Get Married At Ozzfest

When it comes time to plan for that special day, does the thought of a reception hall, a poofy white dress and some terrible overpriced DJ just not cut it for you?

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When it comes time to plan for that special day, does the thought of a reception hall, a poofy white dress and some terrible overpriced DJ just not cut it for you? Well, Ozzy Osbourne and Ozzfest have just the thing. According to Blabbermouth, the Prince Of Darkness has decided to make attending Ozzfest that much more special by giving fans a chance to purchase the "Unholy Matrimony" package. You provide the marriage license, and Ozzfest provides (almost) everything else. That includes an official Ozzfest wedding ceremony complete with ordained minister MC Big Mike, an Ozzfest wedding cake and pit tickets for the happy couple and up to eight guests. The newlyweds will also receive early entrance with a backstage tour and access to the Ozzfest VIP lounge and specially designed Ozzfest tour shirts. There's also the chance to win a prize off the Ozzfest Bridal Registry, which is supplied by Ozzfest's sponsors. You can check out the full "Unholy Matrimony" details and a list of which cities are still available for purchase here. The "Unholy Matrimony" package is all well and good for people who like Osbourne and metal bands, but here's a few other festivals and bands we'd like to see offering similar wedding packages: Glastonbury Festival You're married by a sheep farmer. The festival provides Wellies and raincoats for all members of the wedding party. Rock En Seine The ceremony will be conducted by one of the Gallagher brothers. There will be no refunds if a fight breaks out between the two before the wedding and both refuse to show up. Wacken Open Air There's no actual ceremony, as black metal fans get a bit twitchy around any mention of organized religion, but there's plenty of complimentary beer for the wedding party and their guests. You'll also get a corpse paint makeover for the wedding photos, and no guarantee that the nearest church won't be burned down. The Bamboozle Roadshow The Roadshow will provide guests will earplugs to drown out the screams of the preteen concert-goers. The ceremony will be performed in riddles by Roadshow staff Linc and enough booze to wash away the fact that you're getting married at a festival intended for 12-to-16 year-olds. Coachella The dress code for this one is extremely strict: you have to show up nude, with wizard gear in your hand. The Coachella wedding package will include one bottle of water per guest, unlimited cases of PBR and a crushing sense of inferiority that you're not cool enough to have heard of the majority of the bands way back when they released their first album as a download-only promo two years ago. Pitchfork Music Festival The Pitchfork wedding is only for the most musically elite, and does not provide newlyweds with anything but the overwhelming pride that would come after a Pitchfork editor married them, and that Animal Collective's Panda Bear was the best man and Karen O was the maid of honour. They can then start to brag about that to friends, but will then stop themselves with, "Oh, you wouldn't understand" when asked what Pitchfork is. Woodstock Who knows? It's Woodstock, so the package might include anything from dry cleaning after mud singing to fire damage insurance. Thanks for the report to ChartAttack.com.

38 comments sorted by best / new / date

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    carlosb
    Isn't big mike the big fag that interupted Maiden. I would get married at Fagfest if i could kick big mike in the balls.
    rickyj
    i would never get married by a guy that calls himself mc big mike
    Scourge441
    Danjo's Guitar wrote: Haha, nice. I would not want to get married at Ozzfest though. I'd maybe consider it if Ozzy started touring with better bands. (He's touring with Goat*****! Goat*****!! Thats like the worst name ever!!!)
    So, you've judged the band based on their name without ever hearing their music. Awesome. Checked.
    Jazz-
    Wouldn't it be awesome to be married by Ozzy himself. That would make it whole lot more interesting. It probably not that difficult that a licence to be a official minister. At least not when you have as much money as Ozzy.
    CoolLikeSnakes
    Jazz- wrote: Wouldn't it be awesome to be married by Ozzy himself. That would make it whole lot more interesting. It probably not that difficult that a licence to be a official minister. At least not when you have as much money as Ozzy.
    if that happened then the world would explode from too much irony.
    AlterEdge
    Jazz- wrote: Wouldn't it be awesome to be married by Ozzy himself. That would make it whole lot more interesting. It probably not that difficult that a licence to be a official minister. At least not when you have as much money as Ozzy.
    Nah, just do what Jason Segel did. He took some Universal Doctrine to become a minister and married his friends on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. The Link I Think-> http://www.universalministries.com/doctr... Anyways, yeah funny article. But if it happens once I'll be amazed.
    jamesclark111
    in my opinion.... these would be the worst wedding place's, Unless if your allowed to ride a monster truck as the wedding vehicle.
    Danjo's Guitar
    Haha, nice. I would not want to get married at Ozzfest though. I'd maybe consider it if Ozzy started touring with better bands. (He's touring with Goat*****! Goat*****!! Thats like the worst name ever!!!)
    Jøhnny
    You'll also get a corpse paint makeover for the wedding photos, and no guarantee that the nearest church won't be burned down.
    One of the best things I've ever read on UG, total epicness
    RUIN717
    Wacken Open Air There's no actual ceremony, as black metal fans get a bit twitchy around any mention of organized religion, but there's plenty of complimentary beer for the wedding party and their guests. You'll also get a corpse paint makeover for the wedding photos, and no guarantee that the nearest church won't be burned down. THIS! haha made my week
    BlowByBlow
    Pretty much the same thing happens at minor league baseball games. Kinda makes the american tradition look kinda messed up
    electric7
    i enjoy how they made fun of bamboozle. i'm eighteen and still like it, but it is mainly prepubescent girls throwing themselves at the lead singer of a band.
    ryan21947
    I would kill for a Wacken Open Air Ceremony. Nothing says "I love you" like a church in flames. XD
    godberry
    i wonder if the reception includes doves or bats...headless, of course.