Zakk Wylde Shares Crazy Stories: Wildest Ozzy Story + Hilarious Les Paul Story

TV out the window, Sharon head-butting a dude, blowjob jokes, and more!

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Zakk Wylde Shares Crazy Stories: Wildest Ozzy Story + Hilarious Les Paul Story
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In a recently posted archive piece from Classic Rock, Zakk Wylde shared a few hilarious stories from over the years.

First up, his wildest Ozzy story:

"The old man is fuckin' hysterical. I worship the ground he walks on. I was meant to be with him - lions hang out with lions, you know? The comedy never ends.

"The funniest story from my time with the old man is probably when we threw a fuckin' TV out the fuckin' window. It was me, Ozzy and Robert Trujillo, sitting up in a Prague hotel room at 3 AM. We'd just played to about 60,000 people and we're getting fuckin' loaded. This was when Ozzy was still drinking, so Pops is fuckin' shit-faced and we're all fucked up. We must have spent 2 grand on beer that night.

"So we were shooting the shit about Keith Moon, and how bad-ass he was, throwing TVs out of the window and getting wasted on elephant tranquilizers. And pops says: 'Man, I've done some crazy shit in Black Sabbath but I've never thrown a TV out of the fuckin' window.'

"So I say: 'Well, you're about to.' Next thing, Oz is trying to pull the TV out of the unit, but this is, like, a 28-inch TV, and it's bolted down. Pops can't do it. So I I just grabbed the thing and ripped it right the fuck out.

"I pull it up on my shoulders with the cables hanging out, Ozzy opens up the window and looks out - because we're 6 stories up and, God forbid we kill somebody. I'm like, 'This TV is fuckin' heavy.' So I just fuckin' launch the thing. When it hit the ground - I kid you not - it was implanted in the concrete.

"The curtains are flapping and me and Oz were on the floor, crying with laughter. Then the tour manager comes into the room and tells us: 'You motherfuckers could be looking at some jail time out here for this.' But I told him: 'Just give 'em 20 grand; we'll piss that shit out of our dicks in merchandise tomorrow night.'"

But then when Sharon found out...

"'Mom' was pissed about that TV. Ozzy had to pay $44,000 for the hotel suite, because they said it would take them 44 days to fix, and she said, 'Zakk ain't getting out of this one alive either.' It cost me fuckin' 10 grand for that stupid piece-of-shit TV, even though it probably cost $120. Mom is always fair, but she don't take no shit from anybody. She's like, 'If you’re cool, I'm cool, but if you fuck with me then it's game on.'

And speaking of Sharon...

"There was one show in New Jersey, and the whole place had sold out within about 20 minutes. The promoter tells her: 'I want $8,000 in promotion.' Cos promoters are all douchebags. They're the bottom of the food chain. They'll get away with as much shit as they can. That's why you gotta keep 'em in line, keep 'em in check and give 'em a fuckin' good beat-down.

"So Mom tells this idiot: 'Why do you need eight grand? If the show sold out in 20 minutes, why do eight weeks of promotion?' She goes: 'No, I ain't giving you anything.' He's like: 'Listen up, bitch. You better give me that fuckin' money now.' Ozzy's just sitting there. So mom head-butts this motherfucker and knocks him the fuck out.

"This was before lawsuits were going down and all that shit. You whip out a fucking gun and stick it in someone's mouth now and there's gonna be fucking problems. But they never fucked with us again."

And finally, a funny Les Paul story...

"Hanging out with Les Paul is like hanging out with your dad: you're respectful, and that's the way it is. When I jammed with him, I actually bowed down to him and he goes: 'Son, while you're down there I got something else you can do.' I'm like, ah, fucking hell. Cos he's talking about sucking his dick, y'know?

"I knew he didn't know who the fuck I was when we were sitting up on stage. He goes: 'Son, where do I know you from?' And I'm just trying to think what to say, because I know that Les Paul doesn't sit around listening to fuckin' Ozzy and Black Label records.

"So I just told him: 'I got a Les Paul named after me. You know, the Zakk Wylde Les Paul with the bullseye?' Because that's the only way he's gonna know who the fuck I am.

"And he goes: 'That's funny, I have a Les Paul named after me too.'"

24 comments sorted by best / new / date

    d.floresumana
    "And he goes: 'That's funny, I have a Les Paul named after me too.'" Fucking savage!
    Wisthler
    "'Just give 'em 20 grand; we'll piss that shit out of our dicks in merchandise tomorrow night.'" DIS GUY
    gonzo71
    Zakk is pretty awesome. I got the chance to meet him in Honolulu on the No More Tears tour. Ozzy's shows were dry on that tour and Zakk was looking for some pre-show drinks. I offered to take him out the back to a little local bar near the venue. He was down for it so we walked to the bar. While having a few drinks at the bar a guy approached and commented how Zakk looked like Zakk. Zakk conceded that he was Zakk but the guy wasn't sure if he believed him. The guy asked a few guitar and other questions, almost like a mini test. Zakk chatted with the guy until he figured out he really was Zakk, at that point he asked for an autograph and Zakk happily gave it to him. We noticed the time and he was supposed to be on right about then so we paid the bill and legged it back to the venue. I went shooting through the back gate, showing my "before and after" backstage pass. I got a few steps and turned around and the security stopped Zakk. They said he wasn't allowed in because he only had an "after show" pass. They wouldn't let me give him mine, and they didn't believe us when we told them he was supposed to be on stage right then. It wasn't until one of the managers walked by looking for him yelled "Zakk, what the fuck are you doing? Get in here!" Then the security let him through, he changed into his show clothes and got on stage. The show started a few minutes late.. sorry everyone! Through the whole thing, from start to finish, Zakk was a cool, down-to-earth kind of guy. He's one of those greats that doesn't let it go to his head. For the few of us that met him that day, his status was elevated and we became bigger fans of his for it. Also, I did get to meet Ozzy on a couple of occasions. Although the meetings were short and I didn't get to talk to him for a time like I did with Zakk, Ozzy's also pretty down to earth with his fans. They both make great stars.
    Spenner2810
    A cool down to earth guy that throws a TV out of a window and says 'Just give 'em 20 grand; we'll piss that shit out of our dicks in merchandise tomorrow night.' I'm not persuaded. Down to earth guys tend to care a lot about $20,000 and certainly don't throw it away on a stupid drunken prank. I agree that he usually comes across as a decent bloke butthis excerpt makes him sound like a complete dickhead.
    gonzo71
    Lol. Yea it does sound a bit contradictory, and maybe I could have used a better term. I was basing it on the conversations we had and the fact that he wasn't a stuck up asshole that was full of himself like others in his position can be. I don't expect him to be an angel. Even the best of us have our moments where we rage and get carried away while partying. I know I certainly have... Tho not to the tune of $20k and TVs out the window...lol.
    Briguy3298
    Great stories. They don't make um like Les Paul and Keith Moon anymore... or Ozzy! "Long Live Rock"!!!
    joseph51700
    I'm going to assume that he was hallucinating the whole story about Sharon headbutting someone from all the drugs he was on.
    mobidguitar
    Sorry im late, had to wait for the advertisement video for skiing to load, then click through 12 security certificate errors, IE crashed, so had to reload the website again. Clicked back on here and now the skiing video doesn't load, so I can make a comment..... I don't even know what I was going to say now....
    Rust_E_Stringz
    Zakk definitely knows how to kick out a wicked pissah!! I've followed him since No Rest, simply awesome!!