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Ugh, if you don't want to start any shit, which idk even know what shit you'd start, then just leave it at that. That conversation seemed normal, except for her taking your sincerity the wrong way. You're just trying to make this into more than it is. Let her go and cut contact if it bothers you so much. Cutting the conversation short is the best way to go about talking to your ex. And not in an obvious way, just say the minimum that needs to be said.
So I'm going to see my ex tonight for the first time since she broke up with me on Monday. We're going to a party and I haven't told anybody she dumped me yet. Shit is going to get awkward.
That TED talk is good, but I don't see the relevance it has to PUA. PUA seems to be much more complicated than that. That TED talk is meant to mean fake the confidence until you make it. Not fake an entirely separate personality and characteristics.
Please do chime in and message me links and sources where I can obtain accurate information on the subject and enlighten myself, if you believe a misunderstanding is in place. Like I have admitted, I can't say I am at a full understanding on the subject.
But it's not real confidence in yourself. It's confidence in the things you learned (the morality of which notwithstanding). All these eponymous techniques dont make you realize that your big nose isn't actually that big, or that nobody notices that bald spot, or that that girl over there thinks your slight pudge is cute. Instead of real confidence in yourself it promotes confidence in falsehood.
It's not about creating a fake personality and characteristics; god forbid. Erase the idea from your mind. Not many people push this idea. It's about improving confidence and learning how to deal with people.
From the shit you post lol.
I only see it as a game insofar as bettering yourself (levelling up), learning how to put yourself across, dealing with dates, potential partners.
Some of it is BS and the lingo is bollocks, but after reading up on some of it, my confidence has improved and I've learned how to make the most out of what I have.
There's this girl I met in winter. We met through a mutual friend (male) who was pretty close to both of us.
We quickly developed a sort of buddy relationship and talked infrequently, but in a sort of flirty fashion. This mutual friend of ours was expelled from our school around the time we started talking, so we became closer afterwards. However, she revealed to me that she had feelings for this friend (who has had a girlfriend since fall) and he told her the same. I'm not exactly sure of their about their relationship from then, but it has since involved him completely removing her from his life (around april). After that this girl and I became even closer, hanging out very frequently and talking/texting/skyping when we weren't hanging out. We've become pretty much best friends. I didn't really have feelings for her until last month, but they have developed and they're not leaving. Now I'm confused. I've been trying to throw out really subtle hints and she sort of responds but she's always pretty ambiguous about it.
I've been out of town for a couple weeks so I haven't seen her, but I come home Sunday and we'll probably be doing a lot of stuff together next week. What exactly should I do? Should I risk our friendship?
What fucking game?
Interacting with women isn't a game. Building relationships isn't a game. This is why the whole thing's creepy and disgusting.
Hey man, if everyone thought of the Nash equilibria, the world would be a better place.
Ideally, if at any point over the week you're out drinking, just kiss her. If she reciprocates, happy days. If not and she gets a bit weirded out, then you can blame the alcohol. Win-win.
That's what I gathered from the very limited experience I've had when friends or people on here link/talk about it. I can't imagine anybody serious about it would recommend desperately trying to pick up women as a means of building confidence.
It would seem to me that it should be the other way round.
God, people that go to /r/seduction are shitbags.
Hilariously, this thread is about the only place on the internet that does relationship advice well
/adv/ is atrocious
I see why you think the way you do now, you're looking at pickup artists as they were in the early 2000's with "The Game" and "Mystery Method". PUA is a fairly new thing, and has already changed a heap. There are still (very few) people who practice the "lines and tactics" shit (I've gone out with a couple of people who do that), and it's extremely awkward to watch. That's not what PUA is about for the most part these days.
Pickup these days is an unstifling of your own personality. I've become only more myself and more centered in myself since starting with this stuff. There's nothing facade-y about it. Desperation is what drives some guys into this (myself included), but guys who stick at it long enough come out some of the most abundantly minded and non-needy guys there are.
Doesn't sex with random people cause psychological damage?
Does anybody here know of any good "inner gamey" reading material? (or audio)
I've been told of "The Power of Now" but that seems morn of a spiritual enlightenment books, thought interesting.
I'm going to watch the Rsd videos.. But I'm would live some good reading stuffed too.
Like.. Help with finding confidence, what's considered inner game. However today feel and helps me discover why.
Well they're not quotes, but the idea of a 'Pick Up Artist' sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. What use is it to anyone to have to put on some front to talk to women?
Any women that do end up liking you will be attracted to some fantasy, bullshit facade you put on so they'd get to like you. How pathetic.
Whatever happened to just talking to women like they're human beings? Not some game to be mastered or manipulated. Women are very easy to deal with, you don't need tips on how to talk to the cashier at the bank or the guy on the till at McDonalds, do you? (this isn't aimed at you specifically, more so anyone reading this who reads this shite)
What is it about talking to women, not in a professional setting that requires tips to do? Unless you're walking around deliberately trying to attract every woman you talk to but that'd be creepy as fuck so I assume nobody does that.
This is Exhibit A of what I mean. What kind of warped view at self-reflection and improvement is calling confidence, which is borne out of happiness and contentment - 'inner game'?
I think with PUA, a lot of guys seem to miss the point entirely, and quite a bit of PUA itself seems to miss that point too.
It's true that the "goal" is to pick up women, but what I've noticed is that really it's all about building confidence in yourself, and building an awesome life for yourself where you live for yourself, and are not constantly trying to please or impress other people. I think fundamentally it's just self-improvement, being the best person you can be, which is what attracts other people (not just women).
Obviously, quite a few people miss that point entirely, and just depend on those incredibly cheesy "canned openers" and routines to get women, which I think just misses the point.
Don't know who bought this up, but if you want to gain confidence in yourself, forget about women for a while, and just focus on yourself. Build real confidence in yourself. Have real passions in your life, something to live for that makes you excited to wake up every morning, and gives you something to live for, besides always depending on getting women to define who you are.
So I've been dating this girl for two months now, and though it's mostly great when we're together, we can hardly ever get together. What i mean is that when I'm free she has school and a job and when she's free I have a band practice or things like that.
Just last week we agreed to grab lunch but right before she fell ill. The week before that she had surgery and couldn't leave the house. And a week prior to that my band had to practice everyday exactly when she was back from work.(Last minute gig)
I understand these things are beyond anyone's control but is it bad that I'm starting to get frustrated? I know that our schedules will clean up soon but it's just been so... annoying (for the lack of a better word). I feel like we see each other twice a month and i barely have a chance to get to know her. Am I thinking too much and should I just try to chill out ?
FWB on paper is supposed to be someone you get along with, have sex or engage in more-than-platonic relations with, yet you abstain from any real "relationship." In theory, you're still both allowed to see other people and go about as you please. Sounds like a good idea, as long as no one gets attached.
Someone always gets attached. It's a flawed and temporary ideal. People can have longs ones, but there's none that end cleanly.
Your dildos were less FWB situations and more...well....dildos. That basically covers that.
What is everybody's opinion here on the whole David D cocky comedy thing?...
Apart from the fact that I still haven't fully understood how to use it properly.. But I'm not entirely sure how legit it is
. And honestly all the success stories you get in the newsletters just seem like advertising.
So is there like.. Anyone one here who's got in down and has actual success to share?.. And just general opinions really
What is it?
Is he one of these stupid 'Pick Up Artist' guys?
Yo, so I've had this friends with benefits thing going for a while (implying we had sex while being outside a relationship, bleh) it lasted 3 months and it reached a point where the girl wanted us to stay friends but said she wanted to build something with somebody and since I had no intentions of doing that, well you get the picture.
I replied that: I did not see the purpose of downgrading this relationship to just being friends and that I wouldn't be limiting myself because she thought she could get someone to "build" something with (badass quote indeed, and what weren't we building ? I don't really see it)
So it has been a month, she texted to know if I changed my mind now and then and she eventually got into a relationship proving me that she was indeed a neeeeedy little person. (all fooling around aside, I do love the girl dearly and I do think we had a great friendship)
So I guess, what I'm asking is: Am I too cruel by keeping her out of my life because she doesn't want to fulfill my sexual needs anymore ?
First post in any relationship thread ever.
I just got dumped and somehow I don't feel bad. I actually saw it coming a long time ago and I guess I've been preparing myself for it the whole time.
Ok so disaster incoming, didn't see anything in the sticky and I'd like to advice.
Been dating a girl for 6 years now, and I'm at a point where I feel 'eh'. We live together, and it doesn't feel special to be around her, it just feels 'normal' I guess. She is under the impression that I am going to ask her to marry her soon (because I said last year I was going to), and that isn't part of my plan. I feel extremely apathetic about my relationship, its not bad, but it isn't what I want either.
I've put a lot of thought in to breaking up with her, but after six years she is a normal part of my life and my family.
Typing it out definitely helps me realize I need to end this though, how the hell do I go about this? She is only my second girlfriend, and the first one broke up with me, but only after a week or so (high school ). Also, our housing situation is sort of a problem, apart from my computer and guitars, pretty much everything here is hers (but the house is under my name).
Sometimes, Uncle Ace has to put the foot down with some tough love. It's usually balanced out with things other posters say he's not stupid, but it would be stupid of him not to break up with her.
Broke up with the gf shitty buzz
Well. After serious consideration, I nearly did end it today but I cannot. We both agreed we need to work on our relationship. I guess I'm a big stupid pussy, but I'm giving her another chance.
Guys, I have a stalker and I think my ex boyfriend is behind it and it's freaking me out. He has my phone number, my new address somehow, and he knows my life. But I don't know him.
He isn't texting me anything directly threatening yet, but hes sending creepy texts telling me about my life and my past and such and its giving me the creeps. And a lot of it is info only my ex and a couple of close friends would know.
I don't think I can call the cops on someone for being creepy and knowing my life, but the fact that they have my address and the possibility of it being my ex makes me really nervous.
It just started happening today so I haven't had a lot of time to think about it or investigate. Sure is creepy, though. Oh and I live alone, by the way. Feeling vulnerable. Maybe I should take my own advice and invest in a knife.
Are you a dumb fucking idiot? No? Then get out of that relationship. Yeah she's never seen the guy before but she's saying "i miss you". So she's a liar and a cheat--you *do not* want this to work out.
Have some dignity for yourself man. Break up with her before she really hurts you.
In a new place, got my priorities taken care of, and my time structured and managed. I think I'll be here much more consistently. Let the advice flow free~
Apparently you're not supposed to make plans longer in advance that the relationship has lasted.
Eg. for a 3 month relationship you shouldn't start making holiday plans for next summer.
So me and my girlfriend have been together for over a month, everything feels great. We've been extremely open with everything, past and present, and it's so refreshing. After she graduated she's been feeling somewhat depressed and off, and I was wondering what you guys think I should do.
She says her standard response to problems have been to just shut herself in, so either I let her do just that or I offer to help her in a more active way. I just don't want to feel like I am forcing myself into the situation, I know from my own experience that some things just work out better if you deal with them on your own.
Anyone got any tips?
Many thanks guys and girls.
That's a shame, dude. Although i was saying it because in a lot of cases, someone might end up banking all their hopes on the girl breaking up for them only for it to never happen. Just gotta take each situation as it comes i guess.
It's similar to one of the first cases discussed in this thread. If you give the woman everything, she has no reason to change her situation at all.
I believe the viewpoint of there's no such thing as the friendzone doesn't mean you can date any of your friends whenever you want. It means the other person doesn't want to date you because they aren't attracted to you, not because they're already your friend. (Something like that, it's 3 AM and I should be asleep lol)
Trying to get involved with a girl who has a boyfriend usually ends with everyone in the situation getting hurt, so if i were you, i would leave it either way.
Why have I never seen this thread? It seems incredibly helpful.
I'm kinda in a weird place right now. I was in love with this chick for 6 months, got friendzoned (I honestly feel like it was a level past friendzoned) and she kept leading me on for basically that whole time. Fast forward to now, I finally texted her again (first time in 4 months) and the conversation went pretty well. She apologized, admitted that she led me on intentionally, and I forgave her. The problem is I'm not wanting to have those feelings for her anymore. I'm over her now, but I feel like she could reel me back in if she wanted to. And now that I've texted her, I think she wants to be friends again. What do I do?
Friendzone isn't a thing.
god ****in damn
ex texted me "I realized what I did wrong and I'm sorry for everything, can we just start fresh"
I really wanted to be with her again but I was suspicious so I replied "why the sudden change of heart? this is very strange of you" and she went on a rant about how I don't trust her and all this bullshit and then said "you know what nevermind, forget starting fresh"
I am crushed
I never even wanted to dump her, I only did it because she wouldn't recognize her problems or apologize for them or fix them
she offered me a glimpse of that and then shut me down because of slight suspicion
I even apologized for my suspicion and begged to start fresh like she offered, absolutely pathetic
I feel like I'm back to square one, day one of the breakup
all progress is lost
I tried to do no contact, but there was no way I could not reply to that text
f u c k
This is somewhat related, but I was watching a presentation by a behavioral psychologist, where she argued that people want to be lied to, because it fills voids that can't be touched by the truth as easily.
She went on to say that those that want to avoid being manipulated have to first look inside themselves to see what it is they truly want. Once they can figure out what they yearn for, they can see the signs of people trying to target these emotionally weak points for their own gain.
So this cute shy girl who never talks to anyone who im friends with asked me to hang out, after not chilling for ages. I Dont even Know man
How do I let go of resentment?
So I just came back from a date with a girl I really like, we had a good time hanging in the city the entire day, but I wanted to ask if it is normal if she was talking about her previous relations, about how they were not serious and stuff and was asking me about this stuff also. Thing is that about the end of the date she told me that I'm a really nice guy and that we have a lot in common, and I considered this as a hint that I'm in the friendzone. Some other details: this is the first time we went outside just the two off us, other times going out to concerts or to other events; she's a painter, drew me like the third time already including today; she's 18, I'm 17; nevertheless she asked me if I would like to go with her for example in a nice Chinese bar just to relax a bit :\ . A little bit of advice? Should I tell her all of my feelings the next time we go out so that she wouldn't have time to figure if she puts me in the friendzone or not, or should I just wait and see what time will tell?
Ok so there's a girl I like, and we saw each other every day for the past week pretty much, and it seemed like she liked me. So yesterday I said I liked her and asked her out. She said "I don't know!" and acted all flustered, said she only broke up with her gf 2 weeks ago but hadn't been speaking with her for ages, and I didn't know any of that, of course I wouldn't have said anything if I knew that.
I said just think about it, and because i'm going away for a week I told her she could get back to me after then and she said yeah ok. But I messaged her just like normal friends would and she hasn't messaged back and haven't heard from her at all.
So guys what do you think's going on?
Some of you may remember that i posted here a couple of weeks ago about a girl that i thought i had been snubbed by, and i wasn't sure whether to call her or not, because i figured if she wasn't going to put in the effort, then i don't see why i should.
Well, last week i gave in and just rang her because i figured it was worth one last shot, and she sounded pleased to hear from me said that she had been thinking about me, and it turns out we were both waiting for eachother to call. I just made a joke out of it, because i figured it's not worth causing a beef out of something that turned out to be fairly minor. Anyway, she's invited me to her housewarming party next week, so it went better than expected.
So I know a r eally cute girls name, but the chance of us meeting and talking on random is hard. I've seen her in the club a couple of times and she works at a servicestation that I've been to. Is is too creep to just send her a message on fb and asking if she wants to do something?
So would it be just the worst thing ever if I hooked up for a night with my ex of two years?
So a girl I like apparently knows I like her, and told my friend that she wouldn't want to lose me as a friend. Which I found strange, because we were never close friends or anything, just little nonsensical joking on facebook posts and lately a few txts about video games. Should I just give up and move on?
You can tell. Or at least you should be able to. Try to see how she is with other customers. Do it smoothly. Order something, look at the sign, back at her. She'll most likely ask "Anything else?" Then you say "Just your phone number." Or whatever scenario you wish to create. Worst comes to worst, she says no. Don't avoid the place like the plague if she rejects you though. Just keep coming back like nothing happened and talk to her like you did before. Just don't ask her out again. This isn't what the average guy does, so she'll most likely see it as confidence in yourself.
Is it bad form to ask out your barista? We're on a first-name basis and we talk a bunch and stuff. She's really cool, I suppose I'm just hesitant because I hope I'm not misinterpreting her friendly, professional demeanor as legit interest.
So guys, when a girl asks 'we're just friends right?' because you're 'her favorite person', she 'prefers you to all her friends' and she 'loves hanging out with you so much' and she doesnt want to ruin the friendship, is it safe to say you have achieved friendzone level 9999? This girl is awesome but I've come to realise how much I like her and I don't know if I could deal with just being friends with her atm.
So I feel like I am in a bit of an interesting spot. Went to a party Sunday night, friend of a friend who just moved back to our city from Arizona. Talked to one of her close friends for a good hour about wanting to start a band, and she wanted my number, (for that end only I imagine). The close friend ended up getting smashed and is no longer interesting to talk to, so I end up talking to the party host for a good while. The friend I came with joins in as well and we all keep a good rapport. Before we leave she asks if I have her number and I say no, and before I can write it down for her, something happens that she has to attend to.
Next day, I end up getting a text from her. She had gotten my number from her close friend who wanted to start a band with me. She suggested that we all hang out again sometime and then asked if me and my friend would want to get dinner the next day. I said sure, but when that day came she cancelled, however she did ask if we would want to go on a hike on Sunday.
So I'm a little confused on two fronts. She asked for my number. When she didn't get it she sought it out. She backed out of plans the first time they were set but she also made new plans the same day. Whenever she makes plans though, she implies that she wants to include my friend, and the friend of hers I met at the party. She knows my friend better than me of course so why doesn't she make the plans through him? Why did she get my number from her friend and not him? Frankly I'm not sure if she is interested in me, or him.
But seriously... I've been going to different bars now that I'm single, and there's a really cute girl who tends at one I've been going to lately. Now, I just need to start trying to get her attention. She knows who I am because she's friends with one of my best friends, and we kind of talk a bit, but I need to know what to do to stand out from the rest of the patrons who come in and hit on her.
I like loud EDM, drinking and dancing. The slutty girls are just an added bonus.
It's been two weeks, and I'm not doing too bad. I've mainly been working, and drinking and with friends. Occasionally the feels come back, and it hurts, but I'm getting better. But I'm at that point now where I am ready to just ready to start ****ing chicks again. Unfortunately, I don't really have the best social skills when it comes to talking to women, unless I know them. I just get really awkward (my ex said it was in a very endearing way), and I feel like not all ladies would really want to get down with that. Anyways, any tips for picking up ladies?