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Would you be able to recover the article and message it to me, or was it completely deleted? I can't seem to get to it through the approved/rejected articles section on my profile.
But that's the only video of him talking about it. Can a disclaimer be put on it to warn people about it? I'd like to get the word out and putting that video in would be one of the best ways.
But why was my news article titled "Mushroomhead/Slipknot tour finally in the works?" denied? I had all the necessary resource material and I don't think I made any big grammatical or spelling mistakes, so what gives?
Why was my news piece titled "Mushroomhead/Slipknot tour finally in the works?" denied?
Quote by 1201ZJ
If you're doing Alice, you HAVE to do man in the box.

A little less Blink and SOAD than what you have, Imo.



A LOT of people around here are fans of Blink and SOAD. I've been trying to learn Blurry for a while now too but those harmonics at the beginning are a f*cking bitch to get down.
Quote by boomtank
i'd go for Crustcore Clusterf*ck as a bandname


Haha, I love it! We might not get many bar gigs with that name though.
Quote by intotheend
Why not try some Bullet For My Valentine, some good ones Tears Don't Fall (Really easy, I can play it fully after 9-10 months of playing) Waking the Demon (Slightly more difficult)


The "typical" bar crowd (i.e. toolbags) don't know stuff like that. I would do it, but again we're doing this to get paid and bar owners usually have input in a set list. They're not gonna want much if any screaming in the songs.
So my band and I recently decided that to raise money for better gear and an actual tour for when we do our originals that we would try and get booked at bars for the typical 3-4 hour cover band set. We want to go in a heavier direction than other cover bands but we also realize we need accessible, well known songs to cover. We however will NOT be doing top 40 pop radio crap (i.e. nickleback, justin bieber, etc.), although we strangely have the desire to do some Lady gaga songs (she/he is quite catchy and not as annoying as most other pop). This is what I've come up with so far in an hour or so of brainstorming:


Jane's Addiction

Jane Says
Mountain Song


Alice In Chains

Dirt
Them Bones
Nutshell (acoustic)
Bleed The Freak
Rooster
Would?


Godsmack

Keep Away
Moon Baby
Hollow
Touche


Greenday

Brain Stew/Jaded
Basket Case
Welcome To Paradise


AC/DC

Thunderstruck
Dirty Deeds
Back In Black
Shook Me All Night


Beegees

Jive Talkin'
You Should Be Dancing
Stayin' Alive


The Offspring

Come Out And Play
Self Esteem
Bad Magic
Gotta Get Away
Hit That
Gone Away


Blink 182

Carousel
Dammit
What's My Age Again?
The Rock Show
All The Small Things
I Miss You
Stay Together For The Kids
Adam's Song
Man Overboard


Nirvana

Teen Spirit
Come As You Are
Lithium


NOFX

My Vagina
Linoleum


Ozzy

Crazy Train
Perry Mason


Pantera

Walk
Cowboys From Hell
I'm Broken


Papa Roach

Getting Away With Murder
Last Resort


Pennywise

Bro Hymn (tribute)
Knocked Down


A Perfect Circle

Judith


Pink Floyd

Mother
Young Lust
Run Like Hell
Hey You


Primus

John The Fisherman


Puddle Of Mudd

Psycho


Ra

Do You Call My Name


Wild Cherry

Play That Funky Music


RHCP

Scar Tissue
Californication
Fight Like A Brave


Rob Zombie

Dragula
Superbeast
Never Gonna Stop (Red Red Kroovy)
Living Dead Girl
Demon Speeding


Sepultura

Territory
Kaiowas


Slayer

Raining Blood


Smashing Pumpkins

Zero
Bullet With Butterfly Wings
Cherub Rock


Soundgarden

Fell On Black Days


Static X

Push It


Steve Miller Band

Abracadabra
The Joker
Jet Airliner
Jungle Love
Serenade


Stone Temple Pilots

Sex Type Thing
Crackerman
Plush (Acoustic)
Interstate Love Song
Vasoline


Sum 41

Fat Lip


System Of A Down

Aerials
Toxicity
Violent Pornography
Cigaro
Mr. Jack
Marmalade
Chop Suey!


Todd Wilson

Beer Run


Tool

Sober
Vicarious
The Pot


Twisted Sister

We're Not Gonna Take It
I Wanna Rock


White Zombie

Super Charger Heaven
More Human Than Human
Thunderkiss '65
Black Sunshine


Metallica

For Whom The Bell Tolls


Mudvayne

Happy?
Fall Into Sleep


Black Sabbath

N.I.B.
Iron Man
Paranoid
War Pigs
Sweet Leaf


Blind Melon

No Rain


Boston

More Than A Feeling


Bowling For Soup

1985


Breaking Benjamin

Diary of Jane
Breathe


Bloodhound Gang

I Hope You Die
The Bad Touch


Bush

Glycerine (acoustic)
Come Down
Little Things
Machinehead
The Chemicals Between Us


Candlebox

You
Far Behind


Citizen King


Better Days


Clutch

Impetus
The Mob Goes Wild


Collective Soul

Heavy
Shine


Cracker

Low


Cream

White Room
Sunshine Of Your Love


David Allan Coe

Whips And Things
Linda Lovelace
Pick em, Lick em, Stick em
Don't Bite The Dick
F*ckin' In The Butt


Days Of The New

Touch, Peel and Stand


Deep Purple

Smoke On The Water


Disturbed

Down With The Sickness
Liberate
Rise


Dropkick Murphys

I'm Shipping Up To Boston


Incubus

Drive
Pardon Me
A Certain Shade of Green
Megalomaniac
Dig
Stellar


Judas Priest

You've Got Another Thing Coming
Living After Midnight
Breaking The Law


Led Zeppelin

Trampled Under Foot
Immigrant Song
Houses of The Holy
Kashmir


Marilyn Manson

The Beautiful People
mOBSCENE
Angel With The Scabbed Wings
Tourniquet
Disposable Teens
Tainted Love
Sweet Dreams
Dope Hat

---------------------------------------------------


We're also going to sprinkle our sets with our originals. The whole point of this is to raise money for better gear and more gear (more guitars and drum kit additions, namely) so that we can pursue our original career more.

We're also going to go with a different name for when we do bar gigs than when we do original gigs. Our current name is Homicide Daydream. I'm also open to band name suggestions for our cover gigs. My bassist and I were brainstorming earlier and ILL WILL was an agreeable choice between us.
Like the title says, my band, Homicide Daydream, is a hard rock/metal band out of southern NJ. We're basically just starting out and have our first gig coming up on the 27th with Future Leaders of The World. Our style is heavily influenced by bands such as Alice In Chains, Godsmack, Metallica, System Of A Down, Korn, Testament, and Foo Fighters. Here's the link to our facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Homicide-Daydream/114333831974188


We don't have anything recorded yet, but we will be getting our performance recorded at our first gig, so once we get some tracks done and edited, we'll have a myspace page up.

I feel an explanation for the name should be given, since a lot of people thought it was badass. It's a lyric in Lamb Of God's "For Your Malice", and I found it to be very fitting when I came up with it in the state of mind I was in at the time. I'm the guitarist for the band too, just in case you were wondering.
So I was thinking about doing some metal/hard rock covers of techno/trance/rave music and new wave songs, and was wondering what you guys think would make a good cover? Here's what I've been focusing on so far:


Afrika Bambaataa- Feel The Vibe
Haddaway- What Is Love?
Darude- Sandstorm
Flock of Seagulls- I Ran
Dead or Alive- You Spin Me Round
Sweet, thanks. So I can just send them to the upload page from now on?
Brian just sat there on the lawn in the middle of his horseshoe shaped driveway with a bawling Jess cradled in his arms. He had his left arm wrapped around her back with his left hand supporting the back of her head, and his right arm wrapped around her back closer to his waist. It seemed like an eternity before her sobbing slowed to the point where she just occasionally sniffled and coughed, and even longer before she picked her head up out of his now tear soaked chest and said something.


"Thank you"

"For what?" Brian looked at her with a puzzled looked on his face.

"For freeing me from that asshole."

"I don't think that's the last we'll see or hear from Johnny, but it may be a while before he finds his balls and tries something stupid again. Come on, let's go inside. It's gettin a little nippy out here."

"Ok",
was all Jess said before being helped to her feet and walked inside to the living room where Brian carefully set her down on the couch. He grabbed a few tissues off the kitchen counter on the way and handed them to her, which she promptly blew through. He left her for a few minutes to get a drink and check on Kevin.


"You alright, man?" Brian took a sip from his lemonade as he looked at Kevin who was nursing a decent sized lump on his forehead, presumably where Johnny had snuck in a sucker punch.

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine for now. Just remember, we have a show on friday at the Tavern. We really should try to get in at least one practice as a full band before then. We haven't been able to get Dave, Rich, and Special K together as a 5 piece in ages"

"Sh*t, I almost completely forgot. Tomorrow good for you? I'm gonna give them a ring and see what's good for them", replied Brian. Kevin just nodded his head and took a sip from his iced tea that his friend had provided him.


Brian remembered that he hadn't seen the other 60% of their band for nearly a week now. They had been booked to play the busiest night of the week at the bar that was within walking distance of his house, and they couldn't very well play it without practicing at least once before hand. It was called The Town Tavern, but everyone either called it just The Tavern, or the more popular local name for it, The Town Toilet. It was hole in the wall bar that had been around forever. Hell, their parents had even gone there when they were younger. Brian and Kevin loved it though. It was a nice, relaxed little spot that they could go and clear their heads over a few brews when things started to get tense which seemed to be happening more and more often, as their band started to take off.

Their drummer, Special K, also frequented the Tavern just as much, if not more than Brian and Kevin did. They called him Special K because of 2 reasons- first, his name was also Kevin and this just gave them a way to make sure each Kevin knew when they were being addressed, and two, he wasn't exactly that bright. He was a nice guy and an amazing drummer, though. He could hold a different time signature on each limb, and talented drummers, especially ones on his level were extremely difficulty to find in their area. Most played either simple punk stuff, or played the hardcore bullsh*t that everyone else in the area was into, and the members of their band absolutely despised.

Rob, their singer, and Rich, their bassist, were both only 20, so neither of them were able to hang out at the Tavern after shows, but both knew of the craziness that tended to happen there. Brian and both Kevins loved it not just for the relaxed atmosphere on slower nights, but mainly for the main bartender, Denise, who when she got a few drinks in her turned into quite the little exhibitionist. She would routinely give them a show with the other female bartenders, and she often gave them free beer, and who could argue against that?

The Tavern was also a perfect rock n' roll bar, yet another reason why the legal age band members loved it. On the weekends there was the occasional drunken bar fight, usually started by the small group of bikers that tended to show up every once in a while. There were also plenty of bar sluts to have your pick from, and the patrons tended to be quite the rowdy crowd on the weekends. Sex, booze, and drugs were still the norm in the Tavern, when they started to become the exception everywhere else. It was definitely the perfect place to build your reputation as a hard partying rock/metal band.


Putting his drink down, a thought suddenly hit Brian. "Yo, I just realized something"

"What's up?" Kevin looked at his friend as he also set his drink down, a questioning look on his face.

"We don't have a definite name for the band yet. We've gone through at least 3 so far, but we keep changing it every time we play a show. If we wanna get big we gotta come up with a name and stick with it"

"Got any ideas?"
Kevin just looked at Brian with a blank stare, still nursing the lump on his head.

"Yeah. I was thinking 'The Truth'. We gotta have a name that's gonna stick, and I can't find anyone else that's using it"

"That sounds more like a punk name. Why 'The Truth'?"

"Think about it for a sec"
. A smile started to cross Brian's face. "It's perfect. We come out and introduce ourselves along the lines of 'We are The Truth', or 'Are you ready for The Truth?'. It can also have a more political meaning, as Rob's lyrics tend to deal more with what's wrong with society and why the whole political system needs to be torn down and rebuilt."

"That's actually a really good name. Let's run it by the guys tomorrow and see what they think. I'm gonna head home though, my head is killing me. Gimme a call tomorrow"

"Alright, dude. I'll talk to you then."



After walking Kevin to the door and closing it behind him, Brian turned and went to sit on the couch with Jess. She had gone through all the tissues he gave her and was sitting with her legs up on the couch and her head resting on her arm on the arm rest. She was watching something wholly uninteresting to Brian on MTV, of which she seemed only partially interested in herself. Her face was streaked black from crying so much, and the other makeup products she used had also smeared a bit, but weren't as noticeable as the deep black mascara she always caked on.


"You gonna be ok?"

"I think so. I just never expected this to happen. I knew he was a horrible person, but something in me just couldn't let him go. I thought I loved him, but it was probably more of a control thing."
Jess looked at the man sitting next to her, wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Yeah. At least you're away from him now. I'm gonna head up to bed in a few minutes, you're more than welcome to stay here for the night if you want" Even in her broken down state, Brian couldn't help but eye her up. She was the epitome of physical perfection- a tight, toned body, perfectly round ass, gorgeous face, tits that weren't too small or too big for her frame that he suspected didn't even need a bra to support themselves. Everything about her was perfect.

"I'd love to, but where am I gonna sleep?" She asked.

"There's a guest bedroom right down the hall from mine that you can stay in, and the bathroom is right there in case you need it."

"I can't thank you enough for this, you really are a great guy."

"It's no problem, really. Just go and try to get some rest, you look like you need it."
Brian leaned in to give her a hug at the same time she leaned over to give him one.


After watching TV with Jess for a few more minutes and pretending to seem interested in whatever teen drama show she was watching, she turned it off and they both preceded to go upstairs. Brian headed into his room, closed the door and stripped to his boxers and climbed into bed. A few seconds later he heard Jess enter the bathroom, close the door and turn the shower on. It seemed like she was in there for an hour and he started to drift off to sleep before he heard a soft knock on the door, jolting him awake. Groggily, he answered.


"Ugh, yeah? What's up, Jess?"


He had his back turned to the door so he couldn't be bothered by any light that may have crept in, but this also prevented him from seeing the woman standing before him. He called out once more, but when he didn't recieve an answer for the second time, he rolled over and was greeted to the sight of an incredibly sexy girl standing before him with her hands on her hips, clad only in a pair of black, lacey boy shorts. Brian sat up and was about to speak, decided it would be better to just keep quiet when she climbed on top of him and pulled the covers over the both of them.
Just wondering, but is there some kind of communication breakdown here between staff? My story still hasn't been published yet.
I recently entered my cover of Lamb of God's "Omerta" for the Mayhem Fest Ibanez giveaway. The only problem the video has is that the audio and video aren't synced up right (it didn't do that until I uploaded it and I dunno why), but I think I did a damn good job. Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/group/mayhemguitar2010?topic=F4yaahJNOY_U
Condoms are for quitters, hit her in the sh*tter.
Just wondering, but wasn't my work of fiction supposed to be published yesterday? I don't see it anywhere but here still.
No, it's a perfect length. You should check out my story, Jersey Boys.
Nice, dude. Kinda has a similar ending to the 1st part of mine, meant to keep the readers itching for the next part.
For some reason it won't let me send PMs, the send button won't work and I dunno why. You think you could let him know for me?
I had to split this into 2 parts because it said it was too long.
--------------------------------------------

"Johnny, come on, let's go. Don't do this". Jess pulled on her boyfriend's arm in a vain attempt to get him to leave.

"Alright, p*ssy, let's go! Right now! I've had enough of your sh*t!"


Ripping his arm from his girlfriend's grasp and backhanding her on purpose in the process sending her tumbling to the ground, Johnny threw a weak right hook at the man standing before him, only to have him duck and tackle him to the ground. Johnny may have been jacked up on steroids, resembling a shorter version of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his hayday, but this by no means gave him any knowledge on how to fight, much less throw a proper punch. It seems all his effort had been concentrated simply on making his muscles bigger rather than on how to use them in a fight.

He did have considerable strength though, as he rolled over, flinging Brian and Kevin off of him who had jumped on him the second he hit the ground. In addition to not knowing how to defend himself, he now had two agressors at his heels. A quick uppercut to his jaw from Brian sent him stumbling backwards into kevin's grasp who put him in a full nelson as his friend continued to pummel him. A properly demonstrated left hook from Brian connected with Johnny's left eye, almost immediately inflaming it and causing it to turn purple within a few seconds.

A lucky shot from Johnny landed in Kevin's gut and momentarily dazed him as he tried to catch his breath, but this also only opened him up to take a heavy hit from Brian directly in the throat. This proved to be his undoing as he collapsed to the gorund, smacking his forehead first on the crossbar to the chain link fence, then on the cement of the horseshoe shaped driveway as he fell to the ground, effectively incapacitating him.

Brian didn't care that his assailant was down for the count though. All he saw was an opening to jump on top of him and start beating him even more senseless. It only went on for a minute or so before the police cars came screaming up the street and one of the officers he had known his entire life bolted out of his patrol car and dragged him off the beaten and broken man underneath him. In all the commotion he never saw Jess dial 911.


"Brian, that's ENOUGH! He's done!" The police officer holding him back from fatally beating Johnny had to use all his strength to subdue the drunken man in his arms, before he finally gave up after a minute or so of struggling.

"Thanks, Mike. I probably would have killed him if you didn't show up. Who called you anyway?"

"His girlfriend. Don't worry, you're not in trouble. He came on your parents property and you defended yourself. There's nothing illegal about that."

"I couldn't give a f*ck if I did get in trouble anyway. I just wanted the chance to take that piece of sh*t down a few pegs."
Brian sat on the ground as he watched Johnny get put in handcuffs and more or less carried to a second patrol car.

"You should go see if your friend's ok, he looks kinda out of it. We'll take care of sh*t stain there. Just try not to get yourself in anymore trouble, ok? All that paperwork piles up after a while". Brian watched the police officer he had known pretty much since birth give the other two that had shown up a hand with throwing Johnny in the back of his car and sped off to book him for the night.

In the whole chain of events that had just transpired, Brian had completely forgotten Jess was even there. Before going over to her, he made sure Kevin was ok as his friend went inside to get a drink and sit down for a little bit. Walking over to Jess, he sat down on the lawn next to her and put his arm around her as she started to sob uncontrollably.

"Hey, you gonna be ok?" As Brian sat down with her, Jess lurched at him and wrapped her arms completely around him, crying into his shirt.
Ok, since my question didn't get answered about where to post this, I'm just going to go ahead and make a new thread for part 2.
----------------------------------------------------


"Come on in. You want something to drink?". Brian looked at his friend with a half asleep/half drunk expression on his face, his eyelids heavily hanging down, threatening to close completely at any minute.

"Sure, if you wanna share some of that Jack". Kevin looked at him, expecting his friend to fall asleep on his feet at any moment.

"Be my guest. Just don't drink it all".


After watching Kevin down a few shots of the whiskey sitting on the computer desk, Brian took the bottle, recapped it, and drunkenly helped lug his Marshall halfstack in through the door, clumsily knocking a few dents in the door jam. Since there were plenty of places to sit and standing in this state would prove rather tricky at the moment, they both decided to take a seat on top of their amps, Kevin on top of his Marshall with the head on the floor, and Brian on his Fender box amp. Since no one was home and it was the middle of the afternoon, they decided the proper volume level would be all the way up.

Within a minute or so, the two guitarists, both in their early 20's were in sync with eachother, trading off riffs and complimenting the other's solos. Since Brian's soloing hadn't progressed as far as Kevin's yet, he settled for being the rhythym section which he was perfectly fine with as he considered himself more of a rhythym player, focusing almost entirely on his riffs and keeping time rather than trying to bust out a face melting solo any chance he got.

Their practice session went on for what seemed like forever, the songs transitioning from one to the next almost seemlessly. They blazed through maybe a dozen or so Metallica songs, including Master Of Puppets, Through The Never, Sad But True, and For Whom The Bell Tolls, transferred into some decently heavier material like Behemoth, Machine Head, Deicide, and Dethklok, and toned it down near the end of their session with some of Alice In Chains' more acoustic material, along with some original songs they've written together. No matter where one of them went, the other seemed to be reading their mind and followed pretty much perfectly. Granted there were a few screw ups here and there, but nothing so severe that it completely screwed up the flow. They barely even spoke the entire time, letting the music take control. Brian and Kevin truly did compliment eachother perfectly as a guitar duo. When they got together and really got down to business it was as if they were the only two people existing at that moment in time.

Brian looked at the clock when they were winding down and actually starting to tire out for once, it was almost 10 pm! They lost track of time yet again, as they always do when they practice. They decided to end on a high note and go with something with a lot of energy, something that had kind of a groove to it, something that would leave them both wanting to practice more and more until they literally could read eachother's minds. Brian sat there for a few seconds before he thought of anything to suggest.


"Hmm, wadda ya think we should finish with, dude?" Kevin looked at Brian, the sweat beading down his forehead and into his eyes, forcing him to wipe his brow on his shirt sleeve.

"How about Perfect Insanity? I know you love Disturbed just as much as me"

"Nice. Alright, let's do it up."


About halfway into the song, maybe a little bit before Kevin launched into the solo, someone started banging on the door rather loudly. They didn't hear it at first because of how loud their amps were, but in a short break in the main riff to the song Brian heard it, along with someone screaming at the top of their lungs to open the door. They sounded pissed. Brian stopped playing first, putting his Ibanez down gently so as not to damage it. Kevin looked at him with a puzzled look for a second before hearing the commotion. He put his Jackson down on the padded chair next to him and got up, following his friend over to the door as he opened it.


"OPEN THE DOOR, MOTHER F*CKER!" This was what Brian was greeted with as he opened the door in a haze. It took a second for the rather angry man to register in his mind who he was, but when he recognized him as Jess's boyfriend he straightened up immediately.

"What the f*ck, Johnny? You gonna pick up the pieces of my door when you're done smashing it down?" Brian was starting to get angry himself, as he didn't really appreciate meat heads bashing on his door at 10 at night.

"You been talking to my girl, motherf*cker?" Johnny stood there in a rage, his fists balled up and his face turning beet red. Brian could have sworn he saw steam seeping from every orifice on his head. A quick look over Johnny's shoulder revealed a cowering female figure. Brian recognized her immediately as Jessica, and he also recognized a rather large black and blue circle around her right eye as a sign of yet another one of their "disagreements". This pissed him off more than someone almost knocking down his door.

"Hey, she called me over to talk to her. She just wanted talk and to let me know she thought my playing sounded good. I'd hardly think a compliment or two is reason to get roid rage"

"You stay the f*ck away from her, you little sh*t! She's my girl, you got that?!"
Johnny was only getting angrier by the second as he shoved his index finger in the middle of Brian's chest in an attempt to intimidate him. This whole time, Kevin just stood behind his friend, not saying a word, yet ready to back him up in a heartbeat should things get out of hand.

"Don't touch me, asshole. You wouldn't like the outcome."

"Oh yeah, and what's a piece of sh*t like you gonna do 'bout it?"

"How about I beat you senseless like you do every night to Jess to make your dick feel big?"

"What'd you just say?"
Johnny's words suddenly went from being screamed to a state of hushed anger.

"You heard me, f*cker. Don't think no one knows you hit her. I can hear you screeching into the driveway at 2 in the morning after coming home from the bar with your meat head buddies. I can hear you screaming at Jess at 3 am, and I can also hear her pleads for you to stop, and when she cries herself to sleep after you hit her for being a 'coniving little c*nt'. You're a piece of f*cking trash, Johnny, and that's all you'll ever be." Now it was Brian's turn to get angry as he balled his fists up and raised them into a slightly defensive position so as to be ready for any incoming punches but also not revealing his intentions should Johnny catch on to what he was doing.
I've got some ideas for the next chapter floating around in my head, but should I make a new thread for it, or just post it here?
That works out perfect, because if we do that then it will let me get a step ahead on the next installment, and we can go over it like this one, if it needs it, and fine tune and tweak it.
Mondays it is then. I won't be able to write another one until after this coming monday as I'm going away for the weekend. I'm going to be getting back on sunday, but by then I'll have no energy left (I plan on getting properly f*cked up), so I'll get to writing the next installment after the weekend.

Also, I had no idea you and Nolan were the only 2 writers here. I guess just from the volume of stories I assumed there were more people writing fiction.
Quote by Colohue
I spotted a man who likes to drink and happens to be drinking. I didn't spot any drinking problem.


Well that was more of an intro to his more problematic drinking habits. Like I said, everything here was made to be an intro to bigger things, including this part. I set it up to get people to expect more self-destructive things from him.


The open ended main character is not a bad thing. It's also fairly evident, when you say that it's based on real events, that said character is based on you.

Concerning adding excitement or dramatic flair, there really isn't that much you can do if you want to engage your target audience.

If you're planning a series, let's talk deadlines. Do you want to do it weekly/fortnightly/monthly and, if so, on what day?


I'd say once a week, and the specific day of the week is up to you, but I feel Sundays would be best. I may write more often than that, but if you want to publish one part per week or do it as often as I write it's up to you.
Quote by Colohue
Just so you know, I'm intentionally over-critical in the attempt to help.


I'm all for criticism, as long as it's constructive.


Thus far, your main character is a typical male, which, in the long run, will work well for the sake of projecting your target audience into.

You've introduced one character who could be potentially interesting in the female and also introduced, by reputation, a potential antagonist.


The main character is based off of me. I'm embellishing some of my habits and the way I go about things for the sake of the story. I also do love me some good JD, but I'm also embellishing that part to what I believe to be a borderline self-destructive level for the sake of the story. I also added the female character who is also based off my neighbor's girlfriend (who I find ridiculously hot, btw) for material in the story and a nice set of interactions to follow this.


However, there's no hook, or main interest. I don't feel compelled to read any more, or that there is anything to make this piece/series unique. While the line that you end on would likely be quite effective once we know about the characters more, it fails to feel conclusive at this point.

For an introduction piece, there's no excitement. It's more like filler, or empty writing. Cheap thrills are necessary to build interest, and if there aren't any in the first piece then it weakens the position for later ones as a more sedate series.


To get people interested in reading more after this, I purposely added the interaction between the main character and female character, as well as the drinking problem of the main character. I plan to add a few more characters in the 2nd part, and I felt that the amount to which they interact in this part will give people a taste of what's to come. I'm using this to build up the story, not to go balls-out and use up my creative resources before this takes off.

If you have any suggestions on how to make it a bit more exciting or interesting, I'm completely open to them though.


You need speech indicators. Back and forth is fine in small doses, but you need description of who is talking, how they are speaking and what they are doing. Actions speak louder than words, and it really brings out the characters.

You also seem to go back and forth with the speech, due to the lack of one in the other.

Description
Speech
Description
Speech
Description
Speech

Flow is important in making it seem natural.


I think I fixed that part with the back and forth 1 liners with the speech parts. I also eliminated most of the "he said, she asked, he thought, etc." indicators in favor of more descirptive pieces on what's going through their minds and how they're physically interacting during the speech parts.


Also, since you're centralised about a single character, you could veto the 'he thought' business in favour of just out and out saying it. "It was strange to think..., or so Brian found it." etc. At the very least, please don't use speech marks to indicate thought processes. That's immensely confusing.


I believe I've effectively done away with that part. I reread it and you were definitely right about that. A "he thought/she thought" indicator after every train of thought like I had before made it seem recycled and a little boring.


If this needs anymore improvement, by all means fire away, but I'm making the main character laid back like myself as he's basically just a different version of me, and I'm using this 1st part to build interest in the story, give readers a little taste so they come back again and again for more. I'm not trying to make it like a blockbuster action movie chase sequence, but more of an intro to the main characters and where the story's heading.

Also, I felt that the last line I wrote should serve to make people want to read the next part.
As the title suggests, I'm going to contribute a work of fiction. It's going to be based loosely on some of my friends and my experiences in trying to form a band, recording, making music, etc., but it will also go a little further than that and pan out what we've kinda envisioned happening to us if we started gigging and what we'd expect/like to happen if we started getting relatively big. Some characters will be fictional, but most will be either real or based on real people. Anyway, here's part 1.
___________________________________________


"F*ck this. F*cking piece of shit". Brian smashed his keyboard with his fist in utter frustration, a small bead of sweat trickling down his right temple ever so slowly. The fact that all the air conditioning units in the house had gotten fried during an electrical storm a few nights before only compounded his angst, but he was partly to blame for it as much as the 85 degree weather that lorded over his tranquil little part of Southern New Jersey. He had gotten lazy recently, probably due to the weather, in getting himself to get his ass to the computer repair shop after his newer PC caught a virus from a night of rather un-kosher internet surfing. He had no girlfriend or available booty calls that night and nothing to do, so he figured why the hell not as everyone was in bed. Big mistake, as it turned out the virus he caught was a tough sonuvabitch. This only resulted in having to use the older computer that was only capable of handling dial up until he decided to get his ass in gear on that issue.

Sighing heavily, he decided to try and drown his anger in yet another night of attempting to pull off a rather tricky riff on his axe with his closest friend Jack sitting on the desk next to him, silently listening to every missed note and off time riff. Dear ol' Jack didn't exactly help his playing (in this case actually making it worse), but he did help the 6'2" man sitting next to him by taking the edge off from the day a considerable amount. It was only 5 pm and he was already sufficiently toasted. The fact that a bottle of whiskey can't yell at you for not doing the dishes or mowing the lawn was a definite plus as well. "Thank god they're out of town for the weekend". He closed his eyes and pictured his parents nit picking his every move for the millionth time.

Just before he was about to launch into the main riff from a rather catchy Behemoth song, his phone vibrated rather loudly on the desk next to him, startling him from his half asleep state of consciousness and causing him to swing around, narrowly avoiding knocking over the uncapped bottle of liquor onto the power strip sitting on the floor directly under it.

Regaining his compsure rather quickly, he looked at the caller ID. It read "This Guy", a nickname that his friend Kevin had seemed to have acquired and no one could explain the origin. He picked it up and answered.


"Yo, what's up?"

"Watcha up to, mang?"
, replied Kevin.

"Abshof*ckinlutely nothing. You?"

"Haha, same thing. Great minds think alike"

"Heh, either that or we're drinking the shame thing. Wanna come over?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing. You drunk or something?"
Kevin could have sworn he could smell the alcohol on his friend's breath through the reciever.

"It's a possibility"

"Damn dude, it's only 5! I'll be right over. Just save me some, okay?"

"Will do. I'll shee you when ya get here. Later"


A rather short answer, consisting of a half hearted "later" was all Kevin gave his friend. He shook his head and smiled to himself as he grabbed his axe and half stack and headed out to load up his car. Brian wasn't a bad guy at all, in fact he was one of Kevin's dearest friends and the type of guy that was always there for you should you need something, but his friend's recently developed drinking problems were starting to become an issue. He mused to himself for a minute about bringing it up when he got to his friend's house, but shook it off for the moment as he suspected it would only make things worse at this point. "Another talk for another day" was the last thing that crossed his mind as he hopped in his car, threw some Pantera on, and loudly squeeled out of the driveway.


Turning the volume up on his dinky little practice amp to the maximum tolerable level, which for him in his drunken state was all the way, launched into a catchy little riff he had been working on for the past few days. After a few minutes, his skin began to crawl from sweating so much that it prompted him to actually get up for once and open the windows in the computer room. Pausing for a second, he directed his drunken gaze across the street. His neighbor's girlfriend was lounging on a beach chair in their front yard across the street. Running 5 days a week did her body good, and she knew it, constantly flaunting her slender and toned body for all the old men on the street to ogle. He knew her type- the kind of girl that got off at teasing the living shit out of every guy she came across, loving every second of it.

"F*cking c*ck teasing little bitch". He nearly spouted that train of thought aloud but caught himself in time. "I can't stand that shit. Definitely would f*ck her brains into next week though". From his vantage point, he could see her in all her glory, two narrow strips of black fabric barely covering only the most essential parts of her incredible anatomy. The fact that she was a redhead only served to intensify his quiet infatuation with her. As he turned away to go back to playing his axe, he could have sworn that out of the corner of his eye he saw her lift her sunglasses and give him a wink and a smile.

Suddenly, something came over Brian. Not knowing why, his feet seemed to gain a mind of their own and he opened the door. He stood right outside it for a minute, just standing there and looking longingly at her. It was an ever so slight motion but he knew he saw it- her finger curled up in a "come here" motion. Taking a leisurely pace, he made his way over to her, stumbling on occasion. He had downed just over half of the bottle of Jack sitting on his desk in a little under 2 hours afterall.


"Hey Jess. What's up?". Brian put on a false air of naievite on his words to seem oblivious to her efforts at teasing him. He hadn't had much contact at all with her since she moved into her boyfriend's house almost a year ago, but he had enough to at least learn her name.

"Nothing much, just doing some tanning. You?"

"Same shit different day. I was just trying to get a new song down, but it's a little harder than I thought."

"I heard. It sounded really hard. I wouldn't know how hard it could be 'cause I don't play anything, but it sounds really hard"
. Rolling over onto her flat-as-a-board stomach and propping her head up in her hands with her elbows on the chair, she extended her fingers up the side of her face in a faux attempt to seem 110% interested in the man stranding before her. She also started lifting and lowering her lower legs, alternating left and right every few seconds. The fact that she put a decent amount of emphasis on the word "hard" didn't help to hide his apparant interest in her body. Deciding that adjusting himself through his pockets would be too obvious, Brian decided to take a seat on the lawn next to her.

"So what've you been up to lately, Jess? I haven't seen you around much at all."

"Yeah, I've been busy with work alot these past few weeks, and any free time I've had to myself has really just been spent running and working out. Gotta watch my figure, ya know?"
. Brian watched the beads of sweat roll down her neck and disappear between her more interesting features as she talked, the words barely registering in his inebriated mind.

"Yeah, I could watch it all day". A shit-eating grin spread across his face.

"You perv! That's a good way to get your ass kicked", Jess giggled a little bit, yet another one of her teasing tactics.

"Oh really now? I might enjoy that"

"Yeah really! Johnny might not though"

"Who, your boyfriend? What he doesn't know won't kill him"

"I'd still know!"

"He's a piece of shit"

"Excuse me?"
, she answered, seemingly getting genuinely pissed at this point, raising her right eyebrow.

"I've seen him when he comes home from the bar, drunk as hell and almost smashing up your car in his failed attempts to park straight in the driveway. You know he treats you like shit, right?"

"Yeah, I know, but I love him. I've just been with him for so long it'd be like ripping off an arm at this point."

"Jess, the whole f*cking street can hear him screaming at you at 3 am, and that's with the doors and windows closed."

"Really?"

"Really".



Just then, Kevin's car rounded the street corner, the sound of the engine alerting Brian to his friend's approach. As he turned to stumble back to his house, he uttered one last comment to her.


"I hope you know all that makeup doesn't do well enough to cover up your bruises.
I've been thinking about doing Candlemass's "Of Stars And Smoke" a lot recently, but there's no tabs for it on here.
Quote by slash.r0cks
Something heavier? Disturbed perhaps? Something like The Night or Indestructible would really suit your needs. You could also try Prefect Insanity; it's a personal favourite of mine.

And a classic Queen song will always bring the house down.


I can't believe I forgot to list them. Disturbed have always been one of my favorite bands, and one of the few that I have their entire discography of. It's funny you mention Perfect Insanity as I'm working on the solo for that one. Now that I think about it, I may do a mini Disturbed set within the 4 hour set list, with Liberate, Rise, Perfect Insanity, Violence Fetish, Droppin' Plates, Meaning of Life, Deify, and Sons of Plunder.
Quote by slash.r0cks
No Foo Fighters!? Try something from their One By One album. All My Life, Low or Times Like These would be a great choice; I personally would choose All My Life.


I'm not really that big of a fan of them and neither is my friend, plus they're ridiculously overplayed and we want to go for a heavier aspect.
I've been told I have a good and very versatile voice. I can match the vocal stylings of Sully Erna from Godsmack, James Hetfield, Randy Blythe, and Chuck Billy, and I can also sing regularly though not quite at the level of say Michael Starr or Pavarotti. Hell, with some warming up, I can pull off Judas Priest's Painkiller and Ram It Down, but that takes a while of warming up for me to do. I just prefer not to sing as I'd rather play guitar (that and I can't do both at the same time).
Music= anything that's not rap or hip hop.
Ugh, gotta transfer this from BL to here since it got closed.

Ok, so I got to talking with the bartender at the bar down the street from my house who I'm on very good terms with now, and one of my friends who was interested in the idea of starting up a band. I asked her (the bartender) if we got some material together, if we could play there and she pretty much jumped on the idea but said it'd have to be a 4 hour set list. Between my friend (who is an amazing guitarist, mind you) and I, I feel confident enough that we can come up with 4 hours of material. We share almost the exact same taste in music and when we jam together we flow like water, so coming up with originals won't be a problem, it's just deciding on which covers to play. Here's my list of what I'd like to play that I can do all the way through:


Alice In Chains- A Little Bitter
Blink 182- Dammit
Death Angel- The Devil Incarnate (minus solos)
Godsmack- Moon Baby (learned that one completely by ear), Vampires
Greenday- Brain Stew/Jaded
Judas Priest- Breaking The Law
Korpiklaani- Vodka
Lamb of God- Omerta
Marilyn Manson- The Beautiful People
Megadeth- Kill The King (minus solo)
Metallica- Master of Puppets, Through The Never (minus the solos for both, but my friend can play the solos)
Rammstein- Du Hast, Pussy
Sepultura- Territory
Slayer- World Painted Blood
System of A Down- Aerials


Now the bar I frequent is definitely a rocker/metalhead gathering spot, so I don't really think any of these would be a problem to play there. Can anyone suggest some songs that are relatively easy to learn, heavy, popular/easily recognizable/fan favorites of different bands that I could add to that list?
Quote by leony03
Eyes of A Panther, Death To All But Metal, Asian Hooker, Community Property. All by Steel Panther.


Do it.



lol, I've been trying to learn some of their stuff, but Satchel is ri-god-damned-diculously good.
Quote by Jakk-locke
4 hour set? jesus how much are you guys getting paid :O
My curse by killswitch is easy enough
and hand of blood by BFMV is pretty simple


Anywhere from $200-$300, and we'd be playing pretty much every wednesday night.

As of right now it's just us 2, but we know plenty of drummers and bassists who are more than adequate to play those songs.
Ok, so I got to talking with the bartender at the bar down the street from my house who I'm on very good terms with now, and one of my friends who was interested in the idea of starting up a band. I asked her (the bartender) if we got some material together, if we could play there and she pretty much jumped on the idea but said it'd have to be a 4 hour set list. Between my friend (who is an amazing guitarist, mind you) and I, I feel confident enough that we can come up with 4 hours of material. We share almost the exact same taste in music and when we jam together we flow like water, so coming up with originals won't be a problem, it's just deciding on which covers to play. Here's my list of what I'd like to play that I can do all the way through:


Alice In Chains- A Little Bitter
Blink 182- Dammit
Death Angel- The Devil Incarnate (minus solos)
Godsmack- Moon Baby (learned that one completely by ear), Vampires
Greenday- Brain Stew/Jaded
Judas Priest- Breaking The Law
Korpiklaani- Vodka
Lamb of God- Omerta
Marilyn Manson- The Beautiful People
Megadeth- Kill The King (minus solo)
Metallica- Master of Puppets, Through The Never (minus the solos for both, but my friend can play the solos)
Rammstein- Du Hast, Pussy
Sepultura- Territory
Slayer- World Painted Blood
System of A Down- Aerials


Now the bar I frequent is definitely a rocker/metalhead gathering spot, so I don't really think any of these would be a problem to play there. Can anyone suggest some songs that are relatively easy to learn, heavy, popular/easily recognizable/fan favorites of different bands that I could add to that list?
Quote by Black Star
Why not do a lesser known, but still somewhat recognizable song by AIC, like Would?, Them Bones, or Bleed the Freak?


Well the AIC songs I picked are on their greatest hits album, so I'm pretty sure enough people know them.
Quote by axemanchris
And yes, I'll say it....In that regard, doing Nickelback is almost like doing Zeppelin. Loads of people (like me) are sick to bloody death of the zillions of bands that get up and do Whole Lotta Love or Misty Mountain Hop or whatever. If you're going to do Zep.... you better bloody well nail it, and nail it hard. Otherwise, I'm rolling my eyes, and maybe stepping outside to keep my friend company while he goes for a smoke break.

CT



It's funny you mention Zepplin along with Nickleback, as they're pretty much the 2 bands I'd absolutely refuse to do covers of. Nickleback, for my afforementioned undying hatred of them, and Zepplin for a couple reasons. One- they're overplayed to all hell. Two- I've never heard a good cover of Zepplin. Ever. No matter what cover band does them, they always completely brutalize Zepplin (and not in the good death metal/kvlt way). No one, IMO, can do their stuff anywhere near as good as them.

If I'm going to do AIC (and I will), I'd much rather do a lesser known hit than Man In The Box for a few reasons. One is the same reason as why I won't do Zepplin- no one I've ever heard can do an even halfway decent cover of it. This also hurts just that much more because Man In The Box is my favorite AIC song and to hear someone kill it just disheartens me. I also want to do lesser known songs but of popular artists like AIC, because I want to make people think a little bit and have them ask themselves "oh hey, I recognize that band, but I can't quite place what the name of that song is. I'll have to ask them what it is when they're done".
You could just do what Deicide did and walk into a record exec's office and say "Don't be a f*cking asshole, please sign us."