Kid Rock Is Upset for Being Dragged Into Insane Clown Posse Lawsuit Over His Glass Dildo, Unleashes Two Letters

Also, David Draiman is upset for this being "news," unleashes Caps Lock.

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In a odd string of events, Kid Rock was dragged into an Insane Clown Posse sexual harassment lawsuit, being prompted by the court to hand over an important piece of the puzzle, a glass dildo.

So a few lines about the legal case - in 2013, former employee of ICP's Psychopathic Records, Andrea Pellegrini, filed a lawsuit for sexual harassment, bullying and wrongful termination, taking aim at the band, their manager, as well as the label.

Fast forward to last month, another former Psychopathic employee, "Dirty Dan" Diamond, claimed attempting to give Pellegrini a glass phallus at one point, which she refused. The problematic item was reportedly later given to Kid Rock, who was subpoenaed to hand it over within two weeks.

Rock wasn't too pleased for having his name dragged around a dildo in the press, so he decided to unleash two steaming letters to the attorneys, summing them up via official website in a neat piece titled "All Parties Involved in This ICP Glass Dildo Case Can Shove One Up Their A-s." So off to the letter numero uno.

"Dear Jim Rasor and Jon Marko, I'm told that you have issued a subpoena for a 'glass dildo' that was supposedly given to me. No idea what you're talking about, and I definitely don't have it. I've never heard of, seen, or met any people involved in this case. But I'm pretty sure you already know that. What I do know is that you've been dragging my name around in the media to gain attention for your sad a-s excuse for a law firm. I don't care what you do when you finally catch up to the ambulances you chase, but I do care when you bring my name into it for no reason at all.

"Let me ask you this. Say in a lawsuit that another crappy firm was handling, your names were brought up for no reason. You wake up one morning, excited for a new day of exploiting the legal system and people dumb enough to look at your website (nice pictures btw, did you study how to look like douchebags in college?), and when you open the newspaper there's a report from someone you've never heard of talking about how Jon Marko and Jim Rasor got caught molesting animals at a petting zoo while high on bath salts.

"Now imagine you weren't the scumbags you are, but a citizen who has raised millions of dollars for his hometown, spent hours helping to promote the arts, had helped wounded veterans returning from combat. Say you were people who aren't a blight on our planet – wouldn't you be p-ssed off that your name, for days on end, was being mentioned in the press when EVERYONE involved knew you weren't involved in any way? Welcome to my side of this story."

The second letter reads, "Dear Brian E. Koncius, I'm told that your client has testified under oath in a deposition that he presented a former employee of Psychopathic Records with a glass dildo, who then allegedly gave the dildo to me? There are only two possible explanations for what your client said: either he is an absolute pathological liar, who for some insane reason decided to make up a bulls--t story using my name or two: he thinks he’s a comedian and was trying to be funny.

"If he was joking then he's just an a--hole who isn't funny. But if it was not 100% clear that he was attempting to make a joke, then he just lied under oath because I've never met your client, and if I had met your client I'd certainly remember if he tried to give me a glass f--king dildo. Even if it was the 'Rasor Law Firm' that sent a press release to the press, you have done nothing to clear up this blatant lie which makes you to blame too. It is obvious that all you a--holes are using my name and notoriety to garner publicity for yourselves, which makes you the worst kind of scum. You're the types of lawyers that make America a worse place for everyone.

"I live in Detroit because I can stay out of the fray here and live my life the way I chose to. If I wanted to deal with this s--t I'd move to LA, and if I want press, I can get it - trust me. No matter why your client said what he did, it’s clear that you, your client, and the Rasor Law Firm have gone out of your way to help get this story told. How would you feel if one day your name appeared across the internet connected to a story you knew absolutely nothing about.

"One day you come downstairs to the angry glare of your wife who asks if you really were arrested over the weekend for driving high on crystal meth with a bound and gagged hooker in your trunk. Did you? Because it's all over the internet, some lawyer you've never met put it out in a press release! Must be true right? I'm guessing you probably wouldn’t like that, and would at least appreciate it if the guy who made it up admitted that you never did those things. Your website says you represent people who are 'interested in doing the right thing.' I don't believe that, but prove me wrong."

Finally, David Draiman couldn't help but commenting the article posted on Blabbermouth's Twitter, expressing outrage about the ridiculous piece making headlines in the first place. Caps Lock was involved of course, you can check out the mini conversation below.

62 comments sorted by best / new / date

    Floyd Phoenix
    That headline was a freakin roller coaster
    TheLiberation
    Oh God, I was getting annoyed at UG for a few of their headlines recently, but with this one they've atoned for their sins. This is the most glorious headline I've seen this year.
    Izzy-Sweet
    I can't even get past that, never mind reading the article...
    vikkyvik
    It's even funnier when you consider that UG adds the whole title into the URL. That's one funny web address.
    jhbworldwide
    I literally thought Kid Rock had been dragged into a posse of insane clowns.
    Fats_McClure
    I don't know why that mental image made me laugh so so hard, but i appreciate it. "...as he walked down the dark Detroit alley, Kid Rock couldn't help but feel uneasy. He felt eyes on the back of his neck. A noise from behind startled him. 'Bawitdabaw! Probably a cat...' he thought. He turned to continue on, but in front of him, armed with enormous glass dildos, was a posse of insane clowns!"
    kmath2220
    Possibly the single most incoherent thing I have read in my entire life...
    RiotAct666
    Kid Rock, this alias only gives me the shivers. More like kid kokk if you ask me. And he should look up his a** if he wants to find this dildo.
    HARTATTACK69
    Allow me to explain. Kid Flash eventually became the Flash and was even more popular than his mentor. Kid Rock is planning a very successful wrestling/acting career.
    RiotAct666
    downvotes? lol ur even more pathetic than Axl Rosenberg! *flushes all downvoters down the nastiest toilet of Hell*
    Reevo
    That was a hell of a headline also does anyone else imagine David is just yelling while typing?
    eatfresh1736
    I imagine he's singing it, Disturbed style. You know, with syncopation. Like "IT'S GOS-SIP GAR-BAGENOTNEWSMYOPINION! WAH AH AH AH OW!"
    archangels
    All jokes aside (and I'm sure there are a lot that could be made here), I really hope Andrea Pellegrini wins her case and bankrupts the **** out of ICP. I have zero doubt that she faced legitimate sexual harassment working for those maniacs.
    Smigzy
    Yeah I bet it was horrible... So bad she decided to stay there until she was fired. Then whines about how "it's not fair" they fired her.
    godzillarissa
    The first time you're a victim, the second time you're a volunteer, huh? Go **** yourself...
    murtoll
    I never would have guessed that Kid Rock could write something so good. Newfound respect for the guy...
    Charlie4
    And here I thought the Kid couldn't even read. Life is full of surprises. Such a crazy story though.
    RU486
    I'm half awake checking this first thing in the morning, and I just about slammed my laptop closed and went back to sleep. This shit is just too exhausting.
    RiotAct666
    dildo worshipper cult is a part of the guise of saturn based religion! kid rock & bill clinton extreme dildo worshippers who when not on the camera attend to their "religion" all hours of the day and night.
    soapalot
    Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But every once in a while...it's a dildo. Of course it's airline policy never to imply ownership. In the case of a dildo it's always a dildo, never your dildo.
    UncleBluck
    WOW...Insane Clown Posse finally hits the big time! Unfortunately only 1 out of 200 million can name just one song they have recorded.....
    Smigzy
    Hate to break it to ya. But ICP in the 90s put put better music then any Metal band in that decade. And the 2000s for that matter.
    notevenklaus
    Why has this not been downvoted to hell? What a stupid thing to say. ICP are a joke. Juggaloes are cooler than the tools on stage and that says a lot. I'm not a Pantera fan but yer gonna say that ICP garbage is better than everything they released in the 90's?(one of countless examples) Take that glass dildo outta yer ear and give yer head a shake!
    georgebushguy79
    "Rock wasn't too pleased for having his name dragged around a dildo in the press" This cracked me up. Hahaha why would UG word it like that?
    pachap
    I'm reading the headline and I see Kid Rock, ICP, Glass Dildo, and when I got to "unleashes" I stopped. I did not care to know what was "unleashed" considering who all was apparently playing with a glass dildo.
    EdguyRule_22
    Awkward moment before Kid Rock realises he is the dildo. But seriously, his replies were pretty good.
    PsiGuy60
    I hope Kid Rock realizes that by reacting this badly, he pretty much confirmed the existence of the glass dildo.