Hilarious Guide Explains How to Be a Jerk Guitarist in 10 Easy Steps

Are you a guitar jerk? Find out inside.

Ultimate Guitar

Just about every community has that loud bunch that gives everyone in their surrounding a bad name, but within the guitar-driven realm, those guys are really something.

An awesome guide has recently surfaced on Texas Blues Alley YouTube channel, describing just how exactly to be a jerk guitar player in 10 easy steps.

Going from those guys that crank it up to 11 when they jam in guitar stores, through bashing fellow musicians, especially successful ones, the clip offers 10 minutes of pure entertainment, so make sure to check it out below, especially the bonus point segments.

You can check out the title of each step below, but we highly recommend giving the whole thing a spin.

How to Be a Jerk Guitar Player

1. Use the Store as Your Stage
2. Use Your Budget as a Standard
3. Put Artists in Their Place
4. Never Give Compliments
5. Believe Your Technique Is "Right"
6. Be Competitive
7. Always Declare Winners
8. It's All About You9. Believe Your Own Hype10. Never Help Anyone

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So are you a jerk guitarist, at least by some of the standards? Let us know in the comments.

94 comments sorted by best / new / date

    1. Check if it's the first sunny day of the year 2. Take off your shirt 3. Take your guitar and make sure to remember your three-chord repertoire 4. Run to the nearest park 5. Annoy everyone with your uninteresting, mediocre skills.
    Setlist: 1. Wonderwall 2. Californicatoin 3. Day Tripper 4. Wonderwall 5. ???
    11. Wear a headset mic
    How's that make you a jerk guitarist?
    The budget thing really pisses me off sometimes. You can't recommend anything cheap on certain Facebook groups because if it's cheap it's automatically a piece of particle board with rusty strings to some people, when they're super-rich, able to afford $4000 Mayones guitars and an Axe FX, so they just automatically poop on anything less. Yet they have absolutely no understanding of just how much hard work for nothing some of us have to go through, just to make barely enough money to cover rent and food, and putting the almost literal pennies away in the hopes that one day we'll actually be able to afford something better than our starter Strat copies.
    Agreed - I still consider the best purchase I ever made an Epiphone SG, simply because the price/quality ratio was surprisingly good. Of course higher end equipment is usually of better quality, but as you said some of us barely make anything at all, and the choices we make on gear have much graver impacts than on someone who can simply resell his guitar expensive sought-after brand guitar, and buy another one. I own what could be considered high-end guitars nowadays, but that wasn't always the case, and I deeply respect some of lower brands (like Epiphone, Squier, Agile, Yamaha, etc.) for making good guitars which some of us actually are able to afford.
    Pick 'n' Finger
    ohh yeah. I am a poor student paying for rent and therefore I don't have much left at the end of the month. I really want to have a new guitar and so I was saving and working more. I literally had 75% of the price saved when I broke my hand. Now I can't work and must live off those savings... Bye bye new guitar for another year. Now I still play my Ibanez with worn off Frets and buzz everywhere, missing screws and the handling of ARSE... Meanwhile a friend of mine buying his third Fender custom shop. He's my age, lives with his parents and gets everything blown up his arse... At least he is no show-off..
    Daddy bought be a Les Paul custom but i didn't like it much, So it's with my bad guitars at the apartment in Dubai. Also, whats rent? i have never heard that word before?
    11. Whenever someone asks you how to play a song, you reply: "Hmm... it goes something like... this."
    11. When someone asks for gear advice, actively attack other people's recommendations you disagree with and believe firmly you are the superior authority. 12. Whenever a piece of guitar gear you don't understand is mentioned, MAKE SURE you comment how stupid and useless it is. EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW YOUR OPINION. In a slightly different tone, but I think very important and up to date.
    Claim that there's a very noticeable tone difference between coiled and straight cables/with and without tremolo cover/left-handed and right-handed Strats because Hendrix.
    11 really annoys me mainly since they'll never give recommendations on what they think is good. Or if they do it's something way out of the quality range being discussed.
    11. Own a $1000+ guitar(s) and play it through a cheap amp like the MG.
    Guilty! I own three $1600+ guitars, and still play through a Peavey Vypyr.
    I needed a "practice amp" for the apartment, picked up one of those Vypyrs, its not a bad little amp nothing really fancy but hey if fuzzes up and serves a purpose. 81 LP Custom into Vypyr who cares.
    I know a dude who has TWO PRS Custom 24, a ESP LTD MH1000, a few other guitars and plays through an MG. He loves it because it's a Marshall.
    Guilty here! I play a 1000+ PRS but i dont use amps(Digital amp sims) but i do own a half stack MG haha
    I have a friend who brags about his Marshall tone and his ibanez prestige. After taking a close look at it, I noticed it was just an MG with the "MG" logo covered with a surf sticker. -_-
    14. never let a second of silence creep in during band practice, even when everyone is trying to tune. 15. When other members of the band try to talk about ideas for songs, make sure you play that "awesome" riff you came up with really loud. 16. When other members of the band finally unplug you or switch you to an acoustic guitar, don't get discouraged! keep playing that acoustic like youre at woodstock without an amp! or ask the drummer if you can try to play drums.
    11.) If something is popular, then it's bad 12.) If something becomes popular, it's "selling out"
    Good idea for a Wednesday question:"Most annoying guitarist types". (Mr.Twochords,Gearisall guy,etc)
    11. By only playing Metal and thinking that because you do, you've also mastered every other genre. Which you haven't.....ever.
    Actually far more common in jazz circles than metal from my experience.
    yeah, i primarily play metal, but i prefer to play classical music, going out of my way to by a classical guitar, and practicing fingerstyle techniques, but i also dip into playing several other genres, and even study, listen, and try composing music from different musical cultures, with many different instruments, and a lot of my friends doing much of the same on the other hands, most jazz and country guitarists don't even try to listen to anything else, i once came across a country guitarist who only played chords and sung off key out of rhythm try to tell me that the Am chord didn't exist on bass, he told me he had been playing for 14 years so he knew that, and that there's only one tuning for stringed instruments like guitars and basses i tried to shut up and play nice, but the only thing i could do was look in disbelief, say "okay, i'ma do something else" and just turn and walk away facepalming and rubbing the center of my forehead, it was just a painful experience
    he also tried to tell me that fingerstyle was cheating, essentially saying that strumming chords is the proper way to play, and arpeggiating them was the sign of a shitty guitarist
    tell john petrucci that hahaha! Mostly all of the clean parts DT does is arpeggiated chords, and I think we can all agree that petrucci knows a lick or two. Lol I find most of the time, also, that jazz musicians are the most elitist of all the genre types. They all believe that everything is inferior to jazz, no matter what kind of argument one may present to them. Jazz is very technical, but that does not in any way make it "better".
    First off jazz elitists are as numerous as they are obnoxious. I cant argue that in any way shape or form. That being said the most versatile musicians I know (that can play in multiple idioms with out being a jack-of-all-trades, master of none) are primarily jazz musicians.
    I had a few Jerk guitar players tell me the my guitar is just a Les Paul Studio Deluxe SCREW THEM!!!!
    11. Bring your acoustic guitar to university, sit next to me in the hall way, and start playing and singing pop rock songs.
    11. Give someone one electric guitar that is a acoustic guitar player and say that they suck. and show them how well your electric skills are.
    Owning expensive gear doesn't make you a better guitarist. A good/great guitarist can make anything sound great!!!
    Always be that guy that lost his pick and ask to borrow one from your bandmate, and never give it back
    That's why every guitar player should keep guitar pick on their wallet or something
    Pretty boring video, just a guy sitting there, talking in a real monotone voice, in front of a black background. Some music or pictures and maybe a livelier attitude would have helped quite a bunch. Not that his points aren't good, but it's just a pain to watch him explain them.
    You're right. He should have clowns or something dancing in the background. Wtf?
    I agree. I lost interest after 20 seconds because there were no explosions, breasts, or people getting kicked in the groin. Why isn't he pandering to my ridiculously short attention span!
    Having a cocky attitude is part of the gig. Back in high school my band and I acted like this and we had the largest crowds at our shows (in comparison to the other bands at school). Having a big pair is what helps putting asses in the seats. But once they're there, it's time to put up or shut up.
    Bonus points for #1: Be sure to bring your significant other with you to loudly compliment you as you play. This will give you a high confidence boost as well as making any other guitar player there, even if he or she is significantly better than you, feel that their playing is inferior in every possible way.