Tool Frontman's Phoenix New Times Column Debuts

Maynard James Keenan, the singer for Tool, a Perfect Circle and Puscifer, recently agreed to write a bi-weekly column for Phoenix New Times' "Up On The Sun" blog.

Tool Frontman's Phoenix New Times Column Debuts
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Maynard James Keenan, the singer for Tool, A Perfect Circle and Puscifer, recently agreed to write a bi-weekly column for Phoenix New Times' "Up On The Sun" blog, Blabbermouth reports. In his debut piece, titled "These Are The End Of Days", the musician discusses his winemaking and offers offering advice to those who believe in the Mayan calendar's promise of a 2012 apocalypse. Keenan writes, "The inherent problem with being a Chicken Little-type person is that if or when the sky ever falls, I'll be too flattened to snip 'See? I told ya so!' And although I live near Sedona, I possess no crystal ball, and any Tarot cards I may have owned have certainly all been shredded in the spokes of my long retired banana seat Huffy". He continues, "These are in fact the "End Of Days" and people need to know about it As Soon As Possible! Obviously the only rational thing to do is to clear out all of your bank accounts and send me a cashier's check for the full amount... along with that cashiers check, I'm gonna need [for] you to go ahead and send along a detailed list of all your assets, toys, deeds, to any real estate, patents pending, etc. Please include high resolution photos. I can't be bothered to Google image each and every one of them. Not enough time". Tool has not issued a new album since 2006's "10,000 Days". Keenan recently spent time on the road with Puscifer in support of that band's sophomore album, "Conditions Of My Parole", which was released last October via Puscifer Entertainment. A Perfect Circle will perform one show in 2012 on December 29 at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, Nevada. The band also confirmed its participation in the 2013 edition of the Soundwave Festival, which kicks off February 23 in Brisbane, Australia.

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    jamie_hough
    I enjoyed that... though its a shame he doesnt seem to be too interested in putting pen to paper for a certain four letter worded outfit... I get their whole 'give us time' thing but jeeeeez waiting for their albums is painful. I'm a huge fan, I'm not knocking them or anything but with the reports of them hitting the studio a couple months ago this just looks like a setback. I'll still be reading them though like the faithful little dog I am.
    CoreysMonster
    Jesus Christ, Maynard, get your head out of your ass, stop guzzling down your toup-wine and get into the goddamn studio with your REAL band, and by that I mean Tool, and not Puscifer or APC. Actually, a new APC album would be tits as well, but Tool comes first.
    CrackTheSkye
    People are blowing this way out of proportion. His statement above is intended as a joke. Maynard has always had a weird sense of humor and he's just being a smart a** to the people that take the whole Mayan Calendar and the end is near conspiracies serious and to see how many people will actually believe his sh*t. I'm sure this column isn't keeping him from working on the new Tool album if that is what he is doing. I mean he can phone this stuff in from Danny's Loft whilst writing. I'm sure it takes him 10 mins to write this stuff so stop freaking out. Maynard can do whatever he wants. Without his desire to branch out and try new things we wouldn't get to enjoy everything that is Maynard such as Puscifer and APC among other things.
    howrylak1
    Thats a badass picture of him
    cambo187
    FYI that pic is from his documentary "Blood into Wine" which was very entertaining, and pretty damn funny. Definitely worth a watch.
    KyleKoester
    Totally agree. That documentary shows all sides of Maynard and he opens up a surprising amount. I teared up at the part about his Judith wine A must see film
    Basti95
    "my long retired banana seat Huffy" Is that anything like a banana hammock?
    ThePandaShaver
    No. You're a bad person and you should feel bad.
    Basti95
    LOL but seriously, what is that actually about?
    Suckerpunchme!
    Back in the "olden times" kids used to use playing cards and clothespins to attach to the spokes of their bicycles so they would sound like a motorcycle (somewhat). Maynard is merely interjecting a bit of pop culture. You were born in 1995 so you probably don't get it, or you may not be familiar with it if it wasn't done in the UK.
    Slaytan666
    Sort of, it goes in the same spot more or less. It's a type of bike seat, and Huffy is a bicycle manufacturer.
    third(-)eye
    I respect that he's trying to do pursue a new interest with his life; I mean, he's pretty much accomplished everything he could hope for as a musician. What else is there for him to do? But still, finish the goddamn album and THEN go back to your hiatus. Please.
    hellfireshell
    Really love whatever this guys does, but this bit of his totally went above my head! This man will do anything to draw attention away from Tool. Let's hope for an early 2012 release, it's been so long, it's eating me alive!
    j-e-f-f-e-r-s
    Well, by all accounts, the band are hard at work in the studio coming up with stuff, so I can't begrudge them too much if they haven't finished yet. I just hope that all of Maynard's extra-curricular activities haven't created a schism between him and the rest of the band. Guess I'll just have to be patient .
    ADomenick91092
    It's amazing to see how many fans think it's their job to tell Maynard what to do, when to do it, and how fast it should get done. MJK has always been an eccentric guy. He does things his way at his own pace, and it's worked for him for the past 20+ years. I want a new Tool album and tour just as much as the next guy, but give the guy a break. Between Tool, APC, Puscifer, running his vineyard, and now this, he's one of the busiest musicians out there.
    latinromans
    "These are in fact the "End Of Days" and people need to know about it As Soon As Possible! Obviously the only rational thing to do is to clear out all of your bank accounts and send me a cashier's check for the full amount... along with that cashiers check, I'm gonna need [for] you to go ahead and send along a detailed list of all your assets, toys, deeds, to any real estate, patents pending, etc. Please include high resolution photos. I can't be bothered to Google image each and every one of them. Not enough time". do you understand the concept of sarcasm?
    latinromans
    this is to garagepoet or anyone else who takes this seriously, sorry, I meant for it to be a reply but it glitched
    HoverFan#1
    "offers offering advice to those who believe in the Mayan calendar's promise of a 2012 apocalypse." Why hasn't anybody pointed out yet that the Mayan calendar said nothing about an apocalypse? I know what will happen on December 21. The 13th Mayan baktun will become the 14th. Calendars are cyclical. Y2K, May/October 21, 2011, etc. 12/21/12, come at me bro. http://jameswatt.me/2012/03/07/mayan-cal... e-gregorian-leap-year/
    EnglishToolRage
    Dear me, he does like to talk about wine a lot doesn't he... Do we want to know about Chris Martin's love for antique fishing rods, or Chino Morino's time consuming passion for 16th century poetry? No... No, we do not... What are you famous for Maynard? - Singing... What are your fanbase made of? - Music fans... Who wants to hear about why you like growing berries and rotting them in a barrel? Almost no one...
    Garagepoet
    pretty funny stuff but i might have expected something a little more intelligent or thought-provoking than this. this whole "the end is coming, send me your money" is enough to make me think this guy votes Republican.
    dr-g0nz0
    How about, instead of doing all these different projects you put some time into the new Tool record!
    kozmo4200
    Great musician, flawed philosophy. people have always been predicting the end.....moron.