There was a point awhile ago but before news of the dissolution of his marriage to Dita Von Teese went public in late January that Marilyn Manson realized he just didn't want to be alive anymore, according to MTV News report. His life was in turmoil, he had hit a wall creatively, and the idea that he didn't have somebody to hold hands with through hell was too much to handle.
I was clearly at the point where I was ready to give up, and it wasn't that I didn't have the motivation to it was almost as if I couldn't bring myself to make a conclusion, Manson explained. I can look back on it now like it was a different person, and I refuse to ever get to that place again. But it was mostly because I didn't feel that I had someone who was going to walk with me through the horrible reality that we live in. Did I want to kill myself? Yes. Did I come close to doing that? More than I'd like to think. The only thing I can say about it is, I feel like maybe I wasn't strong enough to make that choice. I guess I was just more lost than anything. I didn't have anything to attach myself to. I didn't have any emotions or fears nothing to have hope for.
There's a big difference, I discovered, between wanting to die and not wanting to live, he continued. When you want to die, you at least have a goal. When you don't want to live, you're really just empty. That's the point I was at before I was able to make 'Eat Me, Drink Me' .
Manson said he needed to find reasons to want to live, and in time, did so in actress Evan Rachel Wood, who eventually became his girlfriend. Finding someone who's willing to drown with you creates a situation where you no longer want to drown, he said.
It was meeting Wood, he said, that helped him salvage his muse and finish Eat Me, Drink Me. He recorded the effort which follows 2003's The Golden Age of Grotesque, leaked online Tuesday and hits stores June 5 in a Hollywood studio with guitarist/bassist Tim Skold. It would be an understatement to say this record saved me, Manson said. This record was my salvation. This was my rebirth. This was me realizing who I am, so this is the most important record I've ever made, in every possible way.
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