Coping With the Fact That You Like Green Day: The American Idiot's Guide

You've made some mistakes. This can help.

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If you're reading this right now, you're probably terrified. You probably feel vulnerable and alone. It may feel as though your entire world has been turned upside down.

Part of you may want to shut the whole world out, while another part of you may long for a comforting voice and a reassuring pat on the back. In short, you are ashamed of yourself, and you should be. If you're reading this right now, you've just recently become a Green Day fan.

You've become a monster. You've become a horrible, gross, disgusting creature that should be cast out from cultured society. You've become a burden on both the people you love and the world as a whole. You should be locked in a cage and forbidden to see the light of day ever again until you choke to death on your own shitty musical taste. Once you accept all of these truths, you can move forward, and you can start to make strides towards a life that may just be worth living. Maybe. After all, not all monsters are bad...

How did this happen? How did you get here? Do you deserve this and, if so, why or why not? These are a few of the questions you should start asking yourself. Try your best to backtrack this thing. Dig deep into the recesses of both your conscious and unconscious mind for a better time; a time when you didn't like Billie Joe Armstrong and his gang of not-so-punk rockers. Do this, and you may already start to feel a little bit better. Understanding is the first step to coping, coping is the first step to accepting, and accepting is the first step to becoming a productive member of society - and not a walking abomination - once again.

Once you've somehow come to terms with the fact that you've become an uncultured, unsophisticated, embarrassing son of bitch that none of your friends will ever want to be seen with in public ever again, you'll have to figure out how to look the part. It's important to remember that the clothes make the man. That being said, nothing says "Green Day is my favorite f--king band in the entire godd-mned world, for some reason" better than the classic "American Idiot" album cover tee. Wear this with some black jeans, a studded belt, and some sh-tty Converse shoes and you'll be sure to fit right in. All of these items can most likely be found at pretty much any Hot Topic store. If you don't know what Hot Topic is, just head to your area's local mall and follow those kids from "Twilight."

Now that you're dressed for "success," you've got to act the part. The multiple rips in your skin-tight jeans that you most likely deliberately and carefully carved out way ahead of time mean absolutely nothing if the other socially awkward, misunderstood, rebellious fans don't think you're full of just as much teenage angst as the rest of them. Don't be afraid to really push it to the limit here. Dye your hair, pierce your whatever, and curse out your superiors. Hell, kill the President if that's what feels right. The more extreme your behavior becomes, the better.

Your transformation into a musical terrorist, that, perhaps, would have been far better off had they never clicked on "customers who like Blink-182 may also enjoy..." while scrolling through their recent purchases on iTunes, is almost complete. You've got the style, you've got the attitude, and you're now ready to attend your very first live Green Day show. Appropriate concert etiquette is pretty straightforward. Keep your phone out and recording as much as possible. Bombard your social networks with statuses, pictures, and videos of the show. Let the entire world know about the horrible mistake of a life you're now living. You'd also do well to memorize as many lyrics to as many songs (omitting the earlier works, of course) as possible. Your friends should be able to hear that godawful Billie Joe Armstrong impression of yours in every video they have the misfortune to view.

There's nothing more to be found for you here. You've mastered the walk and you've mastered the talk. You know how to look, act, and live the part. The Bible is dead now. Let it die, and from the ashes let the lyrics of "21st Century Breakdown" take it's place. There is no more Jesus Christ. There's only the Jesus of Suburbia. Uno, Dos, and Tre have now become your father, son, and holy spirit. This guide may be finished, but you've still got a long journey ahead of you. This is who you are now. This is what you are now. You f--king a-shole...

39 comments sorted by best / new / date

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    notevenklaus
    I call BS. Sounds like someone got rejected by the girl at the warped tour. Green Day was punk long before you were born little fella. Kerplunk is one of the best offerings of the 90's, and Dookie is a classic, regardless of the "sellout" conversation that it started.
    crazysam23_Atax
    Someone broke their funny bone...
    Mr Winters
    There is nothing funny about this pile of pretentious and condescending garbage and I'm not even a Green Day fan.
    Diego Carnero
    i'm not a Green Day fan at all (despite what the first paragraph calls me), but the pretentious writing of this article wins a dislike
    Fatewhip
    Same here. This guy needs a better outlet for anger. There is no bad or good taste of music. Only opinions. And when you force your opinions on others... Well it doesn't end well and you end up looking like this guy.
    xAngelsOfHellx
    It's like he doesn't even play guitar, he just writes stupid articles. If he really played, then his guitar would be his outlet for anger, as it is for me.
    Shuei5
    What? Is it 2004 again? Should I reactive my Myspace account? You know, I went from liking Green Day in my early teens, to liking obscure 80's punk and post-punk and hating Green Day, to now accepting that I like a few of their songs - while still listening to underground music. It's called growing up when you're not that damn afraid of what people think of your music taste anymore.
    thatnewguy103
    American Idiot is an album that defined my teenage years, alongside with Nevermind. Never been ashamed of loving AI. Awesome songs, beautiful melodies, powerful messages, solid production. Still enjoy it a lot 10 years later.
    leraschii
    10/10 toxic. Keep your musical taste to yourself and don't lay your shit upon innocent people.
    friendlyneighbo
    this article is incredibly stupid, Green Day are known to have defined punk rock with their first few albums, and as a youth I enjoyed a lot of their music, there are far worse bands out there and Green Day havent got anything to be ashamed of theyve already made their mark on music history, the guy who made this article must be at most 13 years old and very much butthurt
    crazysam23_Atax
    If you think Green Day defined Punk Rock, then the '70s & '80s would like to smack you in the face.
    friendlyneighbo
    im not taking any glory away from some of the quality bands of the 70's and 80's, i love a lot of that stuff, but im just saying green day have influenced a lot of people over the years
    PunkRocker9357
    If you were trying to be funny, you failed miserably. If you were being serious, I can't help but call you a pretentious ****ass. You probably think you're cultured and special because you listen to "indie". Or maybe you think your classic rock music is better than what todays kids are into. Maybe you're an IMN. But what you aren't is intelligent or funny in any way shape or form. Get a life and stop shitting on music that doesn't reach your standards.
    Arby911
    I thought it was funny. Don't care about the "truth" or any of the rest of the pretentious BS spouted in the comments. If you take Green Day (or any band)so seriously that you feel the need to defend them here, this article is for you, you humorless prick...
    Steve51
    A guide for the true metalheads from hell. Good one. You can suck it, JohnSeminario
    xAngelsOfHellx
    This is just some ******* trying to be funny while at the same time, putting down someone elses music taste. Music is the most subjective art-form out there, and if you don't like a band, don't ****ing judge their fans for liking it.
    opus9
    Old Green Day defined an era and are responsible for the birth of many many other pop-punk bands, so I respect them for that, as speaking of today I can certainly say that Billie Joe is a mediocre musician cause he has no interest in evolving his music anymore, he doesn't feel the need to improve what he does, look for different paths, instruments, structures, arrangements etc etc etc. he's just been doing the same thing all over again for 15 years, all his songs are exactly the same things just played at different keys and tempos, he's looking more at earning money and pleasing fans than well.. being a real artist and I just cannot respect someone who has the money and power to make a super musical production without any studio or instrument limitations yet he prefers conformity. Proof of this is his last triple album which was just pathetic for an experimented musician who's been doing this for 20 years or so.
    GFraser
    Alright, so how many of you missed it? The joke, that is. Most of you, by the looks of it. I wouldn't call this straight up satire, but its in that region of writing, and you all look like old people going "this is bullshit!" on an Onion article.
    joeyreece
    Man, I know the reasons of why I'd be ashamed of the fact they used to be my favourite band, but not only do you have all the wrong reasons to hate them, but they actually do have enough redeeming qualities, in the old and the new era, to justify liking them. Commercial punk = pop-punk, where's the surprise? They're still more politically charged than most pop punk bands out there, so given the context - don't hate the player, hate the game
    infid3l
    It looks like the typical fascist discourse, overcome by rage and hatred, fails to sarcasm and just insults.The worst thing is they think they made a genteel irony. Or maybe the irony is that he is making a parody about that kind of speech. In that case he should be more clear
    Mayge
    The number of commenters thinking the article is serious. XD