Freezer Burn posts
Found 400 results
Found 400 results
Well, I got the phone call I was waiting for...
Well of course. Living with a prominent and constant self-hatred would be very damaging to my life. I think we all live some level of cognitive dissonance so that we can carry on with our lives.
Or you could just be faithful...
I care a hell of a lot about my girlfriend. I ain't living the movie you all are apparently. Shit's not always that simple
It's like a little cheaters' support group
I don't really know how to be flirty lol, I'm kind of bad at it.
still don't really wanna talk about it but so Ace knows he was right: he was cheating
It helps not to think of it as flirting, just being really friendly (friendly, not creepy).
Sometimes you don't need to be explicitly flirty to attract a girl's attention and it may put the girl more at ease with you. Be explicit about being attracted to her when the time comes, though, otherwise you'll just be the really friendly guy friend to her.
TBH, I don't even know what the difference is with being friendly and being flirty (aside from the suggestive nature of flirting). I often mistake one for the other. But then again, I am oblivious to flirting of any nature.
so so so very tempted to rebound when I go out this week but I'd probably do something stupid and ruin my life
I found out in the stupidest way ever though. skyped him today to talk about stuff, he said "brb need to answer the door", some girl went into his room while he was gone, he came back in and kissed her for a bit then realized the webcam was on and tried to turn stuff off but it was too late. so i just texted him and told him it was over, he replied but I don't want to read it and I don't care if he even wants to fix anything.
i also think I am much prettier than the girl I saw so now I'm confused but whatever
Oh, She's been ringing me constantly for the last 5 minutes. I can honestly there is no more satisfying feeling in the world right now.
No need to apologize, I appreciate all the advice and perspective given. I think I will take you up on that. I'm just really in need of him returning my call. It has been too long.
It was no one here, but it has been taken care of.
My nerves I haven't had a girlfriend or even talked to a girl with the intentions of dating in like 3 years...
Because she knows I' m in the physics class since it' s not that big and she sits right next to me, also she is one of my lab partners....
Is it weird to start a conversation with "I think I know you"? I know it's a cliche way to start a conversation but this girl in my physics class looks extremely familiar so in a way it's true.
Mentioned me in another place here. Took my problem and asserted all kinds of negative aspects into it. It was cruel enough that I cried when I saw it done.
Guys, have any of you suffered from retrospective jealousy? I know it's something really stupid and WRONG, but my OCD makes think about it all the time and it's really hurting me inside.
Sometimes I'm just hanging with my girlfriend doing something really common, like cooking, and something she says or something we do will trigger jealousy in me because I start thinking about how she has already done certain activities with previous partners. It happens with a lot of things, but mainly with sex-related stuff. She has been sexually active since she was 14 and had 4 boyfriends before me, which is something that's very different from me. I just had a previous girlfriend before with whom I stayed together for 5 years and a half (since I was 17), and I became sexually active until 19 or 20.
As I previously said, you don't need to point me out that I'm wrong and that it's something stupid, I KNOW it is and it doesn't help at all. I just wanted to know what you guys think about it. It ruins our relationship, because everything else is perfect. She is a really nice woman, I love her a lot and the trust we have for each other is nice and makes everything else work out smoothly.
Thanks for any advice. I didn't mention any detail but I hope you get the idea.
So guys, I just got played . I'm embarrassed, and I'm just wondering what to do next. The story:
Well, I met this girl and we exchanged numbers and started talking. she was often INCREDIBLY flirty when talking to me, and later on she started texting me things over the next couple months like "Be with me forever" and "I want you baby" stuff like that. One day, she texted me this, which was both funny and heartmeltingly cute: "You're mean to me, cause when I met you you made me fall in love with you x ". After this text, she was more or less silent for a couple of days, then phoned me and told me she just got a boyfriend. I managed to croak out a "Good Job. Alright, I'm outta credit, gotta go."
Now I'm just wondering what to do with her. Or am I just overreacting?
anyway, I just broke up with him. Don't really feel like talking about it now since I am very very sad but I'm glad I did it.o
Fellas, I posted here about 3-4 months ago about having difficulty getting over the ex. Well it's now been almost a year (about 11 months) since we broke up, and although I'm not how I was 8-9 months ago, I'm still definitely not over it. She was the first girl I dated.
Now the thing is, I don't miss her per se. I just really miss the feeling of being with her (or anyone maybe?). I'm wondering whether this is a common feeling and whether it'll eventually go away, but after about a year, I'm kind of losing hope of it going away until I actually find someone else to date. On the other hand, the only places I'm meeting women is bars and that's really not the type of girl that I'm after and I've never actually made a move on a girl at school.
I've been with other girls sexually since we broke up (random girls who I had just picked up at the bar), and that seemed to do the trick for the duration of the rest of the day, as well as the next few days after. The feeling just never stuck I guess.
So long incoherent post summed up: does the loneliness go away on its own, or do I need to find someone to make it go away? Thanks in advance again.
Always has been. Probably more physical though
I know I do. I'm about as confident, around others, as a dandelion in the middle of an African stampede...
I really hope not. I have hope because I know he loves me. He has just never left me like this before. When we were just friends, he always helped, no matter what I needed. I always knew he'd be there to assist in anyway he could.
I called him a few times after he left, but I guess he just needs to be away from me.
I guess what's the most heartbreaking is that I drove him away, to whatever degree, with something that he always said he understood.
I've always wanted to be normal, to not suppress everything. To have confidence, be assertive and strong. But I've never been able to reach that. I promised him I would try, but I guess I haven't made enough improvements.
Just a little thing actually,
I just want to see how many people think the whole idea of "facebook official"/similar other is needed or have they gotten on fine without this concept of "facebook official"
I responded to you, but my reply was neither centered to you specifically, nor was it calling you out for saying something. I pointed out that you chastised him for his name calling when it wasn't a case of victim and aggressor rather than two people being aggressive to one another once idiot came out of the works.
But honestly, if you're going to take it personally, I'm not going to bother with this anymore.
I understand that violence is not where everyone goes. It is a case of being unable to accept the breaking of precedent.
I really don't want to think of his departure as final, I've been trying to avoid that thought. I know I'm not strong enough to take that. I stopped calling him once his family didn't answer and he didn't respond to my voicemail or texts.
I just really wish he'd call me back
I didn't even bother reading the rest of his posts after like the first sentence. It seems like overkill when he could have just been ignored, especially when the whole argument went on for longer than a page. Seems like a lot of time to dedicate to someone who you think is trolling being a know-it-all.
Yeah but this thread isn't a clique. I sure hope people don't get that impression.
He does deserve an answer and I have spent this time looking for it. So when I do talk to him again, I can give it. If he had just waited and not blown up, I would have been able to find it.
Well, I never made it about silent treatment, I'm just too scared of confrontation. I've gone so long under the belief that all conflicts are guaranteed to escalate to the point of viilenc. The only thing I know to do to avoid violence is to surrender.
The tone of the words in bold seem to suggest finality. Can you clarify?
Let me be clear on two things that do not appear to be clear here:
1) In dealing with people, in person, no matter who it is, I always choose my words very carefully. I feel I like to know what I'm talking about before I open my mouth
2) In dealing with people, in person, no matter who it is, to argue is not me. I don't feel that desire where I have to be right or win anything.
When anyone, no matter who it is, speaks to me in a way that leaves me feeling threatened or a skirmish is imminent, I will bow out. I will never engage into their words. A small part of me does want to, I have felt it before, even very strongly. I especially want to if it can help, but I have never been able to truly go there. I'd rather just tell the other person(s) that they are right, look down and try to diffuse the pending conflict.
So I did the same thing here. I never berated, chastised, argued or talked over him. But his tone, level of his voice and the topic it was about, really intimidated me. Maybe he expected me to defend my position for once, I'm not sure, but I clearly made the wrong choice by not at least trying to engage.
As I stated before, I'd give anything for him to come back.
There is no doubt whatsoever that I was in the wrong. The entire situation is my fault and he deserves no blame at all.
But please don't, I appreciate all advice given. I'm a big girl and I believe I can recognize what is truly good or bad advice. I'd also like to believe that if I am unable to decipher your words, I would ask for clarification instead of jumping to a, presumably, incorrect assumption.
If I called you an idiot first, mid argument, you'd get defensive and hurl all sorts of shit at me attempting to hurt me as much. An insult is an insult, and just because one sounds worse than the other, that doesn't mean it's not worthy of a report. Especially when the mild insult was the instigator of what followed. And it's relative, but Drapte has being fighting for his point of view since the first post.
Of all that participated, he's no doubt the one who's been ostracized by the group. That kind of polarization makes people defensive.
Only if it's relevant to why or how the argument was started. Don't feel like you have to say it, you totally don't if you're not comfortable.
I don't see anything wrong with telling a person who says "Never say I love you unless it's your wedding day or one's being popped out" an idiot.
The argument was over different personal things. I love my husband with everything I have but sometimes I have trouble being open with even him...
At the first moment of confrontation with anyone, I clam up and refuse to argue. Conflict has always scared me, even if it is just a disagreement. Due to years of conditioning, whenever negativity arises, I simply shut down and refuse to partake in whatever it is. He knows this....
After the argument continued and then escalated, that fear took over and I tried going elsewhere just to avoid it. I asked him to stop, be calm but it didn't happen. I made the mistake of tuning him out and shutting myself off from him.
He packed some stuff and then left with his son. He turned his cellphone off and his family isn't answering either.
Now I'd give anything to take it back and try arguing back
Honestly it hasn't even been that long, I was a little drunk last night when I wrote that.
I don't want to jump into another relationship right now.. like, at all.. but I still want to have sex, and I don't like extremely slutty women that would screw me at the drop of a dime.
In other works, I still like to take a girl out.. get to know her pretty well, maybe even over a few dates. Then have sex and bail.
Kind of a dickhead thing to do eh? The last girl i hooked up with was pretty upset afterwards, but I never told her I had any intentions of a relationship or anything like that. Hell, I still live with my ex and she knew it, dunno what she was expecting.
That's what I thought as well but this happened all of a sudden and it's like he's a completely different person which is why I am totally lost.
He just yelled at me over skype because I took a picture with one of my coworkers from when I went out this week and it's on fb and we're sort of hugging and people liked that picture. he said it was unfair of me to put it up because HE doesnt have a presence on my fb, nor I on his. but thats because i dont want my conservative relatives knowing that I have a boyfriend who I do stuff with. idk, if any of you have me on fb please check that pic out and tell me if I shouldn't have done that?? I hug everyone all the time I don't see why it's such a big deal. And he has the exact same types of pics anyway.
I don't want him to be upset but I'm upset and my feelings are important too right
completely irrelevant but, how is rejecting a girl different from rejecting a guy? Or is it not different at all? Not a casual rejection, but someone who is a bit obsessed. The rejector being me/straight female. This happened a few months ago and I just want to know if I handled it correctly.
He was called an idiot before he even started with his own ad hominems. That kind of preference towards the regulars in this thread creates a pretty harsh environment for anyone trying to step into this thread and give their own advice.
lmao ive never even seen war games
Sorry dude but you are just really wrong about a lot of this stuff. Especially the strike when the irons hot theory. If a girl likes you she won't forget about you, and the only way to properly keep attractive women is by remaining hard to get and the first step to that is waiting and being patient. I don't think you understand just how many options an attractive woman has and how you HAVE to differentiate yourself.
You severly underestimate the power of myster, more then likely every girl you have ever dated has dropped you and you were probably just thinking "it didn't work out" when in reality you turned her off by being an open book.
Girls that like you will ask to be the girlfriend and DTR talks are one of the worst things you can do. NEVER bare your emotions in the same way you NEVER say I love you unless it's your wedding day, or the day a child gets popped out.It doesn't sound like you are speaking from much experience, the worst thing you said was You worry too much about what the girl is thinking about you, instead of just doing whatever you want I'm not worried at all, I'm actually the opposite, if anyone should be worried it should be her however I'm extremely aware of everything, like in traffic when you look 10 cars down the road rather then the car in front. Love is a game and women get turned off because guys have no idea
Confident guys are hard to get, they are gentleman, they are assumptive and they don't have DTR talks.
Lol have fun getting dumped on and divorced with the mother of your child ******.
Alright dude I'm not posting on this forum anyone because no body wants to take any of my advice clearly. I stand by everything I have said 110% You don't understand how deep it all really goes and you also have no idea on my personal life so don't comment on it.
Peace out guys. PM me if u wanna chat.
Actually it's none of those things you creep. It's about keeping a girl interested in you for the right reasons. I'm not asking anybody to lie or harm or mislead anybody. You're an idiot.
Man this thread is a mess sometimes!
I need to get some! Still trying to get my ex to move out. Now we are very civil with each other but its still so weird. I also still have this thought in my head that down the road, me and her could still workout. Is that unhealthy? Im over the shit, and even if she threw herself at me i'm done.. but I still think that a few years down the road, i'd be down to try it again. I can't help it, she's just such an awesome girl. But I do know that for both of us we need to see other people, and better ourselves. simply too young to call it right now. And ive been extremely happy now, better than ive felt in so long
I don't really see the issue here, to be honest. So she's grumpy........cool?
Be yourself. Do what you want. The best way to win the game is to not even play it.
The club discussion a few pages ago was helpful to read through for the other perspective.
So bf grudgingly conceded (though it's not like he can stop me from going out) and I went out 2 nights ago. But he spent a while yesterday interrogating me about everything from the moment I left my room to when I came back yesterday morning. I wanted to be like "hey I can be open with you about everything I did" but I was pissed off and hungover and sleepy so I ignored him which probably wasn't a good move :/ I don't mind telling him now but the effect of immediate honesty or whatever is gone.
Perhaps I should interrogate him tomorrow about what he does tonight but ugh I don't really want this to escalate into something super shitty.
I personally miss SomeoneYouKnew the most.
I remember him too. As well as SilentDeftones. And Vad. Bc he chewed me out on multiple occasions (with good reason.) Whatever happened to them? They gave such good advise.
Damn, crunchy roll was sick.
What actually happened to crunchy roll?
I swear he was still posting here in like 2011 and then he just disappeared gradually
Well that started quite a post-frenzy. I went out with her on Wednesday (yesterday) and tomorrow I'm off to the cottage. I'm most likely asking her out early next week. The actual activity is still open, I'll have time to think about it.
How long/how many dates should pass until we could enter each other's homes, perhaps for a movie night?
And Drapte, I can definitely see where you're coming from with the time frame, and tbh it's quite genious. However, I don't personally think it's ideal for my own specific situation. We're both in the same high school, I'm quite certain she's not seeing anyone else atm, and I just have that feel. It might come from knowing each other as friends who always clicked for almost a year first. I think we both feel like we've been waiting for this for so long and now it's time, why wait?
Bowling would be looooads of fun, I mean I sure I like it. I can't see how that could fail, except that I'd hate to let her win. The thing is (not necessarily saying no to this option though) that bowling is ridiculously expensive here. For the 2 of us it would be over 40e. For a HS student, money doesn't grow in trees
But thanks for the advice so far, it's been great
EDIT: and out of curiousity, what should one answer to this?
Because Drapte told me not to?
Who wants a genuine tale of woe?
Just over a week ago, I was reunited with my wife after being away for 4mths, we go - after two days - for a routine baby scan as she's about halfway through her pregnancy by this point, and we get the joyful news that our baby has something called anencephaly, which basically means he will die shortly after being born (if he makes it that far) and that's nothing anybody can do. He's a little trooper for making it as far as he has, as most babies with this miscarry before 12wks, let alone make it to 21wks.
Why in here? Because naturally, this has ripped us apart individually, but has brought us together a lot closer than we were before. So keep in your mind kiddies, that sometimes a tragedy shared with a loved one can make the bond so much stronger between you.
When you get to the point of having a DTR, you should usually be past the whole initial mystery thing. It should be after several dates when you know the person well. You should know that this is someone that you'd want to be with and that you're not gonna be with other girls nor she with other guys. It has nothing to do with confidence or a lack thereof. It's something that's essential within the relationship so both parties know how to act from then on out.
This is an advice thread. I'm not gonna post on it anymore because it appears I'm a bit too radical for you guys but I stand by what I said.
i have to agree with you, i never get to saying "are we bf/gf now". its just a natural progression of things to me
It would be interesting to have you comment more Drapte actually. Different perspectives are always appreciated, for me anyway.
I like your approach drapte, but you are coming across a little too cold and calculated for my tastes. Relationships are organic, there are guidelines, but you've got to play it by ear given the material at hand.
Have you actually ever done it before. Why does a guy have to call her 3 days later? Can't he have a life? Also if she thinks you are a player you have dodged a bullet. A woman that actually likes you that is worth keeping will not get up tight about this, I PROMISE you.
When you meet someone you are truly interested you may never forget them. Especially not after a week, you see the thing is she probably gives her number out more then once a week. She knows that the guys are predictably going to call within 4 days, you're the one she is thinking about "Why didn't he call, they always call" a woman wants to feel validated and you're never going to give it to her. Not because you are a player, because you want a relationship with this girl that doesn't end horribly for you because you treated her wrong.
There is a very big reason not to use the weekend and that is that you are busy doing stuff. My problem with this is that guys are wayyy to happy to be there. You have to really make yourself different. If you meet a gorgeous woman and she is busy on Friday and Saturday you aren't angry at her, you are intrigued at what she might be doing.
You want to reverse this.
Have you ever waited before? DTR talks KILL mystery. The whole point of my whole philosophy is that you have to make yourself DIFFERENT and somewhat of an icon. Just think about that really hot girl that got away and you want to be her. Confident guys don't have DTR talks.
No that's a half truth. A girl has to be attracted to you first. You can never go in too slowly with a girl. Just think about those girls that you have been turning down for years that are still chasing you. Guys get friendzoned for one of two reasons. Either 1) They turned her off before they even kissed her. or 2) She was never attracted to him in the first place
Freezerburn I understand you take a bit of pride in this forum. I am happy to go into depth about 5 - 9 days and the rest of what I am saying with you on a personal level and not on a public forum if you wish to.
Went for a coffee with the girl I talked about a couple days ago! Went great After that we had a walk through a field and a forest, right after sunset. Fantastic make-out in the forest and a soft kiss right when her bus came. Is it possible for me to wait too little/long for a second date? When would be the optimal time to ask her out? Also, if someone has a great idea for particularly a second date, that would be welcome
It's like you didn't even read what I said. I didn't say he couldn't or shouldn't say how he felt, I even mentioned the addition of 'it's your choice, but it bothers me' being the key to the manipulative, passive comment.
This so much. I couldn't care less if my gf where dancing with her boys, whether it's boy or girls, especially since that's what I do every time I'm clubbing!
Also, opinions on this one: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=156366953&page=1
Communicating his feelings would be that he doesn't the possibility of other men dancing with his girlfriend. Him saying that he can't tell her what to do is unnecessary, he couldn't tell what to do either way.
Including that is the manipulative part in guilt tripping. She knows it's her choice, there's no reason to mention it. It would have been exponentially better if had attempted a better form of communication, where all options are open and discussed, not just "I don't like that you do this and I'd prefer for it to stop."
He communicated his feelings, albeit not in the method I would have preferred. What I'm really against was the little comment in the end. " I also told her that, yeah, i would get jealous, and that it would bother me a lot, so she should think about that as well."Were the exact words of this user and that just sounds like a guilt trip. He pretty much told her what he wants her to do without being completely direct and using her feelings towards him almost like a weapon to get what he wanted.
Real communication doesn't work that way, considering that most of the male dancing will most likely happen in the classes and not at the actual club.
I don't like my girlfriend going clubbing but it means I can have an evening in playing Dota so it's not all bad.
I know it's a matter of opinion and depends on the relationship and I'm sure some couples could make it happen. I guess it depends on the type of dancing too, but I don't know, I'm not a club person. Either way it wouldn't fly too smoothly with me to see my gf dancing with another guy in a grinding fashion.
No matter how you word it, that's guilting them into not doing things. I don't back it.
And 999/1000 times, jealousy stems from insecurity.
I disagree. In this situation, it's just him telling her how he is. If he went on to say, "so don't go dancing without me", that's manipulative. Part of being in a relationship is telling the other person what kind of shit doesn't fly with you. It's not nice to just assume they'd know what hurts your feelings or not.
Sometimes being jealous just means you don't want someone else enjoying what you should be exclusively enjoying like your bf/gf.
If I told someone that them going out to dance bothers me, but I can't tell them what to do, that's just as manipulative but in a passive way.
I'm actually on her side, Freezer Burn.
You need to lighten up and trust her, if dancing is a big part of her life, you need to accept that occasionally she'll have to dance with other guys. The issues here are stemming from your insecurities that prompt your jealousy.
The absolute worst thing is a controlling, insecure boyfriend. I know a girl who's boyfriend is forbidding her from doing stuff like going swimming with her brother and I'm just telling her to ditch him cos guys like that suck.
The word "forbid" should never be in a relationship's vocabulary.
So, i got a new girlfriend. Its been almost 2 months now and its going pretty good. But a few days ago we were talking and one topic lead to another and we talked about exes and stuff, and she could see i was a bit jealous. Then she asked me if i was a jealous person, and well, i am. So i told her, and she started asking me if then she wont be able to dance with anyone else but me when we go out, or when she goes out with friends. And i honestly didn't have a response to that, since my ex, who i was with 2 years, never did something like that. I know, its just dancing, and she goes to like 4 different dance classes, so of course she likes to dance, but still, the thought makes me uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.
Anyway, i told her that i cant forbid her to dance with other guys, since she is a grown woman, and can make her own decisions. I also told her that, yeah, i would get jealous, and that it would bother me a lot, so she should think about that as well.
So, my question is, how the hell do i deal with my jealousy? It's been a problem in the past, and i'm trying really hard to stop or at least minimize it, but i cant just shut of that part of my brain.
As far as I know there is no history of personality disorders. A couple of years ago I was really socially awkward but I dont think it was anxiety or anything like that. I grew out of all of that and I'm a really outgoing person now so I don't understand where it was coming from
It actually is already working out that way.
My best friend talked to the other girl I was into and after my best friend talked to her I ended up getting the other girl's number and I have plans to smoke and watch a movie with her this week.
"just a few drinks to where you're feeling good"
what's wrong with that.
Thank you for that. I don't think the problem was that it was close friends of his; all of our friends are close friends of both of us at this point, at least friends that live in our town. We prefer that the people we hook up with are close friends of both parties. I do think though, however, that this situation was somewhat necessary in pointing out the things we needed to discuss as a friend group and as a couple. Andrew has continued talking to the guys and I think they'll be better friends for it in the long run.
He isn't bipolar but he does have pretty severe attention deficit disorder. He was heavily medicated since the 3rd grade and he stopped a year before we met, when he was 22. He was also previously on anxiety medication. He has a tendency to react passively to anxiety at first, and then it bursts forth as anger, at which point it's often very difficult for him to articulate his thoughts or keep a consistent frame of reference. Both of our anxiety issues greatly, greatly declined once we started dating but it does become difficult when we are struck with it in reference to each other because we usually keep each other so grounded.
We've talked a lot over the past few days and it's been very productive. A lot has been resolved already and the rest will only take time. He calmed down enough to ease through his thoughts, and we've tried forcing ourselves to eat and sleep. Putting ourselves in social situations has helped because we're distracted enough to not be sad and can see each other as we normally do. Our boundaries are very clear now, and not much has changed honestly. We both realized that certain events of the past few months were things that we should have discussed more explicitly, both with each other and with our friends, and hopefully this doesn't happen again. A big part of the escalation of this event was our conflicting work schedules.
Had a really weird experience today. I asked out a girl I've liked for a couple weeks and she said yes. When I walked away out of nowhere I started having all these shitty thoughts. I kept on telling myself she doesn't actually like me and she was just saying yes cause she didn't want to hurt my feelings. It was almost becoming overwhelming. I'm normally a fairly confident dude and I've never had anything like this happen before so I don't understand where all of it was coming from. Anyone have any similar experiences or ideas on what triggered that
thnx guys, club fair was today and there are several that look promising
Minor update: hung out with my ex after having not seen each other in months. Actually had a really pleasant time with no anxiety or residual sadness or any of those negative emotions so I'm taking that as a sign that we can stay friends and I can really start moving on.
I'm sure I'll be back here with questions for you guys when new opportunities start to crop up, I get the feeling I have tons to learn still with all this relationship business.
Look mickel, this is some highschool BS, Megano is a freakin' BOSS, the people here are next level, take their precious advices, don't waste your time mate, there will be other pretty girls to wet you Willy in, just consider for a second, that this one ain't Worth your time, that maybe you are infatuated with her because you are young and wanting to spark passion with the other gender that maybe, and sadly, isn't there, trust me, it's better off this way.
Really doubt you will until you get absolutely crushed
Not sometimes. Always.
I'm not anymore, honestly this time. I know she doesn't like me, our mutual friend talked to her today about me. I'm cool with being just friends, I've accepted that that is our relationship.
Besides, I have other things to focus on now than being hung up over a girl that will never see me as anything more than a friend. Best friend girl actually talked to girl #2 about me today and girl #2 said she'd definitely be down to chill with me and get to know me.
So thank you guys for putting up with my delusional hope and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you guys from the start. Next time I definitely will.
Guys, I'm really sad and confused. My fiance and I have a very strong relationship. He understands me better than anyone, and I tell him everything. He's very very close to my soul. I sometimes wonder where I end and he begins. We just had something very strange happen to us. We have always kept an open dialogue about how monogamous we want to keep things. I've been hooking up with other women for a few years now, both with him and without him, and have been under the impression that I am open to fool around with my close guy friends (they are also his close friends) so long as it is not under romantic pretenses.
This was a pretty interesting and confusing situation for me from the get-go, and I was looking forward to hear his opinion and to have him help me create some kind of narrative around it. He already seemed like he was in a bad mood and worried after he got off of work, so I tried to keep description to a minimum, but then he told me that I cheated on him, and I watched the hurt and anger wash over him. That was traumatic. I thought this was okay on both sides, and it's never been an issue before because I just have never pursued any guy before and I hadn't brought it up to him in a while. I knew it would be a bummer to picture but I genuinely thought it was okay in terms of our relationship. Once he realized I didn't consciously decide to cheat on him, and that I had gone into the situation thinking I was in the clear, he was even more confused, which made him more angry.
At this point, I was also hugely confused and not really sure how to react, because huge waves of anxiety came over me once I realized he wasn't okay with this, and I started feeling very sleezy and disgusting and awful, and I just wanted to do whatever I could do to make him stop crying and yelling and hurting. I had to go into work right after we talked and I was already late because I didn't want to leave him, but he eventually calmed down a bit and said I should try not to freak out as well and that we should either talk about it when I got off of work or the next day. While I was at work, our friends came in (the guys I had fooled around with and the guy that lives with them, all of whom we are both very close to) and I told them that they should talk to him at some point and help him piece things together.
Next thing I knew, my fiance comes back from a walk and is confronting our friends in the bakery I work in by first coming back into the kitchen while I'm baking, then storming off and taking a friend outside one by one. The guys each came back while I was working to ask if I could come outside and talk (I couldn't, I was working, plus everyone I was working with was weirded out... not to mention the bakery is owned by the same people who own and run the restaurant my fiance cooks at, so this looks bad for both of us), all of them bewildered and probably wanting to know if they were about to get chewed out. They did get chewed out, and hard... even my friend who wasn't involved. My fiance asked the guy who wasn't involved what had happened, and he was only around for the first minute or two.
We've never threatened to leave each other. These guys are like my family and I suddenly felt very alone. Later that night my fiance told me that the friend that wasn't involved never said I had sex with anyone. He also told me he didn't mean what he said.
These are my issues with this situation:
Sex is not easy for me. I'm a rape victim, for christ's sake. That was only a couple of years ago. I met my fiance while I was in therapy for it. This is why I am very open about my sexuality and the dialogue associated with it. I don't want any ambiguity or questions. I want to be very clear about how I feel, and be clear and intentional with my actions. I've never hidden anything from my fiance. If anything, I'm more worried about hiding things from myself and spiraling into a crippling depression from it and being intolerable to be around. I do what I can to take care of myself so that I can do what I need to for others.
Sex is an issue for me so I decided to grab it by the balls. People mistake this for nymphomania, and I wouldn't hook up with someone I didn't know really well so I'm never too worried about the misconceptions, but I'm really not as crazy or horny as people expect me to be, I just happen to be very comfortable speaking about it. Sex with my fiance is sacred and he's got me at a comfort level that I've never been at before. He was in a highly repressed relationship before this, and he seems to revel in my sexual freedom. He even told me that part of his issue with this situation is that he's pretty turned on by the whole thing, he's just not ready to think about me doing something like that without him there to watch or take part. He says a big issue is that I didn't call him before I did it to ask.
With the pretenses I was under, I thought it would be shitty to wake up to that phone call and that it'd be better to hear about it after he got off of work. I didn't know that a phone call was an expectation in a situation like this, though we had discussed it before. Honestly I'm really having a hard time understanding our boundaries. He says he still wants to be open to the idea of me fooling around with other men, and he doesn't want to be monogamous, even after all of this. I've tried to get him to sleep with other girls without me around on various occasions and he's always been too nervous and ends up taking the girls for walks instead until they decide to leave. I am realizing that he follows traditional gender conceptions much more than I do. I am a bisexual female (maybe you'd call it pansexual), and someone's gender has never really been all that compelling in my attraction to them.
He has been saying different things to me over the past day based on how fed/rested/hydrated/stoned he is. His anger gets the best of him sometimes and he intentionally says things he know will hurt me even though they are not true so that I can share his hurt. But I am already hurt, and confused, and I don't know what I can do to resolve this. I had sex with him after we calmed down a bit last night. I had to stop earlier on and cry for a while, to get all the anxiety out of my body and out of my head, and to get as close to him as I normally do. He saw all this. He watched me convulse before we went at it again. He told me I was perfect. He was tender. He got aggressive.
This morning he apologized to me for being selfish and cuddled with me for a long time when we woke up, and I told him that he wasn't being selfish and it is natural to feel hurt after something like this happens, and no more than five minutes later he told me he can't believe I cheated on him and stormed out of the room. What?!?! My dad used to lie to my family's face about hurting me when I was little, and I still to this day do not know if he knew he was lying or just forgot about pulling my hair or hitting me. I have a lot of psychological trauma associated with bouts of anger and how it can change a person, but I try to handle it well and move through it. I'm trying not to be critical of the both of us, but I'm just so confused, and so much of this is associated very closely to my psyche that I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust from anxiety attacks.
I just used shit as a casual term for casual talking It's her, 2 of her (mine too) female friends + the exchange dude of hers who just came to Finland on Friday. Never met him yet, will meet him tomorrow in school. I don't think it'll be awkward at all, as I've flirted with her quite a bit already. Sometimes our mutual friends might've tried to make it awkward (for fun), but we've never really let it get awkward. It's amazingly easy with her.
EDIT: I just figured out that the movie is an outdoor movie picnic type of thing. It's also free so that makes it even more tempting Does change the scene though for a bit. Not that same atmosphere as a theatre would have. Thinking seriously of going now. If someones greatly against it, let me know why
I talked to my boyfriend today and he was like "ok fine do whatever you want but just know that I'd be fine with you not clubbing at all" about it. I feel like he is still trying to retain control of something but I don't really know what exactly it is, I just don't feel entirely comfortable with this. I'm going clubbing anyway because I want to but I feel like it's just accepting what he said and I also feel slightly guilty about it. But if I don't go then I am accepting what he said earlier. Am I just overthinking this?
does anyone have any advice for meeting some babes at college?
i'm a freshman and just moved in friday and have flirted a little with one or two girls i've come across but i'm pretty shitty at actually making friends with others.
went the high route and calmly told her that she broke my trust and she will never get that back and its too late for anything else. And told her the guy she was with obviously doesnt care about her like i did.
Now she's begging for me to come back ( dont worry I never will ). But it felt kinda nice to know shes not going to be happy for a long time.
I can call them my friends as well, but to her they are really good friends. I've no trouble talking shit with them in school or so. And yeah the movie title confused me like shit cause I hadn't even heard of it, nor was it capitalized
I'm actually leaning a bit more towards going to the movies with them all tomorrow. Haven't made a decision yet. I'd rather gone out with her first, but this just feels like a really fun thing, with good folks, that I don't want to miss. Even if I was completely comfortable with going, why shouldn't I go? Or should I totally go?
P.S. > Ok, well i think you know what i actually meant
P.P.S. > Yeah, as crude as it was i cant deny it made me chuckle.
Well, if the pit agrees on this decision that she's an attention seeking *****, then what can you do? I just wasnt expecting this feedback thats all haha