Friday Fun: Most Ridiculous Band Merch Ever

T-shirts aren't enough to compete in the gallery. Have you seen a range of merch more ridicuous than this? (Answer: No way.)

Ultimate Guitar

Sometimes selling music isn't enough to keep a rock band alive. They need to tour hard, sell audio on every format available, and offer a killer line of merch to keep the funding coming in.

But sometimes a merch idea that sounds good on paper turns out to be a little unusual when it finally hits the production line - and then it's too late.

We've been scanning the internet for the most ridiculous band merch ever, and you wouldn't believe some of the stuff we found. Some of it is funny, some of it is lame, and some of it is just freaky. We're posting the images right here so you can actually believe us.

If you know of any LOL-worthy merch that we missed, share a link in the comments and we'll check it out.

Fall Out Boy Notebook

Hey emo kids! Something bugging you? Write all about it in this notebook, and tally the number of tears that stream down your face each morning so you can prove you're sadder than everyone else.

Animosity Sunglasses

I swear I got a pair of these free from McDonalds in the 90s that were better quality than these.

The Fully Down Foam Hand

This is actually pretty awesome. Kerrang magazine used to do one too, but this one is way better. It's like those green Hulk fists you can buy, but twice as rocking. Get me two!

Kiss Cereal

Kiss have released so much stupid merchandise that they could populate this entire list. The 'Kiss Kasket' for being buried in is probably the weirdest, but this cereal box caught out eye today. Seriously though, would you feed that to your children? I bet it has a nuclear amount of chemicals in it.

Manowar Condoms

Better to use these than nothing, but you wouldn't trust them, would you?

Wavves Grinder + Rolling Skins

Can you smell that? Oh, it's just a Wavves gig. Never mind.

Rammstein Dildos

Rammstein are known for their shocking live antics, but f--king hell! You've got to be a dedicated fan to want a cast from every band member's member.

If you've seen any merch more ridiculous than us (good luck!) then post a link in the comments and we'll check it out.

125 comments sorted by best / new / date

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    How inadequate must the rest of the Rammstein guys felt after seeing the second in from the right of that box?
    Does anyone else feel like they've just seen rammstein's dicks? *shudder*
    I'm not sure that I could pick my own dick out of a lineup of that many without, like, picking them up. I mean, with them being mostly the same size and pink and all...
    The dildos are modeled after the band members' appearances, and not their actual penises apparently. Still hilarious... I wonder what would happen if someone bought that in a store while on vacation then took it through the x-ray at the airport, lol.
    Most of the merch by KISS is just ridiculous. Also some merch by Slayer (e.g. those Slayer condoms))) and Flaming Lips. And, by the way, I remember some Manowar album covers (e.g. "Anthology"))) - so, I prefer not to trust them - especially about condoms
    Some of the Flaming Lips merch is cool. I think it was with their six hour song that they had like 100 different abstract art discs you put on a spinning top thing. Then you use this light and it changes the look of the pattern. Really hard to explain, but you know what I mean. My cousin's fiance is a huge Lips fan and he purchased the gummy skull with the live Soft Bulletin recording. Apparently the outer of the skull is strawberry, but the inside is marijuana flavoured? Not sure, but you have to eat through the skull to get to the USB that has the Soft Bulletin live recording. Pretty damn cool if you ask me.
    Actually, as a diehard fan, the Rammstein dildos don't surprise me at all. I'd have been more surprised if they'd turned the idea down.
    This caught my eye cause I'm a huge rammstein fan, and the LIFAD case is one of the dumbest thing, but I gotta correct you guys the dildos aren't cast from the actual band members. They're just random, look it up the guitarist (RZK) Said he wanted to put a black dildo in there just to be funny
    I got a fridge magnet with a My Dying Bride album. Granted, it's not as weird as a box of dildos but there's something profoundly confusing about a doom metal band deciding that fridge magnets might interest depressed metalheads. It's as weird as finding a Lego recreation of your own face in your friend's basement. I think the album in question is "Songs of Darkness, Words of Light".
    What about Mastodons Hunter Head
    Not that they are that famous, but Turbo Fruits sell their own beer bongs at shows. Always found that humorous.
    If you think about it Rammstein is a pretty good name for a dildo so it makes sense that they'd do that XD
    I like that you get a free record on the back of the must sound ****in awesome
    i once paid $10 for a dumb radiohead keychain made of plastic at one of their concerts because i was on ecstasy and thought it was a good idea my friend spent $35 on a poster
    I want half this stuff, f*k you UG. Pretty shitty article, except kiss cereal f*k gene simmon's greedy ass
    Always nice to see such a healthy dose of sophistication being given to the comments of a UG article.