Wednesday Question: Your Favorite Guitar Joke

For some weird reason guitarists tend to be a subject for jokes and puns quite often, despite the fact that playing guitar is actually a serious process.

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Hi there!

Even though it's not Friday yet, we're having fun already. For some weird reason guitarists (and rock musicians in general) tend to be a subject for jokes and puns quite often, despite the fact that playing guitar is actually a serious process, requiring skills, concentration and inspiration.

Nevertheless, even guitarists do smile sometimes. So, today the question goes like this:

"What is your favorite guitar joke?"

Leave your answers in the comments below, author of the funniest one (judging by the likes count) will be awarded 3 months of our Ad Free service.

Speaking of the jokes, here's Hugh Gee's favorite:

"What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major."

244 comments sorted by best / new / date

    ThatBrandon
    So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Then D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar. Didn't write this one, but its so epic it needed to be shared. Got it from http://www.jtblues.com/jokes.html -Brandon
    Shornifier
    Most of us guitarists still have the brain efficiency of a cave man: 'Ok, now that song that goes juggajugjugjuggajugga' 'Huh? Wasn't it juggadajugjuggajugjugjug?' 'No I'm pretty sure we did it juggajugjugjuggajugga and then the woowoowooweeee part where Mike does the borororoboboodooroobum thing on the toms' We've all done it, I've done it, I still do it xD.
    BoxMonster
    What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist? A rock guitarist plays three chords in front of a million people. A jazz guitarist plays a million chords in front of three people.
    Peter_Smyth
    If anybody comments again with an A minor or a G string joke, I will strangle them with the string!
    Asvarox
    One jazz player meets another: - Hey man, I bought your last CD! - Oh, so that was you...
    Jesus_Dean
    How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1000 1 to screw the bulb in, and 999 to explain how much better they could have done it.
    Scourge441
    How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but nobody notices.
    blizzboy
    Not strictly guitarist, but whatever. What was the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band? "Hey guys, let's try one of my songs!"
    Root Beer
    How can you tell when your bassist is too loud? When you can hear him. Oldie but a goodie.
    francislespaulH
    how many bass guitarist does it take to change a light bulb? 100 1 to change the bulb and 99 to to stop the lead guitarist steeling the Light again
    joshuahughes34
    the joke is how competitive people to get 3 months of ad free service by disliking every comment other than there own
    PRM
    Q: What do you tell a guitarist that is freaking out? A: Dont fret.
    BigSpence
    ThatBrandon wrote: So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Then D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar. Didn't write this one, but its so epic it needed to be shared. Got it from http://www.jtblues.com/jokes.html -Brandon
    I love this! But, I'm sorry to say that most UG users won't have a clue as to what this means.
    loseurillusion
    A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. They immediately notice the ceaseless thrumming of native drums. As they venture further into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks. The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very BAD if drums stop." The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives run screaming from their huts, covering their ears. The scientists grab one boy and demand "What is it? The drums have stopped!" The terror-stricken youth replies "Yes! Drums stop! VERY BAD!" The scientists ask "Why? Why? What will happen?" Wild-eyed, the boy responds, " . . . BASS SOLO!!!" -
    Low Man's Lyric
    Why do drummers keep their drumsticks on the dashboards on their cars? So they can park on the handicap spots.
    Peter_Smyth
    How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the keyboard player can do it with their left hand!
    woll1s
    What did the guitar say to the guitarist? Pick on someone your own size! Ba dum tssss
    iommi600
    guitargodwannab wrote: seriously u guys picking on bassists is starting to piss me off big time....last time i checked Geddy Lee can kick any guitar players ass just sayin
    He would, but he's a bassist and no one would notice.
    dhruvd353
    A bassist and a guitarist were Fighting...the singer comes in and asks-"why are y'all fighting?!?" Bassist says-"This idiot detuned one of my strings and i cant tell which one !"
    DOCTORMOG
    Whats the difference between a bass player and a bench? the bench can support a family.
    cris9310
    I dont remember this totally but it went something like this: A man wants to be the greatest guitarist in the world so he calls the devil for help. Suddenly the devil appears and tells him: "if you want to be the greatest guitarist, you will have to give me your soul!" and the man says "my soul? no way man, what can I get for a dollar? and the devil says "greatest bass player in the world..." no offense to bass players
    MeCHSvi
    How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, only the guitarist and singer gets to screw.
    ampflz
    How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? One to hold it in place while the world revolves around him.
    Xirachi
    How many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just steal the light from someone else.
    Datko
    How do you know you're a bad guitar player? You start writing articles for UG. Just good natured fun. Hahahahaha now let's see how fast I get negatives.
    bmarlatt1685
    ThatBrandon wrote: So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Then D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar. Didn't write this one, but its so epic it needed to be shared. Got it from http://www.jtblues.com/jokes.html -Brandon
    The only thing funnier than this joke was my roommate reading it next to me, confused out of his mind, not understanding a damn thing while I was laughing hysterically.
    Krieger91
    I saw: what do you get when you drop-recognized the joke, skipped 'till the end, read "a flat major" and was like "hang on.." before I read the rest of the joke. Never heard it like that haha. How do you get a guitarist off your doorstep? Pay for the pizza. Not my favourite, but the first that came to mind.
    Dufte
    How do you stop a trumpeter from playing? - You take away his sheet music. How do stop a guitarist from playing? - You give him some.
    jman25
    Whats the difference between guitar and a can of tuna fish? You can tune a guitar but you cant tuna fish.
    DoodlySquat
    joshuahughes34 wrote: the joke is how competitive people to get 3 months of ad free service by disliking every comment other than there own
    The joke is that your profile says you are 19 and you still don't know which their/there/they're to use. It would be 'their' by the way.
    EpiExplorer
    Whats black an blue and lies in the gutter? A guitarist who told too many drummer jokes.