Haven't posted anything in a really long time.. this is just an OTS from two hours ago
Sadie with the long hair she haunts my dreams I've told her so many times that life is not what it seems but she reads and she reads she reads and she reads someday that girl will outsmart me
She says what we need is a tragedy to show us what our love really means so she watches me with those Holy blue eyes and for all my talking and drinking she knows I'm terrified
So we wait for the night to grow still listen to the moon tell us this is God's will I wait for the change in her breathing and tell myself there is nowhere else I'd rather be
If only a man could have his way I'd take Sadie and drive for days we wouldn't listen to what the moon has to say Because with Sadie and her books She'd show us the way
Sadie with the long hair She used to haunt my dreams Until I did something right and watched her grow old with me Oh that girl always looking for her tragedy I bet she never thought she'd find it Buried deep inside me
My hands were sweaty and my stomach practiced summersaults I wished for my body to fall into a black hole of space and time; until this was all just a memory. I longed to be flooded with relief I don't remember how we said hello, or if she asked how I was Her lips were ruby red. She once told me Sunday's were for band t-shirts and your boyfriend's sweats I used to provide the latter Now I don't focus on who does She spoke a lot, I smoked a lot She hasn't grown up much between our years of separation Did I expect her to? Do I really mind that she hasn't? She's still the same, she'll always be mine In a parallel universe I'm waking up next to her Butterflies bursting from my stomach as she pulls a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt over her head. As I said goodbye all I was thinking was 'who the f*ck listens to Jethro Tull anymore?'
I no longer get drunk under the sun in public parks where children play, talk to girls who get on their knees for fun and fight boys who are more broken than me, I grew up in a city with too many faces for any one person to stand out you grew among fields and still to this day I'm tortured searching for your face in the crowd
hey hey guys so i caught my finger in a fire door about 3 weeks ago and it was a deep enough cut at the top of my finger just where the smallest knuckle is basically, the sorest part was the knuckle it felt bruised even though it didn't look like it was, when it was healing there was some kind of tingly feeling throughout my finger when i touched it too, anyhoo 3 weeks later the cut is healed up and there's no bruise but anytime i hold down a bar chord a shooting pain runs through my whole finger it's really painful, does anyone know if there could be nerve or ligament damage? or does it just need more time to heal? i could go to the doctor but it costs 50 euro so any advice is mucho appreciated as always
i visited my parents house yesterday it had changed so much since i had lived there last no more room for feelings of nostalgia it didn't remind me of christmas mornings or bring to life the photographs of birthday cakes and smiles
at dinner monotonous conversation led me away upstairs expecting nothing i decided to visit my old room walking up the narrow stairs i felt your presence with me
two summers ago we lived here, never leaving we were burnt from the inside out with love and cigarettes burnt from the outside in by the sun cascading through the ceiling window i saw the sun rays fall on your eye lashes; thought to myself this is why it rises every morning just to touch something beautiful i thought of how we never left each other built my life around you a life that didn't seem to exist outside my bedroom walls
it made me feel uncomfortable after a week of forgetting i was remembering again the cliche of wondering what you were doing turning to leave i saw it my ugly younger self's handwriting where i had written your name on the wall above my bed memories came back like flashing images in my minds eye writing your name on the wall one night you were smiling and laughing asking if my dad would mind, i said i didn't care since then my bedroom does not look like my bedroom, our bedroom
your name is still visible over the thick layer of gone-off white paint as i leave i hope to myself that your name will not be visible through the layer of hate, regret and disappointment i've used to paint over your memories inside the walls of my mind
it's october it's early in the morning, too early to be awake she tells me it's the afternoon and gives me a disappointed look she sits beside me as i lie behind her my sunken red eyes look past i'm thinking about how sweet her voice sounds when she sings but she interrupts me 'who hurt you? who hurt you so badly?' she can hit them high notes, i love her falsetto, her chest voice, her soft hands, her cups of tea - she cuts my train of thought as she stands over me the tsunami hits as she speaks: 'i won't ever leave you' ironically she gets up and she leaves the room and me, not moving, lying there i think of her.
her voice was beautiful when she spoke she couldn't sing but i loved it when she did her cups of tea were my favourite she had these personal looks; they were only for me she hated wearing her hair up but i loved it so when i was sad she would pin it up for me she'd sleep in so late every morning i wouldn't care i would watch for hours as her eyes moved in her sleep she gave the most perfect forehead kisses and she smiled a smile that could ****ing cure cancer when you laid them on her own forehead, her nose, her cheek she loved me s h e l o v e d m e but she left me and she hurt me
i want to write you poems until my hand falls off i often wonder if you read them would you come back? would each sentence, word, letter that your eyes glaze over light up - would you remember how it felt?
i told you so many times that nobody can ever love you as much as i do and if you ever find someone who claims they do bring them to me lay them down before me knowing that they will never get back up
there is a sunset in four hours yours is the only hand i will ever hold walking in it's direction so call me, text me, bump into me scream at me, grab me, slap me, burn me just come back to me
the last thing you ever said to me was 'i don't want to talk to you you're making me anxious' well darling you make me anxious. every fu**ing hour the day forces me to live through at 3am i want to rip my skin from my chest stretch it, tear it, snap my ribs in half and find my heart to hold it feel it beat without you what an idiotic muscle - beating without you. i want to squeeze burst the god damn thing and poke poke poke my eyelids i want bleed out for you/over you to stop the pathetic half-assed tears from falling over every acoustic guitar accompanying every male voice on every playlist you made for me
hangovers last so much longer
the flu goes on for weeks
high blood pressure causes migranes
the night drags on like primary school
the day stings my eyes
i have washed my pillow eleven times
yet your scent still likes to stay
smoking hurts my throat
no one argues with me to quit
music sounds off key
books are no good
poems make my head throb
other people's conversations bore me
i'm always alone
i am finally understanding
that you are never
coming back to me
i like to think you think about me every night when you have no one to whisper down the phone to when you're scared with decisions to make and no one to guide you i like to think of you convincing yourself to speak to me then calmly talking yourself out of it that you're still like me suffocating on wasted love i'm terrified to think you think of me as dead you've removed all signs of me bedsheets, my clothes, old birthday cards i see them burning out your back garden each one of my neatly written 'i love you's' as ash blowing in the wind i wish you'd stop to look around remember when we almost lost each other you told me you seen two daisies growing in the grass a pair on their own with only each other you said they were like us me and you where are those stupid flowers now?
i can't remember your voice but i'll try block it out anyway sometimes she reminds me of you in arguments, and for arguments sake i will pretend that all girls are bitterly sarcastic when they don't get their way telling me to f*** off with that beautiful smile on her face you see i've fallen back into the same hole again
it's a bitter cycle that i thought i could not escape then she came along and took me in her arms showed me what it is like to really love and be loved in return so all her silly mistakes fell so perfectly onto mine now i carry them around with me for nights when i can not sleep or when i feel like torturing myself by searching through history for what i had and what i lost
will it always be like this?
the italic verse is about someone after I had just met them it was written to a past lover, the second verse is about the girl whom I had only met in the italic verse but by then I had realised she was the love of my life. very complicated...
when im lying in bed trying to sleep i imagine you lying opposite me as the pixels fall into place my heartbeat becomes more defined i focus on how on beautiful you are or should i say were? you probably think i have no right to comment on how you look or know what you're thinking anymore
i whipser into the stillness of the night but i'm always asleep before you can reply
I got this classical guitar http://www.thomann.de/ie/fender_esc105_educational_44.htm recently and I love it to bits, I just wanted something small and handy, and it works like a charm. I don't use classical guitars for playing classical guitar I just like the feel of them and the nylon strings for playing acoustic folky stuff and what not. So I was wondering have any of you ever made a classical guitar into a semi-acoustic? micing it up inside and adding a guitar lead jac etc... do you guys think it would work on my small fender one? and roughly how much does it cost?
so I need a nylon string guitar and I'm a poor student so I was looking at this one. I play nylon guitars mostly for jazz because I just think the sound is sweet. This Fender is on thomann for 79 euro but it's a 3/4 size.. I'm 21 and I usually like my guitars to be a nice small neat size do you think this will be too small? I heard the neck is as small as a Strat which I own aswell so I'm thinking I'd like this guitar just size wise I've never had a 3/4 classical before
i was good at things; like going to school and making my parents proud you were good at things; like kissing my neck in a drunken daze and holding my hand behind everyones back i think i loved you and that is why i began to hate you i was never good at hurting people until i was hurt by you
i'm on my stomach, that's better the video light flashes red - like a plane in a dark night sky don't lean your hands on my back fu** that hurts and i'm not here i'm up in that sky i'm eating birthday cake i'm playing in the leaves outside i'm back, i hope when i'm older that i never grunt like that i'm cold i'm numb 'happy twelfth birthday kiddo' kid, oh
i am happy lying here in the dark i don't want to exist in a world where you don't and i have tried and i have tried but i hear you coming home oh my sweet when will you get tired of me i fear you won't
i am happy lying here on my own i won't exist in a world where you don't and i am tired i am tired vulnerable and far too shy when will you stop wasting time on me i fear you won't
the wolves are coming the wolves are coming (to eat us up) the wolves are coming to eat me up
() please can i just stay here forever? and you can always tell me whether you're okay and tell me about your day don't mention other boys names and we can keep this our safe place even if it's not the same.
memorising the creases in your face when you smile the music is too loud in here 'i love you oh god i love you' and i'm screaming it and you're walking away and words don't mean the same as they used to letters splashed out when actions have forced you to leave it all behind and i will let you go when i know that what i give you is not enough and it's my tough luck but i love you oh god i love you
does anyone know what vocal effects are on this song?I googled it but nothing came up, also the effects on the guitar it sounds just like distortion but then theres some other crazy thing in there, any tech heads want to tell me all the effects used in this song i would appreciate it
i took you to see an orchestra but the viola was out of tune and you were so sad, you're so sad and i don't know what to do i should of ran up there and screamed at her she should of listened to the first A! and i'd take that bow and break it in half and i'd scream until i had nothing more until they played something so beautiful it put a smile on your face and while i died of exhaustion to conductor told me 'it's not your fault'
i will wipe that smile off your face if that's what it takes* for you to take me seriously baby i'm frustrated i'm tearing up beer matts while complicated thoughts are ramed back down my throat and curve around my heart and sleep just sleep until it won't pump but it jumps and i tell you that i love you when i'm not sure if i love you anymore.
1. you will be the girl i spoke to once on a train, about the weather and i'll laugh how you used a newspaper to protect your hair from the rain as perfect as it was, i rolled my eyes to heaven, and you smiled and i wondered where my new found confidence had come from thank you corona extra!
2. you will be the girl i make coffee for in the morning, and we will visit your parents every second sunday and grow up together and watch saturday night live and somewhere in the middle one will hurt the other and we will fail but we will try over and over
3. you will be the girl - you won't be anything to me just something to hold on to making brief appearances in my mind when i am drunk and won't go home alone, but i won't make you coffee in the morning
4. you will be the girl i love every waking second, the one that i hurt the most until someone came to their senses, you will be the heart shaped bruise that i wake up to every morning you will be the reason why i only have four numbers.
i like the gap between your legs where the light shines through right up until it reaches your body, (i hate phone calls that are awkward and the smell of hospitals and how artists become infamous once they have taken one too many) when i see a picture of a mountain drenched in snow, or fold creases on a map when a teacher feels like a friend or when a three thousand word essay comes to an end when the silence is enjoyable, (the calm before the storm) when you say something you thought was meaningful (and get nothing in return) when you can see the sun shining on ice patches so you don't mind being awake early (knowing mistakes before you make them) hangovers (physical and mental) maybe we are given everything just so we can lose it after all, we were built to break, and disintegrate.
a hand me down heart handed down to me i'll wrap it up and pass it on without a return address, you looked behind you when the door rang the bell were you hoping it was me walking in? with his hand on your leg your head turned around your mouth beside his ear 'stop it' he moves up your thigh and up further and further now if i was there if i was looking after you like i promised myself i would he would hear you say stop i would break his nose for you and i would tear him apart some people never noticed your hand me down heart only your red bitten lips and those rumors i'm no better i saw you in the same way and i will hate myself for it if you want me to i will vacation on a guilt trip for as long as you need me to
no matter what, i'll pretend i knew you but right now i'll stop writing because wherever you are you're laughing
i want to pull all of the lies i've told you back out of your skull and bury them between the pages of my homework journal where i collect every inch of you to read and re read so i can love and re love over and over again, i don't think i have ever seen light accentuate on such perfect skin but i'm so sad and sick of everyone meghan, you have to take me away soon the batteries in my s.a.d light have run out the batteries in my body have run dry.
remember we went to portmarnock and i took that picture on the beach and you looked so beautiful even if it was ruined by a light leak later i watched your finger trace roads on a wrinkled wet map now you're fuucking someone who doesn't even like your favorite band
the coldest night in july, a thursday with work in the morning and a flight to catch we stayed up until 3am as late as we could and i drove you away and we said our goodbyes watched closely for any signs of tears in your eyes you called me later to tell me that paris was the same you called me lovely, you said i was great there's not a lot to be said about a perfect goodbye so i just told you i loved you and you just smiled the leaves will fall and break in paris when autumn arrives and you'll be back home where you belong by my side and you'll continue to make me feel uneasy with the questions you ask and i'll think of those ten days and how i could of changed the past it's funny how i let everything upset me but you i keep you so safe if only you knew
soft skin, she's always cold died her hair red now it's a dark purple glow she likes harry potter but only since the hype says we will move to alaska but i know we won't she can never tell when i'm joking and i think i know when she's very quiet exactly what is wrong and she always says 'i wish you were here' and i tell her what i think she wants to hear maybe she is just something to do when i'm bored if so i feel sorry for anyone i ever do truly love.
but i miss you and i'm sorry i haven't seen you in a while. you who knows all my secrets, you who sees everything and you would think that i would have a lot to say but i don't think words matter between us anymore like the sun and snow in winter: