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Oh just wait a second, did we took a wrong turn,
Give me a minute have we crossed the limit?
Just admit i bet that you need,
Time to think and let it sink.
We're on the brink so pour me a drink,
Let's see where this brings.
Where do we go from here?
Your hands on the steering wheel
And i bet you can't hear,
As if this would heal.
I'm losing focus; fuck-us,
Let it rust and turn to dust.
Try to understand we're on this journey,
It's a long drive and it's going nowhere,
So drop me off here,
We're lost.
Maybe this unchartered road of nothingness
will bring me closer to the time machine I've been dreaming of.
Bring me closer, get me nearer
to where i used to talked about my dreams.
Moonbeam flashlights of a satellite,
Eclipse the night like a vision of another dystopia,
Which skips past this virtue i have here in my arms.
Disarmed this alarmed figured arm,
Like a heartbeat that ends abruptly stucked by gluttony,
A fear in the boat a mutiny?
Fractured by an ideology so tiny,
In this mind spaced clogged oddity,
Why complicate when it sounds that much easy,
Random access memory,
Visualised conceptualised contemporary,
Thoughts will run dry.
Can't you expect nothing less?
Maybe I've imagined it all as i contemplate this life I had.
I only think of you when I'm drunk,
By the bar in the lounge where we used to struck.
Now i only text you when I'm alone,
Modern romance at it's finest.
Oh how did it all came down to this?

This ship sank when you're away,
The captain's gone with all the gold,
I thought of you when it all unfolds,
Modern romance at it's finest,
How did it all came down to this?

It's 3am and here i am wandering and kicking cans,
In the alley of the cold night street,
But still no reply is all i get from you,
Modern romance at it's finest,
How did it all came down to this?
When i met you, you're all alone,
Sipping on your mojito like there's no tomorrow.
On the corner of the dim lit bar,
Thick rimmed spectacles hides your eyes,
But still it captivates my wonder.

Cigarrete buds i have a certain they're not yours,
the smoke stain odour reaps in your hair,
it's 3am girl but you're still i wonder

I might regret what i request,
Or is this the alcohol?
I'm not me but she's alright.

Legs crossed white tops at the coffeeshop,
You were reading a book about vampires & the galactic empire,
I like that story that you made up,
All jumbled up like your tresse

I might regret what i request,
Or is this just caffeine?
I'm not me but she's alright.

A mess at its best i rather confess

So you left me
Down at the boulevard of 31st street,
where we first fell in love.

I might regret what i request,
I'm not me but she's alright.
She's quite alright all along
"problems are just imaginery. it's in your head"
-a lecturer i once met

"why worry? you worry, you'll die. you don't worry you'll also die"
-my physics teacher
smile.

lie.

cry.

die.

why?
The door is closing fast child
the locks are on the inside
you better hide away
before the rain comes

your mom and dad are gone child
you were dumped near a dirt pile
it's a pity way to start
a newborn's life

what he's done?
where he's gone?
where's his mom?
no one knows..
where he sleeps?
what he eats?
what's his name?
nobody cares..

from all the pain he's been through
Oh God.. he deserves a better life
though his fate is unwelcomed
he shouldnt be a victim of abuse

The door is closing fast child
the locks are on the inside
you better hide away
before the rain comes

what he's done?
where he's gone?
where's his mom?
no one knows..
where he sleeps?
what he eats?
what's his name?
nobody cares..

no one cares
no one knows
nobody cares
juvenil child..
Quote by sdmfmofo
How have you not heard of Malawi? It's Madonna gets her children (labourers) from


so PIt, what are the countries that you didn't know existed?

i just realised there's a country called Tuvalu. there's this one that's called Djibouti
Quote by ZanasCross
I'm back now. c4c.


...to see the sun set twice;
parallel visions,
paralyzed places.
Fire mounted on the western sky,
a trophy hanging sadly amidst
unfinished business.
this is sad. really gets in the mood

We've chased the horizon with
static filled ears.
Masked ourselves with manic faces;
balancing the melancholy of
a burning earth, a smoking sky.
Replaced homesickness with cabin fever,
while etching ourselves a path toward
remembrance and familiarity.
good follow up from the 1st stanza

We've been climbing a ladder of hopelessness,
but I can now show her the peak
and watch her face light up the mezzosphere.
needs more line. kinda short. and whats a mezzosphere?



overall, it was good. i was eager to read more, but it just ends there.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1258926
thanks guys.
i meant it to be simple.

stanza one is about the relaltionship
second is about the break up
third is the results
you need to expand it more. needs more sadistic tone. i like the idea. it's nice

here's mine
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1258926
the second line is emm, a bit too long?
"on you knees pleading for your life
proclaim you innocence in the burning night"

i think this is the awesomest part. =]

i think you just need a few lines for the ending.
ohh, make it a good one. be looking for it.


by the way,
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1258926
thanks in advance
simple but still, very deep.
i like the ending. =)

care to check on mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1258926
we used to be like magnets
though unlikely of the romance
I atracted you, you captived me
you were south & I'd be north

the hearts so frail
vulnerable at a distance
you were there, i was here
you are south & I am north

we're still like magnets
though seems unlikely at hearts
I refused you, you resisted me
you went south &
I'd still be...


here
Quote by metal_al73
wahts carful??

and since when can angles fly??




oohh you didnt know?
something just dont seem to click. another verse maybe?
Quote by Karel Juwet
you're a superstar


you're just trying to get sigged aren't you?
i was told my problems were imaginary
They never get to far from me
judging by the way I reacted
They were just hazy thoughts and darkened serenity
that filled my moments of rage misconception

memories, sad stories tend to fill up inside of me
prevaricates what I stood up for in you
the birds never fly often here again
the empty nest left is just memories nonetheless
of what should be a calm devotion

you couldn't break the silence even if you try
the barricade it forms would tear the sanity in you
My shadow is what i have left here with me
it accompanies me like an alternate form of you
but it never runaway from me

This shouldn't be the end
This shouldn't be the end
This shouldn't be the end
This shouldn't be the end

the barricade is now broken
the problems are real
the birds are all dead
the silence is torn apart
and you're really gone

i was told my problems were imaginary
but this just wasn't it
i got inspired by snuff. thnx for the comments. =)
i messed up things of my past
turns tragic as things were think black fast
hope I just can still call you 'friend'
a friend so i can turn my back to
an agreement would clear this heart

speak it out you know its for the best
if you leave now i couldn't care less
i cant afford angels with rip off wings
my days feel numb with all these stings
a blinded you is deaf to the fact that i was there

so if this is where we're heading
I'll go before we'll reach the darkened end
i promised you this wouldn't hurt
blew the candle sunshine, promises are meant to be broken

so destroy me as we go
damn sure you'll let go before I know
kiss my wounds and I'll bite yours
blew the candle sunshine, cruelty isn't my best intention

everything around me reflects on your casket mirror
dig a hole as I'm part broken like a wounded deer
is this suppose to make things better now?
but you never seem to let go
switch me off dear,
you control me
i'm heart broken, she's engaged


things of a thought
once brighten now feared
too dark to even care
rip, rake, pull it apart
would you even shed a tear
my once solely cherished angel?

Your light felicity
thought i controlled it
wounds were created
subdued by the sweet second
why wont you disappear
my once solely cherished anger?

karma that's what I own
all i had to say was no
i meant it to be clear
these fortells of us should be true
will you show me your fears
when this chemistry sublimes?


a heart's requim is all I need
dreams, life, future, hopes stolen
never to be found again
another one takes the risk
a riddle in mind questions
will her once solely shattered heart repent?
confederartion cup- it's where the best of each continent meet. it's a pre-world cup tournament if i'm not mistaken
but i dont think josef mangele was responsible for this. he's a german. the mad scientist who did this was from the soviet union. =/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap1co5ZZHYE

imagine what if they did this to humans
a decision leads to another decision,
a road not taken, when it's taken you'll get options

1. you'll be flying up the sky
2. you'll be falling tumbling down and __?

a decision made from another vision,
a delusion resolved now it's a treason,
act now or you'll be missing

1. your soul
2. your faith
3. your life

scratch all three and you're low esteem,
a body with no soul to beam,
a yellow to another red or purplish blue,
lust overpowers what'd you do?


be wise
the next karma's on you.

next?
tick tick tick tick
Good morning ecstasy,
Too damn bizarre you just won’t marry,
I take my words back can I say sorry?
My sarcasm's my view isn't the best imagery.

Act of God you dis-Command with your hypocrisy,
Playing with words you think you're scary
Took the detour and now you'll worry,
Life is yours but you chose it randomly,
My respect to you just turned blurry,
I heard gossips but now it’s really...

true?
i
she's broken, heart torn, she's crying
trying to revolt what's left of the moment
nothing cracked open but a parade of sadness
solemn, hypnotic, and oh so controlling
marching through in and out her mind
giving in & letting out her signs
now here to nowhere to be seen
opening up her chapters of a teen

ii
she's dancing, gracefully and determined
spotlights on her eyes as she tries to cross the line
she's falling & they know it's not part of her daring act
with no matress on the floor he knows he have to make a move
running through in & out the crowd
uncertain of what she could or couldn't have been
he's giving her depth to her opera of a sin

iii
he's cold, shaking & terribly weak
a twist of faith on the reaction of a cold november rain
never missed a part, never missed the pass,unintended to remember
a simple warmth of soul is all he craves from his deserver
Never giving it up, not gonna turn her down, do what's right, take whats left, stumble it in all directions


Forever is for always
but that is what they chose
bells and the second
wouldn't take what I'm given
the moment to share
to comfort with kArE

tick tick tick

she reminds me of you
tho in my mind, she's still new
if beauty could kill
you're the massacre

stare at the mirror
it's you I see in her
look up high at the stars
chin up high we're far apart

bells and the second
just take what your given
the moment of truth
remember me could you not?

tick tick tick
Quote by ZanasCross
c4c.


i. I am

The result of a broken happy helmet,
a drunken backseat bell-bottom grope-fest
and dad's paycheck not being enough for
breakfast in bed.

The reason momma never made it to Hawaii,
no hula skirts or umbrella drinks.
A dead dream, fading fantasy
a free ticket into maternal slavery.

i think this should be under number2
2. I was

Crawling through the forest,
dragging two shells and a fourty-fiver.
Moaning to myself about life being too long,
and humanity being too shortsighted.

I was a man;
not a coward.
and this one should be under number1

c. I will

Do something with my fucking life,
even if it kills me.

it's too short.


i like the whole piece but i think its just too short.
7.5//10

now go crit mine (the hurt & remembrance)
this one is called 'the hurt & remembrance'

i messed up things of my past
turns tragic as things were think black fast
hope I just can still call you 'friend'
a friend so i can turn my back to
an agreement would clear this heart

speak it out you know its for the best
if you leave now i couldn't care less
i cant afford angels with rip off wings
my days feel numb with all these stings
a blinded you is deaf to the fact that i was there

so if this is where we're heading
I'll go before we'll reach the darkened end
i promised you this wouldn't hurt
blew the candle sunshine, promises are meant to be broken

so destroy me as we go
damn sure you'll let go before I know
kiss my wounds and I'll bite yours
blew the candle sunshine, cruelty isn't my best intention

everything around me reflects on your casket mirror
dig a hole as I'm part broken like a wounded deer
is this suppose to make things better now?
but you never seem to let go
switch me off dear,
you control me
sigged. thnx mate
don't you have better things to do? go fukk yourself.
i have problems with emo
i guess they sing with tears on the floor
and blood on the lyrics
whining bout lives and why can't they win
pour instant sadness to be part of the trend

well they say I'm off the track
look and stare as you might
i dont need hair like yours
with a smile on my face
I'll pass you by

i have problems with pop
i guess they hypnotize us with their catchy tune
and the 'la la las'
video never really killed the radio star
they hid it well to climb up the billboard chart

well, they say I need a gps
thanks, but i'll stay on this road here
I dont need your map to be there
with a smile on my face
I'll pass you by
you sir, are a great writer.
i like the verses very well. but i dont like the 'oohh' and 'mmhm' part. you said you done it very quickly, so i have to give you credits for writing a fairly good piece in a short time.
4//5

hope that helps. now crit mine
thanks..