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thnx for crit my poem, You use the word playing very good, I also like the rhyming but somehow I can't relate to your poem. Maybe it's because everyone has other feelings

write some more poems
great song, you chose good words to make it sounds more attaching somehow
you should defenitily write some more
Good job, I like the rhyming and the seize of it. it's not too long or too short, you know what I mean. I can also relate to your words. =)
When I'm all alone
and it's dark and quiet
I close my eyes and wish I was gone
Away from this world, this riot.

Than I forget all my bad memories
While I'm on my own planet
with no pain, no misery
There's everything I ever wanted.

But than I open my eyes
and see the world more awefull than it was
All those people with their big fake lies
The world is killing me and I'm holding my cross

I'm trying to survive this life
But I don't think that I would make it
It's like the ending has arrived
Ending of the world and I won't save it

This is one of my poems, you can find others on my UG profile if your interested

o yeah and let me know what you think of this poem
Quote by unreal_sanity
i like it but it doesnt have a very clear rythem to it. with the music it may but i would take out wehree you force the rhymeing and just get the song to have a nice roll to it.


thnx for your good advice
This is one of my songs, hope you guys like it

[verse 1]
I woke up in a fight again
I wanted the day to end
before it even began
I'm stuck in my own head again
Tell me what you meant
by saying I'm not the one

[pre chorus]
I did all that I could
so that you just would {whisper;love me}

[chorus]
'' love me, love me''
is what I've said to you
you said I do love you
and I believed it was true
but you've
broke me, broke me down
Why won't you kill me instead
I'm better of dead

[verse 2]
All the days that I've spend with you
Do you know that they felt so wrong?
but what could I do?
Now your gone, I'll be never with you
and there's no place I belong
you know that it's true

[pre chorus]
that I did all that I could
so that you just would {whisper;love me}

[chorus]
'' love me, love me''
is what I've said to you
you said I do love you
and I believed it was true
but you've
broke me, broke me down
why won't you kill me instead...

[outro]
instead of leaving me here
in this dark cage
you've locked me in
and left me all alone.....
now I'm all alone....
I don't wanna be alone

thnx for reading and comments are welcome
I don;t really listen to rap but when I do .. I listen to Eminem =D
This is my first song, I mostly write poems (you can find some poems of mine on my UG)

[verse1]
waking up in a fight,nothings allright
I'm losing too much things
all my pride and my mind
but at least I can say I've tried,
To be like how you wanted me
Stil you find it hard to see

I gave you my love, gave you my life
I gave you everything I had

[chorus]
you won't understand me when I say

that I need you
I need you to hold me in your arms
I so need you
We know I am weak and you are strong
in your life and in your heart
Is where I belong
'cause I need you

[verse2]
Doing all that I could and you know I would
Breakdown somehow, sometime
I'm a broken stone left alone
you told me I just should
move on and live my own life
your words are sharper than a knife

I gave you my love, gave you my life
I gave you everything I had

[chorus] 1x

[Bridge]
and I don't know why
I need you in my life
while we both can see
you're no good for me
2x

please, be honest and give your opinion
advices are always welcome
I Hate that I can't be with Linkin Park <3 , I Love Schrei from tokio hotel