MLP-5SKB review by Monterey

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  • Sound: 2
  • Overall Impression: 2
  • Reliability & Durability: 2
  • Action, Fit & Finish: 1
  • Features: 3
  • Reviewer's score: 2 Junky
  • Users' score: 4 (6 votes)
Monterey: MLP-5SKB
4

Purchased from: RockStuff Guitars

Sound — 2
The options that switching pickups give you is astonishing. They have 'sounds bad', treble, 'also sounds bad', apparently meant to be bassier, and the medium ground, which I think is called 'oh-god-please-hack-at-my-ears-with-an-axe'. No amount of distortion can fix this sound. It's always too high and whiney, the only music you could replicate with this would be the smashing sound made as you beat this guitar against a table. If guitars were toilet bowls, this is that one toilet bowl. You know, that one. The one with the yellow water and the poo caked onto the sides that have been there since the day the toilet was made? That's what this guitar is. On a serious note, the guitars pickups are so basic I think that blind amputees with autism could have done better.

Overall Impression — 2
It would be perfect for my musical style, if my musical style was attempting to make glass objects break with high-pitch ringing. I would be crying and pitying the thief. The sound, look, feel, features, and decency of a normal guitar. You think they would stop this halfway and say, "No, man. This sucks the big one." But of course not. No metaphor I can think of can describe this guitar. Please avoid it. For you musical soul. And mine.

Reliability & Durability — 2
The body seems to be made out of a mixture of chewing guy, tree sap and Saliva. You could cough on this guitar and it would implode into itself. It's really badly done, and I think I should mention that the action was about 1.5 cm off the fretboard. Like, Ow! You couldn't play through a gig with this guitar without needing a blood transfusion or two. However, there is a plus. The tuners can pretty much be pulled off the guitar. Oh, sorry. I guess there are no good things to say.

Action, Fit & Finish — 1
The bridge and pickups wobbled so much I was expecting the be able to lift them actually off the guitar. The neck is so unstable that you could take it off the guitar and use it as a club. The skulls were pixelated (badly) in some places and there was this small, sharp shard of 'something' jutting out of the side of the headpiece. So this guitar doubles as a handaxe, eh? About all it's useful so.

Features — 3
Never heard of Monterey? They are the kings. In their own way. They are unbelievably talented at making really good acoustic guitars. And are also unbelievably talented at making cool looking electric guitars that make the same sound you would get by rubbing a cat against a cheese grater. My buddy Tim knew I had a Monterey acoustic, and told me he had 2 of their electrics I could have. "Awesome!" I thought. This was the first of the two. The MLP-5SKB is from their Grafix line. Here's a wide range of pictures, ranging from women to spiderman. Is that hyphenated? The MLP-5SKB is just like a typical LP ripoff. But worse. The tuners don't turn. The pickups say '3 single coil pick-ups' but no guitar should have to have the volume on 10 to get any noise. It seems to have all the lower-Standard features. A crappy neck. Four useless knobs you'll never turn. 22 frets of unsatisfaction. And a bridge that's about as useful as that Brady Bunch kid. You know the one. On the bright side, it looks cool, even if it's so shoddily made it falls apart if you lift it up. And it does make a noise. Though I don't know if it's any better than it would sound with no strings at all. I got a free pick with it, too. It was something like a.35. Which was just brilliant, as I play with.88's. Who wants a pick that you could tear in half?

23 comments sorted by best / new / date

    Sapient
    This review was rather fun to read =) Looks like I'm not getting one of these things.
    Dnalrafcmb3
    lol, hilarious...that guitar sounds REALLY crappy! lol, I love sarcasticly hilarious bad reviews.
    thamason69
    good review. my mate has one of these crappy montereys and he seems to think its the tits, when i played it i wanted to cut my ears off, then when i found out he payed $350 for it i wanted to smack him out
    Tummaenkeli
    Painsaw : can't stop laughing xD ... you said you have two of these crappy "guitars" .. will you PLZ review the second too!! No problem. Sending it today. Hopefully UG will put it up by the weekend. It, too, is quite a heap.
    fretsonfire74
    this is gold. this review made me lol. but i have one question. why didnt you try it out before you bought it, and why did u buy 2?
    i_am_ironman
    "The options that switching pickups give you is astonishing. They have 'sounds bad', treble, 'also sounds bad', apparently meant to be bassier, and the medium ground, which I think is called 'oh-god-please-hack-at-my-ears-with-an-axe'" hahaha funniest review ever
    strat_this22
    i have a monterey tele i just swapped out the pick ups for fender vintage noiseless and it was transformed there not all that bad guitars there actually decsent guitars
    Kinderfeld
    This has to be the funniest review I've ever read. Now I know not to buy one of those guitar...
    Painsaw
    can't stop laughing xD ... you said you have two of these crappy "guitars" .. will you PLZ review the second too!!
    Coldspiders13
    what a fine literary piece we have here. its sad to hear such things about this guitar though... if they dont cost much, i might get one to decorate my wall...
    Thud
    We need more reviews like this. Do you mind if i send you some crappy guitars so we can get some more comedy like this?
    roketsox23
    THIS GUY IS HILARIOUS! this is definetly the best, most criticizing review ive ever read. ime NOT getting anything from montery ever except for maybe an acoustic.
    jeordie1
    hahahaha dude thats the best review i have ever read. the way u compare it is awesome thanks 4 saving me
    ketchil52
    hehehehehee!!! Thanks for that. Was thinking about getting a 2nd hand hack one just for the new hard case which I figured was worth more than the axe itself, but I save my moola for something possibly even worserer.... hehehehe, still laughing. Top NON review.