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Quote by AllJudasPriest
Well, I got the phone call I was waiting for...


And how did it go? I'm assuming that is not a good ellipse...
Quote by willT08
Well of course. Living with a prominent and constant self-hatred would be very damaging to my life. I think we all live some level of cognitive dissonance so that we can carry on with our lives.


Someone else is talking about cognitive dissonance other than me, wooo!

Quote by AllJudasPriest
Or you could just be faithful...


Indeed.

Quote by willT08
I care a hell of a lot about my girlfriend. I ain't living the movie you all are apparently. Shit's not always that simple


It should be though.

Quote by blake1221
It's like a little cheaters' support group


I lol'd.

______________________________________________________________

I have been (emotionally) cheated on before, so while I can't compare it some, it's still painful to go through. I wrote a blog on cheating a couples years ago on here if anyone is curious/bored: http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/Freezer+Burn/blog/75619/
Quote by VillainousLatin
I don't really know how to be flirty lol, I'm kind of bad at it.


Learn you must, young grasshopper. Like guitarxo said, just practice.

Quote by guitarxo
thank you

still don't really wanna talk about it but so Ace knows he was right: he was cheating


I am sorry to hear that, try not to put any of the blame on yourself (as I've found most people that get cheated do) because it is not.

Quote by kikaykitko
It helps not to think of it as flirting, just being really friendly (friendly, not creepy).

Sometimes you don't need to be explicitly flirty to attract a girl's attention and it may put the girl more at ease with you. Be explicit about being attracted to her when the time comes, though, otherwise you'll just be the really friendly guy friend to her.

TBH, I don't even know what the difference is with being friendly and being flirty (aside from the suggestive nature of flirting). I often mistake one for the other. But then again, I am oblivious to flirting of any nature.


Glad I am not the only one who cannot tell the difference at times. Kikaykitko, you always keep me so grounded

Quote by guitarxo
so so so very tempted to rebound when I go out this week but I'd probably do something stupid and ruin my life


In my opinion there is nothing wrong with rebounding after a breakup. As long as the person that is getting rebounded knows they are the reboundee, it's not a problem, and I see it as a quick/healthy way to get over someone.

Quote by guitarxo
I found out in the stupidest way ever though. skyped him today to talk about stuff, he said "brb need to answer the door", some girl went into his room while he was gone, he came back in and kissed her for a bit then realized the webcam was on and tried to turn stuff off but it was too late. so i just texted him and told him it was over, he replied but I don't want to read it and I don't care if he even wants to fix anything.

i also think I am much prettier than the girl I saw so now I'm confused but whatever


Wow, that seems like a nightmare, literally. I don't think I've ever heard of something like that happening in real life, no one deserves to go through that

Quote by bill976
Oh, She's been ringing me constantly for the last 5 minutes. I can honestly there is no more satisfying feeling in the world right now.


Feels good don't it. Stay strong.
Quote by AllJudasPriest
No need to apologize, I appreciate all the advice and perspective given. I think I will take you up on that. I'm just really in need of him returning my call. It has been too long.

It was no one here, but it has been taken care of.


I still think he will return your call in the near future. I know it's hard, but just stay positive, because once you start getting down on yourself, it's hard to undo.

Glad to know it wasn't someone from here though.

Quote by VillainousLatin
My nerves I haven't had a girlfriend or even talked to a girl with the intentions of dating in like 3 years...


Don't you ever flirt with girls just to be flirty?
Quote by VillainousLatin
Because she knows I' m in the physics class since it' s not that big and she sits right next to me, also she is one of my lab partners....


Well in that case what's taken you so long to talk to her
Quote by VillainousLatin
Is it weird to start a conversation with "I think I know you"? I know it's a cliche way to start a conversation but this girl in my physics class looks extremely familiar so in a way it's true.


Why not just start with, "Hey aren't you in my physics class?" Then when she says yes, you have the easiest topic opener ever:
"Isn't (professor) really (adjective)?" or "His/Her tests/quizzes are so (adjective)"
Quote by AllJudasPriest
Mentioned me in another place here. Took my problem and asserted all kinds of negative aspects into it. It was cruel enough that I cried when I saw it done.


AJP, I'm sorry that I couldn't help you anymore than I tried, I really am. If there is anything that I can do or if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to let me know, like I said before my inbox is always open.

And to whomever brought her out of the thread ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Quote by Svennz
Guys, have any of you suffered from retrospective jealousy? I know it's something really stupid and WRONG, but my OCD makes think about it all the time and it's really hurting me inside.

Sometimes I'm just hanging with my girlfriend doing something really common, like cooking, and something she says or something we do will trigger jealousy in me because I start thinking about how she has already done certain activities with previous partners. It happens with a lot of things, but mainly with sex-related stuff. She has been sexually active since she was 14 and had 4 boyfriends before me, which is something that's very different from me. I just had a previous girlfriend before with whom I stayed together for 5 years and a half (since I was 17), and I became sexually active until 19 or 20.

As I previously said, you don't need to point me out that I'm wrong and that it's something stupid, I KNOW it is and it doesn't help at all. I just wanted to know what you guys think about it. It ruins our relationship, because everything else is perfect. She is a really nice woman, I love her a lot and the trust we have for each other is nice and makes everything else work out smoothly.

Thanks for any advice. I didn't mention any detail but I hope you get the idea.


I did this when I was like 16 or 17

It all just comes down to just knowing that it was in the past, and they she is with you now and that is all that matters. There is no other "cure" for what you're going through, you just have to let it go.

Quote by bill976
So guys, I just got played . I'm embarrassed, and I'm just wondering what to do next. The story:

Well, I met this girl and we exchanged numbers and started talking. she was often INCREDIBLY flirty when talking to me, and later on she started texting me things over the next couple months like "Be with me forever" and "I want you baby" stuff like that. One day, she texted me this, which was both funny and heartmeltingly cute: "You're mean to me, cause when I met you you made me fall in love with you x ". After this text, she was more or less silent for a couple of days, then phoned me and told me she just got a boyfriend. I managed to croak out a "Good Job. Alright, I'm outta credit, gotta go."

Now I'm just wondering what to do with her. Or am I just overreacting?


In my opinion, you dodged a bullet with this girl, who seems like she may have a personality disorder.

Quote by guitarxo
anyway, I just broke up with him. Don't really feel like talking about it now since I am very very sad but I'm glad I did it.o


Sorry to hear that

We're always here for whenever you need someone to listen.
Quote by Jiffy192
Fellas, I posted here about 3-4 months ago about having difficulty getting over the ex. Well it's now been almost a year (about 11 months) since we broke up, and although I'm not how I was 8-9 months ago, I'm still definitely not over it. She was the first girl I dated.

Now the thing is, I don't miss her per se. I just really miss the feeling of being with her (or anyone maybe?). I'm wondering whether this is a common feeling and whether it'll eventually go away, but after about a year, I'm kind of losing hope of it going away until I actually find someone else to date. On the other hand, the only places I'm meeting women is bars and that's really not the type of girl that I'm after and I've never actually made a move on a girl at school.

I've been with other girls sexually since we broke up (random girls who I had just picked up at the bar), and that seemed to do the trick for the duration of the rest of the day, as well as the next few days after. The feeling just never stuck I guess.

So long incoherent post summed up: does the loneliness go away on its own, or do I need to find someone to make it go away? Thanks in advance again.


You might be the kind of person who just needs that companion, what some people may call being a serial boyfriend/girlfriend, which I find nothing wrong with. I'm similar in the way in that I hate sleeping alone, as it's terribly lonely and boring at times.

The loneliness should have gone away by now however, I find it odd that you are not over the breakup after almost a year.

Really focus on improving yourself mentally and physically, and let finding a girlfriend come natural to you, I've found that it's the easier path.
Quote by AllJudasPriest
Always has been. Probably more physical though


Are you actively trying to improve yourself on a day to day or weekly basis?
Quote by AllJudasPriest
I know I do. I'm about as confident, around others, as a dandelion in the middle of an African stampede...


Why is that? Is it a physical or mental thing?
Quote by AllJudasPriest
I really hope not. I have hope because I know he loves me. He has just never left me like this before. When we were just friends, he always helped, no matter what I needed. I always knew he'd be there to assist in anyway he could.

I called him a few times after he left, but I guess he just needs to be away from me.

I guess what's the most heartbreaking is that I drove him away, to whatever degree, with something that he always said he understood.

I've always wanted to be normal, to not suppress everything. To have confidence, be assertive and strong. But I've never been able to reach that. I promised him I would try, but I guess I haven't made enough improvements.


Of course he loves you! Whatever you did has just pushed him over the edge temporarily. He will talk to you when he is ready, all you can do now unfortunately is just be patient.

If he understood it, he still does more than likely, unless it's been a problem in the past before this.

Do you feel like you have low self-esteem?

Quote by Highelf04
Just a little thing actually,
I just want to see how many people think the whole idea of "facebook official"/similar other is needed or have they gotten on fine without this concept of "facebook official"


It's not a necessary thing in a relationship, but I've always done it just because it's just a thing people do I suppose
Quote by megano28
I responded to you, but my reply was neither centered to you specifically, nor was it calling you out for saying something. I pointed out that you chastised him for his name calling when it wasn't a case of victim and aggressor rather than two people being aggressive to one another once idiot came out of the works.

But honestly, if you're going to take it personally, I'm not going to bother with this anymore.


But you admitted to not even reading much of it, so you're basing your comments of off...? If you think calling someone an idiot is equivalent to being an aggressor, then I must say that I think this discussion is over, not to mention that Drapte was arguably the first aggressor by any means.

P.S. Drapte got banned, seems as if the mods agreed

Quote by AllJudasPriest
I understand that violence is not where everyone goes. It is a case of being unable to accept the breaking of precedent.

I really don't want to think of his departure as final, I've been trying to avoid that thought. I know I'm not strong enough to take that. I stopped calling him once his family didn't answer and he didn't respond to my voicemail or texts.

I just really wish he'd call me back


I really don't think his departure is final, nor do I expect anyone to be strong enough to simply take it, it would be an overwhelming feeling that words cannot express. Try to not call/text him or his family until he returns. I know it will be hard, but he will talk again when he is ready, and forcing it won't be the best of options.
Quote by megano28
I didn't even bother reading the rest of his posts after like the first sentence. It seems like overkill when he could have just been ignored, especially when the whole argument went on for longer than a page. Seems like a lot of time to dedicate to someone who you think is trolling being a know-it-all.


I was still fine discussing the topic with him until he just went a bit overboard. It only turned sour when name-calling started which again, should have never been started. I don't know why you are still trying to nitpick with me though

Quote by Acϵ♠
Yeah but this thread isn't a clique. I sure hope people don't get that impression.


Agreed, I wasn't trying to make that comparison to us being a clique, but just what he came off as doing.

Quote by AllJudasPriest
He does deserve an answer and I have spent this time looking for it. So when I do talk to him again, I can give it. If he had just waited and not blown up, I would have been able to find it.


Right, I totally get that, it's just the way some people deal with argumental stress. It may be possible that his patience just went a bit overboard.

Quote by AllJudasPriest
Well, I never made it about silent treatment, I'm just too scared of confrontation. I've gone so long under the belief that all conflicts are guaranteed to escalate to the point of viilenc. The only thing I know to do to avoid violence is to surrender.


But all conflicts don't escalate to violence, and that isn't the best mindset to have in these kind of situations. Civil discussions should always be on a couple's top priority when conflict arises, especially when children are involved.

Quote by AllJudasPriest
The tone of the words in bold seem to suggest finality. Can you clarify?


Again, I don't want to assume, but I am giving you the worst-case scenario here. Do I think it'll be your last chance? No. But I do not know the gravity of what all went down, so I wanted you to be on your toes about what may happen, even if the percentages of it happening are very low.
Quote by AllJudasPriest
Let me be clear on two things that do not appear to be clear here:

1) In dealing with people, in person, no matter who it is, I always choose my words very carefully. I feel I like to know what I'm talking about before I open my mouth
2) In dealing with people, in person, no matter who it is, to argue is not me. I don't feel that desire where I have to be right or win anything.

When anyone, no matter who it is, speaks to me in a way that leaves me feeling threatened or a skirmish is imminent, I will bow out. I will never engage into their words. A small part of me does want to, I have felt it before, even very strongly. I especially want to if it can help, but I have never been able to truly go there. I'd rather just tell the other person(s) that they are right, look down and try to diffuse the pending conflict.

So I did the same thing here. I never berated, chastised, argued or talked over him. But his tone, level of his voice and the topic it was about, really intimidated me. Maybe he expected me to defend my position for once, I'm not sure, but I clearly made the wrong choice by not at least trying to engage.

As I stated before, I'd give anything for him to come back.

There is no doubt whatsoever that I was in the wrong. The entire situation is my fault and he deserves no blame at all.

But please don't, I appreciate all advice given. I'm a big girl and I believe I can recognize what is truly good or bad advice. I'd also like to believe that if I am unable to decipher your words, I would ask for clarification instead of jumping to a, presumably, incorrect assumption.


Alright, I think I have a better handle on the situation.

I think we can all agree on that by not engaging in the argument, that is the main factor that cause him to leave, but the question as to why still remains a mystery. He may have expected you to defend your position, based on the primal statement Ace made, but it could also be another reason. I've found that when I'd argue with some of my exes, and she wouldn't fight back, it would make me mad because she was able to make me feel like the bad guy by giving me the silent treatment. I would then get more angry (at myself, projected onto her) because I felt in the wrong and acting out as a bully. Had she came back and argued with me (which would have been significantly worse, because I can be very stubborn in a relationship and it's a terrible trait) things might not have gotten fixed in the next couple of days (which is what I think will happen with you and your husband).

Just keep telling yourself that he will come back, most likely level-headed from the argument. As I said before, just have an idea of what you want to say, because it might be your last chance the next time you see him.

Quote by megano28
If I called you an idiot first, mid argument, you'd get defensive and hurl all sorts of shit at me attempting to hurt me as much. An insult is an insult, and just because one sounds worse than the other, that doesn't mean it's not worthy of a report. Especially when the mild insult was the instigator of what followed. And it's relative, but Drapte has being fighting for his point of view since the first post.

Of all that participated, he's no doubt the one who's been ostracized by the group. That kind of polarization makes people defensive.


Yep, I'm aware. But he came off as a someone who was on their high horse from the beginning, telling everyone that they were wrong straight up. To me, that's already shots fired. He could have said that he disagreed, or just not even said anything, but instead he called all of us wrong because we didn't think exactly what he was thinking. I'm not saying he should have called him an idiot (however, some of the things Drapte said were actually nonsense), but that is not what I reported him on. He name-called multiple times, using words a bit harsher than just "idiot" (which lets be honest, is hardly an insult in today's time).

He ostracized himself by coming off so strong so early, when none of us knew who he even was. It'd be like joining a clique in high school and then instantly telling all the people in it that they weren't dressing properly. I mean, who does that?
Quote by AllJudasPriest
Okay.


But I still want to help you!

Like others have mentioned, definitely have something prepared for when he comes back, because he will (come back, and also have something prepared himself more than likely. Now, based on how intense the topic of argument was, it will change your tone and overall words to him when you see him again.

If you feel as if you were in the wrong, you want to apologize. Tell him everything you're telling us, reminding him that he is your best friend for the past x amount of years.

I feel as if I am being vague, but I don't want to give you the wrong advice by accident based on what I know.
Yeah, to high schoolers 'n such but you are married, it's a totally different ballgame.

However, I can tell that it's a sensitive topic, and I in no way want to come off as trying to pry it out of you, but my inbox is always open.
Quote by Acϵ♠
Only if it's relevant to why or how the argument was started. Don't feel like you have to say it, you totally don't if you're not comfortable.


This. If it's too personal then don't worry about it, but if you think it may help one of us out, consider PMing someone about it.

Quote by willT08
I don't see anything wrong with telling a person who says "Never say I love you unless it's your wedding day or one's being popped out" an idiot.


Pretty much my train of thought.
Quote by AllJudasPriest
The argument was over different personal things. I love my husband with everything I have but sometimes I have trouble being open with even him...

At the first moment of confrontation with anyone, I clam up and refuse to argue. Conflict has always scared me, even if it is just a disagreement. Due to years of conditioning, whenever negativity arises, I simply shut down and refuse to partake in whatever it is. He knows this....

After the argument continued and then escalated, that fear took over and I tried going elsewhere just to avoid it. I asked him to stop, be calm but it didn't happen. I made the mistake of tuning him out and shutting myself off from him.

He packed some stuff and then left with his son. He turned his cellphone off and his family isn't answering either.

Now I'd give anything to take it back and try arguing back


Mind if I ask what the topic was about?

Quote by Peaceful Rocker
Honestly it hasn't even been that long, I was a little drunk last night when I wrote that.

I don't want to jump into another relationship right now.. like, at all.. but I still want to have sex, and I don't like extremely slutty women that would screw me at the drop of a dime.

In other works, I still like to take a girl out.. get to know her pretty well, maybe even over a few dates. Then have sex and bail.

Kind of a dickhead thing to do eh? The last girl i hooked up with was pretty upset afterwards, but I never told her I had any intentions of a relationship or anything like that. Hell, I still live with my ex and she knew it, dunno what she was expecting.


So what you're saying is that you want to be a douche bag.

Quote by guitarxo
That's what I thought as well but this happened all of a sudden and it's like he's a completely different person which is why I am totally lost.

He just yelled at me over skype because I took a picture with one of my coworkers from when I went out this week and it's on fb and we're sort of hugging and people liked that picture. he said it was unfair of me to put it up because HE doesnt have a presence on my fb, nor I on his. but thats because i dont want my conservative relatives knowing that I have a boyfriend who I do stuff with. idk, if any of you have me on fb please check that pic out and tell me if I shouldn't have done that?? I hug everyone all the time I don't see why it's such a big deal. And he has the exact same types of pics anyway.

I don't want him to be upset but I'm upset and my feelings are important too right

--

completely irrelevant but, how is rejecting a girl different from rejecting a guy? Or is it not different at all? Not a casual rejection, but someone who is a bit obsessed. The rejector being me/straight female. This happened a few months ago and I just want to know if I handled it correctly.


Then there may be something else up if this is the case.

I don't have you on facebook so I cannot be the judge of it, but I can understand where you are coming from with the whole family thing, my family is also very conservative. Hugging is fine, he's overreacting here.

Explain on the rejection portion though, I'm not following :/

Quote by megano28
He was called an idiot before he even started with his own ad hominems. That kind of preference towards the regulars in this thread creates a pretty harsh environment for anyone trying to step into this thread and give their own advice.


Idiot is hardly something to be reported for. Drapte was acting out of spite/rage/anger more than just once. I don't consider willT a regular quite yet (no offense) so I don't see how you can say I'm taking preference.

Idiot =/= what Drapte said.
Quote by Acϵ♠
lmao ive never even seen war games


Yo check it out, it's an old classic movie. Warning: the video I showed you has some spoilers, oops

Quote by Drapte
Sorry dude but you are just really wrong about a lot of this stuff. Especially the strike when the irons hot theory. If a girl likes you she won't forget about you, and the only way to properly keep attractive women is by remaining hard to get and the first step to that is waiting and being patient. I don't think you understand just how many options an attractive woman has and how you HAVE to differentiate yourself.


You contradict yourself here in case you didn't notice. You said a if a girl likes you she won't forget about you, but then you talk about how many options an attractive woman has. So you're saying she won't forget anyone? Does she have really good memory or something?

Quote by Drapte
You severly underestimate the power of myster, more then likely every girl you have ever dated has dropped you and you were probably just thinking "it didn't work out" when in reality you turned her off by being an open book.


I've only been dumped once and it was because she was my first girlfriend ever. How dare you insult me like that, you don't know my personal life. And for the record, most girls like it when you are open with them at certain stages of the relationship, doubting that is just wrong.

Quote by Drapte
Girls that like you will ask to be the girlfriend and DTR talks are one of the worst things you can do. NEVER bare your emotions in the same way you NEVER say I love you unless it's your wedding day, or the day a child gets popped out.It doesn't sound like you are speaking from much experience, the worst thing you said was You worry too much about what the girl is thinking about you, instead of just doing whatever you want I'm not worried at all, I'm actually the opposite, if anyone should be worried it should be her however I'm extremely aware of everything, like in traffic when you look 10 cars down the road rather then the car in front. Love is a game and women get turned off because guys have no idea

Confident guys are hard to get, they are gentleman, they are assumptive and they don't have DTR talks.


Dare I respond?

The fact that you just said to never say "I love you" until the wedding day makes you lose any credibility I had for you. That makes you sound so low and shallow as a person, that you are afraid of actually ever having to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. I do have experience, that is why people listen to my advice. What you bolded was how I interpreted the things you were saying. You have all these calculations that have to be perfect in order to get the girl, instead of just going with the flow.

Quote by Drapte
Lol have fun getting dumped on and divorced with the mother of your child ******.


Uncalled for, and reported. If you're going to be a jerk in here, please get out.

Quote by Drapte
Alright dude I'm not posting on this forum anyone because no body wants to take any of my advice clearly. I stand by everything I have said 110% You don't understand how deep it all really goes and you also have no idea on my personal life so don't comment on it.

Peace out guys. PM me if u wanna chat.


We don't want you here because you're a freaking jackass, not because your advice is different from ours. And you have no idea on OUR personal lives, so don't comment on them either, hypocrite.

Quote by Drapte
Actually it's none of those things you creep. It's about keeping a girl interested in you for the right reasons. I'm not asking anybody to lie or harm or mislead anybody. You're an idiot.


Again with the name-calling.

Quote by blake1221
What happened?


This. AJP, we're here to listen and help

Quote by Peaceful Rocker
Man this thread is a mess sometimes!

/new topic.

I need to get some! Still trying to get my ex to move out. Now we are very civil with each other but its still so weird. I also still have this thought in my head that down the road, me and her could still workout. Is that unhealthy? Im over the shit, and even if she threw herself at me i'm done.. but I still think that a few years down the road, i'd be down to try it again. I can't help it, she's just such an awesome girl. But I do know that for both of us we need to see other people, and better ourselves. simply too young to call it right now. And ive been extremely happy now, better than ive felt in so long


Guys with the mindset of "I need to get some" rarely ever do.

Unhealthy? No. Unrealistic? Yes.
Quote by blake1221
I don't really see the issue here, to be honest. So she's grumpy........cool?


That's what I figured.

Quote by Acϵ♠
Be yourself. Do what you want. The best way to win the game is to not even play it.


War games reference, nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHWjlCaIrQo

Quote by guitarxo
The club discussion a few pages ago was helpful to read through for the other perspective.

So bf grudgingly conceded (though it's not like he can stop me from going out) and I went out 2 nights ago. But he spent a while yesterday interrogating me about everything from the moment I left my room to when I came back yesterday morning. I wanted to be like "hey I can be open with you about everything I did" but I was pissed off and hungover and sleepy so I ignored him which probably wasn't a good move :/ I don't mind telling him now but the effect of immediate honesty or whatever is gone.

Perhaps I should interrogate him tomorrow about what he does tonight but ugh I don't really want this to escalate into something super shitty.


Sounds like he's just really insecure.
Quote by blake1221
I personally miss SomeoneYouKnew the most.


Sicky and I were good MSN chat buddies (back when MSN was actually cool). Lots of regs that don't show up anymore: SD, SYK, Seryaph, domino92, u.n.t.a.m.e.d., thanksgiving, and rigiddigits to name a few. I still keep in contact with u.n.t.a.m.e.d. but none of the others.

Where's Tom been lately?

Quote by kikaykitko
I remember him too. As well as SilentDeftones. And Vad. Bc he chewed me out on multiple occasions (with good reason.) Whatever happened to them? They gave such good advise.


I think most of them just kinda moved on with their lives. SD got banned and vowed to never return (something he's kept his word on so far).
Quote by blake1221
Damn, crunchy roll was sick.


Ah, you do remember him. The discussions/arguments he would create with hawtieeblonde were absolutely lovely. It's a shame he stopped posting.

Quote by Highelf04
What actually happened to crunchy roll?
I swear he was still posting here in like 2011 and then he just disappeared gradually


I don't know. I think he got banned for like 30 days then just never came back. Makes me miss SilentDeftone.

Quote by fc89konkari
Well that started quite a post-frenzy. I went out with her on Wednesday (yesterday) and tomorrow I'm off to the cottage. I'm most likely asking her out early next week. The actual activity is still open, I'll have time to think about it.

How long/how many dates should pass until we could enter each other's homes, perhaps for a movie night?

And Drapte, I can definitely see where you're coming from with the time frame, and tbh it's quite genious. However, I don't personally think it's ideal for my own specific situation. We're both in the same high school, I'm quite certain she's not seeing anyone else atm, and I just have that feel. It might come from knowing each other as friends who always clicked for almost a year first. I think we both feel like we've been waiting for this for so long and now it's time, why wait?

Bowling would be looooads of fun, I mean I sure I like it. I can't see how that could fail, except that I'd hate to let her win. The thing is (not necessarily saying no to this option though) that bowling is ridiculously expensive here. For the 2 of us it would be over 40e. For a HS student, money doesn't grow in trees

But thanks for the advice so far, it's been great
-J-

EDIT: and out of curiousity, what should one answer to this?

Because Drapte told me not to?


"Enter each other's home" like it's a ritual or something

Really there is nothing wrong with doing it on one of the first couple dates you have with her, play it by ear.

Holy crap that is expensive, for me it's like 5 dollars for 2 games per person, sheesh Europe sucks.

In response to your edit: I'm guessing you'd say something like you're busy on those days? I'm unsure but curious myself.

Quote by SomeEvilDude
Who wants a genuine tale of woe?

Just over a week ago, I was reunited with my wife after being away for 4mths, we go - after two days - for a routine baby scan as she's about halfway through her pregnancy by this point, and we get the joyful news that our baby has something called anencephaly, which basically means he will die shortly after being born (if he makes it that far) and that's nothing anybody can do. He's a little trooper for making it as far as he has, as most babies with this miscarry before 12wks, let alone make it to 21wks.

Why in here? Because naturally, this has ripped us apart individually, but has brought us together a lot closer than we were before. So keep in your mind kiddies, that sometimes a tragedy shared with a loved one can make the bond so much stronger between you.


SED, I'm sorry to hear that. I have not heard about that diagnosis before, but after a quick google search it sounds horrible. But it makes me happy that this tragedy has been able to put you and your wife closer before.

I wish you all the best.
Quote by chev311e
When you get to the point of having a DTR, you should usually be past the whole initial mystery thing. It should be after several dates when you know the person well. You should know that this is someone that you'd want to be with and that you're not gonna be with other girls nor she with other guys. It has nothing to do with confidence or a lack thereof. It's something that's essential within the relationship so both parties know how to act from then on out.


Well put. It's not like my dad still acts mysterious around my mom, nor my brother around his newlywed wife. After awhile, there is no reason to have so much grey area in the relationship.

Quote by Drapte
This is an advice thread. I'm not gonna post on it anymore because it appears I'm a bit too radical for you guys but I stand by what I said.


You should still post your advice. I am not one to shun someone asking for advice from others willing to give their own input. It's simply why people are discussing the topic at hand, and not going at each other's throats.

Quote by -tempest-
i have to agree with you, i never get to saying "are we bf/gf now". its just a natural progression of things to me


And if that's how things work for a couple, then by all means, don't fix what isn't broken obviously.

Quote by Campbell22
It would be interesting to have you comment more Drapte actually. Different perspectives are always appreciated, for me anyway.


This. Like when CrunchyRoll was a frequent poster (unsure as to who here remembers him besides Vad and maybe Blake) we liked his advice, just not how he went about putting it. Maybe if you come off as a bit less cold you might feel more welcome here. However, don't think that you aren't welcome, we welcome new posters all the time.

Quote by blake1221
I like your approach drapte, but you are coming across a little too cold and calculated for my tastes. Relationships are organic, there are guidelines, but you've got to play it by ear given the material at hand.


As a good friend of mine once told me, "Go with the flow".
Quote by Drapte
Have you actually ever done it before. Why does a guy have to call her 3 days later? Can't he have a life? Also if she thinks you are a player you have dodged a bullet. A woman that actually likes you that is worth keeping will not get up tight about this, I PROMISE you.


I'm not saying exactly 3 days. My advice was to simply just not wait too long. If he's a shy person by nature, waiting an extra day wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm just stating my opinion that I think 5-9 is a bit much. She may not get up tight about it, but she also may have already found another guy who called her sooner to go out with. It's called striking when the iron is hot, and it's a belief I feel strongly about.

Quote by Drapte
When you meet someone you are truly interested you may never forget them. Especially not after a week, you see the thing is she probably gives her number out more then once a week. She knows that the guys are predictably going to call within 4 days, you're the one she is thinking about "Why didn't he call, they always call" a woman wants to feel validated and you're never going to give it to her. Not because you are a player, because you want a relationship with this girl that doesn't end horribly for you because you treated her wrong.


I don't think you understand just how many options attractive women have. More than likely, they are not only seeing you at the time; they may have 2-4 more guys that they are currently dating/talking to. I'm not saying she'll just forget who he is, but she may question as to why he is taking so long. If you want a relationship with her, then you'll want to minimize the time it takes between not being exclusive, and being in a relationship.

Quote by Drapte
There is a very big reason not to use the weekend and that is that you are busy doing stuff. My problem with this is that guys are wayyy to happy to be there. You have to really make yourself different. If you meet a gorgeous woman and she is busy on Friday and Saturday you aren't angry at her, you are intrigued at what she might be doing.
You want to reverse this.


Or you can just not worry about it? Why does her being busy have to stress you out?

Quote by Drapte
Have you ever waited before? DTR talks KILL mystery. The whole point of my whole philosophy is that you have to make yourself DIFFERENT and somewhat of an icon. Just think about that really hot girl that got away and you want to be her. Confident guys don't have DTR talks.


Waited until she asks me? No because that doesn't happen. If someone wants to wait for it, they'll soon find themselves without a girlfriend. With girls I've dated, we've had the DTR talk and everything was just grand. You worry too much about what the girl is thinking about you, instead of just doing whatever you want, which is what a real confident guy does.

Quote by Drapte
No that's a half truth. A girl has to be attracted to you first. You can never go in too slowly with a girl. Just think about those girls that you have been turning down for years that are still chasing you. Guys get friendzoned for one of two reasons. Either 1) They turned her off before they even kissed her. or 2) She was never attracted to him in the first place


I always assume attraction.

Quote by Drapte
Freezerburn I understand you take a bit of pride in this forum. I am happy to go into depth about 5 - 9 days and the rest of what I am saying with you on a personal level and not on a public forum if you wish to.

Peace out


It's not even pride, and there is nothing wrong with having a discussion about it.
There is no formula for this stuff

If he waits too long, the girl may see him as being a player, or someone who casually dates around a lot. From what I gathered, this is not the case, and waiting more than 3 days is just down right silly. I wouldn't suggest calling the next day, but after 2 or 3 days, it's the perfect time to ask her out again.

Why? Because you are still fresh in her mind. You've given her a day of little to no contact so she can process y'alls first date. After you ask her out for the 2nd, this time frame will give you a good chance of her saying yes. There is no reason to not use the weekend, but quite the opposite. Most people are free on the weekends, giving her less chance of declining due to previous engagements (work, school, etc).

Also, you don't have to wait for her to ask you to be her boyfriend, that is irrational. You won't come off as desperate if after the appropriate amount of time, you and her have the DTR (defining the relationship) talk.

Guys get friendzoned for waiting too long-- a pretty universal truth. Why increase the chance of that happening just so it fits in your "formula"?

However, I do agree with never setting a date on a date (unless the relationship has gotten to that level), and letting her know if you will be eating because girls just like to know that information beforehand.

But seriously, do not wait 5 to 9 days, that is just asking for trouble.
Quote by fc89konkari
Went for a coffee with the girl I talked about a couple days ago! Went great After that we had a walk through a field and a forest, right after sunset. Fantastic make-out in the forest and a soft kiss right when her bus came. Is it possible for me to wait too little/long for a second date? When would be the optimal time to ask her out? Also, if someone has a great idea for particularly a second date, that would be welcome



Nice job! My idea for the 2nd date: bowling or go to a pool hall (if those things still exist) but maybe I'm biased because I like sports.

As for how long to wait, I wouldn't wait longer than 3 days to ask her out again.
Quote by megano28
It's like you didn't even read what I said. I didn't say he couldn't or shouldn't say how he felt, I even mentioned the addition of 'it's your choice, but it bothers me' being the key to the manipulative, passive comment.


My mistake, I interpreted what you said wrong. I thought you were saying to not mention how he felt, instead of mentioning the 2nd part, apologies.

Quote by Axeaman
This so much. I couldn't care less if my gf where dancing with her boys, whether it's boy or girls, especially since that's what I do every time I'm clubbing!

Also, opinions on this one: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=156366953&page=1


Looks like a typical middle school thing. The kid can't be older than 15. Even if he is, he probably just has a great personality... or he's rich with a big dick. But the responses are totally expected of misc.
Quote by megano28
Communicating his feelings would be that he doesn't the possibility of other men dancing with his girlfriend. Him saying that he can't tell her what to do is unnecessary, he couldn't tell what to do either way.

Including that is the manipulative part in guilt tripping. She knows it's her choice, there's no reason to mention it. It would have been exponentially better if had attempted a better form of communication, where all options are open and discussed, not just "I don't like that you do this and I'd prefer for it to stop."


Why shouldn't he mention it? I mean I get that it is her choice, but why should he hold it in and not say a pip about it.

Quote by megano28
He communicated his feelings, albeit not in the method I would have preferred. What I'm really against was the little comment in the end. " I also told her that, yeah, i would get jealous, and that it would bother me a lot, so she should think about that as well."Were the exact words of this user and that just sounds like a guilt trip. He pretty much told her what he wants her to do without being completely direct and using her feelings towards him almost like a weapon to get what he wanted.

Real communication doesn't work that way, considering that most of the male dancing will most likely happen in the classes and not at the actual club.


Well shit I must have read over this statement.

In that case, I stand by what I've said in regards to my personal experiences, but what he's doing just ain't right.

Quote by EndTheRapture51
I don't like my girlfriend going clubbing but it means I can have an evening in playing Dota so it's not all bad.


If only my computer didn't freeze up playing dota I'd switch back to it from League any day.

Quote by chev311e
I know it's a matter of opinion and depends on the relationship and I'm sure some couples could make it happen. I guess it depends on the type of dancing too, but I don't know, I'm not a club person. Either way it wouldn't fly too smoothly with me to see my gf dancing with another guy in a grinding fashion.


This is what I'm saying. Friend dancing is one thing, but grinding is a whole different game.
Quote by blake1221
No matter how you word it, that's guilting them into not doing things. I don't back it.

And 999/1000 times, jealousy stems from insecurity.


I am not one to guilt someone into doing things.

Just like how 85% of stats are made up on the spot

But seriously, that estimation is way wrong in my opinion. Jealousy is a natural human trait, while insecurity is not. I have a good deal of knowledge on this topic, I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about but I could be wrong.

Quote by kikaykitko
I disagree. In this situation, it's just him telling her how he is. If he went on to say, "so don't go dancing without me", that's manipulative. Part of being in a relationship is telling the other person what kind of shit doesn't fly with you. It's not nice to just assume they'd know what hurts your feelings or not.

Sometimes being jealous just means you don't want someone else enjoying what you should be exclusively enjoying like your bf/gf.


I'm glad someone is taking what I'm saying in context, thank you. Relationships are about give/take, and a lot of sacrifices. If two people can't work things like this out, then I see red flags in their future.

Quote by megano28
If I told someone that them going out to dance bothers me, but I can't tell them what to do, that's just as manipulative but in a passive way.


Nope, it's just expressing your feelings. Why even bother communicating in the first place with that logic? No one likes someone who clams up and doesn't talk to their SO about what's going through their head, it's mental torture for the one left in the dark.
Quote by blake1221
I'm actually on her side, Freezer Burn.

You need to lighten up and trust her, if dancing is a big part of her life, you need to accept that occasionally she'll have to dance with other guys. The issues here are stemming from your insecurities that prompt your jealousy.


I'm all for trusting my significant other. But whenever I've disclosed to them that I can get jealous with the dancing scene if I am not there, they are very understandable and because we love each other, they don't do it. I'm never forcing them to do anything, just telling them what I'm thinking. Just because someone is a jealous person, does not make them insecure.

Quote by EndTheRapture51
The absolute worst thing is a controlling, insecure boyfriend. I know a girl who's boyfriend is forbidding her from doing stuff like going swimming with her brother and I'm just telling her to ditch him cos guys like that suck.


Quote by blake1221
The word "forbid" should never be in a relationship's vocabulary.



Agreed.
Quote by gorkyporky
So, i got a new girlfriend. Its been almost 2 months now and its going pretty good. But a few days ago we were talking and one topic lead to another and we talked about exes and stuff, and she could see i was a bit jealous. Then she asked me if i was a jealous person, and well, i am. So i told her, and she started asking me if then she wont be able to dance with anyone else but me when we go out, or when she goes out with friends. And i honestly didn't have a response to that, since my ex, who i was with 2 years, never did something like that. I know, its just dancing, and she goes to like 4 different dance classes, so of course she likes to dance, but still, the thought makes me uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.
Anyway, i told her that i cant forbid her to dance with other guys, since she is a grown woman, and can make her own decisions. I also told her that, yeah, i would get jealous, and that it would bother me a lot, so she should think about that as well.
So, my question is, how the hell do i deal with my jealousy? It's been a problem in the past, and i'm trying really hard to stop or at least minimize it, but i cant just shut of that part of my brain.


Sounds like you bought her when you said you got a new one

Honestly she's not being fair in not taking serious consideration to not do something that she knows will bother you. Not many guys are comfortable with the girlfriends dancing with other guys, it's instincts. I've never dated a girl that would even want to dance with anyone else but me. You're best bet might actually to learn how to be really good at dancing, to ensure that she will only want to dance with you, but no guarantees.
Quote by blake1221
I'm not


Well fuck you then
Quote by ESPLTDV401DX
As far as I know there is no history of personality disorders. A couple of years ago I was really socially awkward but I dont think it was anxiety or anything like that. I grew out of all of that and I'm a really outgoing person now so I don't understand where it was coming from


It really might have just been a moment of weakness with your confidence or something. I wouldn't worry about it, unless you are still having those doubts, are you?

Quote by StreetLight3989
It actually is already working out that way.

My best friend talked to the other girl I was into and after my best friend talked to her I ended up getting the other girl's number and I have plans to smoke and watch a movie with her this week.


Nice. Sounds good minus the weed because I don't smoke.

Quote by blake1221
"just a few drinks to where you're feeling good"


what's wrong with that.


Ain't nothing wrong with dropping back a few with some friends.

Also Blake, I had no idea you were religious at all, right on brother
Quote by vintage x metal
Thank you for that. I don't think the problem was that it was close friends of his; all of our friends are close friends of both of us at this point, at least friends that live in our town. We prefer that the people we hook up with are close friends of both parties. I do think though, however, that this situation was somewhat necessary in pointing out the things we needed to discuss as a friend group and as a couple. Andrew has continued talking to the guys and I think they'll be better friends for it in the long run.
He isn't bipolar but he does have pretty severe attention deficit disorder. He was heavily medicated since the 3rd grade and he stopped a year before we met, when he was 22. He was also previously on anxiety medication. He has a tendency to react passively to anxiety at first, and then it bursts forth as anger, at which point it's often very difficult for him to articulate his thoughts or keep a consistent frame of reference. Both of our anxiety issues greatly, greatly declined once we started dating but it does become difficult when we are struck with it in reference to each other because we usually keep each other so grounded.

We've talked a lot over the past few days and it's been very productive. A lot has been resolved already and the rest will only take time. He calmed down enough to ease through his thoughts, and we've tried forcing ourselves to eat and sleep. Putting ourselves in social situations has helped because we're distracted enough to not be sad and can see each other as we normally do. Our boundaries are very clear now, and not much has changed honestly. We both realized that certain events of the past few months were things that we should have discussed more explicitly, both with each other and with our friends, and hopefully this doesn't happen again. A big part of the escalation of this event was our conflicting work schedules.


Well I am glad that things are getting better for you both, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. As for mentioning the ADD, that totally makes sense and I can really see where some of reactions are coming from looking at it from a mental standpoint. Please don't hesitate to come back if you need more opinions on whatever the matter will be, we'll be here

Quote by ESPLTDV401DX
Had a really weird experience today. I asked out a girl I've liked for a couple weeks and she said yes. When I walked away out of nowhere I started having all these shitty thoughts. I kept on telling myself she doesn't actually like me and she was just saying yes cause she didn't want to hurt my feelings. It was almost becoming overwhelming. I'm normally a fairly confident dude and I've never had anything like this happen before so I don't understand where all of it was coming from. Anyone have any similar experiences or ideas on what triggered that


Do you know if there is a history of personality disorders in your family that might could have triggered those thoughts? Or maybe are you just a very anxious person?

Quote by SLEESTAK_BRO
thnx guys, club fair was today and there are several that look promising


Ugh, I'm so jealous of you right now. Enjoy it dude, have a freakin' blast!

Quote by Tostitos
Minor update: hung out with my ex after having not seen each other in months. Actually had a really pleasant time with no anxiety or residual sadness or any of those negative emotions so I'm taking that as a sign that we can stay friends and I can really start moving on.

I'm sure I'll be back here with questions for you guys when new opportunities start to crop up, I get the feeling I have tons to learn still with all this relationship business.


Being friends with an ex is always a difficult situation. A lot of people in this thread will advocate against it, but I'm friends with some of mine and I think it's quite alright. But definitely come back if you need any advice or whatnot!
Quote by Campbell22
Look mickel, this is some highschool BS, Megano is a freakin' BOSS, the people here are next level, take their precious advices, don't waste your time mate, there will be other pretty girls to wet you Willy in, just consider for a second, that this one ain't Worth your time, that maybe you are infatuated with her because you are young and wanting to spark passion with the other gender that maybe, and sadly, isn't there, trust me, it's better off this way.


OH YOU...

Quote by willT08
Really doubt you will until you get absolutely crushed


I'd like to think the same.

Quote by lolmnt
Not sometimes. Always.


Until the uncommon occasion where they come around and then get jealous that you are getting women much more attractive than them, and start to quietly sabotage things. I've had it happen before.
Quote by StreetLight3989
I'm not anymore, honestly this time. I know she doesn't like me, our mutual friend talked to her today about me. I'm cool with being just friends, I've accepted that that is our relationship.

Besides, I have other things to focus on now than being hung up over a girl that will never see me as anything more than a friend. Best friend girl actually talked to girl #2 about me today and girl #2 said she'd definitely be down to chill with me and get to know me.

So thank you guys for putting up with my delusional hope and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you guys from the start. Next time I definitely will.


Doesn't mean you shouldn't take advantage of having an attractive lady best friend. They can be the best wingwomen sometimes.
Quote by vintage x metal
Guys, I'm really sad and confused. My fiance and I have a very strong relationship. He understands me better than anyone, and I tell him everything. He's very very close to my soul. I sometimes wonder where I end and he begins. We just had something very strange happen to us. We have always kept an open dialogue about how monogamous we want to keep things. I've been hooking up with other women for a few years now, both with him and without him, and have been under the impression that I am open to fool around with my close guy friends (they are also his close friends) so long as it is not under romantic pretenses.

This was a pretty interesting and confusing situation for me from the get-go, and I was looking forward to hear his opinion and to have him help me create some kind of narrative around it. He already seemed like he was in a bad mood and worried after he got off of work, so I tried to keep description to a minimum, but then he told me that I cheated on him, and I watched the hurt and anger wash over him. That was traumatic. I thought this was okay on both sides, and it's never been an issue before because I just have never pursued any guy before and I hadn't brought it up to him in a while. I knew it would be a bummer to picture but I genuinely thought it was okay in terms of our relationship. Once he realized I didn't consciously decide to cheat on him, and that I had gone into the situation thinking I was in the clear, he was even more confused, which made him more angry.

At this point, I was also hugely confused and not really sure how to react, because huge waves of anxiety came over me once I realized he wasn't okay with this, and I started feeling very sleezy and disgusting and awful, and I just wanted to do whatever I could do to make him stop crying and yelling and hurting. I had to go into work right after we talked and I was already late because I didn't want to leave him, but he eventually calmed down a bit and said I should try not to freak out as well and that we should either talk about it when I got off of work or the next day. While I was at work, our friends came in (the guys I had fooled around with and the guy that lives with them, all of whom we are both very close to) and I told them that they should talk to him at some point and help him piece things together.

Next thing I knew, my fiance comes back from a walk and is confronting our friends in the bakery I work in by first coming back into the kitchen while I'm baking, then storming off and taking a friend outside one by one. The guys each came back while I was working to ask if I could come outside and talk (I couldn't, I was working, plus everyone I was working with was weirded out... not to mention the bakery is owned by the same people who own and run the restaurant my fiance cooks at, so this looks bad for both of us), all of them bewildered and probably wanting to know if they were about to get chewed out. They did get chewed out, and hard... even my friend who wasn't involved. My fiance asked the guy who wasn't involved what had happened, and he was only around for the first minute or two.

We've never threatened to leave each other. These guys are like my family and I suddenly felt very alone. Later that night my fiance told me that the friend that wasn't involved never said I had sex with anyone. He also told me he didn't mean what he said.


Hello vintage, I hope some of my advice will be able to help you. While I have no experience of polygamy, I have a fair amount of knowledge of how it works psychologically with both parties. Feel free to take or ignore my advice wherever you see fit.

Okay, got it. However, that impression should have been cleared up before all of this, but unfortunately it is past that.

I definitely can see why he is saying this. Along the lines of what Blake said, the longer you date someone, the more about them you will know, and the more vulnerable to become emotionally to them. He does in fact feel hurt about it, again like Blake said probably because they are his close friends too. While I am not into polygamy, I can see how much that would hurt me if I was in his shoes.

You shouldn't feel that way about yourself. You had done similar things in the past and it was okay. I really think the issue is because it's one of his close friends as well. However, you may have goofed up by not knowing if you could do it for sure or not, but it's in the past, and I stand by the first sentence in this mini-paragraph.

While I know why he did this, he should not have. The issue is not between anyone but the both of you. Him doing that is frankly a bit immature and insecure that he would go and talk to everyone there like some sort of investigator.

Quote by vintage x metal
These are my issues with this situation:
Sex is not easy for me. I'm a rape victim, for christ's sake. That was only a couple of years ago. I met my fiance while I was in therapy for it. This is why I am very open about my sexuality and the dialogue associated with it. I don't want any ambiguity or questions. I want to be very clear about how I feel, and be clear and intentional with my actions. I've never hidden anything from my fiance. If anything, I'm more worried about hiding things from myself and spiraling into a crippling depression from it and being intolerable to be around. I do what I can to take care of myself so that I can do what I need to for others.

Sex is an issue for me so I decided to grab it by the balls. People mistake this for nymphomania, and I wouldn't hook up with someone I didn't know really well so I'm never too worried about the misconceptions, but I'm really not as crazy or horny as people expect me to be, I just happen to be very comfortable speaking about it. Sex with my fiance is sacred and he's got me at a comfort level that I've never been at before. He was in a highly repressed relationship before this, and he seems to revel in my sexual freedom. He even told me that part of his issue with this situation is that he's pretty turned on by the whole thing, he's just not ready to think about me doing something like that without him there to watch or take part. He says a big issue is that I didn't call him before I did it to ask.

With the pretenses I was under, I thought it would be shitty to wake up to that phone call and that it'd be better to hear about it after he got off of work. I didn't know that a phone call was an expectation in a situation like this, though we had discussed it before. Honestly I'm really having a hard time understanding our boundaries. He says he still wants to be open to the idea of me fooling around with other men, and he doesn't want to be monogamous, even after all of this. I've tried to get him to sleep with other girls without me around on various occasions and he's always been too nervous and ends up taking the girls for walks instead until they decide to leave. I am realizing that he follows traditional gender conceptions much more than I do. I am a bisexual female (maybe you'd call it pansexual), and someone's gender has never really been all that compelling in my attraction to them.

He has been saying different things to me over the past day based on how fed/rested/hydrated/stoned he is. His anger gets the best of him sometimes and he intentionally says things he know will hurt me even though they are not true so that I can share his hurt. But I am already hurt, and confused, and I don't know what I can do to resolve this. I had sex with him after we calmed down a bit last night. I had to stop earlier on and cry for a while, to get all the anxiety out of my body and out of my head, and to get as close to him as I normally do. He saw all this. He watched me convulse before we went at it again. He told me I was perfect. He was tender. He got aggressive.


This morning he apologized to me for being selfish and cuddled with me for a long time when we woke up, and I told him that he wasn't being selfish and it is natural to feel hurt after something like this happens, and no more than five minutes later he told me he can't believe I cheated on him and stormed out of the room. What?!?! My dad used to lie to my family's face about hurting me when I was little, and I still to this day do not know if he knew he was lying or just forgot about pulling my hair or hitting me. I have a lot of psychological trauma associated with bouts of anger and how it can change a person, but I try to handle it well and move through it. I'm trying not to be critical of the both of us, but I'm just so confused, and so much of this is associated very closely to my psyche that I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust from anxiety attacks.


An interesting take on reacting to being assaulted. For me, it caused me to be quite the opposite for a bit, but I think as long as it works for you, go for it.

I agree with that. Would it have been possible to text/call him the night before just to give him a heads up?

While this is immature, I have to admit that I have done this before in the past. It is stupid, yes (I was young, give me a break guys!) but it's never a good response to fixing anything, and will most likely make things worse. As for resolving it, it's a very stubborn habit to have, and consistently talking about it after each time it occurs may be a good solution.

Now this is mind-boggling to me. I don't know why he would switch emotions like this so fast. Is he by chance diagnosed with bipolar or anything similar?
Quote by fc89konkari
I just used shit as a casual term for casual talking It's her, 2 of her (mine too) female friends + the exchange dude of hers who just came to Finland on Friday. Never met him yet, will meet him tomorrow in school. I don't think it'll be awkward at all, as I've flirted with her quite a bit already. Sometimes our mutual friends might've tried to make it awkward (for fun), but we've never really let it get awkward. It's amazingly easy with her.

EDIT: I just figured out that the movie is an outdoor movie picnic type of thing. It's also free so that makes it even more tempting Does change the scene though for a bit. Not that same atmosphere as a theatre would have. Thinking seriously of going now. If someones greatly against it, let me know why


Sounds like a solid group, I think you'll be just fine and will have a lot of fun. Let us know how it goes!

Quote by guitarxo
I talked to my boyfriend today and he was like "ok fine do whatever you want but just know that I'd be fine with you not clubbing at all" about it. I feel like he is still trying to retain control of something but I don't really know what exactly it is, I just don't feel entirely comfortable with this. I'm going clubbing anyway because I want to but I feel like it's just accepting what he said and I also feel slightly guilty about it. But if I don't go then I am accepting what he said earlier. Am I just overthinking this?


You need to be able to know that you can do whatever you want, because it's ultimately your life, not his, and there not a ring on your finger yet. If you want to go clubbing, then no one should stop you. He seems like he may be a control freak, just keep your eyes open for that.

Quote by SLEESTAK_BRO
does anyone have any advice for meeting some babes at college?

i'm a freshman and just moved in friday and have flirted a little with one or two girls i've come across but i'm pretty shitty at actually making friends with others.


Like what blake said, get involved in the clubs. There should be a club fair within the first week or two, go to it and sign up for everything that interests you.

More importantly, MEET EVERYONE IN YOUR DORM. I cannot stress this enough. Part of my success of having such an awesome first year in college was because I made the effort to meet all my dorm mates. I didn't do that many clubs, but I definitely got into intramural sports, and that is where I've made a lot of my lifelong friends after graduating. Just find your niche.

Quote by enceps
went the high route and calmly told her that she broke my trust and she will never get that back and its too late for anything else. And told her the guy she was with obviously doesnt care about her like i did.

Now she's begging for me to come back ( dont worry I never will ). But it felt kinda nice to know shes not going to be happy for a long time.


Good for you man. Just stay on the high road, and don't look back. Keep going forward with your life, improving yourself where you see fit, and don't even think about that girl, she's not worth your time.
Quote by fc89konkari
I can call them my friends as well, but to her they are really good friends. I've no trouble talking shit with them in school or so. And yeah the movie title confused me like shit cause I hadn't even heard of it, nor was it capitalized

I'm actually leaning a bit more towards going to the movies with them all tomorrow. Haven't made a decision yet. I'd rather gone out with her first, but this just feels like a really fun thing, with good folks, that I don't want to miss. Even if I was completely comfortable with going, why shouldn't I go? Or should I totally go?


Lol wtf, do you mean shooting the shit? Talking shit is not what you thinkn it is hahaha.

If they are all girls, you might wanna bring a bro or 2 along (if allowed) so things aren't possibly awkward.

Quote by mickel_w
P.S. > Ok, well i think you know what i actually meant
P.P.S. > Yeah, as crude as it was i cant deny it made me chuckle.

Well, if the pit agrees on this decision that she's an attention seeking *****, then what can you do? I just wasnt expecting this feedback thats all haha


You win some, you lose some. I think you'll be glad you dodged this bullet in the near future.