James Hetfield Is Officially A Table

James Hetfield's Wikipedia page confirms a recent claim that he is, in fact, a piece of furniture.

James Hetfield Is Officially A Table
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James Hetfield is officially a table, according to his Wikipedia entry as seen in the image below. Hetfield revealed his true identity as a piece of wooden furniture when he proclaimed "I am the table" in "The View." It was the first song to be unveiled from a Metallica collaboration with Lou Reed. While the song itself was poorly received, many listeners were inspired to come out of the closet and make their own claim to being a table, including several from the UG community. It is believed that these tables found it easier to admit their identity after Hetfield's public confession - truly an "I Am Spartacus" moment. During the same song, Hetfield also attempted to say he was "the aggressor" and "the root." It would now seem these were inaccurate, and may have been included to help disguise that he is a surface constructed from wood. According to Loudwire, James "The Table" Hetfield also appears as a Wikipedia search result if you start to search the word "table". It is unclear whether Hetfield was produced as part of a collection of tables, or is a one-off creation. It has been rumored that his guitar is carved from an evil twin table, or that Hetfield himself was the evil twin. Another rumor suggests that Hetfield is instead a regular human, and that his Wikipedia entry was edited as part of a joke. However, Wikipedia is increasingly credited as being a reliable source of information, and a 2005 study found it to be almost as accurate as a print copy of Encyclopaedia Britannica.

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    BigSpence
    Of course Wikipedia took it off. The mods get mad easily. One might say they're unsTABLE...
    Jimmyboba
    Who cares if it's not proper news? I have a lot of time for this. I wanna be a table.
    Anchr
    While the song itself was poorly received, many listeners were inspired to come out of the closet and make their own claim to being a table ,
    OMG UG that's just too much xD. Great thing, it's still on the Wiki page. Funny shit
    BlitzkriegAir
    i like how they show a funny wiki edit, but if you mention editing a wiki in the forums you get banned
    TimmyTheWALRUS
    Yeah it's still there. Also type 'table', it says: Tabula Rasa (disambiguation) Tab (disambiguation) James Hetfield
    link no1
    *sigh* Yes people, this isn't news and it is possibly the most useless thing UG has claimed to be news. We know it is an obvious troll...key word 'obvious' But seriously, just seeing the title "James Hetfield Is Officially A Table" in the headlines didn't make your smile and laugh you seriously need to lighten the **** up and gain a sense of humor.
    Schnecter
    Ok it's back on. Also if you search table (furniture) he's listed there as well
    BurntGerbil
    KingNothing94 wrote: I used to be a table, but then I took an arrow to the knee...
    That's why you're stuck on guard duty
    MegaGreg
    You know what? I'm okay with this. I'd want to have a table that can play riffs and hold all of my bowls at the same time.
    Stikit2duhman
    I actually find this article more entertaining than like 90% of all the serious posts on here )
    Redsectoreh
    A part of my daily routine is coming on here to check out the news, probably not so much anymore. Really tired of the repetitive Lulu/Metallica crap.
    WhoAMEye
    3 Metallica news items in one day. Only one of which is actually about Metallica music. And that's more about Lou Reed insulting everyone on the planet bar the illiterate cos we don't like their album hmmm...
    stubbles
    BigSpence wrote: Of course Wikipedia took it off. The mods get mad easily. One might say they're unsTABLE...
    pfffffttt hahahahhaha
    deathofarev
    BigSpence wrote: Of course Wikipedia took it off. The mods get mad easily. One might say they're unsTABLE...
    well then it's back, it's on now
    dayman317
    KingNothing94 wrote: I used to be a table, but then I took an arrow to the knee...
    hahahahaha bravo for tying Metallica to skyrim
    thegreasefire
    many listeners were inspired to come out of the closet
    O_O I need to get my head out of the gutter.
    jacobdubya
    While I admit that I chuckled at this at first, this just goes to show how far UG is willing to go to beat a dead horse. They just WILL NOT let this Lulu thing go. Today they've published three stories pretty much related to Lulu. I wouldn't be surprised if one of the UG writers did this Wikipedia edit for the sole purpose of writing this story. HAR HAR HAR. UG writer so funny. James Hetfield a table!!!!!111 This shit's retarded.
    dethskar0
    So... An idiot having a laugh by editing some stupid crap in a wikipedia article (that was apparently properly removed by the people who monitor and edit the website) is news now? I'm very close to never coming back to this website again...
    0zzmosis
    I'm confused... At first, I thought it said he was gay since people were coming out of the closet. That would make sense for the table part. You know... get on all fours and take it up the... I'm not disrespecting Hetfield. I have all the respect in the world for the guy.