Making The Better Metal. Part 1

Four awesome dudes in a metal band decide it's time to turn it up to 11 and go heavier than ever.

Making The Better Metal. Part 1
0
Nate could hear the roar of the crowd surrounding him as he marched off stage head held high. The energy they gave him made him feel exhilarated to say the least. He was high on life from the fulfillment of putting on yet another amazing show. He turned back to his fans one last time holding his guitar high above his head and watching the audience go crazy. Yet through all this excitement Nate felt that something didn't feel right. He then continued to walk off stage and into the backroom of the venue. There awaiting him were his bandmates who had already left the stage, Jay, the drummer, Harvey, the bassist, and q, the lead guitarist. The four of them together were Fornicorpse, the heaviest band to ever hit the death metal scene. With their barrage of the most brutal songs ever written along with their occasional Slipknot and Disturbed covers it was hard to imagine a band could possibly be any heavier than them. "Yo, Nasty Nate, is something wrong?" asked Jay who could tell that Nate was bothered by something even through all the brutal corpse paint he was wearing. "I don't know man. I just feel like something's missing" answered Nate. "I thought I'd feel more fulfilled by now. We've been at this for years. We've sure as hell worked our a-ses off, but I don't know... Maybe death metal just isn't my thing." "You know, it's weird" Harvey chimed in from across the room "I've been feeling the same way. Maybe Fornicorpse has had it's run. Maybe it's time we do something else." Erik turned his head quickly "I ain't gettin' no real job man. I don't got what it takes. Music is all I got!" "Don't sweat it" said Harvey. "We're not getting real jobs. We just have to kick it up a notch. Turn this sh-t up to 11. Go as heavy as possible." "What's your idea then? 'Cuz I like the sound of this" Erik chimed back. "I don't know yet" said Harvey downing a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. "But when I think of one I'll let you guys know." With their words echoing in his head Nate grabbed his beloved B.C. Rich Warlock and headed out to his car. The next morning Nate woke up to see a text from Harvey on his phone. It read "Dude call me ASAP. I have some big news for you." Seeing this he rang up Harvey then and there. "Okay, so last night after I got home from the show I was unwinding with some music" Harvey explained. "And I stumbled upon this guy Skrillex. You have to hear him. He invented this new type of music called dubstep and it's like the heaviest music ever made. Heavier than Slipknot!" "Heavier than Slipknot?" the thought almost couldn't even process in Nate's mind. "How is that even possible? They're like the most brutal band on the planet. Everyone knows you can't be heavier than Slipknot!" "Just trust me, you can be. Head on over to my place soon for a band meeting, I already told the guys and they're on their way." Nate then ran into his bathroom to take a shower. Once he hopped out he quickly got dressed and jumped into his car and drove straight to Harvey's house. Once there he sat down to listen to Harvey get up and start talking. "Alright guys take a listen to this" he said as he put on "Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites" by Skrillex. "This is dubstep. It was invented by a guy called Skrillex. As you can tell it's the heaviest music to ever be made. And since Fornicorpse just isn't cutting it anymore, we are going to make dubstep." "It just sounds like pushing random buttons on a computer" said Erik. "It is" Harvey responded. "But it's heavy. And you figure all we do to make our death metal is play notes as fast as we can while Jay nearly destroys his kit from all the random drumming he does. Since it's that heavy and that easy to make it's exactly like metal. Dubstep is the metal of the electronic world." Jay then jumped in saying "You know, I like this Harvey. And I have a name for us too, we're going to be Gorelord now. The heaviest dubstep band in the world. Maybe one day we'll even be as good as Skrillex." The rest of the band agreed and thus Fornicorpse, the most brutal death metal band to ever walk on the planet, ended and gave birth to Gorelord, the newest and best dubstep band ever. To be continued...

50 comments sorted by best / new / date

comments policy
    Thrill-house
    This is the best thing I've ever read. Take that anyway you want while considering the fact that I never read anything.
    Le Fantome
    This is brilliant. Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity's ability to recognize satire.
    frankv
    The ****! This sucks so badly, it makes my head hurt. It's just pure bullshit. Nothing is heaver than Slipknot!
    Amuro Jay
    no way bruh skrillex is totally heavier than slipknot that's why korn did an album with them, they had to win the heavy war and skrillex was the only metal heavy enough
    frankv
    Yeah way, 'bro'. Korn isn't even metal. Yeah, they're heavy, but only because Jonathan Gayvis weighs like 400 pounds. How do you like DEM apples, mod? Go fly a kite and cry, emo kid!
    Amuro Jay
    I'm gonna go listen to Linkin Park :'''''(
    whoomit
    omg i dont get the points of aurthority u mite as well runaway & be like 'aww im by myself but i want 2 be with u but ur pushing me away and... ow i got a papercut .. what was i going 2 say? I dunno, ive forgotten i should probly just find a place for my head & go 2 sleep but i cant walk cos the ppercut was on my foot so now im crawling but im one step closer to my bed but ill get there in the end but 1st i need to find a cure for the itch
    VanTheKraut
    whoomit and frankv, you have both been successfully trolled jetfuel495, that is all. Some kids, man.
    dial-a-death
    ...this is a joke right? Any death metal band covering Slipknot and Disturbed would kill themselves in shame.
    Saint78
    Was that a joke? Slipknot is the heaviest death metal band on the ****ing planet. Name someone heavier.
    Spaztikko
    Spaztikk, Gorelords rival band which is an Acoustic rap grindcore trio with two members in it, the white guy who tries to be black and skrillex's cousin, Herman Ri.
    MaXiMuse
    Meshuggah
    caeser1156
    Gtfo scene kid. Go listen to your screamo elsewhere.
    MaXiMuse
    Give me one Meshuggah song in which Jens Kidman screams...
    caeser1156
    All of them. Like Pray for Plagues and Chelsea Smile
    MaXiMuse
    You sir, are confusing Meshuggah with Bring Me Horizon apparently...
    caeser1156
    Nah I'm not, maybe you are though.
    MaXiMuse
    Ah, my apologies. It's hard to recognise sarcasm over the internet. With a lot of extremely dumb people over the internet, I sincerly thought you were one of them...
    caeser1156
    What do you mean? Slipknot's the heaviest band on the planet and Disturbed is pretty high up there too.
    stabwound11
    i really hope this whole thing is a joke. first, slipknot arnt that heavy, and anyone that thinks they're the heaviest metal band is a poser.dubstep is just a trend and will be gone soon. if this was a joke then well played.....
    Saint78
    Are you stupid? Slipknot is heavier than everything, except Skrillex.
    stabwound11
    well like i said if u think that you're a poser,or u don't listen to that much metal, either way. A skrillex fan has no business lecturing me on metal.
    Jacobrivers8
    i'm definitely not a fan of dubstep, but i certainly know it wasn't "invented" by anyone, especially not skrillex. just had to make sure that was said
    thecougarbear
    From the article to the comments section, I have never been so trolled in my life. With every word my buttache grew worse.