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Quote by SomeEvilDude
From her perspective, what's got on here, is: she's gotten close to a guy with no intention of taking things further. She's got friendship and full emotional support without having to offer anything in return. You did that thing most guys do and felt something because a girl was showing you attention so you made a move on it. She rejected you, and yet you still persisted coming across as slightly needy and putting it into her head that you are a lovesick puppy who can't see beyond you two as an item.

See, depending on she is with you now is pretty much how things will be from here-on-in. It's a perfectly salvageable friendship, provided you make no suggestions or allusions to yous two being together at any point. Just be aware of how she's going to look at it.
Importantly: don't go out of your way to pander to her. Treat her exactly the same as the rest of your mates and she'll soon get the picture. Show an interest in other girls, not necessarily because you are interested in them, but it'll make her vie more for your attention but also demonstrate that you don't want her as anything more than a platonic presence in your life.




This is why we love you SED, for beautiful pieces like this.

Quote by IMABBALLPLAYER
My girlfriend broke up with me last night. We dated 1 year and 5 months. Im absolutely helpless at the moment. Is it normal to feel like Ill never love another woman again? I feel like i have to look at the big picture though. Im still only 22. She was my first real girlfriend that wasn't some high school bullshit. Im just so numb right now that it's difficult for me to even cry. Console me pit.


Yes, it is normal to feel like that afterwards. However, only you can decide for how long it lasts. This quote usually helps me, as it was said by a friend's father:

"Your first love will feel like your last, but I can tell you now, your last love will feel like the first."

And it still rings true after each breakup I've ever had, and it helps me to get through it that much faster. You have to believe in yourself that you have learned a lot in your past relationship, and it'll only make the next one you have that much better. Keep striving to improve your life and self-esteem in whichever way possible, whether it be hanging out with friends more, working out, or just focusing on your studies, as long as you maintain a stead increase in willpower and understanding, things will start to look up sooner than you think, I can promise you that.
Quote by Morphogenesis26
I'm in need of advice as I overhaul my life.

Last night I got a text from my ex whom I have not spoken to in 3 months wanting to catch up and ask me what she should do in her own relationship. She broke up with a guy 3 weeks ago and a lot changed in the 3 months, so we got to talk about it, and it made me realize something; I need to change a lot of things in my life and I need to stop worrying about stuff that doesn't affect me. Since we stopped talking I've been plagued with thoughts of how she was doing and just wanted them to go away, but last night every question and fear was answered, so now I feel like I can really move on. I'm about to get my drivers license, I'm 18, and I'm going to be working hard at getting a job and getting more in shape. This is all just context, and what I wanted to ask is this:

What advice can you give on meeting women, striking up conversations, and what are signs to watch out for if things aren't right? I would really like to get out there and find someone, but I'm not sure where to start.

My second question is more about my ex: She left me because she feared that she didn't love me, we both realized after these past months that we had a lot of problems that we just never fixed and lived in denial about, but this guy she was with, who she still wants to be with very badly, had these same fears, yet she says it's different with him. What could these fears of not loving someone, even if you care about them greatly and want to be with them so much, mean?

Thanks in advance if you can help in any way.


Alright morpho, I'm gonna give you a bit of a cheat sheet, and I'm only doing this because I think you actually have the willpower to fully use it and apply it effectively. Check out this blog: http://www.girlschase.com/insights

It will answer just about any questions you might have about restarting things, and more.

To answer your second question, it sounds to me that neither of you were mature with relationships quite yet, and now that she has learned a bit from your breakup, she is more open to more things that she wasn't previously comfortable with. It also may sound like you might not be making her comfortable enough for her to let her guard down, be vulnerable, and actually love you. Let me know you if you'd like a more in-depth response, and keep us updated with how things are going!
I think there is just a slight miscommunication and confusion. Basically, I think Tom and I are just trying to tell this gentleman to have fun, be happy, and have a good night, so I too agree with what he's saying, he is just a better writer than me, curse my poor language skills!
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What is funny about it, though, is how backwards it is. Men and women who pull this tactic do so in attempt to prove how over the break up they are, but In reality, it really is telling of the exact opposite. Not to mention if the ex in question is in fact over you and is not so immature that your happiness causes them anger, you look like a fool. Moral? Dont try to fool yourself, dont try to fool others; the only fool in all of it will be you.


Good stuff, I agree with all of it.

Quote by chev311e
So figures that the same night I posted this, my ex texted me at 2 am saying 'hiii' (most likely drunk). I was sleeping so I haven't responded yet...I'm pretty sure I shouldn't even say anything, but what would you guys do? We don't really speak anymore and we've been broken up for a long time. I'll probably end up responding just because curiosity usually gets the better of me.


Usually I always text back just 1) To be polite & 2) Because I'm probably bored and I want to see if I can have some fun with it.
Quote by Colohue
The best thing in the world is being awesome when you run into an ex again. Be slightly drunk, have paint on your face for reasons you can't entirely explain, and surrounded by people you don't really know.

And use the phrase "it's just the best night ever," as if you don't realise how much that's going to piss her off.

Your life didn't end with her. Prove it.


I'm unsure as to why he has to piss her off in this situation? Shouldn't just her seeing him having the time of his night be enough? Why does he need to verbally acknowledge it in front of her?

Quote by chev311e
All this talk about running into ex's makes me remember how unbelievably stupid I was when I used to run into my ex in the past. I guess that's how you learn though.


Hahaha, better to learn than to not to, we all did stuff like this.

Quote by Colohue
You have a very good wife.


Amen. SED you are one lucky SOB.
Quote by kthxbi
right, quick (and probably easy) question, RT:

a pal of mine that i haven't seen in about 6 months hit me up the other day to invite me out. he don't live in the city but has just finished uni so is in the city to celebrate, first time since end of last year.
we'll be going to this club that my ex goes to a lot - i don't know for sure she's going tonight but there is a high chance of it. this friend of mine is also friends with the ex - i didn't meet him thru her or anything, but i mean - if she arrives tonight, onea them will probably end up going to say hi to the other to catch up.

is there any minimum amount of time to spend sticking around before i get outta there? i'm not planning on sticking it out til the end anyway as it finishes at 3am and i got work tomorrow, but i figure as soon as she gets there she's liable to make it preeeeeeeeetty horrible and i'm gunna wanna shoot soon after. is it okay to just get out straight up, or should i stick around for some minimum arbitrary amount of time?

thanks,
f


You can attempt to be mature and civil about it (assuming she does the same) so at least it's not awkward. Just count on not seeing her and enjoying yourself for the night, and if she comes to talk to your and your friend, be civil, but not engaging. If you feel uncomfortable, drag your friend aside and tell him so, and that you'd like to leave.
Quote by ManInTheBox14
Hey guys, I have a thing I want your opinions on. My school year ended a little over a week ago, and near the end I became sort of interested in this girl. I don't know exactly why, but we started talking a lot more than we had before near the end of the year. I felt like I was picking up on a couple of cues that she may have been/may be interested in me as well (she laughed at my stupid jokes, brought up stuff in conversation that we'd talked about randomly a few days before, made eye contact, small stuff like that, and maybe more but I'm awful at reading body language). Last week I texted her a couple of times and it went pretty well: lots of her texts had "haha"s and exclamation points; she asked me questions occasionally; at the end of the first conversation I told her I had to leave to go bowling and she was like "Good luck!"; her replies that day were spaced out over a lot of time, which makes me think she may have been busy, but she didn't mention she was and she texted me anyway (which must be a good sign, right?); during our last conversation, she was out somewhere or something for the first part of it but still responded fairly quickly; and at the end of that conversation, she didn't reply for a couple of hours, then was like "Oh sorry, I'm at a friends house haha" (just to be clear, I didn't text her again like "You there?" or anything, she just sent that without me texting her again) and continued what we'd been talking about and I replied but she didn't reply after that. I think that all that seems pretty positive, but she hasn't texted me first at all since, so I'm kind of worrying about it. I was thinking about texting her again tomorrow since it's been a week since I've talked to her, but I'm worried about always being the one to initiate. Anyway, what do you guys think? Does it sound like she's into me, and should I text her tomorrow?


Never have I seen such deep analysis of text game. Agreed with blake, the worst she can say is "No".
Quote by Acϵ♠
i regret several of mine

when i get hammered awful things happen


Thank goodness. I was gonna say something like this, then I was afraid of coming off as a drunken whore. Cheers, Ace.

Quote by Crazyedd123
So, how should I deal with infatuation?
I posted in the old RT thread about a girl I liked a while ago, and I told her that I liked her, but she said she had feelings for someone else. But I still talk to her, and, although I really enjoy talking to her, I can't stop thinking about her.
I want to see how this will go, because I do wonder if there is a possibility of a relationship down the line, but I really just want to spare myself the pain and heartache of having non-mutual feelings towards someone.
What makes it difficult is that she's just a really nice and kind person, and even though we have really good conversations, I wonder if I'm the only one truly enjoying it.
Would it be worth it to stick it out for the long run? It's what my heart is telling me right now...


You have a case of oneitis. There will be more out her better than her, but you have to look. I'm guessing you're no older than 17 and probably in high school. Don't stress too much about it, it'll only make things harder.
Quote by AngusIsMyHero
Just to let you guys know, I did use your FAQs this weekend. I had a first date with a girl yesterday and was trying to think of interesting things to do. I read the FAQs and decided to try to take her go-karting, but they were closed (she told me she would have loved that too).

So my back-up plan was to take her to the bowling alley and she enjoyed the hell out of it.

The bowling alley was just a small part of it, but we ended up hanging out for 9 hours yesterday. It was a total success.


Good work man! Just don't forget to keep flirting with her. Don't be afraid to be physical if she's reciprocating!
Quote by chev311e
So much this.

Sheesh, it didn't take long for someone to argue with the advice given to them.


Welcome to the relationship thread, where the advice is made up and the FAQs don't matter.
Look, vulgar, I think you've already made up your mind before you even came here. We are giving you advice, but you keep refuting everything we are saying. Just do what you think is right, and report back with what happens, because when it comes down to it, we actually want to hear how things worked out.
Quote by vulgarmachine
I know, I know. She spends more time with me though than with him. To the point where she blows him off to hang out here. She's just formally in a relationship with him.

I don't understand anymore.


SD would call you an emotional tampon and tell you to move on, so I will choose to do the same. She is using you for her emotional needs, while on the other hand she is probably railing this dude whenever she wants.
^Something that SD and SYK used to say over and over that really stuck with me was, "If she wanted to be with you instead, she would be".
Quote by Colohue
We get the same question a lot, but this is typically one of the more welcoming areas of Ug thankfully.

The FAQs are handy because we'll never know how often they're consulted. People appreciate them.

Got my first PM already, in fact.

Anybody know where Blake is?


Good point.

Dang already? Must be the name recognition

He was online just like yesterday or the day before, he's probably been busy.
Quote by Colohue
Welcome new RT thread. I've been here a good four years now, and i'm pretty much the smooth one.


The smooth one. Let there be no mistake!

Quote by Colohue
You picked this fight. Either grow up and get over it or don't and **** off. You're helping nobody by bringing this up on every occasion.


I merely made a joke, and he took it personally. I shouldn't have brought up old shit though, you're right, my bad Tom.
Quote by kthxbi
hi RT! question - meeting people. i'm in a bit of a rut at the minute, just broke up with my lady friend a month or so ago, and am at a bit of a loss about how to meet new people. problem is, most of my friends don't live in the city anymore as they're at uni, so i often don't have people to go out with. the people i've been involved with recently have all kind of been strokes of luck - people i've worked with, people i've known for a while and most recently just a girl that was working outside my work and i went and chatted to her.

the question is kind of just - how do you go about meeting people when a lot of the time you don't really have the opportunity to get out and about with pals? i'm not that keen on the idea of just going to bars and farting around on my own going and talking to people that are out with their friends, y'know? are there decent ways of meeting people when you yourself often are alone?

maybe it's a bit of a vague question - i'm pretty braindead right now, sorry about that.

EDIT: also, i got tickets to a show soon which i'm really looking forward to but no longer have anyone to go with as i was gunna go with the girlfriend. not that that's related, that's just a bummer, lol. it'd be nice to meet someone to bring along to that.


What are some of your interests? Maybe join a local book club if that's what your into. Or one of my favorites, join a local sports team, camaraderie is a great way to build some friendships. Once you find a girl you have the opportunity to start talking to, maybe casually invite her to that concert with you if she's into that kind of music. Seems like it could go well.

Quote by >>>G30<<<
Great advice, a nice restaurant shows that you mean business, and perhaps lets her see a more formal side to you. Sometimes my boyfriend and I like to keep it interesting and keep the date a surprise, and just tell them what kind of clothes to wear (casual, formal...) and what time you'll pick them up, and any other requirements, a little neat future idea to try to keep them on their toes.


Agreed. You'll get bonus points for

1) Picking her up
2) Being punctual
3) Meeting her parents (her father especially) and asking what time they'd like you to have her back by.

Once the parents see that you aren't just some other scumbag that wants to get in their daughter's pants, you'll have a lot more freedom in doing things with her in the near future.

Quote by thedefrockednun
That's hardly fair, I remember you saying openly that somebody should take over, and at the time I was a regular and I talked it over with the other regulars AND I got permission from Carmel. So that's simply not true and just aggravating.

Here is where I checked with other regulars: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1052200&page=491&pp=20

Just because I'm not a regular poster on the thread anymore, doesn't mean I can't post does it? Doesn't make my posts any less valid either, does it? Doesn't mean you gotta be a dick about it ether, does it?

Anyway, this isn;t the place for this argument, but just wanted to put that out there.


Look, dude, I don't want to bring this up again in here, but you didn't really do anything besides say "Hey I wanna do it, k thanks". I never said I didn't want to make another sequel, and you didn't even PM me telling me that you were making one. HOWEVER, I'm done with this, and anything else beyond this can be taken up via PMs.
Quote by thedefrockednun
I don't need to justify my absence

Anyways, I'm not on the first page, I'm on the second one, so there! I only come on UG for the RT and when i do, I read a bit and leave. If I wasn't following I wouldn't have known about the thread. besides, I remember you taking a long break due to college, yet still making the first page of all threads!


People still use 20ppp?

That is not true. I came back and you had already made a new threw with practically no permission from anyone, but that is neither here nor there.

Quote by SomeEvilDude
Obligatory post from SED in this thread.

'Sup, bitches!


I've missed you SED *tear tear*

Quote by gorkyporky
Hi guys! I need some ideas for a killer 3rd date. We already went out to a coffe shop, and then ext time we went to play pool, but now im kinda out of fresh ideas, at least good ones. Any suggestions? I'd kinda like to make a move, and i dunno what would be good for that, but i think the girl likes me, so i wanna go for it. Anyway, halp plox :P

Also, why is there a new thread?


If she's willing to go on a 3rd date with you, then you shouldn't stress too much about what to do. Ask her if she has any suggestions, if not, invite her out to a fairly nice restaurant. That's always a solid 3rd date idea.
Quote by TunerAddict
That is a pretty selfish rationale for why it is wrong.


Instead of bashing my advice, give us some of your own. I am a firm believer in once a cheater, always a cheater.

Quote by leony03
I was about to bone my girlfriend but then there was this drill and she said that there was no way.


Rephrase this, but this time don't sound like an idiot.

Quote by thedefrockednun
What do you mean? I've been acting as a wise overseer, I still read the threads and posts but most of the time, the regulars say all that is needed. Plus with uni work, I've just not had the time. I will now though!!


Wise overseer? Yeah right, don't press your luck

Your last 2 posts were in May and April, and before that, December. I know how you work, you just wanted to be on the front page, and you'll come back with more excuses as to why you can't be as active anymore.

Quote by ali.guitarkid7
hi guys i had a crush on this gurl for 3 years now and i think she likes me the other day she put her hand on my lap and laughed and then yesterday she said that we're good friends how do i ask her out


You go up to her and ask if she wants to go out with you?
Quote by yoman297
It was a bit of a joke but a bit serious also.

Nope. It seems like it's only lust and in short bursts of 30 seconds up to 20 minutes.


Well have to tried seeking a girlfriend? Seems like a good start.

Quote by Todd Hart
No-one answered my question: is it okay to let a girl cheat on her boyfriend with you (not necessarily always in a sexual way, but in a romantic way also (hence it's appropriate to this thread))?


Uhm, no, because it just means she'll do it to you later if you ever got the chance to date her.
Quote by yoman297
First page post

Why do I not love anymore guys?


Are you missing a comma?

Well, are you actively looking for it?
Quote by Obder
gay idea




Quote by thedefrockednun
Nice, new thread!! It feels like ages since I was TS. Btw, there was another one before Freezer Burn's thread (Silent Deftone's original RT).


New RT? Defrocked is sure to be on the first page after not posting for what seems months. Coincidence??
Quote by ESPLTDV401DX
Managed to get her out of my head and it's going to stay that way. Feels good


Eyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Nice one, keep with that mindset.
Good stuff mate. Will read over in a bit.

Edit:

Looks good!

Also, here are all the past RT's for the curious (can't find the first one):

RT v2
RT v3
RT v4
RT v5
RT v6
RT v7
RT v8
RT v9
RT v10
RT v11

And yes, I really was that bored (only took ~5 minutes though).
Quote by ESPLTDV401DX
Hey so I need someone to give me a big slap in the face and tell me that what becoming infatuated with my ex is a really bad idea. Because I know that it is a horrible idea and anything that would happen would end really badly but for whatever reason I'm letting it happen.


If you know that it's a horrible idea, then don't do it.
There's an old saying I go by:

"If it smells like fish, eat all you wish. If it smells like cologne, leave it alone."
Quote by kthxbi
i like that you tried to flip that round on me, but no. you misinterpreted his comment, i didn't. i didn't say that he was doing FWB *correctly* - clearly he isn't as he's developed feelings for her. which is why he should have a word with her - either to nip it in the bud or to turn it into somethin that it ain't currently.


Eh, he could have been more clear. I was just confused as to why he would have gotten mad in the first place
^Well spoken. Hard truth.
Quote by Campbell22
We are having sex on a regular basis indeed, I thought everyone knew what that term meant :P


I do in fact know what it means, but you said and I quote "I'm kind in a friends with benefits type of shit right now" which to me sounds like you aren't actually having sex with this girl.

Now that I'm aware that you are, there isn't a problem here. FWB last as long as it takes until 1 party develops an emotional connection or until someone finds a S.O.

Like I said, as long as she is wearing protection, you shouldn't care. You aren't forced into it, so if you don't like it, stop.

Quote by kthxbi
i think everyone except that guy did. it's tough bro but i'd say have a word with her about it, clearly you're into her. doesn't need to be anything stern, but test the waters.


I know what FWB's are, I've been in multiple myself. You're going about this the wrong way, clearly YOU don't know what a FWB is. There are supposed to be no strings attached.
Quote by Campbell22
Aight, this is some next level shit right here,

RT, I've been doing my thing recently, I'm kind in a friends with benefits type of shit right now. AND, it's not like we have any type of engagement between one another, BUT, she confessed that she slept with her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her three times and you know... I thought that shit was ****ed up.

I was like: Girl, do you have respect for yourself ? And I must admit, for a while I was a little mad about it, but then I was like: what'S the point right ? She can do whatever she like, we're not in a serious relationship or anything, you do your thing, she does her thing, and we keep a sane friendship...

And then I thought it over, because you see, me and her ex-boyfriend we have a bit of beef going on, and I thought it was still a bit disrespectful to that she slept with him. And yes I know, I didn't clear anything up in the beginning, like who she can sleep with or not, BECAUSE, we're not in an actual relationship. We just love to hang out, we do activities like going to the spa together, going to movies together, even hitchhike together and shit. But I don't know.. you know ?

Anyway I'm kind of confused right now, maybe I end up having too much expectations for a girl I ACTUALLY respect and care about. So what do you guys think ? I don't want to give her a choice, because obviously it would be out of place and you can't hinder feelings eventhough she said (I don't believe it for a second though) that it was just sex. Anyway give me some feedback !


As long as she is using protection, I see no problem with it. It's called no strings attached for a reason. Also, unless you are having sex with her and you just haven't mentioned it, then you and her do not have a FWB relationship, you two are merely good friends.

Sounds like another case of the emotional tampon.
Quote by blake1221
Hey, Ace. Want to be the new TS?

I'm cool with stepping down as long as you stay active.

Freezer can walk you through the steps.


And if there are any objections, please speak freely.


Woots.


YO GUYS


This has been way overdue, but it's mostly from not really having any consistent candidate available. We need a new OP. This thread has gone about 1,000 posts over what they usually do. Given the dramatically dissolved speed in forum traffic, this hasn't been the most crucial issue. However, it's a necessary step we need to take, and given the free time of summer, I say we have a fairer shot of finding a new TS for this thread.

Initially, 20Tigers was my pick, but he hasn't responded to any of my attempts to contact him so...let's vote a new one in.

Ace has my vote. Chev311e would also do well, he's been giving solid advice for a while now.

Come to think of it, I don't remember how the next TS was ever chosen, it just kinda happened. But I too like Chev311e as a successor.

Quote by megano28
Why does it really matter? I don't think TS has anything to do with the quality of the thread besides the copy/paste in the beginning


It's just a way to leave a small legacy to UG. It also allows the TS to create his or her own spin on the thread.

Quote by blake1221
It's more than a copy and paste, and it doesn't really matter, but freezer burn definitely has bitched me out on multiple occasions about it. I'm fine with it, really. It's not a pressing matter.


I wouldn't say bitched, we were just miscommunicating, but it's behind us now so it's no longer a problem

Quote by megano28
A new thread isn't the problem, it's the whole electing process of a member to bear the honor. That's what's catty, I'm surprised you didn't get that the first time.

I really don't see why you couldn't just make the next one, there won't be a riot, I promise.


Usually there was never a process. The current TS would usually just pick someone, and as long as there were no grievances, then that was that. In the past, someone would suggest one or just volunteer their services and things just kinda happened I'm confusing myself
While moving in together while dating is usually a poor decision, I do believe that couples that are engaged should experience what it will be like to live with the person that they plan on spending the rest of their life with, before moving in together after marriage.
Quote by me+yourmom=69
dang, I need to get laid


Lost my v-card at 19.

But seriously, stop yearning for sex. You're young, and it makes you look really immature. Work on the small stuff, and everything else usually falls into place.
Quote by SomeEvilDude
Not necessarily.

If you absolutely suck as a person, then take active steps to improve yourself, elsewise you are pretty much doomed to be forever alone.


Took the words right out of my mouth, SED. Well put.

Quote by StopReadingThis
dude, no. You need to be a massive douche to get girls. Constantly neg them and make them feel like crap. Then, when their self-esteem is at it's absolute minimum, you swoop in.

oh and wear a feather hat.


The sarcasm is strong in this one!
She's also going to be rebounding, so proceed with caution.
Vad speaks the truth.

Quote by fc89konkari
Hey RT, it's me, Jonathan, once again with trouble.

It's Sarah again. I'll try to keep this short. I'm madly in love with her. I took her out in January a couple times, sort of successfully. She then declined me, because I wouldnt fit her friendgroups as I'm a year younger and she hangs out a lot with people older than her. That was the final reason.

I've been her friend ever since, we've been quite close tbh. Today she was at my place just hanging out, and every time we're just by the two of us, my feelings grow. I can't help it. She's quite perfect in every way. Fits me at least. The vibe goes both ways.

The trouble starts when she doesn't want a relationship with me. Instead, she wants to start seeing her ex again. They were together for a year and broke up last new year's. They even had a break-up in the middle of their partnership. Their relationship just is of such nature that it aint lasting. It's just troble. That part she doesn't seem to understand.

td;lr
So I've got this huge chemistry with a girl who wants to start seeing her ex, which is a terrible idea.

What to do?


No you are not, you are in lust with her, it is different.

It seems like the chemistry is a one-way street, you are giving a lot and she is returning nothing. Stop wasting your time on a girl who clearly is not going to date you like you want.
Like, to what extent do you know this girl? And how much of a rapport have you gathered from her?

Edit: Missed a word.
I typically don't try to openly converse via text much with a girl unless 1) We are dating or 2) We are both aware we like each other. You want to leave some things to mystery, and this will give you more of a chance of her seeing you as more than just a friendly texting buddy. Try to mainly use texting for a means of meeting up.