreamily. One thing I notice immediately is that a couple of the notes at measure 21ish don't really line up with the background, it would make more sense if you used Eb minor pentatonic if you were going to use one of those scales instead of the F minor pentatonic you're using here. At some points the clashing sounds really cool, but others it just stood out to me as being incorrect.

II: Leading into this section it has some cool development, definitely very Dream Theater-y, also sensing some Pain of Salvation influence going on, it's a solid driving rhythm but I think it could really benefit from some synth pads in the background to both thicken the sound and add some variety as the patterns progress. I can definitely hear some powerful Daniel Gildenlow-style vocals working very well here, though. Cool time signature shifts between 5/4 and 11/8, I dig that and it doesn't sound broken and weird like a lot of people can make it sound when there is odd meter shifting.

Sick riff at 137. Sounds like Nevermore.

The solo is really cool, but at times it sounds like the scale being used doesn't match the underlying progression. It's awesome to use atonality at points but during slower, more open sections of the solo like at 164, make sure it gels properly with what's going on beneath. Also, if you can play this, that's sick.

Another thing I've noticed is that your basslines seem like they're too afraid to deviate from what the guitar is playing. It's really important for the bass to be able to cut through at times, an awesome bassline can make a riff explode from obscurity to the forefront of the song. Don't fear experimenting.

All in all it's a pretty cool song, I think it could use some more variety in general but you clearly know how to write.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1636272
Don't know what to say. Wrote this in a few days. I kind of started it trying to write something in the style of Beardfish but then i got sidetracked into my usual progressive nonsense. I guess it's been a while since I posted or something, whatever, listen and comment plox :3 C4C as always!
Pulling this up I did not expect any sort of complexity at all, but I must say I was pleasantly surprised by this. It's definitely hardcore punk but it has very definite progressive/jazz influences. I'm on track 3 right now and I can say it was most evident in the first track, which has some very interesting chord movement and modulations going on. Definitely unconventional for a punkish sound, and it makes it sound fresh.

Track 5 is really cool as well, as short as it is. Honestly, I'm not even sure this could be called an album as much as it is a hardcore punk montage of songs. It kind of sounds like a medley.

Ah yes, track 8 is interesting as well. I can see how you took elements from many of the preceding songs and worked them into a final offering.

I think what stood out to me the most outside of the unconventional syncopation and almost progressive tendencies was the drum work. It was very busy, in a good way, definitely not the simplistic mid-tempo blast beat so common in the hardcore punk scene. All in all quite an enjoyable listen, well-written and well-executed.

C4C on Of All Losses in my sig?
I liked that quite a bit. Usually solo pieces are a bit dull to me, but this was a really relaxing piece, I'd love to hear it played in front of me by you rather than listening to the MIDI version.
Honestly, I don't even think it needs drums the way it is. Arranged for bass this works very nicely. What you could do is make a new version and arrange it for full band, taking some of the complexities off bass and putting them on other instruments for a full-band kind of feel. You'd need to change up the timings quite a bit for that because right now it has the drive of a solo piece where it's only one guy leading the flow of the music. But that's just the nature of solo pieces.

This would sound especially great on a fretless bass, by the way. I love the harmonics in the "Bossa for Her" section. Beautiful touch.

Take a look at my latest song?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1583694
I'll start off with the ol' cliche: This is not my type of music. But I'll do my best to crit this through the ears of someone who would normally enjoy listening to PHC.

I'll take a look at Flaws and Skin Tissue. First thing that jumped out at me was the harmony error at measure 5 in the vocal harmony, if you change the A# to A then it sounds much better. I'm not sure how it would work out in real audio the way you have it now, it might end up working because recorded audio makes stuff like that less apparent than MIDI. I'd change it anyway.

The transition at 17 is really jarring, probably because of the way the time signature is changing while changing the key as well. I usually try to pick one, if you change too many base qualities at one time it can lead to confusion. Unless, that is, you're trying to aim specifically for a jarring change, which can be cool. But I don't think that's what you're going for here. The part itself is fine, if not a bit disjointed-sounding from the abrupt measure of 13/16.

25, B in the vocal harmony would function better as Db. So, change the 8 to 10 if you like. Sits better with the diminished sound.

The instrumental section is cool, but some of the repetitions feel a bit unnatural. Same goes for the part at the end, although I like the idea of slowing it down. I would do something like [72, 73, 72, 74, 75]. If that makes sense.

Good for the genre. Needs some tweakage. I need the dedication to write an album.
I don't know what you guys are talking about, this shit is tops. Not even being sarcastic. It's weird as **** and I like it.
^ It's so shitty your computer is trying to protect your ears from it.
I know, I've just been on such a dry spell with writing lately I haven't really been around the forums.
Back again with another song I've written over the past few months. I think I started work on this one in September, but I don't even remember exactly. I came up with the first couple riffs on guitar and just got to work.

I put it away for quite a while and came back to it the past week or so and finished it up. I guess that's pretty much how I write everything ever. Start it, leave it, come back to it, finish it. But I digress.

Not exactly sure what my influences here were, I didn't really think about it as I was writing. I just kind of went with it, hopefully it's ok.

Criticisms will be returned and are of course very much appreciated!
I wrote this song in 2009, didn't get around to recording it until now. It's got a definite Opeth vibe going on, considering that's who I was obsessed with at the time. I still am, actually.

Anyway, it's me on guitar, bass, vocals, and my friend Joseph on drums. Many thanks to him for helping mix as well.

http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Tarbosh/music/play1150100

Opinions much appreciated!
Funny you should mention CoB, they pretty much were my gateway into extreme metal. I don't listen to them much anymore, but I'd be surprised if their influence didn't leak out every now and then. I'm way more of an Opeth fanboy than anything. Really glad you like it, man.
Well, I dunno if any of you remember, but RedDeath9 and I posted this big epic collaboration we did called Standing Before the Precipice sometime in 2011. I think it was April or May. Anyway, it was to be part of a concept album of sorts; a bunch of collaborations we would be doing in the future revolving around a central theme of psychological disorder.

We haven't really come up with a story for this one yet and we also don't even know if we're completely finished with the music, but it's been in the works for such a long time now and we really want to share it with you.

When we do eventually write the story we had something in mind about a guy using DMT and the song details his experiences. So maybe keep that in mind while listening? I dunno.

So, anyway, if you're in the mood for a huge slice of progressive MIDI metal, you've come to the right thread. And it really is huge.

Crits very much appreciated, and will be returned.
Quote by cgmetallica1981
Is the last one Orchid?



Yep.
Quote by Kalo Hanaka
Not sure if this could be counted as anything but random composing within a scale.


I disagree with this a lot. I think this is really creative. I love how spastic the whole thing feels, but everything works within its own boundaries. My favorite part is that really weird, offbeat hand percussion pattern. Sounds really cool.
Quote by Ometh
I doubt it.
Would plow her cornfield though


Quote by RedDeath9
I'm glad you guys like it. It's probably my first successful attempt to write something scary.


I hated it.
Quote by Ometh
God, you don't need to be so harsh :S


But, it's the good shoping place!
Quote by RedDeath9
Tarbosh, you're a little bitch. Why didn't you just change YOUR contrabass into a six string? Now we have to fix everything 'cause of your dumb ass.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E7_8FWqY9o#t=1m30s
Quote by CheesyMozarella
Yo, what happened to the contrabass?


Oh, I had to make it 5 strings because that's how I had it in the file I was working on my thing in before I pasted it. I didn't think it interrupted anything, if it did you can just switch it back to 6, it just doesn't let you paste a 5 string track onto a 6 string track.