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A text strategy I like to do it something called "pinging". It's where you text her about something in your environment (related to prior conversation is preferred) anything like, "I just saw the biggest/smallest/coolest *thing* ever and it reminded of *topic we discussed*. It's just had nothing but good results for me.

As far as the blind date situation, you want to go in and be positive about it. It's okay to be nervous, but don't let it affect your confidence. Check out my post right about yours for things to do on early dates.
Things to not do:
1) Come off as desperate
2) Not pay for the date if you were the one to invite her out
3) Lose your table manners

Things to do:
1) Avoid conversation lulls
2) Keep her laughing
3) Be yourself
Quote by Colohue
That's not different to my advice at all. If you'd taken my advice, that's exactly the logical conclusion you would have ended up at. She wants you to text back on nights out because you might be talking to girls, and you're her fall back guy. If she loses her fall back guy she has an issue.

End it before the inevitable "I've found someone better."


TRUTH BOMB
When I got kicked in the ribs playing goalie last semester I was in so much pain that I figured I might as well die, as I had never felt that much pain before.
^Also another possibility that I could see being true.

Last sentence is definitely 100% true.
Quote by Highelf04
You say feel wanted?
I'm not quite sure I understand....


Girls like to feel wanted. It's embedded into them (and guys alike) in the early stages of courting via "the chase".

They want to be extra extra sure that the guy is indeed into them, and that he is not stringing them along or considered to be a player.
Quote by Highelf04
That is the main part of that which stuck out to me freeze. (Not to make the rest of your post irrelevant)

When I said she gave me a vague answer, back in march/february time, when I first asked her.
She did say regarding the two of us, that she did like me and that we were only getting with each other (so I guess mutual exclusive)
(I felt it was vague, as I said, never been in that situation before, so I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, what she would say)

It's an hour and a half train journey or so. The only reason that we first really visited each other was because her parents were on holiday. They have no clue I exist, oddly enough when I've been in their house....
I don't personally think I could press the 'meeting up' thing before uni especially, in that way.

I'm just a little torn between actually asking her whether she still feels the same way, or just leaving it until I see her when we go back to university.
The last time I did do that though, it finished up with us ending things and she came crying back to me around 3 weeks later.

It's just things like us skyping less/me always being the one who starts things recently. I'd like to hope I'm overthinking and overanalysing everything rather than actually being correct. (Even though thats not ideal...and I need to stop)
I'd just rather have things in black and white, rather than a constant paranoia of "shit I'm starting all our conversations....shit she doesn't care anyone".

This has been since I got back from 6 weeks abroad in America. Where we weren't in contact as frequent as usual...and it has only been a week or so.
This may leave when I'm actually doing something rather than sitting on my arse sitting on the internet...


From how I see it, she just still wants to feel wanted. Don't act like anything is off, and pretend like things are dandy. As long as she sees that you are happy and fine, she should have no reason to act otherwise. You don't have to talk to her everyday (being the initiator), but don't let that mental blockade stop you from communicating with her.
Quote by Highelf04
*snip*

It might just be me going crazy from a severe lack of things to do...which I hope it is...
Part of me thinks, it might just because I've got jack all to do and she might be busy or something without her actually telling me....I just don't know...


What you should do is solely based off what you think she is thinking and how she will react.

If you think she would receive you asking her to be exclusive well, then do that.

If she is the type of person that really likes/needs that someone, then it might be better to do it sooner than later.

Maybe prod her a bit and ask her how her week looks, and if she says she has a lot of things going on then you'll know that she is more that likely just busy and not ignoring you.

If I were you in this situation, I think I might just go for it, and come out and be like, "Yo, let's be exclusive" but then again, I don't know yalls situation as well as you do.

Is there much distance between where yall are now compared to when you're at uni?
Quote by DiminishedFifth
Update on my situation, for those interested!

Took her out to dinner last night to a place called Shogun. For those that don't know what that is, it's a Japanese Habachi Grill similar to Bennihanas and those. Date went great! She told me she'd never been asked out on a real date before, and, to be honest, that REALLY surprised me

Went back to her place and watched The Godfather (good ass movie) and popped open another bottle of wine. We both admitted that we had feelings for each other. I went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend and she said that the timing's not right (her body language and the way she talks to me shows that she definitely does want to be with me). We ended up not sleeping at all and stayed up talking, watching movies, messing around and just generally having a good time.

Before I left I told her that if her situation changes that she should let me know. We both still plan on hanging out and stuff. Even if we end up not getting together in the end, she's just a great gal and we both have a lot of fun together. We also made plans to go to sa drive in movie theater in a couple weeks, so I'm super excited about that. Will be a first for both of us!


An unfortunate road block, but I think you are still doing fine.

Quote by guitarxo
Nearly a week and I haven't been on his fb profile or looked for the girl I saw him with YES

- I certainly could block him and I am going to unfriend him soon, but I want to see how much self-control I have.


So brave. I've found that blocking is effective.
Love: UVA, anyone playing VT, Boise State (blue field so cool)
Hate: VT, Duke, Georgia Tech

WAHOOWA
Fuck zed. That champ needs a nerf, tired of him shitting on teams.
Quote by willT08
Yeah actually. We got talking about Uni and neither of us really seemed totally up for giving it a go. Which is sad considering how sure we were we'd make it work last year.


Distance is tough, I'm not going to sit here and say it's not. I've tried distance roughly 4 times, and I suck balls at it; it is not for everyone. At least it was mutual though, could have been worse.
Quote by willT08
Good because now I can't possibly cheat on her. Bad because I love her


Was it mutual at least?
Quote by vintage x metal
^ You know, I may do it just for the lolz, and I'll definitely post it if I do.


Preferences are preferences; neither pole on the spectrum of weight is more respectable than the other, nor is anything in-between. The only thing that is not respectable is making women feel bad for your preferences.


Oh please do, we eagerly await.

And I agree. There is no such thing as being "normal".
Quote by vintage x metal
Awww yeah, creepin on the ladies Can it be someone I know or does it have to be a rando?


Both. Double the fun, right?
Quote by vintage x metal
I like nice-lookin' stuff. Sometimes I'm like 'damn mami bring that ass back this way' (silently, in my head, lol). Sometimes instead I'm like 'damn mami I like your lipstick'.


I lol'd. Next time say the first one out loud, then take a picture of their reaction and post it on UG.
Quote by jeremessmore
I'll begin this post with a quote from The Boondocks. "Grandad, game recognize game and you lookin' kinda unfamiliar right now". Now to my story, my girlfriend of two and a half years broke up with me, I knew it was coming and had already moved on mentally. Now I find myself in a predicament, I'd love the company of a female. Perhaps not in a romantic sense just yet, but it would be nice. However, in two and a half years of only talking to one girl, it appears as though I've entirely forgotten how to talk to other girls. The technique I used back in the day of liking one of their pictures and waiting for them to like one of mine, then beginning a conversation, appears to no longer be the norm. Help me out RT, how do I talk to girls?

TL;DR I dated a girl for a long time, we broke up. I don't know how to talk to girls.


That technique... is brilliant!

Cliche answer: Just be yourself.

Real answer: We all know that is just bullshit mainly. You're going to have to put yourself out there emotionally. You cannot expect girls to come up to you and initiate conversation (unless you are the next Justin Timberlake), so you're gonna have to put in some effort. Make conversation with every girl you see, whether you think she is attractive or not. Make all the friends you can, go out with the bros to clubs, do whatever you want, just keep interacting with people. No one can teach you how to talk to girls except yourself, and the best way to learn is through practice.
Quote by lolmnt
Controversial.


How is that controversial? I have no doubt in my mind that I would totally bang Kate Upton
Oh man, this entire thread... just full of trolls and people that have no idea what they are talking about. To the few that are actually speaking the truth, I salute you.

And for the record, I would totally do Kate Upton.
^Same. Very original background, and it doesn't start out with the boring "So there's this girl I like..."
Quote by will123456789
Well last night, it got even better with girl that I've mentioned above. We went with one of our really close mutual friends, and we were matchmaking for him (he's gay, which makes it a lot easier for some reason). Anyway, to cut to the chase, she came back to mine again, and this time we had the proper serious conversation, about exclusivity and all that sort of stuff. We basically came to the conclusion that we're pretty much exclusive anyway, but it's easier to keep it a secret and more fun too. Plus, I don't like pushing it into peoples faces. So we sealed it with a kiss, and we're officially seeing each other exclusively.

That was first bit of awesome news of the day.Then I had telephone interview this morning to do a MA in History at my first choice University and was given an unconditional offer.

Life is looking rosy for will123456789, absolutely awesome. The advice I've got here from lurking and posting has been awesome,both in terms of relationships and life in general and I'd like to thank you guys for that, keep up the good work!!


No problem man, just enjoy it!!
Quote by Nucksta
This is my first time posting in the thread, so I guess a quick hello is in order.

So this girl that I was seeing last summer and I had a fairly bad break up. Before we had even split she had started going out with a few other guys and telling me about it after their date, and was just generally a shitty person towards me. After we had called it quits she starts telling me, and a few of our mutual friends, that I had all but raped her. A few months after we had broken up she started dating a friend of mine, he eventually broke it off with her and once again she started telling people that he had practically raped her every time they had sex.

Her and I worked for the same department at my university so we were forced to be around each other at certain points in the year, this was fine I was nothing but polite to her, and she was polite towards me while we were at work. I'd found out through other people in our department that when I wasn't working she would revert back to telling people about all of the terrible things that I had apparently done to her. Whenever I would start talking to another girl (whether it be just friendly, or romantically) she would make sure to pull the other girl aside and tell her I was a piece of shit.

Fast forward to today. I was meeting with a professor that I'm TAing for this semester, since part of being a TA is keeping his grade book in order he handed me the class roster. Who's name do I see on this roster? Her's of course. Why she's in a mid-level class in a department that she had shown literally no interest in before now is beyond me, but she's in it. This leaves me a bit terrified, I love what I study in university and fully intend to go to graduate school for it. An integral step for me to go to graduate school is to TA for this class and to get a recommendation from the professor out of it. Part of me is just dwelling on the fact the she has the ability to screw me over. Before her and I had broken up I would have never seen her as vindictive, but given how she acted all last year...that's definitely changed. The last thing I need is her to claim that some kind of inappropriate conduct happened during the course, during private tutoring hours, or during review sessions that I'll be holding.

Sorry for the wall of text, but I kind of needed to vent a bit. Any advice on how to deal with this guys?


First off, definitely talk to the professor about it. He or she will most likely understand. Try to avoid having 1 on 1 interactions with her regarding the class or anything else.

If all else fails, just give her an F for the class

Quote by EchoxOath
So im in college and my girlfriend is 2 1/2 years younger than me, weve been together a year and 8 months, shes amazing. I really want to try out drinking alcohol on weekends with my roomates and what not, but my girlfriend is very anti drinking because her step brother got in a really bad accident accident from a drunk driver blah blah. Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to approach the subject so that she doesnt have like major resentment towards me for it because we have a very open relationship and I wouldnt be able to drink without telling her, theres no way i could do that to her or myself.


Stuff like that is hard, I don't have any experience with it. Yall definitely need to have some serious discussions about it between the two of you.
Quote by theguitarist
Hit him.


You should give all your friends just the one smack so they know where the line is, otherwise they'll push and push and take the piss trying to find your boundary and will only stop if they reach their own limits. If they are sadists, that limit will be so high that they'll probably end up killing you in trying to find your boundary. So make it easy for them and draw a clear line for them not to cross.


I like violence. Punch him when no one is looking, that way if he complains about it, he will look like a bitch.

Or just say "No no, don't do that, it'll give me an erection."
Quote by will123456789
Last night I took her on a minidate (well, she took me) had some ice cream, a cheeky walk near the sea, was pretty good. Then we went back to mine, where we had sex and she stayed the night. After we had finished, we were holding each other in one another's arms, and I asked "so, what about this text then?" (Yes I know, not the smoothest) to which she replied "oh, don't bring that up!" I persevered and I said "was this a way of [nickname I've got for her] telling will123456789 she likes him?" she responded with "maybeeee..." and I replied playfully with "well, maybe will123456789 likes [nickname] a little bit too. But only a little....", to which she said "nah, you mean loadssss!" She then joked at how bad I was at these conversations to which I laughed, and we made out and flirted some more after that. All in all, was a good night.

Cheers for the advice guys, it pushed me in the right direction, and I think it gave both me and the girl the clarity we wanted/needed. I'm not sure what the next step is mind, probably just keep going how I'm going, its done alright for me up to now!


Accidentally missed this. Congratz dude, glad to see it all worked out.

Quote by fc89konkari
Hey, it's me again! Went out with this girl, a week ago, went perfectly (started the controversy about 5-9 days vs. 3 days and all with Drapte). I tried setting up something for this week, but she's busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest (thank Corey Taylor for that one). I'm quite busy too with my excercising and other things. She suggested the weekend, but we haven't cleared that out yet. Tomorrow that'll most likely be sorted out.

I'm just going crazy about her. She's either purposefully or accidentally making it a hell of a chase for me She rarely makes any initiatives for a conversation or anything, but whenever I engage her into one it's all magical and perfect. Same thing goes with dates or privacy in general. The situation basically is that were I to do no initiatives, we'd most likely never have our romance, or then very very slowly.

I don't really have a question with this post, I just have to put it out to someone. It's making me insane! She's not a shy person. She doesn't come off to me as someone who'd really make an effort at making herself a chase, but one way or another she's doing a hell of a job at it.

Came to mind, is there some way I could make even a girl like her chase me, or subconciously make her make an initiative? I'd love her to make some, but I'm afraid that if I cut mine out, it won't go anywhere, or very slowly like said. I know she's interested, but how could I convince her that I'm a catch?

Thanks (for listening at least)!
-J-

EDIT: just wanted to sum it up, I know she'll fall for me if I keep doing my thing, but I'd just want to see her make an initiative or to (to chase me)


She is most definitely making you work for her, and she knows it. Just keep the mystery going and you'll be fine.
Quote by ESPLTDV401DX
I really don't understand the way I interact with girls. I will start liking someone, talk with them, fllirt with them, ect then ask them out. As soon as they say yes I lose any interest that I had in them and I dont want to date them anymore. I dont do it intentionally but it just kind of happens. This is the third time this has happened now. Am I being a manipulative asshole or does anyone else ever feel this way?


Ah, the thrill of the chase. It's a curse I tell you. I've dumped a few girls in my day for that thrill, dumbest thing ever. We are simply assholes.
Seems like a good idea. Some girls take rejection really hard, and it's best to just let them have their peace.
I believe in love at first sight, so why can't DiminishedFifth fall for a girl after a first date? I've done it before and things worked out.

Quote by Acϵ♠
I'm being real blunt here, but it's come to the point where you either have to spill it--all of it--or stop posting about this issue because there's literally nothing anyone can do about it without a full understanding of the situation. And to be brutally honest it's starting to feel like you are seeking attention and getting a carnal enjoyment out of us continually asking you wtf is going on. Not to accuse you of such, but when the ol' spidey sense is tingling...


She is done posting in the thread. She is definitely not seeking attention, I can spot those people from a mile away, just let this one go.
Quote by chev311e
Smoothest line I've ever heard.


Yeah I have to admit I smirked and considered giving him a golf clap-- brilliant.
Quote by will123456789
Yeah I suppose I thought she would have gotten the hint by me wanting to hang out with her, kiss her, have sex with etc. but I guess I just need to clarify it for her. And yeah, I'll have to talk to him about it, we'll see what happens. I'll keep you updated if any of you like following these sorts of tales!

But yeah, really appreciate the effort to read and reply to my posts!


No problem buddy, I hope it all works out for you

Quote by bill976
Yeah, you're right. Thanks for the grounding, man


Anytime

Quote by Rising
Greetings RT, please hear my story and tell me what you think...

*Wall*

What do you think, RT? I'm generally reluctant to make a move on someone who:

A) is inside of my social circle (where the risk may potentially outweigh the reward)
B) has a bit of an ego and is generally desired among most guys I know of (i.e: I hate competing for women >_>

And, of course, I'm still in terrible head-space; having been recently annihilated (emotionally) by another woman I went out with in my extended social circle.

Thoughts?


First off, don't EVER go to a college/university because a girl wants you to. I've seen that happen so many times and it just ends with disaster every time.

We cannot make this decision for you, however. You can either go for it or not, no one here will be able to tell you what you should or should not do-- both options can be right or wrong.
Quote by bill976
Dammit man, this is getting tough and I don't know why.

EDIT: Perhaps I should elaborate. Basically, I'm getting the temptation to let her know how I feel, and call her every name under the ****ing sun. Even though I know It'll just make it worse, the temptation is seductive.

Oh, and she also said that her new guy just stood her up for a date. Feels good man.


You will regret it if you give her any more attention, I can promise you that.

Quote by Joey1993
yo guys just a quick question

theres a girl im interested in but she is leaving for a 3 week overseas exchange on sunday, im seeing her saturday

should i make a move on saturday or forget about it until she gets back??

thanks


It wouldn't be a bad idea to put a seed in her head that you're a pretty cool guy, I don't see why making a move would be a bad idea, just don't overdo it.

Quote by will123456789
I've got a question about a girl that I've been sleeping with for a bit - she sent me a few texts last night saying that her feelings for me have grown recently. I didn't really know what to say, and I put some jokey response back. We texted back and forth a bit and she said 'some times you're a bit off with me, so I didn't know if you felt the same.' Cardinal rule of RT is not to tell the girl you like her, but show her. And that's essentially what I have been doing, taking her on dates, having sex with her, and she's stopped over at mine a few times 'snuggling'.

Sometimes I am a bit off with her, and I don't realise I'm doing it until afterwards, but she obviously does. I'm usually a loud guy, so when I'm not it's a bit strange. Plus, I like attention, so when I'm not centre of it, I have a minor sulk. I'm trying to cut this out, but this weekend we were at Leeds Festival and I kind of ebbed and flowed in mood a bit, through lack of sleep mixed with alcohol, and I think it probably did send mixed signals. We made out in my tent on the Friday night though, and she came to get in my tent on Sunday night, but I was already asleep so she returned to her tent.

Last night I said to her about my stupid attention thing, and that usually I need to be told to stop being an idiot, and it sorts me out. We're seeing each other tonight, and I made some joke about her inviting me in for 'coffee', so we're having some sort of date. I usually like to keep our interactions fun and interesting, but we might have to have this serious conversation in person tonight.

If she straight out asks me how I feel, what do you think I should say? I do like her a lot, it's just complicated by the fact that me and her ex were/are good friends. They split up a year ago mind, and I know he knows that we have been getting together. I've not talked to him about it, though, but she has.

I just don't want to let too much out of the bag in terms of how I feel, cos I usually like to keep my cards close to my chest. On the other hand, I do realise that communication is key in any sort of human relationship.

What to do RT?


That cardinal rule is only for the beginning stages, before the guy and the girl have done anything. You have already had sex with this girl, I think you've shown her enough. Girls need to be told for reassurance after some point, and this seems like a good time to start. If you really honestly like her, then tell her that. If you feel the need to mention the ex problem, and DEFINITELY talk to your good friend about all of this.
Quote by AllJudasPriest
That's the thing though, he's never exhibited the characteristic traits of someone like that. He's a gentle giant and just shrugs everything off.

If it is something else then I don't appreciate being left out of the equation. Anytime something is bothering him, I'd happily listen and try to fix it. I feel it's my part as his wife to make his everyday a positive one.

Truthfully, I just want everything to be good. To hold him and make the world right.

But it wasn't really an argument, sir. It was me not being the wife I should've been at that very moment. He did nothing wrong. I should have tried harder to talk but I didn't and I'm paying for it.


You are putting too much blame on yourself. He is the one who overreacted and left you confused. Once you start blaming yourself you've already lost.
Quote by AllJudasPriest
I have no idea what that could be, he's never been unhappy around me. I've always done all I could to make him happy, but I need to try harder then.

I want to ask him but I don't want to upset him. I've never been worried about that before, but here I am, worried about it. I do not like this feeling... At all.


It is possible that he has been bottling up some anger about other things and this was just a "last straw" kind of deal.

Definitely don't mention any of this to him, you don't want to come off as accusational and upset him.
Do I like the dudes I'd be saving? If yes then yes, otherwise no. Bros before hoes.
Quote by AllJudasPriest
Yup... The excitement of seeing his number appear died within a minute of that call. He did not sound happy and is returning tomorrow but it sounded forced and he didn't say what time.

After he told me he was coming back, I told him I couldn't wait to see and hug him and he said whatever and hung up. I knew it wasn't a dropped signal or phone going dead, so he literally terminated the phone call.

I cannot recall him ever behaving this way before. I started to call him back but didn't. I've never been one to impose but I do miss him and wish he were here. I'm worried if he'll still be mad or calm and composed like normal.


I don't want to put bad ideas in your head, but it seems as if he is masking his anger over this about something else. Maybe there is someone else? Rational people do not behave in this manner.
Quote by Metallicuh
Yeah so since school started this one girl and I have just been talking more since we have a couple classes. She's starting to get feelings for me but I just want to stay friends, I don't have feelings like that for her and I don't even feel like being in a relationship for a while. How do I let her know I just want to be friends? I don't want to send her any more texts that don't shut out the idea. Like she said "I'm sorry cute boys make me nervous", I don't want to lead her on, i just want to be friends. Any advice?


Well first, don't do anything that would suggest otherwise. If she can't get the hint, be vocal about it to her, just let her down easy.
Quote by DiminishedFifth
EDIT: @Freezer - oh for sure I'm at least good at reading when a conversation is dying or when it needs to end.

and I like to come here cause you guys give better advice than my friends do I've got really only one friend I could talk to about it, but I dunno if I'm gonna see him anytime soon.


Hehehehe, welp keep us updated. Some of us actually like to hear results!
Quote by StreetLight3989
So if anyone remembers my situation, it's turning out really well in a strange way.

I did go to the night club with the girl Im talking to on Saturday night, but I got kicked out in 20 minutes for underaged drinking, so we didn't get to chill that much. She texted me about how bad she felt and that we need to hang out and smoke soon (my original plan). Today she asked me to give her a ride to work so I did that this morning and we made plans to chill and smoke on Thursday night.

So this Saturday didn't work out how I wanted it to, but it might honestly have been a blessing in disguise. Thanks guys.


Just be glad you didn't get a fine or any jail time, shit coulda been so much worse. Hope things work out for you though.

Quote by DiminishedFifth
So, had an amazing date with a girl last night. We met at a park and explored it for a bit, just walking and talking. At some point we got lost in the woods and wound up right next to her apartment (were talking about two miles or so from where our cars were, to give perspective). I ended up carrying her the last bit of the journey cause of tall grass and she was wearing shorts. Ended up at her place (we planned that out earlier, just not in this way ), opened a bottle of wine and started watching movies. Messed around a little, before heading to sleep (was like five in the morning and neither of us were up for walking to our cars).

I really ended up liking her far more than I thought I would. We have similar morals, values, beliefs, everything I find important in a relationship. I wasn't planning on falling for her, bit shit happens, y'know? I really don't want to mess this up though and need a little advice. I've never been in a situation like this. I start working on Wednesday and was planning on saving up enough money to take her out to dinner and a movie, but in the mean time I don't know what to do. Like, when would be a good time to text her or what? I'm totally not used to this sort of "standard" relationship thing. I'm used to just meeting the girl and shit happens and were together in a day or two.


Just remember to still treat her like a human being, she is merely just a woman. If you overthink anything it'll just get in your head. Text her every now and then, but don't be annoying about it if her responses get short.

I think you got things under control and actually might not even need our help because we could mess it up for you

Quote by faint_spirit
So... I'd like to be friends with my ex. We were really good together in that respect, and I still feel like she's my best friend, even if we've kept our distance for a couple of months, occasional text messaging and dinner once aside. An advice on how to approach? She's kind of flaky to most people, so it's hard to tell if she isn't interested in me at all or is just being herself.


My theory:

Friends before --> Friends after
Not friends before --> Not friends after

Depending on how long ago the breakup was, give it ample time before reconnecting with her, and just tell her that you still want to be good friends with her, and that the breakup shouldn't prevent you two from at least trying.

Quote by AllJudasPriest
It went very VERY wrong.


Oh no

Quote by the bartender
So I'm currently lying on the couch in the house that my ex-gf and I used to live in, because her parents bought us our bed and she alreay moved all her stuff out. Next week there will be new people moving in and I'm currently in the process of moving all my stuff out. Meanwhile I haven't found a new place to live yet so I'm temporarily moving in with my parents again. I may or may not have had a few beers and feel very miserable. There's so many good memmories to this place, yet all I can think of is the fact that it will soon be lost to me forever.


Take a night or 2 to wallow in your sorrows (if you're the kind to do that) then immediately start turning things around and enjoy life. Go out with friends, pick up hobbies, join a gym, anything to improve yourself and maintain high self-esteem.