bobby_splax posts

Quote by CLVPX

The "bases" as such I've always heard of are like

1: a pull, kissing
2: mutual masturbation; handjob or w/e
3: oral
4: sex


Dunno if I'm on the same idea as you but yeah

My fellow Americans, today is a homo day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "shlong", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually rape.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces black and nigga-esq challenges like never before. Our economy is ****ty. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for darkies. Our healthcare system is smelly. If your penis is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a porn star. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a sack chicken. But ****ing together we can right this ship, and set a course for new jersey.

Finally, I must thank my tall family, my ****in' campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank The KKK for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of ****ing the American people. Without your jewish efforts, none of this would have been possible.

Quote by Dæmönika

She cuts herself because she needs something to
believe in. She hides away to feel the sense
someone is looking for her. She questions
judgments because what she knows is different to everyone
else. She can’t stand up without leaning on
a pillar of derisiveness. So she cuts herself.

sounds pretty deep. the sentence structure i think is a 'bit murky. i had to re-read it a few times to understand it. "derisiveness" very nice word choice. Very complete thought here i think. Nicely done.

She cries each night to give her the allusion she is
on the streets. She believes in miracles because this world
has yet to claim her. She dances with shadows because they
neither know her name nor their own. She won’t surrender
because she believes she has nothing to give up. We’ll find her
cowered in a corner. So she cries at night.

I very much like this stanza. but shouldn't it be "illusion"?

We’ll ignore her because she is an insignificant dot
on our planet. We’ll sleep easy because we have no idea
she is struggling on her own. We’ll be happy that what we see
is what we want and we can get it at will. She’ll be cursing our names
and chasing the stars as they fall from the sky into her jealousy.
It’s too late to turn back the clock. So we’ll ignore her.

Sums up this piece quite nicely. shows the main character's impact. none.

Sutruh t’nowees t’na cewt ahw.
Eilton soe dties uaceb ror rimehtet ahew.
So we look away.

I have no idea what this means....lol what language is that?

Quote by Erlendhagen3

ok, so I made a lyric for my screamo band, I have put together some of my old lyrics and tweeked them so they fit to this song, I'm not sure what to do for the 3rd verse so please help C4C

VERS 1:
keeping us in walls,
no way in or out.
will I die today?
or will I live to stay?
feeding your own lust,
with our children's blood,
your promises,
we can not trust.

interesting rhyme scheme. flows quite nicely. "feeding your own lust..." interesting line. i don't really know what it entails, but it makes me want to find out.

REF 1:
telling lies every day,
in my eyes I can see,
that you have lost your way,
pass the torch, or you will pay.

this part seems a little vague. how has this person failed you? maybe expand upon this idea.

VERS 2:
We gather, torches are lit, knives are drawn,
retaliation has finally come.
I may be small, but I'm standing tall.
Now feel my wrath as I unleash it all.

not really feeling "i may be small..." kinda feels like a forced rhyme for the next line. still, what has this person done to make you come to this violence?

REF 2:
Bloodthirsty he hangs,
we have removed the fangs.
The bald eagle has fallen.
the big man's down.


if he's hanging, how is he bloodthirsty? he should be dead at this point right? i'm not really feeling the other lines here either. they seem a little weak. bald eagle? big man? the language needs more "oomph" C'mon. this is screamo. where's the rage?

Quote by matosh.lee

song i wrote just now

Thank you, for nothing

Just so you know

wherever I am.
whatever I am.

You didn't break my soul...

you just gorged out my eyes
you little vulture!

I like how this idea comes back later on

I saw things through this mirror
and I'm not gonna lie like you.
Try no more to pull me in, cause
I'm not gonna change who I am to fit your calendar.

not bad. the mirror line indicating that you know who you are right? i like that. i also really like the last line.

I didn't do no wrong cause I am who i am.
I'm not feeling any more pain
cause I'm never gonna be okay
but I've long been past the stages of denial.

I didn't judge you by the skeletons in your closet!
I looked past the mask of mascara.
I saw more than your fresh open scars.
It was all more than seeing you naked.

mask of mascara. i like that.

I saw you
and I wish I didn't.

damn...you burned that bitch...*hi-five*

*Thank you!
For tearing my eyes out.
Blessed you!
For being a rock to my glass heart.
Thank you!
For making my love spill like wine.
F*** you!
My heart has flow down the gutter.
Thanks! Cause things have never been clearer
since you gorged out my eyes!*

umm...i don't really like the kinda sarcasm type of thing going on here. but i do like the last line.

I touched you with numb hands
and I was never gonna love like you.
The tears of joy have turned crimson
and your deathly love froze them into rubies.

rubies are very precious gems. sure that's what you want to convey?

You are a crow but I am not the worm.
I was a living human, but no more.
After that first kiss I died and went nowhere.
You then picked at me like a corpse.


hmm...this part seems a little under-developed. probably because of the last line. it seems a little tacked on. even with the bird theme. because you have vultures, crows, back to vultures. maybe delve into this a 'bit more?


you were more than morphine
and you were better than ambrosia.
Now I know your just a depressant
with your frail kisses of joyful poison.

"more than mor-phine" cool. rolls off the tongue.

I loved you
and I wish I didn't

short, sweet. to the point.
**

look at me eye to eye!
I told you I'm not gonna promise like you.
Take of your mask of insecurities
and feel my rage crawl into your skin.

kinda the turning point i see? kinda goes into pissed off mode.

I want you to be all that you can be!
Which is hard cause your no more than a harlot,
but be the best one you can be cause your great...
At turning my love into backwash with pity.

all you can be? meh...do like the harlot line. rest of the stanza...not so much.

Call me all your foolish names
and maybe I will will hear at least one.
You cut off my senses leaving me a beacon in distress.
Thank you for leaving me deaf, blind, and dead!

once again, not really feeling the sarcasm

I hate you
and I'm glad i do.

i do like how you changeup from the longer more in depth stanza's to these shorter more poignant lines

**

Leave me alone and don't bother me with gifts.
Let me be alone in my velvet casket.
If I welcome in these close walls...
When will i be able to see that pretty face
that brings me so much malice!

**

I only want to stay cause you will be
down here soon!

i don't quite get this, she'll be down there with you in metaphoric death?