Posted Apr 02, 2005 11:10 AM
An article about writing articles, huh? Just when there was a bunch of good articles on UG (except for that awful one about hardcore) some idiot comes along with a list of half-baked tips to writing columns. Well, with a few guidelines, you idiots can write articles about your own half-baked ideas, too.
Never state your opinion. Everybody has their own, and theirs is always more important than yours. They don't want to hear your crap, so save it for your music. That way they can comment on how much your music sucks.
Never be too vague. Know your stuff. If you try to be dodgy so as not to offend anybody, people will think you don't know what you're talking about and call you stupid. Which you probably are.
Never be too specific. You may think you know what you are talking about, but odds are you don't. Some self-proclaimed expert on the subject is just going to come along and tell you why you don't know what you are talking about, and leave the site believing he is a hero to all who read his two-sentence comment. A hero who is no doubt wiser than he who took the liberty to write two page load of crap.
Never be political. 95% of people on UG are a bunch of liberal-media hating liberals who know next to nothing about real politics. Politics just get people angry and eager to post hate messages, so don't mention it. Don't even beat around the Bush. (No pun intended.)
Never write about a specific genre. There might be a few readers that enjoy it, but for some reason, it seems that only the people who despise the genre read and comment on the articles, just to say how much the genre sucks. Don't take it personal, it's only your musical passion they are spitting on.
Write about something non-controversial in the guitar world. That is, something everybody can agree on. You know, like tips on practicing that involve recording yourself, or performance preparation. Or Les Pauls. Everybody likes Les Pauls. Take my word for it: play it safe. Who ever made it big in the guitar world taking risks? Come on
Write about the legends. It helps if you mention people like Clapton, Hendrix, Slash, or Page. Even those who have never heard a single work by any of them will claim how awesome they are, so as not to bring shame to their UG alias. Few people are courageous enough to down-talk the legends, regardless of how over-rated they might be.
Czech four spelling errers. Four some raeson, people will give ewe a bad comment about you're grammar and spelling, even if your information and writing is grate. I guess their just jealous that they cant write there own article. Not to sound like a English teacher, but its important to reread and revise. It will save a lot of embarassment.
Try to use simple words with as few syllables as possible. A lot of the people here aren't too bright and don't understand large words and complex rhetoric. Keep it literal and easy to understand. Remember, the language they best understand only has seven letters, although most of them don't even understand how it all fits together.
Well, there you go. Use these tips, and I guarantee you a 5 star rating. With your new knowledge, you can write an article sure to keep people coming back for more of your stuff. Sure, it will probably lack originality and heart, but you have to give the audience what they want, right?