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Quote by Chris3235
So has a relationship break ever worked for you?

It's been a week of a no contact break and to be honest it's killing me..slowly. It was my girlfriends idea as she said she needed space. I'm seeing her friday but deep inside..something is telling me to end it. We have been together 3 years and she is honestly everything to me...I can't let go. I think she truly loves me as well but she isn't happy and she has no idea why.

It's been the worst part of my life so far. Any help/advice would be appreciated


For me personally no, but for some of my friends, also no.

Sorry man, breaks are just the early stages of break-ups
Quote by Acϵ♠
It'll hit you in a few days or a week or two. It usually does. Same thing happened with my last breakup. First few days were swell, then when i realized she just isn't there anymore it struck close to the heart. Working out did wonders, though. I quit smoking a while back and i got to rediscover the joys of being able to run, bike, skate, etc.


Pretty much all of this. Also agree on the working out part; self-improvement after a break-up is a great remedy to fight the stress and sadness.
Quote by lordofthefood1
My FWB had now blossomed into the most amazing thing I could imagine, but my situation is unique, though technically so is every other.

It depends on how you far you take "friends" (acquaintances vs actual friends vs best friends); "with" (how often you are with/around this person); and "benefits" (don't need to explain this one, but also consider the non-sexual or even sexually-specific).


Wait what? Lol
If only the world was as calm and understanding as you, Tom. That is why there needs to be a movie about your life.
Quote by kikaykitko
Kind of on topic, am I the only one who thinks silence when angry isn't such a bad thing?


Some people don't know how to keep their cool, and speak without thinking when angered. Speaking in that sense, I think it is smart for hotheads to cool off before speaking about the issue at hand to their SO, so it can give them time to gather their thoughts and make the discussion more pleasant.
You mean no one else cries under their bed sheets for days after a breakup? No one?
@harmonicer

Imagine this: Things with you and her work out. Next thing you know, you are the boyfriend who she says it is rough with, and the next guy takes the spot of where you were before yall got together. See the cycle?
Once you bring it up, the FWB is over. Only chance is to drop hints in hopes that she brings it up first (or just get lucky that she actually feels the same way and go for it). Anything could happen though, really.
I think a good middle-ground is to ask what kind of activities she enjoys in the first place. He'll be able to get a good idea of what she wouldn't absolutely hate from a general question like that.
I'm also an advocater for laser tag. That shit is fun for all ages. Also rock-climbing for the outdoorsy type.
Quote by Jostry
Activity, I was thinking about the movies, but since it's the first date, I don't know if that's too awkward.


Mini-golf is my go-to. You really can't go wrong with it, who doesn't like putt-putt?
Quote by Jostry
Best thing to do on a first date, with the lowest possible chance of awkwardness?


Are you talking about what activity to do or how you should act?
Quote by Mainer
So. I met this girl (classic way to start any story huh?). She's pretty amazing. She's in my audio recording lab here at school, and we have another class together. She's a musician, she's smart, funny, not hard to look at at all. I've been here for two weeks and every time we see eachother we talk and laugh a lot, we have a lot in common. I'd really like to ask her out this weekend, I really can't think of a girl I've ever liked more...

Last night there was a free ice-cream dance party thing on campus. She messaged me on facebook and told me to come over. I walked across the campus in the pouring rain just to see her (totally romantic right? hahaha). I get there and don't see her. Then she came over and said hi and that she was glad I came. She ran off and I eventually made my way to where everyone was dancing. This is about when I started not existing...Plus it probably didn't help that fear, nerves and whatnot all hit me at once.

SO I got all awkward turtle and went back to my dorm...What do I do?


Sounds like she wanted you to chase her a tad bit, which is fine. Message her today and ask if she wants to grab lunch tomorrow. Keep it simple.
Why continue to want to hangout with this guy?
Quote by snappedstrings6
Okay; I don't normally post here about... much. Lol

So basically, there's this really awesome girl who my best friend had a crush on for a little while. I am the best friend ever, so I didn't make any moves on her, in fact, I hung out with her last night to tell her that she should go for him and basically insure that they would get together. And I think I completely platonicized myself, she thinks of me as a straight forward friend, not sexually that I know of.

Today I found out that he decided that he didn't like her... I helped catalyze her getting completely screwed over and led on by my best friend, when I talked him up as the sweetest, nicest guy ever... So a bunch of conversations later, they are pissed at each other and they are no where near friendly... (He completely douched up the place to the nth degree, it was painful and I am objectively pissed off at him for how shitty it was.)

And I'm getting feelings for her...

What do?


If you want to risk 2 of your friendships, go for it. Otherwise, don't do anything.
Quote by kikaykitko
I think I have at some point. My friend doesn't really care, as long as I remember I still owe him money and try to pay when I can. On the other hand, I have asked my bf before and he kind of just forgot about it I guess. Didn't bother bringing it up again bc I didn't want to nag.


We spoke about the issue some more today and I guess he is changing the terms of our financial arrangement. I believe his exact words were: " We will have bills. I will pay them. If you want to contribute, be my guest."

I'm not sure how comfortable I am with that. I may not make as much but I don't want to be a freeloader (as comfortable as that sounds).


There is a difference between having responsibilities and nagging.

Also, him saying that is not fair. That seems more confusing than anything.
Quote by kikaykitko
Okay, that seems reasonable. I think that would be the best option at this point.

What about this: Since I didn't have a job when I was supporting him, I had to borrow money from my friend to help pay for my boyfriends's rent (I know, messy debt situation here). My friend is very lenient and told me I can pay whenever so I'm paying him in installments. Is it reasonable for my bf to at least contribute to paying the amount I owe my friend since the money went to him ultimately? Or is that all on me since I was the one who borrowed the money?


That might be something you want to talk to him and your friend about. I think there is something I am missing here and I don't want to give you bad advice.

Quote by Krieger91
When I hear about how when girls you know get attracted to you..there's a certain amount of time to make your move before it's too late, is that true?


Like, if you don't make your move straight away, even though you may have known her for a while, is it a "never have a chance with her again" kind of thing as people put it?

Seems a bit farfetched to be but I don't know.


Yes. You want to "strike when the iron is hott" before she shakes off that attraction and then only focuses on seeing you as a friend. It doesn't have to be straight away, but the longer you wait the worse.

Quote by megano28
Man, you're a psych major, correct? You should know better than to get threatening when the Amygdala takes control. Could have resulted in even more backlash. And I'll only mention this one more time. Do not waste your time pming me about how your feelings are hurt. I delete that kind of childish shit on sight.


Ace you're a psych major? No way, that's awesome!
Quote by willT08
I think it'd be fair that if he pays your rent up to the same amount you call it a wash. As long as you talk about it beforehand and he understands that


This seems like the fairest option to me. Just make sure everything is laid out before hand, as no one like to owe someone else money, especially couples.
I was wondering why you posted again. Goodjob Frizz, always a crowd-pleaser.
Quote by megano28
Did I not just say you should have read it? I never said you should have assumed a thing.

And it's your preference to not read "wall o' texts", but it's also my preference to correct you when you make declarations that are unnecessary and uninformed. I'm sure if I told any two users to take something to pm which was already concluded, I'd be rightfully corrected and set straight.


You aren't even get what I am saying. If I'm not interested in the topic being discussed, I'm not going to be inclined to read it, but I can tell when it's starting to clog up the RT; so in that light, it's like I was suppose to know that the discussion was concluding.

There is still no reason to come off as a dick. You literally could have just said, "The convo just finished up, no worries" instead you say that.

But it seems as if the discussion is still going on, maybe you spoke too soon?
Quote by megano28
This is one of those times you should have read it, at least either of our last posts. Pretty sure it was summed up by now.


I was just supposed to assume that the last posts were going to be the last? No thanks, wall o' texts aren't my style.
Friz & megano, do you two mind switching to PMs with the discussion yall are having? I haven't read any of it, but it seems to be tame which is fine, but it's kinda just past the point of keeping it in the thread.

Quote by fc89konkari
Hey guys! I was at her place last night. Met her peeps and there was a good vibe between everyone. Feeling really good about her and me It wouldn't feel too unnatural to just glide into a relationship from here, so is a DTR absolutely necessary in all cases?


Yes, in a sense that you both want to be in the same boat. It can be as short or as long as you want, with a simple, "Do you want to be exclusive?" and/or "Do you want to make things official?" or "Do you consider us to have a label?". Anything like that just to let her know what you are thinking.

Quote by Colohue
Who's going to play me in this global masterpiece? Moreover, how many soft rock workout montages am I going to get?


Morgan Freeman will be the narrator, obviously. You can hold your own tryouts for whoever gets to play you if you want.

Quote by SomeEvilDude
Well, I know I've been predominantly absent from the RT for quite a while, although frequently lurking and not feeling the need to get involved (yous lot done good).

In spite of this, there's so much stuff going on in my actual real life, that I'm not realistically going to have the time to get on here at all any more, either for lurking or the odd post.

It's been a fun few years with some very fond memories (albeit with my activity getting less and less) but the time has come to move on from here.

Lots of of love to all of you, and I hope this thread maintains a bastion of seriousness and proper help in the cesspit that is The Pit, keep up all the good work guys and gals.



Noooooo, you can't leave us, SED! You still need to wingman me the next time you get a chance to come to America!

Come back to the RT at least every once in awhile, we'll miss you man!

Edit: Formatting lulz
Quote by yellowfrizbee
@me+yourmom=69, are you really asking or are you trolling around?


Why would he admit to trolling
Quote by me+yourmom=69
How can stop being afraid of girls?


Seriously, stop spamming the thread with questions like these.
Quote by Colohue
I'm not old. I keep back the grey hairs through pure intimidation.

Intimidating hair isn't easy. It's been around a while, and it's got serious attitude.


Oh right, how could I forget

Quote by yellowfrizbee
I know. I am loving all these perceptions of you, though. I am going to gather all the inaccurate ideas and write a fake biography about you. Ill just keep adding on to your fake life and eventually everyone will believe me. My logic is flawless.

Did you guys know Tom also used to be an astronaut? Oldest astronaut in space, actually. He takes his type writer up there and that's where he writes all of his novels. In fact, that's actually where he goes when he disappears from this forum. Just floats around in space with his type writer and intimidates his sassy hair. This is 100% true, you have my word.


He's also the actual Tom in David Bowie's hit song "Major Tom", you can't forget about that.
Quote by Colohue
I feel all dirty just from reading whatever crap you just spouted.


This is was what I was thinking. I'm not old like Tom though

Ting is an onomatopoeia, technically speaking, but other than that is has no meaning.
Quote by Owenlee55
Because we're friends, I know her fairly well, as does she for me, you know?


Right, but what will you accomplish from asking that? Whichever answer she gives, she'll then know that you have feelings for her, which might as well be the same as telling her straight up.
^It's not so weird, but more so really bad for your chances if you ask her that. Why don't you just ask her out on a date and skip through that middle man?
Quote by me+yourmom=69
How do I get girls if im ugly?


Why must you troll this thread?
^Oh for sure. But I'm talking like if the guy is like, "So I see you had a bad run in with the cops a couple of months ago, how was that" or something ridiculous.
Quote by Tree-Yo!
So I've known this girl for about 5 years, close with her family. She always said I was like her brother till about last summer when I broke up with my ex and she broke up with hers so we were hanging out to keep our mind off things. When a few nights later she was drunk and text me saying how she's "always liked me" and wanted to date me. We hooked up and all However her ex came back and so did mi r and that was that. Then the same thing happened and we started talking. So a year later her ex who beats her, cheats and all that she calls me all tr time saying "come pick me up" and we hang out. He forbids her to talk/hang with me which she still does. Hes extremely controlling and often takes her phone.

So I'm confused. Like a week ago she sent me a nude photo of her "private area" and a few days later she was out of town and snapchated me a boob pic, and then talked to me for 3 hours till she fell asleep? But when she's in town she rarely replies (usually cuz he beats her and takes her phone) so I'm pretty confused. She says she's leaving him. They live together but the lease is up in the next 2 days so let's hope he's not moving into the new place!

I've always really had feelings for her and still do. I've planed to speak with her about it but haven't had the chance as he seemingly holds her against her will. Advice? Let me know! Thanks. (Yes I have already kicked this kids ass) lol


Girl sounds like a freak in my opinion. Does she enjoy getting beat and cheated on? Is that really someone you'd like to date? If I were you, I'd tell her to get her priorities straight or to stop coming to you after shit like that happens because she obviously isn't trying to do anything to fix it.
Quote by megano28
I would.

It's incredibly off putting when someone has to do such things prior to a date in order to try and relate to someone better. I'm someone who puts an incredibly high value on improvisation, and the fact that someone would mention something in a previous post of mine, or even like a birthday 'on accident' would make me feel very uncomfortable.

Too much thought is put into these things and these kind of strategies go hand in hand with the prefabrication of potential conversation.

As for the coffee bit, I'd never put that much attention into a woman, but then again, I have a very steep affection curve with women.


What are your thoughts on mentioning a presumably controversial topic that you know she would be receptive to? For instance, say you saw that she shares your religion or political alignment and it allowed you to bring up those topics without the fear of clashing.
Quote by willT08
This is what I mean. Who's is it? Do you really need to read up on how to just talk to women like they're real people? And it's just stuff like this. Like I've said before, often times you and others make it seem like it's some kind of strange game and it all seems off to me.


I used to not be good with the whole texting thing. It didn't come natural to me, and I've never been good with words. So I did what any teenager would do: I looked up tips on the internet. Please, spare me.

Quote by yellowfrizbee
Pssh, it better be! I work hard for them hearts stalking you isnt easy, you know

A fella I just recently broke it off with was like this. He was fiercely observant and his memory was scary good. I don't think he was trying to take notes, either. I think he was just naturally incredibly observant and aware. He used his intel wisely, anyways; he was always very thoughtful and sweet. Other times he came off creepy, but most times thoughtful.

Then again he did admit to stalking my Facebook AND my ultimate-guitar posts. So maybe it was a little bit of memory, little bit of stalking.

If you are reading this right now, stop stalking me, come over, and go to the rock gym with me, asshole.


Consider the hearts earned

If you think that's bad, I once dated a girl with like photographic memory. She would use everything I said to her advantage and I had no chance.

P.S. What is a rock gym? Is it like where you go rock climbing?

Quote by kikaykitko
Agreed. Dated a dude once who took me to dinner. I ordered a decaf and put two sugar packets in and lots of cream in. For our next date, he picked me up. With decaf, double cream, double sugar. Dude doesn't even drink coffee! It was marvelous.


Exactly. This is more what I was trying to get at, stuff like this really puts you up an extra notch or two in a woman's book.
Quote by megano28
It's one thing to facebook stalk someone, but to give them constant little snippets of information you saw there during a date to try and prove you're trying just seems incredibly off.

All I'm saying is that moderation is incredibly important, you can't just berate her with it


Oh for sure. I'm just saying I wouldn't be surprised if someone was to slip up by mentioning something only a facebook stalker would know

Quote by willT08
So many things FB says seem off to me. I still can't get over that he has a word for starting a perfectly normal conversation and refers to it as a strategy.


Off? Like what?

The word choice is not mine, and the strategy was sarcasm, thought that was obvious.
With Facebook nowadays, it's pretty common I'd think.
^Protip: If you can remember something detail-oriented from the first date and mention in the 2nd, you'll get major brownie points for being observant.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
Stalking you is a hobby of mine, yes. In my defense, I have nothing better to do with my life

Nah, I was just browsing UG while watching it, and some of the PUA-esque strategy stuff came up in it, and it reminded me, and I associated it.

Speaking of stalkers, though! I forgot to update on my creepy stalker situation, if any of you remember me mentioning it a while back. Just a warning, it is pretty anti-climatic (thankfully).

I blocked the number after the first day, shortly after posting about it, and didnt look back. Didnt go on inquiring my close friends about it or anything either. Never found out who it was or why. Decided I didnt care. Havent gotten a strange visit or even heard anything of it since.

Easy


Friz, you know my love for you is unconditional

Glad to see your stalker problem went away!
Quote by yellowfrizbee
FB, I just finished watching a movie called Coffee Town, and Ben Schwartz in it reminded me of you. Is that weird ?


I don't know what to say

I think he's a funny actor, and although I've never seen that movie... yes it's weird

Have you been stalking me or something?
Quote by willT08
So like, starting a normal conversation very normally?


Shh, you're giving away my secrets.